Midnight Pals: Riverbank (Patreon)

August Derleth: welcome to another sanity-draining game of Call of CathulhuDerleth: i'm your dungeonmaster, august DerlethDerleth: let's go around the table are reintroduce our charactersBrian Keene: i'm Dr. Batcountry, professor of journalismVictor LaValle: i'm sweet sweetbreads the harlem hustlerNick Mamaatas: i'm groovio daddio the freaky deaky beatnik

Derleth: ugh guys, i can't understand why you have to keep playing these subversive characters!Derleth: why can't you play characters true to the original spirit of Lovecraft?LaValle: true how so?Derleth: well like i meanLaValle:Derleth: i meanLaValle: say itDerleth:Derleth: [sweats]

Dean Koontz: hey can i play?Derleth: are you going to play a proper Lovecraftian character?Derleth: because i run this campaign true to the spirit of the original lovecraftKoontz: can i play a dog?Derleth: no!Derleth: this isn't fucking ironclaw!!!

Derleth: classic lovecraft character types only!Derleth: and that means reedy academics who faint if they see an Irishman!Derleth: none of these subversions!Koontz: butKoontz: butKoontz: BUT they're all doing subversions!Derleth: yeah I've been meaning to talk to them about that

Koontz: sigh i wish there was a role-playing game for meKoontz: a game where i could just play a nice dogKij Johnson: [drifting up in a row boat, carrying a parasol] oh but young master dean!Johnson: there is!

Johnson: young master dean, let me introduce you to a world of lazy sundays, watercress sandwich picnics, and doctors who make house calls to prescribe cod liver oilJohnson: let me introduce you to the world ofJohnson: [placing straw boater on koontz's head] riverbank!

Johnson: in riverbank, there are three character classesJohnson: rabbits in waistcoatsJohnson: hedgehog chimneysweepsJohnson: and mean cockney weaselsJohnson: and of course to give it that veddy british feel we don't distinguish lizards and salamandersKoontz: but those are different things!Johnson: fft, what are you? an American?

Johnson: this is a game about rabbits in waistcoatsJohnson: the most british of all genresJohnson: not to be confused with its related but distinct American genreJohnson: possums in overalls

Koontz: can i play a dog?Johnson: oh goodness gracious! oh chim chimmery chee! oh my stars and garters! oh jiggery jam!Johnson: can the dog be wearing a smart bowler hat and spats?

Johnson: ok first let's introduce our charactersJohnson: now before we startJohnson: none of you are actual furries are you?Koontz: noCordwainer Smith: [sweats] noBrian Jacques: [sweats] noFrank Belknap Long: [sweats] no

Johnson: good because we've had some trouble with furries in the pastJohnson: they just really get into this gameJohnson: a little too much

Dean Koontz: my character is a dog and he's a good boyJohnson:Koontz: oh!Koontz: sorry!Koontz: and he wears a bowler hat and spatsJohnson: great jimmery jam, how splendid!

Cordwainer Smith: my character is Lady EphemeriaSmith: she's a grand doyenne of a big fat persian cat who wears a really big hat with a dead bird on itSmith: i wish she would just put me her handbag and carry me aroundJohnson:

Brian Jacques: [squeaking] i'm a mouse, good and true, brave and honestJacques: [squeaking] not like those filthy weaselsJohnson: oh you're going to fit right in!Jacques: [squeaking] they run the banks, you know

Johnson: it was a quiet day at Little St. Hemmingwedge-on-the-FritzJohnson: but then someone stole the scones from Vicar Mole's picnicBrian Jacques: [squeaking] i bet it was those dirty weasels!Jacques [squeaking] you can't trust weasels!Johnson: brian, maybe you could tone it down a bitJacques: NO