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Study 134 - Whatever Happened to Corporal Cuckoo? (Patreon)

Published:
2025-06-19 22:40:01
Edited:
2025-06-19 22:42:00
Imported:
2025-06
Tags:

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Content

Immortality seems like a drag in Whatever Happened to Corporal Cuckoo? by Gerald Kersh.

Special thanks to reader Erik Peabody of Viking Guitar Productions! Listen to him talk sound engineering on The Jobs Podcast!

Some kooky fellas mentioned in the show:

François Villon

Ambroise Paré

Comments

Ketus

My mind immediately placed Peter Seller's as the titular Corporal Cuckoo.

BeetleBro

Cuckoo asking what a baseball player would do with 500 years reminded me of the currently ongoing comic series "Past Time". I believe 3 issues are out currently and it follows a barnstorming ball player thru multiple decades and his various encounters with vampiric pitchers and immortal outfielders lol. It's a great twist on the vampire story while also being a solid period drama showing early 1900s baseball and the integration and professionalization of the sport.

Sludgecrawler

I once again recommend the film The Man From Earth for a cozy time and more about what the life of an immortal might be like.

Rafe Ball

Wait a minute... Kersh thinks The Tempest is a terrible play... Chris' wife Rachel, we know from all the times she's commented on it turning up in TNG on Rachel Watches Star Trek (available wherever you get your podcasts) thinks The Tempest is a terrible play... The only POSSIBLE explanation is that Gerald Kersh is Rachel's pen name, and that she took Cuckoo's ointment and is over 400 years old!!! Either that, or The Tempest is a terrible play. But I know where I'm putting my money!!!

Bugberry

Obviously the solution to being an immortal stuck at the bottom of the ocean is to make a deal with Davey Jones and become part of his crew.

Jason Thompson

I feel like “cuck” has arrived on the scene as a “demasculinizing” insult to replace the openly homophobic insults jerks used to similar effect in the 1980s-2000s.

Professor Murder

The Kipling reference reminded me of a quote that I heard attributed to him years ago, but have not been able to confirm since. "To own a dog is to know one day you will cry." When you brought the poem "The Power of the Dog" up, I was hopeful it was the source, but no luck. So even though I can't verify the quote as Kipling, I still use it as a good summary of the cost of loving something, especially something more fleeting than ourselves.

ESTY

Corporal Cuckoo is a much more interesting version of Wolverine. I always thought that the two worst ways to die were: a.) slowly freezing to death (every nerve screaming as they contract, meanwhile your blood sluggishly turns to slush as it scrapes through your veins ) b.) eaten alive by rats (nibbled to death by a squirming swarm) But now I *also* have the cheerful notion of “bones and organs being crushed by ocean pressure, then slowly and painfully knitting and healing back, only to then be crushed again over and over, in the cold dark, leaving you a little bit diminished each time, meanwhile strange fish nuzzle and eat away at you” So, thanks for that!

Patrick W

Not sure if you ever read any of Casca: The Eternal Mercenary novels but he had a similar fear when lashed as a slave to a Roman galleon. I believe there was a moment when he was, or feared being, buried alive in a primitive copper mine. Kind of makes me want to revisit those, I remember them being very good 30 years ago.

Dr. Villain

This really reminded me of the 2015 Henry Rollins movie “he never died” about an immortal who plays bingo to deal with the ptsd of being a soldier since the beginning of humanity

Dr. Villain

To be clear: there’s a lot more to the movie than that, but I don’t want to spoil anything if people haven’t seen it. I remember it being pretty good

Rafe Ball

TBH I'm sold on "Henry Rollins as an immortal soldier playing bingo"

Christopher T.

The immortality discussion reminded me of a story where immortality was weaponized: 'I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream' by Harlan Ellison. In it an evil supercomputer, AM, has destroyed the world but has kept a group of humans alive for over a century to torture them.

Runninghead

I heard it's a toxic incel jibe, depressingly.

