Midnight Pals: Poltergeist (Patreon)

Steven Spielberg: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, I call this the tale of the poltergeistSpielberg: now unfortunately, i'm kinda committed to tell a different story over at space coven tonightSpielberg: so my good friend tobe hooper is gonna tell this one for meTobe Hooper: it's actually pronounced toe-beeSpielberg:Spielberg: what

Tobe Hooper: so this is a story about an average suburban family who suddenly finds a ghost in their TVSpielberg: hey can i add somethingHooper: steve you said i could tell itSpielberg: oh yeah yeah definitelySpielberg: i just haveSpielberg: just a little suggestion

Spielberg: hey tobeTobe Hooper: actually it's pronounced Toe-beeSpielberg:Spielberg: whatHooper: it's pronounced-Hooper: you know what, never mind, what's on your mind steve

Spielberg: can we put in some jokesHooper: jokes? yeah sure i guessSpielberg: like, maybe a guy could fall off a bicycleSpielberg: ha ha haSpielberg: or maybeSpielberg: ha ha haSpielberg: spill beer on himselfSpielberg: hoo hoo ha ha ha!

Hooper: so this family includes coach from coachHooper: and a sexy mom in short shortsEdward Lee: niceHooper: and a dogDean Koontz: nice

Hooper: ok so imagine there's this really creepy sequence where the dog wanders through the sleeping house, the world silent but for the static from the televisionSpielberg: spooky!Spielberg: ok ok my turnSpielberg: next some kids use RC cars to make a fat guy fall off a bikeSpielberg: ha ha ha ha ha!Spielberg: ha ha ha ha ha!Hooper:

Spielberg: c'mon, tobe! laugh! It's funny!Spielberg: look, tobe, we don't want this story to be TOO scaryHooper: butSpielberg: in fact, i think it would be really good if, anytime something scary happened, then something goofy could happen to immediately deflate the tensionSpielberg: i think that would be great!

Tobe Hooper: steve i think our story could really delve into the discomfort around the growing omnipresence of the television in our lives Spielberg: what? who are we, david cronenberg?Spielberg: just wait a year, let videodrome deal with that shit Hooper: butSpielberg: look trust me people are gonna love this RC car gag

Hooper: so this family has a ghost in their houseSpielberg: hey tobe can i interject just a little thingHooper: uhSpielberg: this family also has a crap ton of star wars toysSpielberg: like, all the kids toys are star wars relatedHooper:Hooper yeah ok whatever

Hooper: so the family hires these psychics to help get the ghostsHooper: and they bring in this expert psychicHooper: no introduction or nothing, she's just thereKing: what's her name?Hooper: no time for that!

Hooper: so now the ghost attacks the sexy momHooper: while she's wearing her oversized football jersey as a night shirtPiers Anthony: can we umAnthony: can we see herAnthony: can we see her umAnthony: you knowHooper: oh yeahAnthony: [pumping fist] YES!!!!

Hooper: so the house, in fact, was not cleanSpielberg: hey tobe what if the beast looked like a big giant skullSpielberg: just hugeHooper: that's a little on the nose steveSpielberg: maybe like one of those giant Spirit superstore inflatable yard decorations

Hooper: i'm trying to build a scary atmosphere here steve!Hooper: and you're just goofing it up!Spielberg: i'm just trying to helpHooper: well, you're not helping!Hooper: if it was up to you, we'd just have skeletons blasting out of the ground all over the place like goddamn gophers!King: ooh that would rule!Poe: yeah interesting ideaKoontz: i want to see that!Hooper:Hooper: you've got to be fucking kidding me

Hooper: you know whatHooper: who caresHooper: who cares about anythingHooper: skeletons just start popping out of everythingHooper: you guys like that???King: yeah that's great!Poe: it's good stuffBarker: niceKoontz: i like when the skeletons are thereLovecraft: its pretty scary!Hooper:Hooper: i'm done with you guysHooper: DONE