Midnight Pals: Magic Book (Patreon)

Matt Maxwell: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of no tomorrowsMaxwell: it takes place back in the cool dank cyberpunk noir future of 1980s Los AngelesMaxwell: where veteran punk rocker turned cool chick Macready is being cool

Maxwell: when she's not hanging out at cool scene clubs or posing in cool silhouette on fog-shrouded noir streetsMaxwell: cait works as a book restorerMaxwell: and now she's working on a very special bookMaxwell: the smoking codexMary Shelley: fuck, that sounds coolMaxwell: doesn't it?

Maxwell: the smoking codex is a ancient grimoire of very cool powerShelley: fuck, sounds coolBarker: very coolPoe: indeed, that's coolMaxwell: but here's the coolest partMaxwell: she made it up

Maxwell: that's rightMaxwell: the smoking codex doesn't existMaxwell: it's fakeMaxwell: cait just made it all upMaxwell: you know, kind of as a craft project on her own time

Aleister Crowley: YO IT'S MECrowley: THE GREAT BEAST!!!Crowley: i heard there was a real cool grimoire around hereCrowley: and if there's a cool grimoire, i intend to have itAnton LaVey: Not if i find it first!Crowley: ANTONLaVey: ALEISTER

Crowley: you better stay out of my way, lavey!Crowley: I'M THE GREAT BEASTTT!!!Crowley: DO AS THOU WILT!!!Crowley: I'M BIG AND I'M STRONG AND I'M NEVER WRONG!Victor Neuburg: yeah yeah that's right! You tell 'im, Aleister!Crowley: SHUT UP NERDBURG

Crowley: where's this smoking codex?LaVey: No! Tell me!Eve Harms: did someone say smoking codex?Grant Morrison: where is it?Charles Williams: We seek the codex!

Maxwell: IMaxwell: It'sMaxwell: It's… not real?Crowley: DON'T GIVE US THAT LINE!Crowley: WHERE IS IT, NERD!?

Charlie Jane Anders: actuallyAnders: you don't need any codex to do magicAnders: all you need is to set your intention and steady your mind-Crowley: SHUT UP WE NEED THE CODEX!

Alan Moore: [appearing in a clap of thunder] Behold! The Grand Magus!Morrison: The grand magus!Harms: The grand magus!Williams: The grand magus!Crowley: The grand magus!LaVey: The grand magus!

Moore: fools! you seek the smoking codex?Moore: know ye not that the smoking codex is mere forgery?Moore: the blustering claptrap of a flapdoodle?Maxwell: that's what i was trying to sayMoore: SO WHERE IS IT, MAXWELL?Maxwell: IMaxwell: but

Moore: KNOW YE NOT THE WAYS OF MAGICMoore: JUST BECAUSE IT'S FAKE DOESN'T MEAN IT ISN'T REALMaxwell: whatMaxwell: that doesn't make senseMoore: oh really? that doesn't make sense?Moore: lolMoore: this motherfucker probably doesn't even get glycon

Crowley: ha ha doesn't get glyconWilliams: ha haHarms: what a maroon lolMaxwell: what? what are you talking about?Moore: if you know, you know

Matt Maxwell: okay look i'll tell you where it isMoore: YES! YES! TELL US!Maxwell: the smoking codexMaxwell: is hidden under a big W

[later]Crowley: [in a sinking car] WHY YOU LITTLE RAT FINKCrowley: YOU TOLD ME THIS STREAM WAS SHALLOW!Crowley: THIS IS NO PLACE FOR A CONVERTIBLE!