Midnight Pals: Mothers day meltdown (Patreon)

[mysterious circle of robed figures]JK Rowling: hello childrenRowling: I was just thinking about how transs people should be eliminated from ssocietyJonathan Chait: whoa whoa whoa! joanne!Chait: you can't say it like THATChait: so uncouthChait: you have to say it with your pinky finger extended

Elon Musk: si! issa no good!Musk: issa too mucha trans genocideMusk: you shoulda only post the right amount offa da trans geocideMusk: lookita me, i lika da trans genocideMusk: but i also like many other genocidesRowling: oh MY GODRowling: my empire is crumbling!

Chait: we're not saying you can't still be transphobicChait: you just have to, you know, cool it a bitChait: be genteel about itJesse Singal: mommy mommy i have concerns mommy!Chait: see? just like that

Chait: maybe put a little disclaimerChait: "this transphobia is for entertainment purposes only"Rowling: do you not know who I am?? I'm JK Rowling! Rowling: JK FUCKING ROWLING!!!Rowling: I MADE YOUR CHILDHOOD MAGICAL!Rowling: no one tellss me to cool it!Rowling: i own the courtss!Chait: joanneRowling: and another thing!!!Rowling: SSTOP CALLING ME JOANNE!

[midnight society]JK Rowling: hello childrenBarker: oh look who it isBarker: what are you doing here joanne?Barker: did your terfs tell you to cool it again?Rowling:Rowling: why doess everyone call me joanne

Rowling: i'm extremely mad about thiss transs football refereeBarker: what?Rowling: this transs football referee Barker:Barker: what?

Rowling: there's a transs football referee and i'm really mad about it!Rowling: what, haven't you heard?Barker: joanne, why are you hereRowling: and another thing!Rowling: sstop calling me joanne!!

Rowling: people are alwayss all "joanne this" and joanne that!Rowling: wah wah wah joanne joanne joanne!Barker: do you not like your name Barker: you could change itPoe: clivePoe: just let her tire herself outBarker: no no I've got something here

Rowling: people are alwayss "oh wah wah wah joanne, how can you ssay that! your bookss are all about tolerance and love wah wah wah!"Rowling: bitch i think i know what my booksss are about!Rowling: i fuckin wrote them after all!Rowling: blah blah blah ohh joanne Rowling: i hate when people call me joanne!!Rowling: they should fear to say my true name!Barker: oh damn look at thatBarker: looks like we're having a good ol' fashioned mothers day meltdown

Poe: clive don't encourage thisKing: but joanne! how can you say that? King: after all the lessons of harry potter?King: you made our childhoods magical!Rowling: people are all "blah blah blah joanne how can you like naziss now when you ssaid they were bad in harry potter"Rowling: first of all, harry potter iss fiction!

Rowling: secondly, the death eaters are actually a ssinister coalition of evil transs, sspooniess, fat people, free masonss, and diane duaneRowling: always have been!Rowling: thiss iss NOT a retcon!

Rowling: that sshould be obviouss if you've read the bookRowling: UNLESSSRowling: you're a fake potterhead, ssteveKing: no of course not! i love harry potterRowling: DO YOURowling: perhaps then

Rowling: you would be willing to take a blood oath to the dark lord Rowling: to belong to the dark lord body and ssoulRowling: who is always correctKing: i uh don't think i'm going to take that oath, sorryRowling: UGH!Rowling: this is just like Radcliffe all over again!