Midnight Pals: Fairy Stories (Patreon)

AM Shine: Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Pals, I call this tale the return of the fairiesShine: In our last episode, our heroine had just escaped the forest where the evil fairies livedShine: but turns outShine: the evil fairies aren't just in the forestShine: now they're everywhere!

Shine: so our heroine is in hidingShine: with the yellow oneKing: oh, the parrot?Shine:Shine: that's what i said, didn't i?King: yeah i was just confirming thatShine: what else COULD "the yellow one" possibly refer to, steve?

King: i thought that the parrot was named DarwinShine: that's only in the film adaptation!!Shine: that's not canon!Shine: in the book, it's the yellow one!

Shine: you can't go by the film version!Shine: there were major creative differences with Ishana Night Shyamalan!King: oh really? like what?Shine:Shine: mostly just the parrot's name, actuallyShine: i mean that was pretty much it, i guess

Shine: our heroine is hiding out in a little villageShine: if a bird looked down at the village, it would look like a big spider webShine: with the church at the center and the town priest a big spiderBarker: damn this bird capable of some abstract thinkingShine: SHUT UP it's called a metaphor!

Shine: the fairies look like big weird misshapen monsters with scary long limbsArthur Conan Doyle: i'm gonna stop you right thereDoyle: that's clearly not true, everyone knows that fairies look like sweet little ladies with gossamer wingsDoyle: they wear acorn hats and drink morning dewShine:Doyle: I've done a lot of researchDoyle: i'm something of an expert on fairies, if i do say so myself

Doyle: look, i have dedicated my life to proving the existence ofDoyle: [flailing wildly] FAIRY GOD PARENTSDoyle: so i think i know a little bit about what to look forShine:Doyle: fairies are real, by the way

Doyle: fairies are realDoyle: and I've got the proof right hereDoyle: look at this cookie boxDoyle: or as we call it in BritainDoyle: a biscuit tin

Doyle: the pictures on this tin are incontrovertible proof that fairies existDoyle: also, this ancient documentDoyle: novelty vinyl "Spring Morning shindig," by Ed Twilley and the Creepers (1952, Goon Records)Doyle: proves that, yes, fairies have parties

Doyle: the important take-away here is that fairies are so beautiful and amazingDoyle: that once you see oneDoyle: you will never be satisfied by a mortal womanShine: see, that's how you get changelingsShine: do you want changelings???

Shine: here's the thingShine: fairies can change formDoyle: no they can'tDoyle: Arthur tell him they can'tArthur Machen: actually i think he might be rightDoyle: shitDoyle: this changes everything!

Arthur Conan Doyle: [into tape recorder] note to selfDoyle: fairies can change shapeDoyle: at this moment ANYONE could be a fairyDoyle: evenDoyle: [turns to audience] YOU!?!?!?!?

Shine: now evil fairies are looseShine: and let me tell youShine: this WON'T be no spring morning shindigDoyle: b-b-but the ancient documents!Shine: the ancient documents were wrong!!Doyle: noooooo!

Koontz: but the parrot's gonna be ok right?!Shine: yes the yellow one's fine, deanKoontz: good cuz i was worried for a minute thereKoontz: i was worried something might happen to DarwinShine: IT'S THE YELLOW ONE!!!!