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healed my shame! became an orb (Patreon)

Published:
2024-12-16 14:09:51
Edited:
2025-02-07 10:21:34
Imported:
2024-12

Content

ok! ok it's done. shame, childhood, psychoanalysis, psychedelics (briefly), dreaming, unmasking, 'spirit'. very curious how this one finds you. in posting i feel like the fleshy inside part of a crab.

if you leave a comment here do cross-post it on the video..i like having them all in one place..that's the final upload..i'll make it public in an hour or so.

as always thank you for watching. debrief soon.

sav

Files

healed my shame! became an orb

we tell ourselves stories...you know the rest mentions: sigmund freud, carl jung, the 2019 blockbuster smash midsommar, the passion according to g.h. by clarice lispector, the haunted mask by legend r.l. stine. the funny-talking man inside the projector is terence mckenna that jung quote is an accurate and beautiful summation of jung's beliefs but not a direct quote. fooled again http://www.patreon.com/savbrown http://www.savbrown.com http://www.instagram.com/savbrown poetry: http://www.savbrown.com/shop 00:00 - shape 02:40 - time travel (childhood, psychoanalysis, 'forgiveness') 11:45 - dreamworld (psychedelics, lucid dreaming, unmasking, returning to the self) 22:52 - light ('''spirit''')

Comments

Culainn

What a wonderful notification to wake up to

tana m

i'm glad i get to see your spirit, teaches me about mine <3

Andrew

“I felt for the first time like I hadn’t betrayed myself.” I need, like, a bit… to process that 10,000 megaton bomb. As always, you nailed it on this one. Thanks for taking the energy putting words to thoughts im scared to admit i have

Toby

why should i even watch any other content creator who sits in front of a camera & talks at this point - this isn't content for the algorithm, this is content for the soul and it always will be, indefinitely

tana m

‘i felt for the first time i hadn’t betrayed myself’ i can’t explain how this keeps happening, but you keep making videos along with what i feel and live through, for this i am truly grateful but also terrified savannah :/ i came in contact with these revelations through a trip of my very own (not lsd but apocalyptic lesbian heartbreak) and i thank you for explaining speaking words about what can only be felt in the body (soul,mind(?) jung… this man has washed me like a cloth. reality shines differently through the big acceptance. anyways, thank you again and and again (big rant sorry! i am way too excited to see me in you once more, and too see you in joy)

Matthew

Ha I tried lucid dreaming in my teens but failed from the start because I rarely remember my dreams... Thank you for the video. I really resonate with - and am envious of - being able to look in on yourself and control your feelings of shame, especially to do with being yourself. That does sound like being omnipotent. I feel like I can do the looking in at myself bit but can't stop the self-analysis/criticism/shame/whatever. It feels impossible to comprehend controlling it - you might as well ask me to control my own cell division. (Also yeah I too worry that there's not much to me beyond it.) I appreciate hearing you talk about your own journey and glad it's been so revalatory. I was talking to a friend who had a similar self-discovery process this year (also including coughdrugscough) and I feel like I've had whatever the opposite of that is this year. An unmooring? PS: Love your choice of language in this video.

Valerie M

finally, something that can heal my exhausted brain from the hells of finals week :,)

Danielle Brown

shame as "a kind of narcissism"… beautifully put!

MetalPigeon

A few years ago I stumbled onto your video about human connection and it deeply resonated with me. I had this strong sense I had to DO something about the understanding I held that you so eloquently defined. But I didn't know what to do or how to do it. I continued to trudge through life never really changing anything despite that feeling in the back of my mind. Eventually I was introduced to LSD and after trying it once and doing some research I decided to take what I believed to be a dose so high that anything more wouldn't make a difference. I thought I knew but I didn't. It unravelled everything, the shame as you talk about it was one of those things. That was nearly two years ago, that experience nucleated real change in my life and myself and I've been trying to understand what exactly happened ever since. You just put to words some big parts of that. Thank you. I used to be sort of "militant atheist" myself, just as you describe. I don't subscribe to any religions now but I do wonder if the vast cause and effect that runs throughout the universe creates something greater than the sum of it's parts. Similar to the neurons and their interactions in a brain. Anyway, wherever life takes you I hope you keep doing this and I hope you get the best out of life.

James R

Nothing like a good trip to give one’s lemon a wash.

