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Devil's Hunger (oneshot-manga) (Patreon)

Published:
2026-09-04 15:31:07
Edited:
2026-09-04 15:33:40
Imported:
2026-09

Content

This is the oneshot manga I made for the Kodansha manga contest!

Since the result of the first round results are out and I didn't pass, there was no longer any need to keep it a secret from you. I didn't make it into the top 100, and that really upsets me. Also because, this way, I didn't even get any feedback on my work, so I can't correct the mistakes I made for them... I feel really down. :(

For this I ask you guys a favor, can you please read it and spend a little time to tell me what do you think of it? Just telling me what you liked and what you didn't like is enough—don't worry about giving me a complicated answer; just tell me what you think.

The story is meant to be read from right to left but you need to change page from right.

I look forward to your comments, and enjoy the read! :D

Files

Comments

RedeemableRitz

I'll give it a read! And get back to you on my feedback 🥰

Coolpotato34

I've read through it and I would say it is alright. My biggest praise is how easy the fighting was to follow. I have always found that action in manga and comics get really cluttered and hard to follow. I did not get that feeling from this so great job on that. My biggest complaints lie with the story. I can tell you were very rushed when writing it. While Edmee and Kiru working together because of Vita is a fine set up the other two do not have a reason to be here. They dump exposition and that's it; they needed to do something more in the story to show why they are a part of this team. Another thing I would be wary of is the quality of the opponent Edmee and Kiru are going against. You do a lot to show the threat that Tarbos poses which is a good thing. However, I feel like you are burning through your story's important fights in the first chapter. In this chapter I see Edmee and Kiru fight Tarbos's daughter and one of his top generals (You called them the Five Fingers and I think that is what the buff guy was supposed to be, sorry if I am wrong about that). While the enemy got a couple of hits in, it did not feel like Edmee and Kiru were in any danger which hurts your story in the long run. I have been playing Fire Emblem: Path of Radiance recently and to give an example from that your antagonists are set up like Path of Radiance where you have a guy at the top with Tarbos/Ashnard and a group of elite generals with the Five Fingers/Four Riders. In Path of Radiance you do not fight one of the Four Riders until over half way through the game and in a very important part in the story. To me this is what your Five Fingers should be: five major obstacles to our protagonists that when fought serve an important part in the story, show how much our characters have grown, and show how powerful your main antagonist should be. I think you did a good job setting up Tarbos's aura has the antagonist but it was really hurt by how easy Edmee and Kiru dealt with his daughter and general. I do really think you have a decent project here. The art was good and was easy to follow in the action scenes but the story is really where it falls apart. I imagine that a lot of the problems rise from it being rushed so do not take it badly. It is very impressive you got this done in the first place. Great job.

Shinsaku

First of all, thank you for your reply and for the time you took to write it! I’m happy just that you replied, and on top of that, it’s a detailed response that must have taken you quite a bit of time to write. So thank you! :D I can't deny the weaknesses you mention, and I agree with you that they should be fixed. Since this is a one-shot/introduction to the story, I had to include all the basic elements to get the story started, so some parts feel rushed due to the limited number of pages available. Maeda and Laura are part of Kiru's team, but they don't help him during combat, so it would have been good to show what they do to demonstrate that they aren't just there to make up the numbers—but I didn't have the space to do that. Or at least I couldn't find a way to incorporate them in a way that would make their usefulness clear; that's my fault. As for the enemies, the fingers are indeed Tarbos’s “generals,” but they serve more to showcase Kiru’s strength and demonstrate just how much Edmee needs him to carry out her revenge. Perhaps I should have cut the opening scene where we see Kiru having already defeated one of the fingers and placed more emphasis on the fight with the one involving Erste. Maybe I should have kept it simple instead of cramming in so much information that ends up being nothing but superficial. Thanks again for the detailed answer! :D

