Midnight Pals: Lectures (Patreon)

[unicorn fuck club]JRR Tolkien: sorry chaps I can't speak tonightTolkien: i'm afraid i'm quite busy at my day jobTolkien: being a professor at oxfordCS Lewis: wow, a professor AND a writer? must be hardTolkien: you have no idea

Tolkien: let me tell youTolkien: being a professor is no cake walkCS Lewis: oh?Tolkien: yeah, seeTolkien: there's this one really annoying student

Tolkien: i can't wait to get away from this stupid teachingTolkien: and get back to what's really importantTolkien: sexy sexy hobbit feetTolkien: now if there's no questions, i think we can end class earlyDiana Wynne Jones: actually professorJones: i have several questionsTolkien: jesus fucking christ

Diana Wynne Jones: [raising hand] professor, professor!Jones: pick me, professor, I'm ever so smart!Tolkien: goddamnitTolkien: i'll show herTolkien: i'll make this lecture so incredibly boring that she'll HAVE to drop the classTolkien: heh heh delightfully devilish, jirt!

Tolkien: allow me to introduce myselfTolkien: they call me professor TolkienTolkien: i'm dull and drab and drearyTolkien: and that ain't even jokin'!

Tolkien: my monotonous drone can hypnotize!Tolkien: my boring mumbles will paralyze!Tolkien: my lectures are real dull, not thought provokin'Tolkien: t-t-t-tedious! t-t-tiresome!Tolkien: T-t-t-t-Tolkien!Tolkien: DON'T MESS WITH THE PROFESSOR!!

Tolkien: so in conclusionTolkien: that's why hobbits never wear shoesTolkien: now since everyone's left for the day-Jones: i'm still here!Tolkien:Tolkien: [through gritted teeth] so you are

Tolkien: look diana it's not that you're not a good studentTolkien: i certainly do find the idea of female students to be a fascinating conceptTolkien: but couldn't you go toTolkien: maybe a different lecture?Tolkien: i hear CS Lewis does some good onesTolkien: everyone knows he's the fun professor

CS Lewis: so the administration says i gotta grade youLewis: here's what i think of their rules, manLewis: [throws rule book out window, students gasp]Lewis: that's rightLewis: [sits backwards on chair] i'm not just a professorLewis: i'm a COOL professor