Santhiago Chapiewski

Feel so dumb watching this videos. How do you know so much?!

Cameron

Every time you upload a video it takes three or so viewings to get it. The first time round I'm just left overwhelmed by all the stuff I need to digest. The second time I think to myself "wow, what a clever lady". The third time entirely changes how I view the world (sometimes temporarily, sometimes permanently). So hey, maybe if you run into those strangers another two times, it'll work out better

Glenn

In a spiritual vein, watch Cloud Atlas! One of the most profound movies I've watched and the music is spectacular

Pink

so happy right now

Ghost of Earth

"none of our transgressions were or are related to the quality of our souls" - this is absolutely beautiful, and so powerfully said.

Ghost of Earth

Oh holy shit also that quote by Clarice Lispector jesus god

Louis Da Costa

As much as i am conscious of it now, I really look forward to (ten, fifteen, twenty, "x" years from now) look back on how precious what you did here is, how transformative and meditative each of the encounters with us were, how i (may i say "we") became a slightly better person each time you talked with us. There's a lot of places in the world and on the internet that makes me afraid and dehumanized but here is one of the most peaceful and understanding garden of eden i found. Sometimes through every word i hear from you or every character typed in the comments i see, i feel our tiny human hands stretching, quite literally, accross time and space, braving the unknown and the fear of one another, trying to hold each other at least just for a little while. And in my humble opinion, the world is better for it. Thank you very, very much. Also, jumping from "the passion of g.h" to "the haunted mask" is WILD but i'm totally up for it.

David

Lots of powerful quotes being shared but I quite appreciated “like the operation man” and “reading.. mysteriously”

Loan Nguyen

all sorts of wonderfulness here but especially endeared by the goosebumps ending. ty for always giving my brain something to chew on. some real unexpected radical optimism here tbh. feeling light + love !

Rosie (Rozita)

Apologies for the epic (length, not calibre) comment I would have to go through this video again and take notes to truly write a comment that encompasses every time you mentioned something that would have made like 5-17 year old me CRY because 'I am no longer unqiue (sad face)' but also 'I am no longer unqiue (happy face)'. My homelife has always been fine (I showed my mum your video about autism and she cried because 'it's like she's talking about you', she gets it) but school was like living at the Shame Factory tm copyright! Everyday I would go to school and get flung round on the conveyer belt and I would go home and do overtime and I got a Christmas bonus every year of never being able to believe my own eyes or feelings ever. I cried easily and disproportionately (which is apparently a metric you can judge little girls on and it matters??) and because kids are mean anyway, they would make me cry (which is not even that impressive!!) and then get to tell me to my face they hadn't done anything wrong and it wasn't bullying at all. A friend of mine started to bully me at the behest of another girl but would force me to play with her anyway - it was as close to rocket science as anything I've ever had to try and solve. I thought maybe, one day, they would see I'd never hurt them and I wasn't mean - which I thought was the only reason anyone could ever dislike anyone else - and they would stop. Needless to say, this didn't happen and instead these like two dozen small instances became where I have operated from for the bulk on my life. I also started gaining weight from the stress of having to question my own reality everyday - I kept thinking, and still find myself even now, that maybe I'd done something bad to them and simply don't remember even though I have snapped at people accidentally and felt horrible about it years after - which caused me to also feel guilty for my body. I spent my teenage years with crippling body dysmphoria which I did not think was possible to be experiencing because I wasn't skinny, and the constant worry that I was 'moving wrong'. So even when I was quiet, I had something I needed to be embarrassed about on the backburner. I, similarly to you, in my pre to early teen years started to compensate by being overly intellectual and affecting coldness (I was like Brian Griffin but a human girl, it is maybe the only thing in hindsight I should have been embarrassed about). I was very openly skeptical, sarcastic and accidentally really snarky in ways that really did not mean anything I just did not want to be called a crybaby and I didn't understand friendship dynamics. I think this was partially a symptom of the fact that I receive acclaim from my teachers when I was still rocking single digits for my work in English, so I began to feel like I had to earn my place as a person by being smart and witty and I felt I could not let up for a second or people would realise I did not deserve to be here. It was like I was making a Faustian bargain with myself, because I didn't even accrue any close, long lasting friends from that time, if anything people got mad at me for 'always being sad'. Even when people didn't seemingly hate me for no reason, my emotions or even references to them (I thought I was being slick because I would joke about it) exhausted them to the point of hatred. I think this could have accumulated into a helpful realisation, and I don't hold any resentment, but no one made an effort to word this delicately to me - it just sounded like they wanted to cancell me for the transgression of sad!! I still have the feeling of like 'no Shh, they'll know the secret' which makes no sense because I do not have a secret unless the seceret is just, me. I don't know if I mask or what parts of me are real, and I still feel like expressing guilt or apologising in some way will make people like me and I have to repress the feeling that I've earned something when I do it and that I should be proud; but what a gift to be able realise!! Multiple times!! I will learn myself one day, I do not need to know everything now, I am closer than ever before (my live, laugh, love). And it's inherently funny sometimes, to feel like I'm doing a standup set when I talk to people and I'm winning at it or whatever. The real lack of shame is the friends we made along the way etc etc. Not everything is my fault :( but also Not everything is my fault : )

