Midnight Pals: Going on the BBC (Patreon)

[mysterious circle of robed figures] JK Rowling: hello children JK Rowling: today we begin our biggessssst challenge Jesse Singal: bigger than convincing our terf legion that men have a special bone that makes them good at chess? JK Rowling: no that was remarkably easssy actually

JK Rowling: today we rehabilitate graham lineham Singal: b-but mommy! Singal: graham lineham is the one terf too toxic for the BBC Rowling: isss he? Rowling: the whole point of the BBC is to launder terfsss Rowling: itsss time they ssstarted doing their job!

Rowling: maybe if we cleaned him up a little Graham Lineham: FECK ARSE [vomits] Rowling: we could try teaching him a few sssimple phrasses Rowling: enough that he could move out of my basssement

Rowling: will you not just give it a go graham [pointing at  blackboard on which is written "yes" and "I am being silenced for my views"] Lineham: y-y-y Rowling: yesss! yessss! keep going!! Lineham: [inarticulate slurs] Rowling: Rowling: better

Rowling: come on graham i know you can do it Lineham: [inarticulate slurs] Rowling: graham if you sssay the line, there will be a little treat in it for you Lineham: [inarticulate slurs]? Rowling: yesss Rowling: sssay the line Rowling: and you can sssleep in your racecar bed

Rowling: finally! now graham is ready for hissss big debut on the BBC Lineham: [inarticulate slurs] Singal: golly mommy he sounds the same! Rowling: Rowling: yeah well Rowling: they can fix it in possst

BBC Announcer: welcome to the BBC, coming up is Part 8 of Sir Nigel Hemmingwedge St. Plonkington's 12 part documentary on the St. Slurryshire cheesemonger guild, followed by Are You Being Served? and the Brexit is Going Great report BBC Announcer: but first some light revisionism

BBC Announcer: joining us is graham lineham who has some views worth considering Lineham: [vomits] FECK ARSE Lineham: [inarticulate slurs] JK Rowling: what graham meansss issss we jussst have sssome concernsss Rowling: and you BETTER consssider them

Rowling: real nice sstudio you got here, BBC Rowling: be a real shame if ssomething were to happen to it Rowling: like, sssay, you had to film another cormoran ssstrike ssseries here BBC Announcer: no no! anything but that! we'll consider your concerns! Rowling: sssee that you do