Midnight Pals: Faust Love (Patreon)

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe: Submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of faust Goethe: so this guy sells his soul to the devil to get the ultimate knowledge Goethe: oh the guy's name is faust by the way

Goethe: so part 1 is all about faust trying to bang this one hottie Goethe: part 2 is where we just go off the rails Goethe: he meets dante! Goethe: and the devil invents fiat currency! Goethe: we need to go back on the gold standard btw Barker: oh christ here we go

Goethe: so faust anyway is despairing about the vanity of scientific, humanistic, and religious scholarship Brian Yuzna: hey do you take creative criticism Goethe: yeah? Yuzna: this sucks

Yuzna: this is boring, people don't wanna hear about Faust the scholar Yuzna: they wanna hear about Faust the action star Goethe: Yuzna: see, what if Faust was like a vigilante with big old wolverine claws? Goethe: Goethe: that would be badass Yuzna: yes! exactly!

Yuzna: ok so what if faust sold his soul to the devil for revenge after some gangsters killed his girlfriend? Yuzna: but then the devil tricks him and is all 'ha ha now you have to kill the chinese ambassador for me!' Yuzna: 'make sure you make some wacky quips when you do it'

Goethe: why does the devil want to kill the chinese ambassador Yuzna: details! you're getting bogged down with details!

Yuzna: so the devil wants to use john jaspers to kill people Goethe: john who? Yuzna: john jaspers. that's what we call faust now Goethe: his name's not faust anymore? Yuzna: no no man get with the program! Yuzna: it's john jaspers Yuzna: we'll still call the story Faust tho

Goethe: aren't people going to be confused if we call the story faust but the guy isn't named faust? Yuzna: ok look Yuzna: when the devil kills him, we'll have him buried under a tombstone that says 'faust' Yuzna: happy?

Goethe: Goethe: but if his name is john jaspers why would the tombstone say Yuzna: oh my god i can't work under these conditions

Yuzna: ok so the devil has this sexy assistant with big tits Edward Lee: yeah boi Yuzna: you like that? well hold on to your hats Yuzna: cuz you're gonna love this

Yuzna: you like when a girl has big tits? Lee: you know it Yuzna: ok so picture this Yuzna: what if she turns into a wet blob monster made out of giant tits and ass cheeks Lee: Yuzna: pretty hot huh? Lee: Lee: Lee: i can work with that

Hailey Piper: i feel like this story is missing something Yuzna: what's that? Piper: dunno, just feeling the absence of a something that should have a certain thrill Yuzna: what  Piper: and a certain smell Yuzna: what are you talking about Cynthia Pelayo: NO