Torre Croyle x Rachel Dashae (Patreon)

Hi everyone!

So sorry I've been a little absent. I've been traveling back and forth, and visiting my family in Virginia all week! I hope everyone had a nice holiday. 

We don't really do Thanksgiving in my house, it's a new thing for us. We usually eat with eachother, play some board games and just hang out. Not too much fuss or anything! Super easy. And then we all go black friday shopping haha. 

I love visiting my family, but I'm always running around like a crazy person! I have a ton of friends in Richmond too, so my time always ends up split up into what feels like 40 different ways. But the weather was beautiful this week, so I did spend a lot of time outside. I also got a new tattoo this week! Check out my IG for a photo! 

I also have a holiday special, and new t-shirts up! I haven't been totally lazy this week atleast haha. I also had a few shoots, and shot a music video yesterday, sssooooooo I'm totally tired. I go back to Pittsburgh tomorrow, so it will be a little calmer once I get back to  my Torre and our more chilled out existence. 

I had a really in depth conversation with a good friend last night about my transition to Pittsburgh. I moved back in April to be with Torre full time (haha) and it was really kind of rough at first. in December after my car accident, I was a horrible mess. I stayed positive, and the support of my fanbase and community was overwhelming. But honestly? I felt like a failure. 

I felt like I let myself, my life style, and the people who believed in me down. I messed up big time. Thankfully I bounced back quickly, thanks to everyone. But there were still weeks, and even months where I just cried, and felt stuck, I felt insane. I felt like I was going back and forth between nothing but everything. It was a hard transition, it was almost like a break up with this idea about myself. 

Torre told me to live with him full time, and maybe it would make it easier. I could have a home base where I could concentrate on what I needed for myself, without my family, my friends and everything distracting me. Which I needed to be happy in general, but I wasn't do my career much good by swaying back and forth with little to no direction. I had to rethink my situation. 

I moved in, and honestly? I was miserable. I was lonely. I was mad. I still felt like a failure. I've always been one to want something to happen immediately, even though I know things take work, I want to see results right away haha. But now? I have adjusted, just like Torre told me I would. I have been doing better career wise that I ever have. I got to put all of my time and energy into my being, my wellness, and all of that has always came from work. I have even learned better and new ways to book, and do actual shoots. 

I saw an old friend the other day who I haven't seen in a few years, and she was like oh how are you doing? how are you feeling? I responded with oh fantastic, I've been doing so well, etc. And she said "Well I know you were having a hard time there for a while."  

I could not remember what she was talking about. I paused and even said out loud "Really? I've just been doing so well lately I can't think of what that was." and then "Oh my car accident! Yeah that happened." Haha. See? It's so weird. I barely could remember anything bad had ever even happened. I let it all go. Sometimes it can take me a while, but I always do. I am thankful for that.

I am thankful for all of this. As much as it seemed horrible at first, it was all a blessing in disguise. I live with a man who fully supports me every step of the way, and I got a better, more adult outlook on life. Sometimes I have to be put back on the ground. 

I am thankful for all of you. You make my life wonderful. 

Here's a set from Torre and I. We have been creating so well recently. I feel like it's because I have let go of so many things, even in the past few weeks. I am truly blessed, I am truly happy. 

I love all of you so much.