Midnight Pals: Dogs (Patreon)

Clive Barker: now everyone i want you all to welcome a real scary story by dodie smithPoe: um clivePoe: is this really appropriateBarker: oh yeah trust me this is gonna be REAL scaryBarker: for deanPoe: are you doing this to torment deanBarker: whaaaatBarker: i would never

Dodie Smith: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the woman who kidnaps dogsDean Koontz: what?!Koontz: you guysKoontz: you know I like scary storiesKoontz: but you didn't tell me it was gonna be THIS scary

Barker: ahh poor dean, is this too much for you?Barker: i guess you could just go to bed and leave this one for the big kidsKoontz: n-noKoontz: no i can take itKing: that's the spirit deanKing: you can do it

Dodie Smith: so there's this woman who kidnaps dogsKoontz: that's fine, i can handle thisSmith: because she wants to skin them for a coatKoontz: guysssssKoontz: guyssss i hate thisssBarker: ah ha haPoe: oh really clive this is too much

Smith: so the important thing is there's this guy mr dearlySmith: now the government lets him live tax free for life cuz he solved a really hard math problemKing:King: uhKing: i don't think that's the way that works

Smith: no no that's legit i checkedSmith: that's how we do it in the UKKing:King: clive?Barker: That doesn't sound right, but I don't know enough about math to dispute it

Smith: so anyway mr dearly marries this womanSmith: and his dog marries her dogSmith: also they both have nanniesKoontz: do the nannies also get married?Smith: haha of course not dean they're both ladiesSmith: nanny butch and nanny femme are just really good platonic friends

Smith: but there's a problemSmith: the dearlys adopt ANOTHER dalmatian, perditaSmith: and this dogSmith: is NOT marriedBarker: and that's a problem huh?Smith: OF COURSE IT'S A PROBLEMSmith: you can't just have this dog slutting it up around town!

Smith: so the married dogs, pongo and missus, go on a merry adventure to save their puppies from the insane woman who wants to skin them for a coatSmith: and when the adventure is overSmith: they need to buy a bigger house to home all their 97 puppies

Smith: luckily mr dearly solved another problem to help the government pay its taxesPoe: wait why does the government have to pay taxesSmith: oh we do things differently in the UKPoe: yeah, evidently

Smith: perdita's original owners come backSmith: and the dearlys are afraid that they'll want perdita backSmith: but they're all "oh we didn't actually like her all that much, you can keep her"Koontz: wait someone doesn't like a dog?Koontz: this is breaking my immersion

Smith: but then some other people come by and they have a dog tooSmith: and it turns out that this is perdita's dog husband!Smith: and these people are all "oh, i guess you can have this dog"Smith: "you know, since they're already dog married"

Smith: oh also the dearlys get a catSmith: the cat also gets marriedBarker: christ why are all these animals getting marriedSmith: what, you want them living in sin?Koontz: yeah clive you want them living in sin??Barker: i justKoontz: that would be immoral clive!!!Barker:

Smith: anyway then everyone is matched up in a nice monogamous, hetero-sex pairSmith: just the way it should be!Piers Anthony: yeah yeah now THAT'S the way you end a story!