Midnight Pals: Wizards (Patreon)

[at unicorn fuck club] Brandon Sanderson: boy, i love being a fantasy writer! Sanderson: and the best part of being a fantasy writer? Sanderson: it's talking about wizards! Terry Goodkind: wizards? did you say wizards?? Goodkind: i LOVE talking about wizards! Sanderson: me TOO!

Sanderson: i mean, why even be a fantasy writer if you don't like wizards? Diane Duane: i write about wizards too! some of them are cats! Tanya Huff: OMG me two!!! Huff: TWINSIES!!!

Sanderson: how about you george? how do you feel about wizards? GRR Martin: well see the saga of fire and ice is based on the historical war of the roses so actually its p realistic Martin: just kidding, of course there's wizards! Goodkind: WIZARDS! Sanderson: WIZARDS! Duane: WIZARDS! Huff: WIZARDS!

Sanderson: you gotta like wizards if you're gonna write fantasy Sanderson: jrrt, how do you feel about wizards? Tolkien: wizards? Tolkien: meh Tolkien: they're okay Sanderson: Goodkind: Martin: Duane: Huff:

Sanderson: tell us about the wizards in middle earth, jirt Tolkien: ugh god Tolkien: why do you always want to know about the wizards Tolkien: i have literally no interest in talking about these wizards Tolkien: when we could be talking about the hobbits sexy sexy feet Tolkien: big hairy stinky feet

Sanderson: c'mon jirt tell us about the wizards Tolkien: ok fine Tolkien: well there's gandalf the gray Tolkien: and saruman the white Tolkien: and umm radagast Tolkien: he's brown

Tolkien: and then there's like Tolkien: ummmm Tolkien: two other guys Sanderson: what're their names? Tolkien: what? oh jeez Tolkien: i gotta come up with TWO more wizard names? Tolkien: god this is intolerable

Sanderson: c'mon jirt you've got us all wondering Sanderson: you can't just say there are these other wizards and not tell us anything about them Tolkien: ugh christ Tolkien: fine Tolkien: they're Tolkien: god i dunno what colors are left Sanderson: there's blue Tolkien: fine that's it they're blue

Sanderson: wait both of them? Tolkien: yeah Sanderson: they're both blue? Tolkien: yeah Sanderson: Sanderson: you know there's a whole rainbow of color options Tolkien: oh my god shut up Tolkien: i am so fucking tired

Sanderson: so there's gandalf the gray, saruman the white, radagast the brown, and two blue guys Tolkien: yeah thats right Sanderson: and the blue guys aren't named Tolkien: nope Sanderson: Sanderson: ok but Tolkien: why do you all care so much about these stupid blue guys Tolkien: just accept it!

Tolkien: just deal with it, you foolish son of a took! Sanderson: Tolkien: you dotard! Naught but a ninnyhammer! Sanderson: [looking at his CTR ring] Now calm down, brandon-diddly-diddly-diddly-doodly, he's doing their best, shodilly-iddly- iddly-diddly. Gotta be nice, hostility-ility-biddly- diddly

Sanderson: if you didn't want to talk about wizards, why'd you even make the blue guys? you could have stopped at 3 Tolkien: i was on the spot, okay? i panicked! Tolkien: you lot with all your wizard pressure! Tolkien: i don't care about wizards!

Tolkien: listen, assholes, i got into fantasy for exactly 3 reasons: Tolkien: sexy hobbit feet Tolkien: feasts Tolkien: and fuckin' tom bombadil! Sanderson: tom bombadil? Tolkien: he's only the most important thing in middle earth! Tolkien: that capering buffoon of a wifeguy holds it all together!!