Fab

the earth has been around for 4.5 billion years and I was lucky enough to exist during the same time as Savannah Brown

Henry

i'm coming to the realization that if I had to explain myself to someone at this point in my life it would be more effective to just send them a playlist of your videos and say "watch this and then we can talk" beautiful video, will be rewatching this for the foreseeable future

macgonzo

I had a horrible childhood as well. My stepfather was uninterested in me, and my mother was a viciously violent psychopath. There is no hyperbole in that statement. At age 18 I ran away from home, in the Outer Hebrides, and moved to Edinburgh. I spent 6ish months sleeping rough from November to May. I was horribly damaged by my experiences. I just didn't care what happened to me. My path to healing began with discovering LSD and MDMA. MDMA helped me immeasurably. Saved my life in all honesty. It allowed me to connect with people, to feel happiness, to just *feel*, and gave me a buffer against the pain that otherwise consumed me. LSD allowed me to open the little boxes in my mind where my traumas lived, where I kept them locked up, and gave me a chance to examine them without my ego getting in the way. I was able to look at them and turn them around in my mind with honesty. It was not easy to do, but I knew I had to do something. I wanted healing. The reason I started doing this was because whenever I entered into a relationship (I'm cishet male) I projected my need for healing onto my partner, and allowed my masks to fall away. Needless to say, my partners were shocked at the depth of pain I'd experienced, and very quickly ended our relationship. With the benefit of hindsight, I don't blame them for that, but at the time it was hard for me to understand. They just had no way of connecting with what I'd been through, as my experiences were orders of magnitude greater than anything they could imagine. It was unfair of me to expect them to understand, let alone expect them to try to heal me. It was the music of Tool that helped me find my way. They referenced Jung in one of their songs, with the lyric "Stepping through my Shadow", and I took this concept as a mantra. Whenever I felt my pain, I took it as yet another step through my Shadow, and I kept the faith that one day I would come out the other side. I did. It was Buddhist philosophy and practice that put my feet on the correct path. I finally learned that healing, the kind that I needed, can only come from within. I had always looked for it outside myself. Buddhism gave me the tools I needed to work on my self, to start to build a foundation on which grow. For me, it was exactly what I needed. It was hard work, not going to lie about that. There was only one person I could rely on to do the work, and when you're down in it, that's the last thing you think you can do... I've been free from depression for about 7 or 8 years now. I'm still bad at socialising, because I'm autistic, but now I'm completely comfortable with being alone... In fact, I've come to value being alone. I used to weep with the feelings of being utterly alone, to churn myself up inside, wishing for someone to save me from myself... But I was deluding myself. I am glad to be free of that! Thank you for sharing your story, and if you've made it this far, thank you for reading mine. Have a good festive season, and I wish you all the best for 2025.

aleah

I remember you saying briefly in a semi-recent video that you had stopped going to therapy, and this video reminds me a lot of stuff I go through and talk about with my own therapist. im curious how you felt going through this period of processing shame with just yourself outside of therapy? last time I chose to isolate myself in hopes of discovering something I ... discovered very little ...

clara

Loved this sm. The last 7 minutes are exquisite. A while ago you posted Tao Lin’s article in Granta called “My Spiritual Evolution” on your instagram story with some parts underlined. I clicked on the link and saved the article in my browser but didn’t have time to read what you’d underlined (i have a screentime app that pauses it every 7 minutes and says “go read a damn book”) i read the article a few days later and again a few days after that and it changed my fellow atheistic “oh my science” beliefs so wildly. it felt so important to me i couldn’t stop myself from sending it to everyone i love even though i was scared it wouldn’t be as important to them as it had been for me. (their reactions were all very different but all positive. i think the fact i’d had no expectations going in other than the fact that “savannah read this and seemed to like some part of it” definitely contributed to its surprise power…) Reading that & my journey in beginning to unravel its implications prepared me for this video and its ending in a really lovely way. here’s to things getting weird.

