Midnight Pals: Huffing Markers (Patreon)

King: you know we haven't seen JK Rowling in a whileKing: is she still tweeting?Barker: ha ha ha oh steveBarker: ha ha ha ha haBarker: ha ha ha ha ha haKing: what's so funny?Barker: ha ha ha!King: c'mon i want to know the joke

Koontz: golly, what did happen to JK Rowling?Barker: well, ol JK just doesn't come around much anymoreBarker: now she lives alone in her Scottish castleBarker: high up on miserable mountain

Barker: no humans or animals would live with JK RowlingBarker: so the mean and evil old terf queen had to have artificial ones made out of ironBarker: there was Cynthia her agent, who ran by steamBarker: and Charles her publicist who ran by clockworkBarker: why, even the diane duane in the vents was artificial!

[phone rings]Rowling: hello?Julia Donaldson: yes is your refrigerator runningRowling: hold on a ssecond, i'll checkDonaldson: [blasting vuvuzela] YOU'VE JUST BEEN GRUFFALOED!!Rowling: GOD DAMN IT!!!Rowling: if i ever find out who'ss calling, i'm gonna rip out your eyeballss and sshit in your sskull!!

JK Rowling: sssighhhhRowling: i never thought i'd sssay itRowling: but it's lonely at the topRowling: this sssucksss!

Rowling: i don't even get to hang out with writersss anymoreRowling: except for john boyneJohn Boyne: i can't wait to bomb some dodongos!Rowling: godddd he ssssucksss

Rowling: if only there was sssome way to reingratiate myself to artisstic sssocietyRowling: i got it!Rowling: what if i tweeted ssomething to sshow how normal and relatable i am?Rowling: delightfully devilisssh, joanne!

Rowling: what if i tweetedRowling: about how much i loved huffing markersss?John Boyne: wonderful joke, dark lord?Rowling: "joke"?!?!?

[at midnight society]JK Rowling: hello childrenPoe: oh joannePoe: uhPoe: are you here to be tRowling: i'm here to be transssphobicPoe:Poe: yeah kinda expected thatRowling: but alssso

Rowling: you know that great feeling you get from huffing markersss?Koontz: do i???Koontz: [huffing Mr Sketch] mmmm fruit punch!Poe: i don't think that's the kind of marker she's talking about dean

Rowling: isn't huffing markersss great?Rowling:Poe:LovecraftBarker:King: yesKing: yes i remember

Poe: uh steve?Poe: you know that feeling?King: iKing: i didn't say it was my proudest momentKing: i was going through a real hard time

[long ago]King: [waking up amidst mess] oh godKing: how messed up was i last nightKing: i must have huffed 100 markersKing: i don't remember anythingKing: oh shitKing: did i write cujo??

Barker: ha ha haBarker: oh joanne, never change!Barker: actuallyBarker: there are several things that you probably ought to changeBarker: but this new marker huffing arc?Barker: keep doing this