Saturday Update! (Patreon)

CURRENT CG COMPLETION: 55/181

Hello again folks!

I'm gonna warn you right now, this 'personal' section at the top of the update is probably going to be long again x'D But I figure it's pretty easy to scroll down to the art so I might as well just ramble [ you are not contractually obligated to read my weird rantings LMAO ]

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The thing is, I live alone and I work alone. And everything right now is... just kind of a lot to deal with, and I don't really have a more appropriate place to just talk about my feelings x'D So, I'm sorry, but the burden falls on you. I should have put more effort into finding IRL friends or a romantic partner before the pandemic happened but time ran out and what I've got is what I've got.

Anyway, I have been doing a little better this week. In terms of panic and general bad feelings. I think I'm coping and processing, but it's taking a lot of my energy. I've just been so damn tired this week. I made sure to sleep properly, using zzzquil and stuff, but I just can't seem to shake the exhaustion that easily.

[ content warning: mention of rodent death ahead ]

Plus, I did get a little bit of fresh hell over last weekend- I found out my apartment has mice. It's not that crazy since I'm ground floor and this building was built in 1970 but it was still... I guess somewhat traumatic. Or maybe more accurately, triggering feelings of trauma from when I was forced to live in a deeply infested cockroach apartment for a few months back in 2018.

The sense of something skittering around my sanctuary, violating my cleanliness and sense of safety really gets to me. I know that logically it's not a big deal, I just have a lot of emotional issues with this kind of thing.

Although, I've only actually SEEN one mouse. And I accidentally killed it myself ._. 

Aeris was the one who found it. But, she's been an indoor cat her whole life and after 11 years, this is the first mouse she's ever seen and she had no instinct to kill or even hurt it I think. She was playing with it [ claws retracted apparently ] and I thought it was just gonna be a spider. But then it ran out and I kinda yelled [ my brain was set to spider so when I saw something mouse sized it was like EEK ] and it hid under my plastic exercise thing. I figured I could just grab a cup and paper and set it free outside. So I got my cup ready and lifted the plastic thing... and the mouse darted out and ran and I got spooked and dropped the plastic thing by accident, and boom, that was it. The mouse definitely didn't suffer at least, it was over in the blink of an eye. But still... I feel bad about it. I know it didn't really stand a chance outside either in the freezing cold but I dunno. It weighs on my conscience regardless. 

[ content warning over ]

Anyway, I talked to my landlord about it. That's when I found out that she knew about the infestation- the true infestation happened in the apartment next to mine and the neighbour had already been evicted for not paying rent [ which I have my own bad feelings about as well but I guess I can't worry about everything... ]. I think my landlord was being really shady but I didn't want to press her about it. I can't afford to make myself an enemy to the landlord right now >_< It pains me to say it, but I need to keep my head down and shut up.

So I'm complaining on my Patreon instead ^^;; [ I am genuinely sorry about this folks but I have to rant somewhere x'D ]

But things really have been better since the mouse episode. It's finally warmed up enough to like -10C so I can walk around outside again and that's helped a lot to lift my spirits. Fresh air and sunlight do be good for the soul.

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And I figured out how to make charts connected to the data on my CG completion spreadsheet! Check out this beauty!

Now I can see at a glance how many CGs in each path I have left. As you can see, Derek has way more CGs planned than the other two- his path just has more content because he has to share with 4 other murderers basically. A lot of the extra CGs are of Komodo, Dragon, Jack, and Machete.

Speaking of CGs, Here are some CGs!

First up is Celia! I personally like this one quite a bit. I like how the pose and expression came out, and I tried to jazz it up with some extra colour for once. I feel like a lot of my CGs have been pretty muted in colour because I lean towards realism for that, but I wanted to branch out a bit. So I took a page out of Killing Stalking's book and slapped a red gradient on there x'D And I like it TBH!

Next up is Mason! Or, I guess Mason's ass :) I know you kinda can't tell what's going on here, but I promise it makes sense in-game. I aint gonna spoil it or anything, just explaining that some of my CGs are more for story flavour than to express MC's last moments this time.

I'm also kind laughing at how stark the differences in quality in forest backgrounds have gotten. I REALLY didn't know how to draw forest background scenes when I started and you can tell >_>;; But that's a problem I'll address at the end of production. I can't be spending time fixing up existing work and neglecting current work, so instead I'll set up a solid time-frame at the very end where I can pick out my most hated art and fix it up. As long as I plan it in advance and set a time limit on it, I shouldn't be able to get carried away with that stuff.

And uh... well. I'm kinda short again ^^; I should have a sketch to show you since I have 4 days of work here, but I don't ._. I was too exhausted on Friday. So I'll make sure to get a sketch done this weekend to make up for it, then I'll be right back on track for Monday.

I'm starting to have hope again about life and my future so hopefully this constant drag of mental health and exhaustion won't be around my ankles for much longer.

Anyhow, thank you guys for listening x'D I know the weirdly in-depth updates on my personal life are a bit more than you bargained for but just know that I really REALLY appreciate you guys and having this outlet. 

I'll never stop being thankful for your guys' support. I don't even know what my life would be like if I wasn't able to work for you guys. Certainly not good! So I appreciate it every day. 

Thank you so much. And I hope you have a safe, healthy, and peaceful weekend! <3