Midnight Pals: Down, Satan! (Patreon)

Clive Barker: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the billionaire who George Romero: boooo  Barker: shut up george let me finish  Romero: billionaires shouldn't be  Barker: oh my god LET ME FINISH

Romero: billionaires are bad  Barker: george where do you think i'm going with this story  Barker: do you think the point is gonna be that billionaires are good?  Romero:  Romero: only a dictatorship of the proletariat can stop the excesses of capital

Barker: so there's this super rich guy  Romero: only rich through the toil of the worker, i'll bet  Romero: labor is entitled to the value it creates!  Barker: oh my god will you stop interrupting me?  Poe: not so fun when it happens to you huh

Romero: you know what happens if the workers of the world unite?  Romero: they probably should, they only have one thing to lose  Dean Koontz: gosh, what's that?  Romero: their chains  Koontz: whoaaa

Barker: anyway there's this super rich guy  Barker: he's like  Barker: mega rich  Barker: like he's got like 20 scottish castles  Barker: each one with a room dedicated to big confectionery bins of bag-it-yourself candy  King: wow i didn't know you could be THAT rich

Barker: but get this  Barker: this rich guy is spiritually unfulfilled  Barker: you might find this surprising  Koontz: gosh i guess it goes to show money can't buy happiness  King: you sure said a mouthful, dean!  King: [to Poe] from the mouths of babes

Barker: so this rich guy decides to build a hell on earth to assuage his own spiritual torpor  King: wow clive that's wild!  King: where do you get your ideas?  Barker: oh you know just  Barker: just lookin' around

Barker: his whole plan is that the hell on earth will attract satan  Barker: so that will compel god to appear to rescue him  Barker: cuz he's the most important guy  Barker: you know, being rich and all  King: right, right

[meanwhile]  Elon Musk: eyyy mama mia  Musk: i feela da spiritually unfulfilled  Musk: i feela da spiritual torpor  Musk: what if i builda da hell on earth?  Musk: then da god, he come tella me i ama da good boy  Musk: looking into this

Musk: eyyyy i maka da hell on earth  Musk: with alla da besta torture implements  Musk: i calla it da x Musk: now i waita for god to rescue me  [5 minutes later]  Musk: oops i torture alla da people!  Musk: disruptiano!

Musk: i wassa scared offa da roko's basilisk  Musk: but dissa whole time  Musk: da basilisk, he wassa me!!!  Musk: [looks in mirror, roko's basilisk reflected back] concerning!