Midnight Pals: Strange Houses (Patreon)

Uketsu: Submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the strange house Uketsu: i invite you all to look at the floor plan of this house Uketsu: and try to figure out for yourself Uketsu: what's so strange about it

Uketsu: one of these things is not like the others Uketsu: one of these architectural elements is weirdly wrong Uketsu: can you tell which thing is not like the others Uketsu: By the time I finish my song?

Uketsu: now if you'll look at this floorplan Uketsu: you may notice something strange Mark Z. Danielewski: i don't know what you're talking about Danielewski: it looks perfectly normal to me

Dean Koontz: oh! oh! i have a guess! Uketsu: yes, dean? Koontz: there's no ceiling Uketsu: close! but actually this is a floor plan Uketsu: so to see the layout, you have to draw it without a ceiling Koontz: what

Koontz: but you said to look for the thing that was wrong Uketsu: yes but Koontz: and it's wrong that there's no ceiling Uketsu: yes but Koontz: a house should have a ceiling Uketsu: yes but King: dean makes a really good point there King: he should get partial credit Poe: yeah give him half credit

Uketsu: can you see anything else wrong with this house? Shirley Jackson: [mumbles] Mary Shelley: yo shirley has a guess Uketsu: yes? Jackson: [mumbles] Shelley: she says the walls continue upright and the bricks are meeting neatly

Uketsu: yes but Uketsu: how can you tell that from a floor plan? Jackson: [mumbles] Shelley: oh, also the floors are firm Shelley: and those doors? sensibly shut Uketsu: yes but again Uketsu: this is a floor plan

Uketsu: ok i will tell you the answer Uketsu: as you can see, this house has no concept of mass Uketsu: the primary & secondary masses are in competition Uketsu: and a poor sense of balance, a desperate melange of disparate architectural elements Uketsu: a slapdash marriage of rococo and italianate

Uketsu: none of the main windows match any of the other main windows, and the contrasting materials distract the eye from the asymmetrical balance King: where did you find this cursed house? Uketsu: McMansion hell

Uketsu: oh, also if you look here Uketsu: you can see that there's a crawlspace under the house King: oh, that's for murders, right? Poe: obviously for murders Barker: 100% that's a murder space Uketsu: well yes, duh, what else could it possibly be for?