LuckySengokuSan

Dear Shin you did it very good Overall, I had a very good impression of the chapter. It already feels like it has its own identity, which is one of the hardest things to achieve. The dark atmosphere, demons, violence, character designs and mystery all fit together naturally, and the chapter made me genuinely curious about what comes next. What I really liked The strongest part for me is the visual personality of the manga. The art feels energetic and expressive rather than stiff. The characters show fear, anger, madness, confidence and shock very clearly, and some of the facial expressions are genuinely memorable. The use of black, shadows and screentones also works very well. The darker scenes feel heavy and uncomfortable in the right way, especially around Tarbos, the laboratory and the final reveal. The manga knows when to make a panel feel oppressive. The character designs are another strong point. Kira, Kiro, Erste and the scientist all look and feel different from each other, so it is easy to recognize them even during busy scenes. Their personalities also come through visually, not only through dialogue. I especially liked Kiro's introduction. He immediately feels dangerous and experienced. The manga does not need to spend several pages explaining how strong he is because his actions communicate it. His calm attitude during combat also gives him a strong presence. Erste is probably one of the most immediately memorable characters. She has energy, confidence and pride, but her scenes with Tarbos also show another side of her. Her desire for his recognition gives her more emotional depth and makes her feel like more than just a powerful demon. The laboratory section is also very effective. The environment, experiments and creature designs fit naturally into the world and reinforce the themes of demons, humans and hybrids. It feels connected to the story rather than just being a random place for a fight. The action itself has a lot of impact. The poses, speed lines and large panels give the fights good energy, and the stronger attacks actually feel strong. There are several moments where the manga communicates power very well without needing huge amounts of dialogue. For me, though, the most interesting part is Kira near the end. Her hunger reveal gives her something much more unique than simply being another strong protagonist with demon powers. The scene is disturbing, and I mean that positively. The other characters reacting with shock instead of treating it like a cool new ability makes it much more effective. It also makes the title Devil Hunger feel more meaningful. That was probably my favorite moment of the chapter because it made me reconsider Kira as a character. Suddenly there is something inside her that feels dangerous even to the people around her. The ending also works very well. After so much action, the story becomes quieter, Kiro remembers something from the past, and then we get the strange final imagery with the eyes in the darkness. It creates a much larger mystery without explaining everything immediately. That final page definitely made me think: "Okay, what exactly is watching them?" And that is a very good feeling to end a chapter with. Things I think could improve The biggest improvement I would suggest is simply giving the story a little more breathing room. There are many interesting ideas introduced quickly: characters, demons, hybrids, clans, powers, past events and relationships. None of those ideas are bad, but sometimes several of them arrive at the same time. I think some information could be saved for later. The world already seems interesting enough that the reader does not need to understand everything immediately. The fights also look good, but occasionally there are many close-ups and impact panels together. Adding a wider panel every few pages to show where everyone is standing would make the action easier to follow. I would also give important moments slightly more silence. For example, Kira's hunger scene is already strong, but even one extra reaction panel before the dialogue could make it hit harder. Kira herself could also benefit from one or two more personal moments earlier in the chapter. She becomes extremely interesting near the end, so giving us small hints about her strange nature earlier could make that reveal even stronger. Finally, I would recommend a small English proofreading and lettering pass. The dialogue is understandable, but some sentences could sound more natural, and improving text spacing inside some bubbles would make the presentation feel more polished. Final thoughts I think the most important thing is that the manga already has good foundations. It has: a recognizable visual style strong expressions memorable character designs good dark atmosphere energetic action interesting character relationships a protagonist with a genuinely intriguing mystery and a cliffhanger that makes you want another chapter I would not try to completely change the style or make it cleaner and safer. The darker and more violent elements are part of what gives Devil Hunger personality. I would mainly focus on presentation and pacing, because the ideas themselves are already interesting. The chapter feels like something that can improve a lot simply by giving its strongest moments more space. I would definitely keep reading.

Shinsaku

Thanks Sengokusan for this incredible comment! I made me think that maybe my work isn't that bad even though didn't make it through the contest. :D