Midnight Pals: Sandwiches (Patreon)

JK Rowling: hello childrenRowling: exciting newsss out of America these daysss!Rowling: we're banning transs women from ssport because of their innate biological advantageRowling: we're also banning ciss women from ssport because really we should all be back in the kitchenRowling: everyone wins!

Angela Carter: i'm kinda worried about the attacks on womens rights and reproductive healthJK Rowling: wow angela alwaysss focussing on the negative!Rowling: what about all the good that fasscism is doing for women?Carter:Rowling: for example, you won't have to worry about getting divorcced anymore

Rowling: look i'm just ssayingRowling: women had all thesse rightss just ssitting aroundRowling: i mean, were we really ussing any of them?Rowling: they were just kind of getting in the way

Rowling: i know a lot of you probably think it'ss bad that women are lossing rightssAngela Carter: in fact, i doRowling: oh look this feminazi thinksss itss bad that women are lossing rights

Rowling: finally! uss women are back where we belong!Rowling: in the kitchen!Rowling: really, we were all getting way too uppityRowling: we should have been making ssandwichess

Carter: this seems bad to meRowling: maybe YOU should get back in the kitchenCarter: i am not going back in the kitchenRowling: and make me a sandwichCarter: make you a--!?!Carter: you don't get to say that!Rowling: once again liberal strikes again

Carter: why are you cheering this on?? You're a woman too!Rowling: if you ask me, this is all a sssmall price to pay to get to do a little genocide

Rowling: the tyranny of liberal feminissm is over!Rowling: now you can get any woman to make you a sssandwichLovecraft: really?Rowling: go ahead! try it!Lovecraft: i will!

Lovecraft: Sonia, can you make me a sandwich?Rowling: what the hellRowling: not like that!Rowling: you have to put some manly forccce into it!Lovecraft: i meanLovecraft: Sonia, can you please make me a sandwich?Rowling: goddamn it no

Rowling: you have to sssay 'WOMAN, GET IN THE KITCHEN, WOMAN, AND MAKE ME A SSSANDWICH'Lovecraft: ok okLovecraft: this time i think i got itLovecraft: WOMAN GET IN THE KICTHEN AND MAKE ME A SANDWICHLovecraft: you know how i like itLovecraft: lots of breadLovecraft: at least two slicesLovecraft: both white

Sonia Greene: there's no need to talk like that howardGreene: you know that i'm always happy to make you a sandwichGreene: i love to feed my little HowieGreene: hmmmLovecraft: oh yeah i guess you doLovecraft: [sweats] it's little weird, actuallyGreene: why won't you let me use the funnel howie

Sonia Greene: what do you want between the breadLovecraft: what?

HP Lovecraft: alright! now i think i got the hang of this!Lovecraft: i can get any woman to make me a sandwich!Barker: you sure about that howard?Lovecraft: i mean i'm pretty sureBarker: why don't you ask maryLovecraft: alright i will!Poe: howard noPoe: clive don't encourage this

Lovecraft: hey woman why don't you go back in the kitchen and make me a sandwichMary Shelley: the fuckLovecraft: you heard me womanShelley:Shelley: the fuck

Mary Shelley: damn howard i've never seen this side of youShelley: so forceful! so rugged!Lovecraft: really?Shelley: [shivs lovecraft] too bad your manly charms have no effect on meShelley: that ain't the kind of man i like!Shelley: right percy?Percy Shelley: yes dear