Midnight Pals: Internet Beefs (Patreon)

[mysterious circle of robed figures]Maya Forstater: dark lord! dark lord! terrible news!Forstater: i just heard they're going to put you in jail!Forstater: also i heard that antifa supersoldiers are going to execute all the small business owners in the town square

JK Rowling: ah yesss apparently sscotland thinksss it can jusssst pass sssome law ssaying you can't hate crime transs peopleRowling: ha "hate crime"Rowling: what doess that even mean?Rowling: you don't even know what you're getting

Rowling: well i won't sstand for thissRowling: i don't care if i have to beef with every random transss on twitterRowling: they had it comingRowling: bitches shouldn't have mouthed off

Forstater: but dark lord! what if they put you in jail for beefing on the internet?Rowling: i'm not sscared! i don't care whosss toesss i ssstep on!Rowling: here i beef, i can do no other!Forstater: oh my god what a fearless truth teller!

Rowling: sssee i have a plan to tessst the limitsss of thisss ssso-called lawRowling: i will sssyssstematically beef with every SSINGLE transs on twitter, one by oneRowling: that will sshow them!Rowling: you're firsst, @Girldick_Cheney240!!

Rowling: [typing furiously] ok @blahajj_to_Mecca, you're up next!Rowling: "you suck"Rowling: "don't like me fearlessly telling truth to your face?"Rowling: "then you should have got more followers"

Rowling: [typing furiously] i took down @bigfatboypussy69 and now i'm taking down @puppygirlforsaleX__XRowling: now for @fatwerewolfmommydom3Rowling: oh wait that follow count iss kind of highRowling:Rowling: maybe i'll sskip that one

Rowling: whosss next on my lisst?Rowling: "@anarchroach"Rowling:Rowling: i'm not sssure about thisss oneRowling: but i'll risssk it[elsewhere]Franz Kafka: why is jk rowling yelling at me

Rowling: well well wellRowling: i've ssuccessssfully yelled at EVERY transss on twitter and yetRowling: the sscottish police have not arresssted me!Rowling: i guessss i proved that lawsss aren't realRowling: door'ss open, boyss![terfs hooting and hollering]