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Does this make sense? It's like "have your cake and eat it, too" but:

“You don’t own me, you’re renting me for a year so you can have your revenge and fuck it, too.” 

**This is a raw draft of Bitter Sins. Please do not share or distribute.

 

Comments

Umayyah

Yeah it does!

Umayyah

Fuck this teasing is so bad🤣

Priscilla

Sassy Jas has came out to play. 👏

miyah🪐

i get it in a way

Mia Knight

The phrasing was weird, but I got it. Just wanted to make sure I'm not cuckoo

Nila

it makes sense to me! you could also say “You don’t own me, you’re renting me for a year so you can have your revenge while fucking me, too.”

Mia Knight

Yes, this makes sense. I just have to choose whether I want her to mean it more objectively, which is why she said "it" instead of me. I'll put a note for later and decide during rewrites! Thanks :)

Nila

I see! you could also try “You don’t own me, you’re renting me for a year so you can have your revenge while fucking it, too.” it's a minor difference

Serena

It.is.perfect. No notes !!!

Serena

I actually love that it’s not so literal on the uptake if that makes sense- the metaphor makes it stick

Ges

"You don't possess me; you're merely renting me for a year. So go ahead, have your revenge and indulge in all the pleasure you desire."

Mia Knight

Yeah, I like the metaphor, which is what J is going for, but I wasn't sure if everyone would catch it or if that would make them stumble and they'd have to read it multiple times to catch it. It's in the middle of a long monologue so it should tie in well. I was just curious if I'm tripping. Lol

Jordy

Yess!! Perfect sense

Jordy

I hope he goes FERAL

Hortense Mitchell

It is perfect as it is, no need to add or subtract, hot and sassy just like Roth Jas

Maddy

Makes perfect sense… imagining Roth’s reaction to this has me hyperventilating tbh

M

it sounds a little awkward but it is punchier this way and would keep it as is. i also like that it makes sense on multiple levels considering the Jas/Hennessys “the revenge” - fucking Jas obvs, but also he is fucking over the company, the industry, etc

M

💯💯💯💯💯💯

Gopika

Woooohooo go girllll❤️❤️

Gopika

Maybe sprinkle in a little sass🤌🏻✨ For such a successful businessman, you sure seem to forget what a lease is.

Gopika

I just loveee repeatedly rubbing it in roth’s face. I love the guy but damnnnn is he dense😂 I wanna just shake him and make him realise it’s high timeee😤

Samantha Bullock

PREACH but like also get those orgasms girl.