Midnight Pals: 10,000 pounds of Spaghetti (Patreon)

[mysterious circle of robed figures] JK Rowling: hello children Rowling: what newssss? Rowling: allisssson how goess the lawsssuit againssst ssstonewall? Allison Bailey: GREAT NEWS! Bailey: if losing were winning, then we just totally won! Rowling:

Rowling: ssee, thiss sssilver-tongued eloquence isss why you're the bessst lawyer in the bussinesss! Bailey: thanks, dark lord! Rowling: or you would be if you ACTUALLY WON ANY CASSSESSS Bailey: i Bailey: oh Rowling: how could you lose? i gave you £1,000,000!

Bailey: ok yeah i lost this case but i'm sure that, if you just gave me another £1,000,000, i could absolutely pin that wispa bar on a trans Bailey: i know i could do it Bailey: you gotta believe me! Bailey: c'mon, bro, just one more £1,000,000, just one more

Rowling: what are you even ssspending £1,000,000 on jussst to lossse? Bailey: oh you know, like, legal stuff Bailey: like Bailey: exposition and Bailey: dockets Bailey: uhhhh Bailey: legal stuff Rowling: Rowling: [narrowing eyes] What'ss in that briefcasse?

Bailey: briefcase? what briefcase? Rowling: that one you're holding right there Bailey: OH! you mean THIS briefcase! Rowling: yess THAT briefcasse Rowling: the one with the ever-increasing olive oil sstain on the sside

Bailey: it's nothing, it's just full of , you know, papers Rowling: what kind of papersss? Bailey: um legal papers Rowling: Bailey: Rowling: let me ssee them bailey: [sweating] actually by the doctrine of uhh habeus porpoise i legally can't show you, sorry, that's just the rules

Rowling: did you ssspend my £1,000,000 on spaghetti again??? Bailey: actually legally i don't have to answer that question because of Bailey: because of uhhh Bailey: OBJECTION Rowling: give me that damn briefcassse! [they struggle for briefcase]

Rowling: i told you NOT to usse thiss £1,000,000 for sspaghetti damnit!! I told you! Bailey: [wailing] i know! i tried! Bailey: but then i got hungry Rowling: why do you need £1,000,000 for sspaghetti? Bailey: i mean, it's really GOOD spaghetti

Bailey: the guy who sold it to me told me that this spaghetti is anti-trans Rowling: how doess it work? Bailey: he said it's got big gametes Rowling: i don't know ssciencce but that ssoundss legit to me Bailey: he also sold me these magic beans

[meanwhile] L Ron Hubbard: step right up, step right up, get yourself some of honest ron's famous big gamete spaghetti Poe: Poe: i don't even want to know what this grift is supposed to be