Midnight Pals: 3 Men and a Dog (Patreon)

David Fincher: hi i'm david fincher Fincher: i used to be big in hollywood until the curious case of benjamin button Fincher: now i have to share an apartment with david cronenberg & david lynch Fincher: so stay tuned for Fincher: David, David & David Fincher: coming this fall

Fincher: [bursting into room, arms flailing] David! David! I've got huge news! Lynch: the deep in the dark, the eyes in the snail? [Sustained Audience hooting and hollering, 30 sec]

Fincher: David, what am I gonna do? This dog followed me home... [camera close-up on dog, sustained audience 'awwww' 30 sec] Fincher: but David Cronenberg HATES mammalian life forms! What am I gonna do?? Lynch: the deep in the dark, the eyes in the snail [audience hooting, 2 min]

Fincher: you're saying that I should disguise this dog as a xenomorph? Lynch: the deep in the dark, the eyes in the snail Fincher: that's crazy! it would never work [smash cut to Fincher dressing dog as a xenomorph, audience laughter 10 sec]

David Cronenberg: hey honey i'm home! Cronenberg: god what a day Cronenberg: my boss down at the ponderous 70s sci fi factory was riding my ass all day Cronenberg: the brechtian distancing mechanism got jammed again

Fincher: oh gee that sounds awful Fincher: maybe you'll feel better after you sit in your favorite weird chair made of teeth and spinal columns? Fincher: here, put your feet up Fincher: let me get you your favorite pipe made out of gristle Cronenberg: why are you being so nice

[knock on door] Fincher: who could that be? Dean Koontz: hi everyone! [sustained audience applause, 40 sec] Fincher: why, it's our wacky next door neighbor dean koontz! Koontz: i heard you had a dog here! [sustained audience laughter, 50 sec]

Koontz: i just wanted to come over and see your new dog Fincher: ixnay on the ognay! Cronenberg: a dog?! what's all this about Cronenberg: DAVID is there a dog in the house?? >:C Cronenberg: you know how i feel about animals with all their organs on the inside! >:C

Fincher: you don't understand david Fincher: this dog is really friendly! Cronenberg: you know how i feel about mammalian life forms! Fincher: he's a good dog! you'll like him! he's got veins! he's full of them! Cronenberg: that's NOT good enough!

Cronenberg: show me this dog! [dog waddles out, wearing xenomorph suit] Cronenberg: Cronenberg: that's a xenomorph Fincher: yeah i know it's stupid Cronenberg: I LOVE XENOMORPHS! Fincher: you do? Cronenberg: i admire their purity [chef's kiss]

Fincher: does that mean we can keep him? Cronenberg: only if you promise to take good care of him Cronenberg: a dog is a big responsibility Cronenberg: you have to shine that chrome carapace everyday Lynch: the deep in the dark, the eyes in the snail! [audience goes wild]