Midnight Pals: Joining the Team (Patreon)

Aleister Crowley: yo SoniaCrowley: yep yep it’s just meCrowley: Aleister “The Great Beast” CrowleyCrowley: the most wicked man in the worldCrowley: mountaineer, bon vivant, man about townSonia Greene: I’m not interested, aleisterCrowley: I was a spy too!Crowley: did I mention I was a spy???

Aleister Crowley: that’s right SoniaCrowley: The Great Beast was also a super daring secret agent spyCrowley: yup yup, see, coach had a special assignment for meCrowley: I had to infiltrate McKinley High and TP their founder statue before the big gameCrowley: GO WILDCATS!!!

Crowley: so Sonia how about you and me go to the malt shop sometimeCrowley: and get a malt with two straws?Sonia Greene: I told you aleister, I’m dating howard nowCrowley: hp lovecraft!? That nerd???Crowley: what’s he got that I don’t!?! Greene: he might not look like much nowGreene: but my howard’s got real thick potentialCrowley:Crowley: what does that mean!?Greene: [imagining HP Lovecraft drinking malt with both straws]

Crowley: Sonia is STILL dating that nerd LOSERcraft!Crowley: ooo!!! That makes me so mad!!!Crowley: makes me wanna pound some nerd!!!Victor Neuburg: flavin glavin?Crowley: i-I meanCrowley: not like thatCrowley: I mean physicallyCrowley: I mean with my handsCrowley: I mean I wanna beat up a nerd!Crowley: STOP LOOKING AT ME NERD

Crowley: so I hear you wanna join the team?Raoul Loveday: yes! I’m your biggest fan!Crowley: yeah I’d like to give you some downfield blockingLoveday: yes!Crowley: maybe some end zone actionLoveday: yes!Crowley: maybe some soccer practiceCrowley: on the football green

Crowley: I’d like to give you a heavy penaltyBetty May: Raoul, he’s talking about fuckingCrowley: what theCrowley: who’s this?Raoul Loveday: this is my girlfriend Betty “Tiger Woman” MayCrowley:Crowley: “Tiger woman?”Crowley:

Crowley: ok nerd, if you wanna join my team, you gotta put on this big pyramid hat and eat this giant block of hashishLoveday: wow! Isn’t this great, betty?May: this sucksCrowley:Crowley: dude, your girlfriend is a real buzzkillLoveday: no no she’s totally into it!Loveday: right, betty?May: [rolling eyes]

Crowley: dude, your girlfriend sucksCrowley: first of all, why’s she got a sobriquetCrowley: that’s kind of my thingCrowley: feel like she’s stepping on my toes here, dudeLoveday: yeah butCrowley: c’mon dudeCrowley: bros before hos

Crowley: ok dude you wanna be part of my team?Crowley: first you gotta pass this hazing testCrowley: I want youCrowley: to kidnap hp LOSERcraft’s cat!May: pfft. what are you gonna do with itCrowley:Crowley: we’ll get to that