Midnight Pals: Gryffindors (Patreon)

JK Rowling: hello childrenPoe: oh hi joannePoe: do you have something toRowling: I have sssomething to sssayPoe: is it aboutRowling: iran ssseemss to be unusssually full of gryffindorsssPoe: oh!Poe: oh i was not expecting that

Poe: i thought it was gonna be aboutBarker: you thought it was gonna be about trans women?Poe: yeah i really thought it was gonna be about trans womenPoe: this is kind of a pleasant changePoe: a little odd but pleasant

Barker: so joanneBarker: what exactly does that meanKing: oh! i know what it means!Barker: i know you know what it means steve, i want to know if she knows what it means

Rowling: ssee, it'ss very brave of the Iranian people to ssstand up to their tyrannical governmentRowling: and-King: BRAVERY IS THE DEFINING TRAIT OF A GRYFFINDOR!!!King: i'm sorry i tried to hold it in

King: i was just too excitedKing: i don't get to talk harry potter much these daysKing: no one wants to talk potter with me anymoreBarker: yeah i wonder why

Rowling: now meanwhile, in americaRowling: i would ssay americanss are more like hufflepuffssGeorge Romero: is it because americans trust in the dead promises of electorialism while eschewing the necessary direct action to cause actual regime changeRowling: what? no!Rowling: jesus christ what are you even talking aboutRomero: am i the only one around here who reads theory?

Rowling: no, the americanss are hufflepuffs because, actually, their tyrannical government is good and ought to be obeyedRowling: also i heard ssome of them have pronounss

Rowling: look, it's easyRowling: when western governmentss do oppressssion, that'sss goodRowling: when sswarthy foreignerss do oppressssion, that's bad

Rowling: now in my mental sschema of the geopolitical worldRowling: it'ss important to remember that the rissing tide of the global far right iss like dumbledore'ss armyPoe:King:Barker:Koontz:Lovecraft: yeahLovecraft: yeah i'm kinda following the logicLovecraft: this makes sense!Rowling: if you map global politicss onto harry potter, it all makes ssensseRowling: Donald Trump is bassically like Goderick GryffindorRowling: netenyahu is like professsor mcgonnigalRowling: maduro is like butterbeerRowling: greenland is like hogssmeade

Rowling: keir sstarmer is like the whomping willowRowling: venezuela is hagridRowling: Issrael is sseamuss finneganLovecraft: actually i'm starting to get a little confusedRowling: China is Cho ChangLovecraft: ok never mind, i'm back on the trolley!

Mary Shelley: sup fuckers?Poe: joanne was just comparing the iranian protesters to gryffindorsShelley:Shelley:Shelley: yeah sure whatever you say

Shelley: how about you nerds read another bookKing: mary, that's not fairShelley: no, it's easyShelley: there's loads of other booksShelley: i wrote some of themShelley: hell, YOU wrote some of them, steve