Mayswan

The most endearing thing you can do is be yourself. This video felt the least people pleasing. It felt like spirit, like breath. Attempting to please others is playing a game of 5d mental chess where you agonizingly calcuate how to conform to what you think another's ideal of you is. It never works. It's a lie. I'd like savannah to no longer betray herself or think her real self is unworthy of love. The thing she has been hiding has been the big blockbuster attraction all along! I am glad to see you coming to, removing those hooks of perfectionism and fear, and finding courage to show the real you. I wish you well and continued healing.

Ben H

Your videos have helped me find peace within myself so it makes me really happy to know you have found peace also ❤️

Avery

Holyrood Park hits different. i miss edinburgh LSD is awesome too

ShoreLinePoky

Thank you so much Sav. The big trick you're playing is bringing out big emotions. Please keep it up

Fab

On my second watch. I have a feeling I'll be coming back to this vid for a long time.

ImSalty

I hope this isn't weird to say but I somewhat see you as a bit inspirational. Seeing the journey you've gone on and relating to lots of what you've said while not being able to understand some of it at all. Either way I can tell it required a lot of strength and time and thought and you've come to a lot of self understanding, and it's something I aspire in some way to be one day. More understanding of what I went through and felt while also being aware of the affect on others.

haz

people say depressed people make the best comedians but I think this is simultaneously your happiest and funniest video yet so???

James Alexander Martin

I always know exactly what you mean. At least, that's how it seems. I don't think I've ever been able to truly grapple with my shame though. And upon reflection in those 'higher brain' moments I realise that is why I became an artist. The subconscious drive from the boy under the mask trying to communicate the trauma my intellect denied existed. Along with an undiagnosed autistics struggle to communicate. I find it so hard to share my work though. The shame sees the message it's being sent from the parts it denies and says these feelings and expressions are wrong. Then I just burn out from this internal struggle and move on to another project, leaving it abandoned. I feel like I've been in this place you're talking about a few times. Each time I carve out a little more space and see a little further into myself with more knowledge and understanding but I always eventually slide back into the disassociation or my 'small self'. Like a chemically induced transcendent experience, it can fade. I've never been able to completely uproot the shame but I hope it's possible. Shame is a pernicious weed and you can blast it out but those roots grow deep and if not properly tended, it has a habit of growing back.

Ghost of Earth

I bought this book today because that quote spoke to me so much and 20 minutes into reading it I understand exactly what you meant by saying “I don’t know what this book is” or something of the sort. It’s as impossible to describe as Lispector’s character/monologue impossibly struggles to describe itself. How incredible - this book has come at exactly the perfect time in my life. Thank you for sharing this quote!

Adara

Which book?!

Jocelyn Richer-Grégoire

Being currently in the process of healing my shame through therapy, psychedelics and filtering the people around me, it is so reassuring to see someone who went through the same process shine so brightly. Your words and your delivery were impactful to me, the humor was a nice touch that had me laughing out loud a couple times. It is hard being human, but to try and become your most human self when all you've known is this veil though which you saw the world around you is a process that is somehow harder. Redicovering yourself, reviewing your past and present thoughts through a lens of empathy, it does have an effect on your current state of mind and the barriers you involuntarily raised through life experiences. Thank you for showing me and potentially others that this journey is worth it and that taking the time to go deep within yourself will bring out the "you" in you might be the most influential thing you can do to start living a fulfilling life. Never stop being you, have a good day.

Bear DeLeon

Thanks for the book recommendation 🙏🏻🙏🏻

Nathan Baker

In your newer videos I always pulled away multiple things that mean something to me. It gives me a thought I hadn't had before, helps me answer a question I've had, or showed me others are like this too. I can "modify" myself. I took a second to think about specific things I want to change. I'll be on the lookout for them when they pop up. Thanks Sav <3

isaiah

extremely moving video for me. definitely plan on checking out more clarice lispector.

