Savannah Brown chronological memories ages 2-5, 1998-2002 (Patreon)

every memory from the first five years of my life, in poem form

this was bound to happen after reading all that damned freud. i've spent three weeks logging every early childhood memory i have and these are them. the challenge was in doing real remembering which is not always so easy (only specific moments were allowed, inside-the-body-pov, not general situational recollection or scenes from home movies i misattributed to memory). themes of shame, nudity, and, uh, computer, and zoobook. though overall way fewer of the memories are 'negative' than i thought they'd be (not even half). was fun to both stay true to the chronology and try to write a good poem at once. what does any of this mean? beats me. also fetish reveal iykyk. 9/11 was clearly simply not a concern of mine

(p.s. i only just realized today's the childhood memory escapril prompt!!! i didn't write this for the prompt. a genuine coincidence. how strange)

Savannah Brown chronological memories ages 2-5, 1998-2002

1. I’m in a crib and don’t want to be.

2. Whose ideawas a rectal thermometer?I’m held to the bed.My life is a scream.My disturbance sends muscle spasmsinto the future.

3. Wet with tearsI run from the homeand shock the neighbor.Mom apologetically collects.The judgement of the neighbor lights the wick of Mom’s shameand the girl is made of sorry.

4. Mommy is a beautiful girl.In the bathroom she brushes her blonde mommy hair.

5. I shit in the ectopic darknessof my closet.Privacy, please.I think the diaper makes me look like the ants from A Bug’s Life,their gasters.

6. Showering with Momand I’m so low beneath her, like forest moss.There’s a beard on her belly.I’m a new alien.The water’s too hot.My back itches with heat.

7. The computercan generate picturesand speak.

8. UnwatchedI wrap the Jessie doll’s armsround the latchto fasten her there.I know how her consciousness works.I prod her doll stomach.

9. Today at kindergartenwe race robotic pigswith the older kids.It’s a big, special day.All of us are cheering. We’re all cheering for the pigs.

10. Mom needs to take her seatbefore the dance recitaland this is a difficult universe.Us little girls waitin a mirrored room.I’m nervous about remembering.There are so many rooms like this.You have to exist in themwithout the mom presence.

11. I smashed a plastic pot against a boyand now need to move my discipline card.A silent crowd of eyes part for me.I receive my humiliationentirely, as intended.

12. Savannah,nobody readsthat fast.

13. No one sat beside me on the yellow bus home.I’m so happy, I sing to myself.The bus rumbles over potholes.I invent song.

14. My great grandma is deadbehind this white door.Dad warns me in dad voice:She might look a little silly.All her teeth are gone.

15. For the summer we livein a small apartment.My sister and I share a roomwithout windows.She is breathing in the dark.

16. Potato bugs startleinto cannonballs.I lift them with my tweezers.I stack them in a vial.

17. The older girl I idolizewho lives on Grandma’s streethas no religion.Really. My mom said I can choose when I’m older.How many lives can there be?

18. In this VeggieTales episodeas ultimate punishmentcriminals are tickled forever.Mortification becomes me.The world is ruinedfor a long time.

19. Zoobooks.Call now.Twelve fascinating editions for the special price of 19.95.A free tiger poster.

20. My name is Savannah.I am of a different kind.

21. I vomit into the downstairs toilet.Please no more horror sensation.Mom rubs my back.Let it out honey.

22. Lightcreatesthis grass.