Midnight Pals: Consequences (Patreon)

[at JK Rowling's Scottish castle]JK Rowling's agent: hey joanne it's me your agentAgent: LydiaAgent: i haven't appeared in a while so readers might not remember meAgent: i am a midnight pals totally original character, do not steal

Agent: so how you been doing? working on a new book?JK Rowling: actually i've been bussssyagent: oh yeah? with the transphobia?Rowling: with the transssphobia, yesssRowling: itsss like a full time job

Rowling: i started an international tranvestigation into an Algerian boxeragent:agent: ah ok umagent: any particular reason why?Rowling: to get her killedagent: ok umagent: again, any particular reason why?

Rowling: anyway, since this Algerian boxer situation went downRowling: I've been waiting here, right next to this cobweb-strewn telephone, for the Olympic committee to call me up with an apologyRowling:Rowling:Rowling: [checking watch]Rowling:

agent: so about this whole Algerian boxer situationagent: it turns out she's suing youRowling: that can't be rightRowling: i'm JK RowlingRowling: i sue PEOPLERowling: people don't sue me

agent: no no it turns out that the legal system works both waysRowling: what?agent: yeah i know i was surprised tooRowling: i'm pretty sure that's not how it worksRowling: check it againagent: I've already checked it 3 timesRowling: CHECK IT AGAINRowling: ssso she think she can sue me for cyberharrassment huh?Rowling: get my lawyer on the phone! the best lawyer money can buy!agent: do you mean Allison bailey againRowling: NO i want to win this time

Rowling: don't worry i have a full proof plan to win in court!Rowling: i'm going to challenge the judge to point to a specific tweet where i called Imane Khelif a manRowling: if you look carefully, you'll notice i never once use the word managent: what about that gigantic banner currently flying from the ramparts of your Scottish castleRowling: that's a typo