Yura

As with every video of yours, I was looking forward to a nice and delicious snack for my mind, but I didn't expect to get a full 3-course meal for my soul I saw so much of myself in your reflections -- childhood struggles, perfectionism, unnamed emotions, isolation, survival, and then the journey to healing, self-acceptance, psychedelics (allegedly), forgiveness, and later, the peace of things 'finally making sense' Finding this familiarity is always so comforting, and I guess it makes sense why your art resonates with me -- and so many others -- this much

Bianca taub coll

I feel like this awoke something in me. great great great stuff.

Dani.bby

LSD, Jung, McKenna? You grabbed the "new Tool fan" starter pack and forgot the Tool lol

macgonzo

Black then white are all I see in my infancy Red and yellow then came to be, reaching out to me Lets me see As below so above and beyond, I imagine Drawn beyond the lines of reason Push the envelope, watch it bend Over thinking, over analyzing separates the body from the mind Withering my intuition, missing opportunities and I must Feed my will to feel my moment, drawing way outside the lines Black then white are all I see in my infancy Red and yellow then came to be, reaching out to me Lets me see There is so much more And beckons me to look through to these infinite possibilities As below so above and beyond, I imagine Drawn outside the lines of reason Push the envelope, watch it bend Over thinking, over analyzing separates the body from the mind Withering my intuition leaving opportunities behind Feed my will to feel this moment Urging me to cross the line Reaching out to embrace the random Reaching out to embrace whatever may come I embrace my desire to I embrace my desire to Feel the rhythm, to feel connected Enough to step aside and weep like a widow, to feel inspired, to fathom the power, to witness the beauty, to bathe in the fountain, to swing on the spiral, to swing on the spiral, to Swing on the spiral Of our divinity And still be a human With my feet upon the ground I lose myself Between the sounds and open wide to suck it in I feel it move across my skin I'm reaching up and reaching out I'm reaching for the random or whatever will bewilder me Whatever will bewilder me And following our will and wind we may just go where no one's been We'll ride the spiral to the end and may just go where no one's been Spiral out, keep going Spiral out, keep going Spiral out, keep going Spiral out, keep going Lateralus by Tool

Dominic Portain

I have basically the same history as you do - atheist superiority complex, my mind not really running the show, and everything. Masking is second nature, social anxiety just barely under control. Now I'm in therapy, and it seems like I'm your breakthrough is just a few more months ahead, and I'm low-key terrified about it. You're quite brave for going through it, and seeing you so happy gives me strength to continue with this. Thank you for sharing. Sincerely.

Vijay Dhanaraj

Cross post? Ewww… fine I’ll share my vulnerable thoughts publicly on YouTube, even though here feels more intimate and comfortable…

Bear

Man.. *exhales through pursed lips in where-to-even-begin.* Thanks for sharing this and for always putting yourself out there - you're a treasure and a gift Sav, and I hope you know it :)

Sydney Hammer

Thank you so much for sharing all of this so vulnerably and eloquently! Based on what you've shared and your interest in Freud and Jung, I would recommend, if you haven't already, looking into Jean Laplanche and translation theory - it has to do with the mechanisms by which the unconscious is formed and eventually translated into consciousness. I'd also recommend looking into Object Relations theory - in particular I really enjoyed the work and ideas of Harry Guntrip

Lewis

when i first watched this video it terrified me. it sounded like a narration of my own life. one throughout which i was sure would have an exclusionary.. something. some part of the journey that meant i couldn't follow the breadcrumbs through the forest to the clearing. but you scavenged love, acceptance, and forgiveness not only for those who hurt you but for yourself and i... am afraid of that thing. a thing i desperately want. in the intervening two days this video has rapidly transmogrified into a source of hope and tranquil joy. language turns us all to jesters, indeed, so i wont describe the heady euphoria of suddenly allowing myself to hope for the future. the peace and ease that came with allowing myself, just for a moment, to believe that time spent with me is not inherently sacrificial. or the grief and empathy i've allowed into my internal discussions. these things would not have manifested in such a timely manner were it not for this video. i wont belabor the point, but i am profoundly grateful for this work of yours. thank you for describing how confrontation felt, thank you for describing how processing feels, getting bits of my body zapped like i'm the operation guy. thank you for being so careful, thoughtful, and specific when sharing yourself with the world. you didn't have to and i'm sure it would often be simpler not to, but i am seen in this and could never have been were it not for your courage.

