Midnight Pals: Trad Times (Patreon)

Colleen Hoover: well gollyHoover: i don't know why everyone's so scared of lil' ol' meHoover: i'm just a girl, after allHoover: just a harmless girl

Hoover: i just love normal girl thingsHoover: like canning my own jams and fruit preservesHoover: wearing a gingham dress while churning butter on my family homesteadHoover: and feeding my hungry hungry boys a nutritious organic seed oil-free meal of fried beef tallow and horse paste

Hoover: i just want to be a good tradwifePatricia Highsmith: hey i kinda dig this broadHoover: wearing modest yet figure flattering 1950s styled outfitsHighsmith: nicehoover: and pleasing my manHighsmith: ughHighsmith: never mind, sweetheart, you had to go and ruin it

Hoover: that's me, i just love living on a farmHoover: iHoover: ugh, what is that awful smell???Ursula Vernon: oh sorry that's meVernon: i just got back from working my farmVernon: you're probably smelling honest work sweatVernon: and also pig manure

Hoover: gross!!!Hoover: actual farming???Hoover: yucky!Hoover: ew ew gross!!!Hoover: don't get near me!Hoover: you're going to soil my freshly laundered linen shift!

Hoover: i don't have time to do any actual farmingHoover: i'm too busy filming my pickling and canning processes for tik tokHoover: and laughing at my baby's enormous testicles