Midnight Pals: Furries (Patreon)

JK Rowling: hello children King: oh joanne! you're back from your yacht trip! King: how was the ocean? Rowling: lousssy! the ocean has been

JK Rowling: hello childrenKing: oh joanne! you're back from your yacht trip!King: how was the ocean?Rowling: lousssy! the ocean has been infected with gender ideology!King:Rowling: have you heard about the sssea anemonesssKing:Rowling: i'm really mad about the sssea anemonesss right now!

Rowling: and not only thatRowling: the transss ruined terfcon '24 by releasssing hundreds of cricketsss in the theater!Barker: hahahaRowling: it's not funny!!!Rowling: ssssomeone could have been mildly inconvenienced!Barker: hahaha

Rowling: but mostlyRowling: i ssaw an article about this kid who identifiesss asss a catRowling: and i 100%, abssolutely, unquestioningly believe itRowling: i mean, they couldn't put it in a clickbait tabloid headline if it wassn't true

Rowling: imagine! a kid pretending to be a cat!Rowling: once again, you ssee how imagination iss the ssscourge of our times!Rowling: i long for the day when we finally crush the dreamss of childhood!Frank Belknap Long: it's called furry and it's a valid lifestyle!

Rowling: furriesss? i don't know what that iss, sso I'm going to asssume it'ss a tesstossterone thing done by menRowling: by the way, all my enemiess are menRowling: being my enemy iss actually the defining trait of a man

Rowling: anyway, anyone i don't like iss a man?Rowling: this is feminissm, by the wayAngela Carter: this doesn't seem very feminist, joanneRowling: well, i would expect that kind of thinking FROM A MAN

Long: this fursecution will not stand!Rowling: pfft whatever!Rowling: i'm not going to bother tolerating a bunch of weirdoss who wear animal costumess!Steven Boyett: finally! something we can all agree on!

Boyett: joanne, let me introduce you to my favorite websiteBoyett: i think you'll really enjoy it tooBoyett: it's called Crush Yiff Destroy

Long: you don't understand!Long: furry is a beautiful and valid mode of self-expression!Long: i'd say more, but i'm really not supposed to talk once i put on my fursuit headLong: any further communication will have to be done through paw squeakers

Long: through furry, you can draw yourself as you really areDean Koontz: whoa! so i would be aLong: yes, a dogKoontz: wow! that's right! how'd you guess?Long: i just had a hunch

Mary Shelley: so you're all pickin' fursonas now, huh?Shelley: clearly i'd be a wolfLong: oh yeah wolves are very popularShelley: i'd be a LONE wolfLong: yeah lone wolves are very popular

CS Lewis: I'd be a dragon!Long: oh i don't like scaliesFranz Kafka: [wearing dysphoria hoodie] my fursona is a cockroach because i'm ugly and worthlessLong: i don't like chitonees either

Barker: didn't you put a cat transformation scene into your book?Rowling: yeah but i wrote that transsformation real boring on purposseRowling: you know, to disscourage kids from thinking about it too muchRowling: it wasn't like when CS Lewis wrote that dragon transssformation ssceneRowling: a real pervert, that guy

Barker: get with the times joanneBarker: that's yesterday's moral panicBarker: we already went through this in the statesBarker: i thought Britain was ahead of the states in terms of moral panicBarker: but apparently they're playing catch-up Rowling: goddamnit!! alwaysss two sssstepsss behind!