bailey bayer

it is such an incredible honor to hear you share your truth sav

Alex Jordan

Being yourself is surprisingly hard. I spent over a year working a job not being myself there for 8 hours a day because I didn't think who I was reflected a normal person and that I had to filter the appropriate parts of me through an almost mute non-personality. It wasn't the jobs fault, or the people's fault, or really even mine. I just needed to learn what parts of me were real - the parts I was hiding - and what parts I had just constructed from shame - the mute-nobody I was presenting as. A lot of pain in this video, but as you say it speaks to a wider truth too about everyone's pain. "Not betraying myself" is a great line, and something I've slowly (very slowly) learned how to do but am still having to actively try to practice.

Oli Chau

I like . No notes

Boone_girl

Left like so many comments on this video post in YT and even pulled out the old Twitter to express to you my joy of your spiritual awakening! I literally removed myself from others by moving to a town with zero connections and that’s when my own spiritual awakening started. The collective consciousness has strengthened in the direction of unconditional love significantly when you “woke up” and realized you too are apart of this and you are a glorious, beautiful, POWERFUL soul of infinite energy, light and love! I literally CAN feel your vibrations and just know our lights are dancing with each other like two magical dragons dancing in the moonlight 🫶 🐉 🧿🔮🧬🪔🕯️

Boone_girl

🙌 if we all could step back and accept life challenges, difficulties and negative experiences as lessons, then we are living out the human experience in the way we were sent here to do! Learning = the meaning of 3D human life 🫶 much love and light to you fellow lovely human! I hope you get to find a well paying job that also lights up your soul and keeps you centered and willing to learn more lessons ☺️

Hypnophile

Can you expand on the inspiration behind the "I am waking up in the dream of my shame" mantra?

Bon

“I am waking up in the dream of my shame” so swiftly embedded itself onto the fabric of my thoughts… I am waking…

Jon Bowen

This is kinda crazy cool.. just like watching my life story but the "female version" and find all of this.. all of you quite.. intriguing to say the least! Had the same exact childhood symptoms and experiences as well as the late life discovery about m

Ryan Messina

Thank you for sharing your journey! I feel as through living vicariously through this video has taken a burden off my shoulders and made me lighter! I am just not sure if that is because I have a healthier relationship to confront my shame or just channeling my inner child pretending to be a super hero :D

Boone_girl

Wow! This response gave me full body chills! Synchronicities are signs from the universe that you’re going in the right direction to where your soul truly wants to go—which naturally is towards your higher self and filled with light and love! 💗enjoy your journey, for the journey itself is the lesson and meaning of life! 42 ;) to any of my fellow hitchhikers reading this ;)

Gustaf Lindstedt

Thank you so much for sharing your journey and so skillfully putting it into words! I've uncovered my core of shame in recent years as well, and can relate quite a bit. Still have some way to go on my own path, but this video serves as a great reminder to wake up from the dream and keep walking :)

Shrey Bosamia

Sorry to comments this late, I love u lots, I’m also growing and healing, your journey is beautiful like a reflection of my own <3. Can’t wait to catch up sometime later in the future

Shrey Bosamia

I love your artistic expression as well of course ;)

Kibben

Hey, recently someone in my family has passed away. Does anyone have any recommendations relating to understanding grief? Sorry it’s off topic

Terence Arthur Brannigan

Hey, I can relate. I've experienced this too many times in my life. Be kind and patient with yourself, it may take some time to process. Think of grief as a release of Love. When we lose someone close a connection closes. Suddenly our love has nowhere to go, so it builds. How you experience it all in the physical world will be unique. Is there anything specifically you would like?

Kibben

Thank you so much, I would like something to read on understanding the processes relating to grief (stuff like the seven stages)

Terence Arthur Brannigan

Oh I'm sorry. I've never read anything on grief before. I'm afraid I am pretty useless in advice for that. If you need someone to talk to who understands though let me know.

Mícheál ÓhÉineacháin

I listened to this twice, then signed up for your patreon. I deeply admire your honesty. You don't need to be this honest with a bunch of strangers on the internet, but you are and it's brought me some sense of comfort. Suffering always feels total and inescapable, until it doesn't.