Midnight Pals: The Hell Candidate (Patreon)

Graham Masterton: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of what if satan ran for presidentMasterton: think about it! if satan was president, he could do anythingBarker: i mean, he already can do anything can't he?Barker: he's satanMasterton:

Masterton: if satan was president of the US, he could do all sorts of evil things!Masterton: could you imagine? the very engine of government, turned toward evil!Masterton: why, it might commit genocide or institute slavery!King: wow, scary stuff!King: glad this is only a story

Masterton: imagine a world where the prince of darkness himself runs to be president of the united statesKing: i don't have to imagine it! King: I lived under DONALD DRUMPF!

King: eh? eh?King: see, the joke is that drumpf sounds like-Dan Simmons: JEEZ steve why'd you have to go and make it POLITICAL

Masterton: so the devil himself runs for presidentMasterton: and you what would happen if satan became president?Masterton: why, he'd probably pass all sorts of crazy laws!

Masterton: like he could make it illegal to pet dogs!Dean Koontz: no no no! stop it!Koontz: steve make it stop!King: it's ok dean don't worryKing: satan couldn't really be presidentKing: he'd never be able to build a working coalition

King: satan could never get the votes to become presidentKoontz: b-but what if he did???King: well don't worry about that deanKing: even if satan did somehow manage to become presidentKing: he'd still be constrained by checks and balances

Koontz: steve, i can't sleepKoontz: i just keep thinking what if graham's story was real??Koontz: what if satan could become president?King: well, steve, let me tell you something i told my boy joe when he had that same fear...

King: if that happened we'd just stage an assassination attempt and when the media saw the candidate using a child as a human shield, his whole campaign would collapseKoontz: oh phew!Koontz: thanks steve that makes me feel a lot better :)