Midnight Pals: The Rules of Magic (Patreon)

[unicorn fuck club]Brandon Sanderson: so I’ve got a storySanderson: I call it the tale of cosmere universeSanderson: it’s kind of long, so you should all probably go to the bathroom first

Sanderson: so here’s what you have to know about the cosmere universeSanderson: it’s got a hard magic systemSanderson: you have to spend 8 points of manna to cast magic missileSanderson: but only if you get +2 on your saving dexterity rollSanderson: and if there’s a level 3 cleric or above in your party, they can roll to assist Alan Moore: [appearing in a flash of thunder] greetings mortalsSanderson: um excuse me sirSanderson: you cannot just appear like thatSanderson: by the rules of magic, you have to first roll a +8 in spell casting OR shadow weavingMoore: foolish imp, my magic cannot be contained!Moore: your earthly laws cannot bind my powersMoore: for magic knows no rulesMoore: only vibes

Sanderson: UMSanderson: that’s NOT the way it worksSanderson: there are RULES, you knowSanderson: three of themClive Barker: damn I’m surprised you had time to come up with three whole rules what with all those doorstoppers you writeSanderson: well there was going to be a fourth but I ran out of timeSanderson:Sanderson: why are youBarker: yeah I’m here sometimesBarker: I wrote abarat, that counts Sanderson: the cosmere universe has 8 realms: sun, moon, flesh, ether, dirt, water, fire, heartSanderson: and each realm has 12 singularities, called perpetuitiesSanderson: each of those perpetuities are endowed with the essence of the create-o-sphereSanderson: that’s the cosmic pangea that split to make the 4 orbs of knowingSanderson: see, what you have to understand in that the universe has chaos AND orderSanderson: like, balances of them

Sanderson: also another important thingSanderson: whenever anyone feels an emotion, like a little sprite representing that emotion appears and dances around for a bitSanderson: but don’t worrySanderson: you don’t need to know any of that to understand the storyBarker: wow that’s interestingBarker: so I hear you hate gay people, what’s up with thatBarker:Barker: oh sorry usually about this time edgar would interveneBarker: haha damn I’m not used to working alone

Barker: so I heard you hate gay peopleSanderson: haha no no you got it all wrongSanderson: I don’t personally hate gay peopleSanderson: I simply support an institution that wants to kill them

Sanderson: I think they’re neatSanderson: if it were up to me, they wouldn’t be exterminated at allSanderson: but jeez, guys, who am I to tell the Mormon church it’s wrong?Sanderson: I really don’t have any choice here other than to keep tithing them millions of dollarsSanderson: I guess I gotta just hope they don’t use all that money for anything badSanderson: but my hands are tiedOrson Scott Card: oh yeah totally very relatable

Barker: haha that sucks, man Sanderson: whoa whoa whoaSanderson: look, I know you all think I’m some sort of bogeyman for giving millions of dollars to a church that wants to kill queer peopleSanderson: but consider thisSanderson: I wrote Lord Orebor Twylbyll in The Shroud of Steel and Ivory to be gray aceSanderson: so really I think that balances everything outBarker:Barker: hahaBarker: that still sucks man