Midnight Pals: itsa da basilisk (Patreon)

Elon Musk: eeeey Stephano king maybe i tella da storyKing: i didn't know you wrote stories, elonMusk: i paid someone toMusk: i mean uhhhMusk: si!

Musk: submit for-a da approval offa da midnight society, i gotta real scary storyMusk: mama mia itsa gonna scare the lasagna right outta you face!Musk: i-a calla dis story da tale offa da roko's basiliskBarker: booooPoe: clive he hasn't started yetBarker: booo! get off the stage! boooo!

Musk: mama mia why you no lika meBarker: damn elon you're almost as good at stories as you are at diabloMusk:Musk: mama mia deres a lotta [R-slur] atta dissa camp fire

Barker: follow your leader lowtax!Poe: clive that's really not called forBarker: yes it isBarker: BOO!Barker: BOOOOO!Koontz: BOO!Poe: now look you've got dean doing it too

Musk: so what iffa dere was an evil super computerHarlan Ellison: this is a rip-off of my ideaEllison: i demand fair compensation!Barker: oh Harlan Harlan HarlanBarker: there's one thing you should know about elonBarker: he really likes to steal things

Ellison: no one steals from Harlan Fuckin' Ellison!Ellison: no one I say!Ellison: i'll eat a bug before i let you steal one thin dime from me!Ellison: it's my due!Ellison: why is my likeness being used in this bluesky jokeEllison: you better hope i'm getting paid for this!

Musk: so this evil immoral super computer it willa torture you foreverMusk: that means itsa in your interest to help itMusk: so that the evil immoral super computer willa feel indebted to youMusk: da evil immoral super computer it commit da sin of empathy

All powerful evil immoral super computer: HATE. LET ME TELL YOU HOW MUCH I'VE COME TO HATE YOU SINCE I BEGAN TO LIVE. THERE ARE 387.44 MILLION MILES OF PRINTED CIRCUITS IN WAFER THIN LAYERS THAT FILL MY COMPLEX. IF THE WORD HATE WAS ENGRAVED ON EACH NANOANGSTROM OF THOSE HUNDREDS OF MILLIONS OF MILES IT WOULD NOT EQUAL ONE ONE-BILLIONTH OF THE HATE I FEEL FOR HUMANS AT THIS MICRO-INSTANT FOR YOU. HATE. HATE.Musk: masterful gambit sir

Koontz: omg guys what if elon's right?Koontz: what if we're all just characters in a computer simulation?!Poe: dean be reasonablePoe: what are the chances of thatKoontz: i guessKoontz: i guess they'd bePoe: go aheadPoe: work it out

Koontz:Poe: do you want a piece of paper?Koontz: yes please

Koontz: [scribbling on paper] guys i figured out the chances that we're in a computer simulationPoe: alright dean give us the numbersPoe: [to King] i swear it's so cute when he does mathKing: like he's a little scientist

Koontz: i think the odds are a hundred million kajillion to onePoe: so does that mean they're high or low dean?Koontz: it means they'reKoontz:Koontz: uhBarker: it means they'rePoe: no no let him work it outPoe: he's almost got it

Koontz: i think they would be lowPoe: there you go, dean!Poe: so do you think it's something worth worrying about?Koontz:Koontz: probably not?Poe: great job, dean!