Midnight Pals: Muppet LOTR (Patreon)

[at unicorn fuck club]Jim Henson: hi ho jim the Henson hereHenson: tonight I've got a fantasy story i think you'll really enjoyHenson: it's about a planet inhabited entirely by puppetsHenson: [flailing arms wildly] yaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!!

Henson: on a distant planet, the dark crystal cracksHenson: causing the urskeks to transmogrify into the skeksis and the mysticsHenson: only at the great conjunction can the gelfling jen heal the crystal and unite theJRR Tolkien: hey tell the story with David bowieGRR Martin: yeah we want David bowie

Henson: but guys the dark crystal is a serious fantasy experimentHenson: creating an entire world only through the magic of puppetry andTolkien: [sitting in an opera box with GRR Martin] Boo! We want David bowie!Martin: And Jennifer Connelly!

Tolkien: what's your next number? something terrible, i'm sure!Martin: oh ho ho ho!Henson: i was thinking we would do muppet lord of the ringsHenson: Robin could be Frodo, fozzie could be samTolkien: what??? no! no way!Tolkien: he's a rod puppet!Tolkien: how are people going to see their big hairy stinky feet?!Tolkien: you need full body puppets for this role!Henson: well i guess we could use sweetumsHenson: or maybe big birdTolkien: fine! just put some fuzz on those feet!

Henson: and Clifford would be GandalfHenson: Kermit as AragornHenson: Sam as ElrondHenson: gonzo as tom BombadilHenson: who would also narrate, of courseTolkien: oh of course

Henson: and that means Camille would be goldberryTolkien: what? the most powerful being in all of middle earth played by a chicken??Tolkien: no wait this kind of works Henson: Miss Piggy as ArwenTolkien: that's all well and good but LOTR has TWO girls in itTolkien: who would play Galadriel?Henson: well we actually do have two girl muppetsHenson: so i guess it would have to be JaniceTolkien: oh ok i guess this works out pretty well thenTolkien: this muppet LOTR idea is wonderful!Martin: terrific!Tolkien: well, it's pretty good!Martin: yeah it isn't badTolkien: actually there are some bad partsMartin: lots of bad partsTolkien: it stinks!Martin: terrible!Tolkien: boo!