Midnight Pals: Black Phone (Patreon)

Stephen King: okay guys today my boy joe is going to tell a storyKing: and we're all gonna give him our full attention okay?Barker: sureKing: and we're gonna act like it's really great, okay?King: because it is really great!

King: you'll love this storyKing: now joe, he's a chip off the ol' blockJoe Hill: dad please stopHill: i need to find my own voiceHill: i don't want everyone thinking i'm just a nepo babyKing: i'm sorry joeKing: i'm just so proud of youKing: DO YOU HEAR ME, PEOPLE? I LOVE MY BOY JOE!Hill: dad stahp

Joe Hill: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the phoneKoontz:Poe:Lovecraft:Barker:Hill: no this isn't workingHill: hmm what's the scariest color a phone can beHill: i got it!

Hill: i call this the tale of the BLACK phonePoe: whoa!Barker: ok now that's pretty scaryLovecraft: i got chillsKoontz: [crying] i don't like this story!!

Hill: it takes place in the late 70s in ColoradoKing: ooooKing: umKing: don't you think it would be better if it took place in maine in the 50s?Hill: DADHill: remember what i said?Hill: "my own voice"King: right right of courseKing:King: but i just think

Hill: dad, i'm telling this story my own way!Hill: but if it makes you happy, there will be an alcoholic dad and a psychic kid with prophetic dreamsKing: oh yeah that's the stuff

Hill: now the kid's sister, she's got a real mouth on herJoe Hill: she's all "fuck shit damn fuckchuckle cockwaffle"Hill: she'd rather take let a water buffalo take a diarrhea dump in her earHill: she'd rather eat the rotten asshole of a roadkill skunk and chase it with beer

Hill: so this kid gets kidnapped by a serial killer who wears this devil maskHill: and he can swap out the mouth to change expressionsHill: kinda like hexadecimal on Reboot

Barker: this mask expression swapping thing seems like a lot of effortHill: look, if you're gonna go through the trouble of kidnapping and murdering kids, you might as well go for the gustoPoe: he's got you thereBarker: yeah ok sure

Hill: now this serial killer has a rotary phone in the basementGrady Hendrix: [doing sick flip on skateboard] a whatHill: you know, a rotary phoneHendrix: whatever, old manHill:Hill: Oh my GODHill: I've become my father!