Midnight Pals: Roast (Patreon)

Laird Barron: Submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of more dark Barron: it's about this reclusive horror writer called Tom L Barron: no wait that's too obvious Barron: let's just call him T Ligotti

Barron: anyway, this horror writer, Tom L, everyone thinks he's so great Barron: but actually he's a totally dorkwad poser Barker: ah ha ha ha! Barker: oh man i love a good roast! Barker: he's really got your number, tom! Thomas Ligotti: hm

King: how do you know it's about tom? Barker: how do i know... Barker: laird, tell us more about Tom L Barron: he's a reclusive horror writer who loves to write about puppets King: i just don't see it

Barker: hey tom how do you like getting roasted? Ligotti: i neither like nor dislike it Ligotti: events transpire regardless of human desire Barker: Barker: that sound exactly like something that Tom L would say

Barron: so i was at this horror event with my good friend John L Barron: who was wearing his "women want me, fish fear me hat" and his rubber waders John Langan: [wearing "women want me, fish fear me" hat and rubber waders] that's nothing like me

Barron: hold on john i didn't say it was you Barron: it could be any John L Barron: just cuz i happened to describe you with uncanny accuracy doesn't mean the character is actually intended to be you Langan: Langan: ok then Barron: anyway then John L went on this real boring lecture about fishing

Barron: you know who else was at this event? that clueless boomer dad Steve K King: haha this steve k sounds like a real loser! Koontz: Lovecraft: Poe: Barker: Barker: steve- Poe: no no let him figure it out for himself Poe: he'll get there in the end

King: hey wait a second!! are these characters based on us? Barron: i didn't say that Barron: if you recognize asshole Clive B or lovable dog-obsessed doofus Dean K as eerily reminiscent of people in your life, well, that's just an amazing coincidence King: that is a pretty amazing coincidence

King: laird, you can't just do that! King: you can't just make up fictional characters based on famous horror writers and then just put silly words in their mouths to make fun of them! Barron: Barker: Poe: Lovecraft: Koontz: Barron: damn how meta can you get