Midnight Pals: Dad Zone (Patreon)

Stephen King: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the dead zone King: it's about this all-american guy named johnny smith who's always telling corny jokes and just all round being a lovable goofball King: in fact you might say King: that he's in King: the DAD zone

King: haha get it? King: the DAD zone? Barker: i don't get it King: oh King: oh well see because he makes dad jokes and Poe: don't start this, you absolutely do get it clive Poe: he's just messing with you steve Barker: ha ha yeah he's right, i did get it

King: like, here's an example of johnny smith's sense of humor King: he's always teasing his girlfriend "hey you still snorting that wicked cocaine?" King: haha that cocaine King: that sweet sweet cocaine King: that delicious 100% pure columbian gold Poe: uh steve? King: whitest of the white drugs

King: that sweet sweet cocaine King: hmmm Poe: steve? King: hmmm Poe: steve, you still with us? Fitz James O'Brien: hey man someone here say they needed cocaine Poe: get outta here, fitz! Poe: you're not helping!

O'Brien: hey man i got all the cocaine you need right here King: really? O'Brien: man i got uppers and downers and things that will make you go sideways King: is the cocaine fresh? Poe: steve no! O'Brien: hold on i'll check, yeah its fresh

King: no i gotta stay clean! King: what would all-american boy johnny smith do at a time like this? King: think, steve!

King: anyway johnny smith is real popular with the ladies because he's always making terrible, annoying jokes King: you know how women love that Barker: do they? Barker: tabitha, you wanna weigh in on this King: oh you don't need to ask tabitha about this Tabitha King: i have nothing to say

Barker: how bout the rest of you ladies? how many of you like jokes? Anne Rice: well, lestat has a very good sense of humor, in addition to being a genius polyglot and having a huge dong Barker: okay sure Rice: also one time he went to the moon Barker: yeah okay sure Rice: and also Barker: moving on

Barker: what about you, mary? Mary Shelley: nothing dries up a pussy faster than a man who tells jokes Barker: oof harsh words! Shelley: if percy told a joke, i would fucking kill him Barker: ok fair Barker: what about byron? Shelley: no actually byron is pretty funny, i'd let him get away with it

King: anyway back to the dead zone King: it's also about this evil politician who sees consequences after harming a child Barker: oh i didn't know this was science fiction! Shelley: HA! Shelley: see, now THAT'S a joke Shelley: i wouldn't fuck a guy for that joke but still

Barker: look steve that's a little far fetched Barker: evil politician, i can see Barker: harming a child, totally i buy that Barker: but consequences? Poe: that is a little out there King: yeah well King: it sure is with THAT attitude