Midnight Pals: Bigfoots (Patreon)

Brian Keene: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of crazy bear valley Keene: so these no-good outlaws are on the run from the law Keene: but Keene: they take a wrong turn Keene: into danger King: what kind of danger? Keene: bigfoots

Keene: its a no holds barred war to the death between cowboys and bigfoots Keene: cowboys, of course, have the advantage of intelligence and speed, as well as firearms Keene: but the bigfoots have the numbers

Keene: these bigfoots might just tear these cowboys to pieces Bram Stoker: oh but cowboys! Keene: whats the matter bram? you kill your cowboys all the time! Stoker: yeah but Stoker: i dunno, its different

King: how big are the bigfoots? Keene: eh pretty normal bigfoot sized, i'd say King: really? i expected they'd be bigger King: what about their feet? Keene: oh well, yeah, their feet are big Keene: like duh Keene: obviously

King: wait are their feet big compared to normal feet or big compared to bigfoot feet? Keene: normal King: so big compared to our feet? Keene: yes i Keene: you know the feet aren't really central to this story

Keene: ok so back to the story King: wait a second is it bigfoots or bigfeet? Poe: obviously, it's bigfoots Barker: what? that's insane edgar. it's obviously bigfeet King: no no i think edgar's right on this one Lovecraft: that doesn't make any sense Keene: so back to the story

Robert E Howard: howdy pardnas Keene: 2 Gun Bob! King: it's 2 Gun Bob! Lovecraft: 2 Gun Bob! Barker: 2 Gun Bob! Poe: whoa 2 gun bob! Stoker: OMG! 2 Gun Bob! Koontz: 2 Gun Bob! Howard: i reckon i got somethin' to say on the matter

Howard: when a cowpoke is a-ridin' through bigfoot country, he's gotta have his trusty six iron on his hip Howard: cuz ya might gotta wrassle some varmints Keene: you sound like you've had some experience with this Keene: with fighting bigfoots Barker: you mean bigfeet Keene: no

Howard: now if me an' my boys tangled with a posse of bigfoots, we'd give em a taste of the ol' pea shooter Keene: yeah but see, there's a lot of bigfoots Keene: way too many to shoot Howard: i ain't a-bothered, i'm a fast draw Howard: [twirling six shooter] possibly the fastest

JRR Tolkien: hello lads King: JRR Tolkien! what are YOU doing here? Tolkien: well i head something about Tolkien: BIG FEET Tolkien: big HAIRY feet perhaps? Tolkien: big hairy SMELLY feet? Tolkien: big gross hairy smelly feet with fur????

Keene: the story's not about big feet, it's about bigfoots Tolkien: Tolkien: oh Tolkien: how big are the bigfoots feet? Keene: normal sized Tolkien: normal for us or normal for bigfoots? Keene: you know what i'm just gonna call them sasquatchs going forward