JULY 2026 PATREON EXCLUSIVES! (Patreon)

😁🫶 Hey Petty Pumpkins,

the votes are in and this month you wanted the patch action packed! People in the hills? Glitches in The Matrix? Dinosaurs?! We're ready for a cinematic takeover voted on by our Pumpkins!

🎃 $5 Party Pumpkin Tier — THE HILLS HAVE EYES (2006) 👀 (OUT NOW!)This unrated Wes Craven remake had us on the edge of our seats, the brink of tears, and unlocked new fears as we tried to escape these — m*tations — erhm — hill people...👀⛏️☣️

☕ $10 Piping Hot Tea Tier — THE MATRIX (1999) 🔴🔵 (OUT NOW!)The Patrons voted and our reality eroded, now we're stuck in all this mess. Our eyes are open wide, there's no where left to hide, and The Matrix??? ...we're no longer inside 🕶️🥄💻

👑 $15 Pettiest Pumpkin Tier — JURASSIC PARK (1993) 🦖 (COMING SOON!)The Patch is going pre-historic in a commentary on the dinosaur movie to end all dinosaur movies! Also, bittersweet this won the month. RIP Sam Neill 💕🧬

🎤 $20 Petty Pumpkins Podcast Tier — EPISODE #36 👀☕ (COMING SOON!)Freshly brewed behind-the-scenes tea from Petty Pumpkins HQ! What we’re doin', what’s crackin' at the patch, and the unfiltered spooks and gags you’ve come to expect from your resident pumpkins!

As always, thank you for keeping the lights glowing inside the Petty Vault… even when the Texas heat threatens to melts us into a puddle, we'll always have you to keep us thinking cool thoughts! 🧊😎 Thank you, Pumpkins!