Midnight Pals: Humor (Patreon)

Stephen King: guys, i'm really excitedKing: tonight we've got an actual, genuine humor writer to talk to us!Piers Anthony: oh gosh, steve! youAnthony: you flatter me!King: i uhKing: i wasn't actually talking about you, piersAnthony:

Anthony: right rightAnthony: of course notAnthony: i mean i wouldn't consider myself a humor writerAnthony: i'm more of a punsmith

Anthony: puns should receive more credit anaconda they're not easy toad do!King:Barker:Koontz:Lovecraft:Poe:Anthony: get it? iAnthony: oh never mindAnthony: [huffs panties]

King: actually i was referring to the great humorist douglas adamsKing: you'll love him, he's hystericalBarker: is he really?Barker: cuz everyone knows us horror people are famously chillBarker: but everyone knows comedians are famously extra

King: oh clive, that's just an old stereotypeBarker: really?Barker: then how do you explain Robert asprinRobert Asprin: [wearing dorsai irregulars badge and sash] SIR i am currently giving you an ocular patdown SIR

Douglas Adams: everything sucks and life is cruel, meaningless, and absurdAdams: i hate the universe and everyone in itBarker: boy this guy's a real firecrackerBarker: so glad you brought him over, steve

Adams: i wish the whole universe would just explode and dieBarker: oh brother, this guy's a real pantload!Barker: this is worse than when franz kafka was doing his depression gimmickPoe: yeah the egg thing is much betterBarker: SO much better

Douglas Adams: i finally finished my suicide note trilogyAdams: now i can finally dieKing: didn't you write 5 books?Adams: i don't know, manAdams: i meant my suicide note quintologyAdams: who cares

King: look, doug, i know you're downKing: but i bet we've got someone here who can really lift your spiritsOscar Wilde: hey hey hey good evening ladies and germsWilde: i just flew in from ireland and boy are my arms tired!Wilde: heyo!!!!!Wilde: hmm better bring out the big gunsWilde: [bowtie spins]

Barker: let me try, i'm a whizz at curing depressionKing: i kinda doubt that but i'm willing to be wrongBarker: remember when i helped Thomas get over his depression?[earlier]Thomas Ligotti: my brain doesn't make enough serotoninBarker: have you tried making more serotonin?

Douglas Adams: life seems harsh and cruel. i feel all alone in a threatening world where what lies ahead is vague and uncertain.Barker: i got great news for you!Barker: the treatment is simpleBarker: the great humorist douglas adams is doing a reading tonight. go see him.Adams: but doctor…!