Midnight Pals: Sex Crime Island (Patreon)

King: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the Elon Musk [rising from bushes] eyyyy stephano king King: what are you doing here King: you know, we haven't really talked in years King: do you just come here whenever you're mentioned in the news? Musk: si!

Musk: i hava terrible news stephano king! Musk: my brother hea kicked offa da board offa burning man! King: wait you have a brother? Musk: si Musk: hisa name issa kimbal Barker: HA HA HA HA Poe: now clive the man can't help that Barker: HA HA HA KIMBAL Barker: pfffft

Barker: HA HA HA KIMBAL MUSK Barker: i bet your brother is real cool elon ha ha Musk: he issa justa like me except he also wear a big cowboy hat Barker: HA HA HA HA Barker: KIMBAL

King: why was your brother kicked off the burning man board? Musk: because he wassa in the epstein files King: oh Musk: itsa not fair! Musk: why they let him on the island anna not me???

Musk: whatta kimbal got that i donta got? Musk: maybe he a pedophile! King: i know you're just mad elon King: but in this instance King: i think you might be on to something

[on sex crime island] Jeffrey Epstein: ah yes ass a sop histicated mann of the olrd i like to surrrond myself w bea\=utiful things// like th er e aint nothin g lie a beaut//&iflll wnfmanabu Elon Musk [rising from bushes]: eeeeey giuseppe epstein Epstein: oh krist th is ashule again//=

Epstein: srry elon yuo hav to l.eaf Epstein: thiss isthe no m=usks club Musk: but you letta kimbal musk join! Epstein: yes thiss is t =he no MUSSKS club Epstein: were alllowd to haf one?/?//

Kimbal Musk: [sauntering up with a big cowboy hat] eyyyy mama mia pardna! Musk: ima straight-shootina spaghetti-slurpina hombre! John wayne! Clint Eastwood! Horse! Howdy, paisano! Epstein: i lik th=t hes so authe ntic=/

Kimbal Musk: eyyyy i'ma da real americano cowboy, paisano! Kimbal Musk: eyyyy i lova da open range! git alonga da little doggies eyyyyy! Kimbal Musk: ima so plumba tuckered out froma alla da ropin' anna wranglin' anna statutory rapin'

Epstein: yuo kow its a com=-mon misco nception that we jt doo statutory rape here on sex crime island><? Epstein: w e alcso dothe regular kind// Richard Dawkins: ha ha oh jeffrey you are the living end!

Richard Dawkins: as the world's smartest man, i love hanging out with a known pedophile on sex crime island Stephen Pinker: as a fellow smart, i agree! Jeffrey Epstein: ill tk some photoss to commemrate this epicc meetingof th= smarts Dawkins: absolutely, we will definitely want to document this!

Dawkins: as an evolutionary biologist im just saying it makes rational evolutionary sense to want to fuck children Pinker: absolutely, that's extremely rational Noam Chomsky: time to build some consensus on child fucking Kimbal Musk: eyyyyy high noon! tarnation! there's a snake inna my boot! eyyyy!

Epstein: i loveee surronuding mysefl wi the smartestt mind^s= Dawkins: I'M SO MAD Dawkins: SOME UPPITY WOMAN MADE A POST ON THE INTERNET>:C Dawkins: FUCKIN FEMOIDS Dawkins: I WILL MAKE THIS MY PERSONALITY FOREVER Dawkins: also did you know that muslims have a genetically smaller thinking bone

Dawkins: i can't believe i went to the skeptics conference wearing my brand new $500 gucci sunglasses and not a single femoid even fucked me Dawkins: all the fuckin stacys just want chads instead of nice guys Dawkins: i'm gonna post my manifesto in the comments section of pz meyers squid blog