Midnight Pals: Lumberjack (Patreon)

Anthony Engebretson: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the lumberjack Stephen King: the lumberjack, eh? King: does he sleep all night and work all day? King: hahaha! King: eh? eh? get it guys? Barker: we're not doing this steve

King: ohhh King: i'm a lumberjack and i'm ok King: i sleep all night and i work all day King: come on guys sing along! King: you know the words!Joe Hill: what are you doing dad King: c'mon all you kids know the lumberjack song! Hill: i've never heard of this song

King: well joe i bet you never knew your dad was so "cool" Hill: King: "we are the knights who say neep!" King: hahaha King: classic! Hill: i don't know what any of this is Lovecraft: "the knights who say NEE!" get it right!!! >:C

King: so he's a lumberjack and he's okay, hm? Engebretson: he's actually not okay Engebretson: he may be the least okay lumberjack ever Engebretson: he's actually really bad at it Engebretson: he just can't jack it Engebretson: more of a lumberjackn't

Engebretson: this guy, he just desperately wants to be a lumberjack and prove he's a real man's man Engebretson: and he's got an ax! he loves his ax! Engebretson: he's always chop chop choppin' with that ax! Engebretson: he loves that goddamn ax!!

Engebretson: so this lumberjack gets hired by J. sterling morton to rid his house of a gnome Koontz: wow! j. sterling morton the salt tycoon? grover cleveland's secretary of agriculture? the founder of arbor day? that j. sterling morton?? Engebretson:

Engebretson: yes, the very same Engebretson: but Engebretson: how did YOU know that? King: yeah i'm wondering that too honestly Poe: this is most surprising Barker: did morton own a dog or something... Koontz: i'm not just a dog lover guys! Koontz: i have other interests!

Engebretson: so morton hires this lumberjack to rid his weird house of this creepy demon gnome Engebretson: how ironic that the founder of arbor day would hire a guy who loves chopping trees Engebretson: you might even call it Engebretson: DRAMATIC irony

Engebretson: so this lumberjack gets to work exterminating the demon Engebretson: but he gets distracted by chopping kids & attacking random trees he gets mad at Engebretson: turns out he's as bad at exterminating demons as he as lumberjacking Engebretson: what a loser!