Midnight Pals: Chessssss (Patreon)

[mysterious circle of robed figures] JK Rowling: hello children Rowling: good newss Rowling: we've jusst achieved a major victory! Rowling: transs women are now banned from competing in chesss b/c of their biological advantage Rowling: i know this ssounds like a joke but for real

Rowling: for too long have transss women unfairly dominated the world of chesss Rowling: with their incredible wrissst ssstrength, they're jussst too good at picking up thossse little piecesss and moving them around

Helen Joyce: the phenomenal wrist strength of trans women, like some kind of mad jungle ape, is a threat to the petite fragile bird-boned cis women of chess, so really the only logical response is to kill them all Rowling: yess yess thisss sscansss

Jesse Singal: dark lord! dark lord! pick me! Singal: i can think of another rationalization Singal: i mean reason Singal: for banning trans women from chess! Rowling: yesss? Singal: they're born men, right? so that means they're smarter Rowling: Rowling: yess that sssounds right

Rowling: it'ss true, men do naturally have ssmarter brainss, too ssmart for biologically dumber women to compete with Rowling: therefore we need to ban transs women Rowling: we're really sstriking a blow for feminissm here aren't we? Helen Joyce: lol don't ask me, i'm just a girl

JK Rowling: alssso trans men have to forfeit all previous pre-transssition victories Rowling: no reasson for that one, jussst to be dicksss really

JK Rowling: our official terf death eater posssition isss now that women are biologically dumber than men Helen Joyce: sounds great! Maya Forstater: that's right! Julie Bindel: [with red tape over mouth] Hmmm! Allison Bailey: we demand to be taken seriously!