Midnight Pals: Charts and Graphs (Patreon)

Clive Barker: hey guys you hear that Imane Khelif won the gold medal at the Paris Olympics Poe: ah very cool Barker: so where's joanne Barker: is she here tonight Barker: ha ha Poe: clive Barker: cuz i just want to haha talk Poe: clive don't be an instigator

Barker: hey joanne ha ha so did you hear the news Barker: imane khelif won JK Rowling: what?? how can thisss be?? Rowling: how can they allow this over the objectionsss of the worldssss richessst ssself-taught authority on gender??? Rowling: truly the sssysstem really iss broken

Rowling: you know, i never ssaid khelif wass transs Rowling: i merely ssaid khelif wass a man ssecretly possing as a woman to win a ssporting competition in the vein of a raunchy 1980s PG-13 comedy ssex romp like "Just One of the Guys" (1985) or "Just One of the Girls" (1993)

Rowling: in fact, i never accussed anyone of being transs Rowling: i merely believe that every living human being iss ssecretly the oppossite gender of the one that they purport to be Rowling: except for me Rowling: I am legend!

Rowling: thosse of you who claim to be men are obvioussly women Rowling: thosse of you who claim to be women are obvioussly men Rowling: except for those of you who claim to be transs, you actually ARE your birth gender Rowling: i mean, your purported birth gender

Rowling: i've prepared a series of chartsss and graphsss to explain the new theory of gender Rowling: itss become more involved ssince i decided vaginass aren't destiny King: they're not? Rowling: well they were but then it turned out sssome people i didn't like alssso had them

Barker: hey i got a question Rowling: is it about my new gender heurissstic Barker: yes Rowling: proceed Barker: why do UK bookstores all have The Gruffalo instead of harry potter now? Rowling: SSSS Rowling: THAT'SSS NOT A GENDER QUESTION!!! Rowling: YOU TRICKED ME!!

Rowling: i should have expected that from you, barker!! Rowling: jussst like a man!! Rowling: or rather Rowling: [consulting phrenology chart] you have the sloping brow and narrow cranium of a secret woman!!!

Barker: sure joanne whatever you say Rowling: he admits to being a woman!!! Rowling: which means he's actually a man! Poe: joanne calm down Rowling: DON'T TELL ME TO CALM DOWN EDGAR! Rowling: or should i ssay Rowling: edgarina??!?!? Poe: that's not even a real name