Midnight Pals: the trans mummy returns (Patreon)

King: hey clive i read online that you were pro trans rightsClive Barker: what an odd thing to sayBarker: why ever would you feel the need to remark on thatBarker: when it's the obvious opinion held by all right-thinking peopleBarker: but yes Clive Barker: ya know, i had an idea to make a trans version of the mummyKing: really? i don't remember that coming up beforeBarker: oh no? Barker: then enjoy this midnight pals classic™ about my trans mummy ideaBarker: you better fuckin enjoy it cuz we got nothing funny to say today[theremin flashback sound effect]

Barker: Submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the mummyBarker: but I got a twist for yaBarker: what if this timeBarker: the mummyBarker: wasBarker: traDan Simmons: THAT'S POLITICAL CORRECTNESS GONE MADBarker: ns

Simmons: how are you gonna know if a mummy is trans?! archeologists would just LOOK at the mummy's pelvis and KNOW the mummy's BIOLOGICAL SEXBarker: uh noBarker: it would be obviousBarker: this mummy wears a chokerBarker: probably with a big ol' scarab on it or something

Barker: of course ancient egypt considered cats sacred, so naturally my trans mummy wears cat earsKing: right, rightBarker: and post orchiectomy she carries around her balls in a canopic jarKing: sure, sounds legitSimmons: I AMSimmons: SO MAD ABOUT THIS

Barker: i really think my trans mummy idea has some legsBarker: where's joanne? i wanna tell her about this hahaPoe: she's not here tonight cliveBarker: oh what a shame hahaBarker: maybe i'll just head over to her scottish castle to tell her hahaPoe: clivePoe: clive

Poe: clive don't be an instigatorBarker: me???? an instigator??Barker: edgarBarker: you wound meBarker: i'm not instigating i just really think hahahah she's gonna be SO FUCKING madPoe:Barker: C'MON! it'll be funny!

Barker: hey joanne guess whatJK Rowling: shut the fuck upBarker: haha what? i didn't say anythingRowling: i know you