Runninghead

Chris saying "It was one of those recommendations that didn't have a name on it, so if you know who made it get in touch" immediately made me think "For 500 bucks?! 😃". Somewhere out there, maybe in America, there's someone who knows...

Aaron La Vene

I love this take on immortality…. Such a great start for many philosophical discussions

Steve

It's more Vee-yon (yon is rhymes with honk but without the k) than Vee-own. I remember a few lines from school: Eh Dieu, si j'eusse etudié Au temps de ma jeunesse folle Et a bonnes moeurs dedié J'eusse maison et couch molle Had I but studied During my wild youth And behaved myself well I'd have house and soft bed

King Dinosaur

Oh man, I'm so excited that you guys are doing another Kersh story! I found a paperback of Kersh stories at a yard sale that has a wonderfully hyperbolic introduction by Harlan Ellison. After reading that book (which includes the Corporal Cuckoo story) I was hooked for life and tracked down as many of his books as I could. This is a great story.

Jim Cannon

Greg Rucka's The Old Guard, both the comic and the Netflix film, did the ocean bit. They throw an immortal in an iron coffin and dump her in the ocean, where she lies drowning and resurrected for hundreds of years. This being adventure fiction, she eventually escapes, although I assume the corrosive effect of sea water on metal played a part. The immortal in question is quite mad (in multiple senses of the word) when she reappears.

Our old pal Brendan Gardiner

I love the idea introduced here that improvement over time, even unlimited time, is not a given. It’s why I’ve always taken issue with people saying “Hey, this ain’t my first rodeo.” Who says you necessarily get better at rodeo the more you do it?

Richard Wolfe

The whole story of the dog immediately reminded me of the story of Wojtek the Bear from WWII, including the troops’ decision not to get on a transport without him. Wojtek was drafted as a private in the Polish army in order to get around the regulation that pets or mascots were not allowed. Look up Wojtek for a delightful story!

Jeremy Impson

The did this on the Angel TV series, although it was only for the duration of time between seasons.

Jeremy Impson

I was going to (falsely) claim that I made the suggestion, and that I wanted 20% commission if Chris does find Cuckoo

Jeremy Impson

It is a pretty good movie. Very film noir

Jeremy Impson

Since you put it that way, I think it'd be that he'd only be crushed to death the first time. Assuming his body knits itself back together, it would be at the pressure of his surroundings, as are any other creatures who are born and live at those depths. From then on he'd just drown over and over.

Gideon Falcon

The idea of whether or not immortality is worth it was explored very thoroughly by YouTube creator HelloFutureMe, with a detailed and absolutely beautiful video essay on the subject, weighing both sides of the argument multiple times from several perspectives before concluding, based on his own experiences, that he agrees with the famous poem, "Rage, Rage, against the dying of the light."

Festerfest

Pvt Cuckoo’s accumulation of scars and injuries brought my mind immediately to the 1992 classic: Death Becomes Her starring Meryl Streep, Goldie Hawn and Bruce Willis. (well…its a classic to my mind anyway) It offers lots of cartoonish violence and loony toon levels of bodily injury to characters gifted with immortality but lacking the Wolverine-like power of rapid total regeneration. The characters fail to take the proffered warning to the newly immortal to “Take care of yourself. You and your body are going to be together a long time, be good to it.” Which is good advice for anyone actually.

Bret Kramer

It warmed the depths of my frozen monster heart to hear my suggestion of “Brew-ne” gets its moment in the sun. :)

Andy U

Love the story, but it is still thinking too narrowly. 500 years is nothing. What would become of Corporal Cuckoo after 500 million years? When he hardly resembles the humans that have continued to evolve - or have long since gone extinct. Or 500 billion years? Did he manage to get off of Earth before the Sun went supernova? Has he spent the last 450 billion drifting through the void dreaming of the sweet relief of drowning? What would his body look like at the heat death of the universe? Still alive with nothing but his body and mind in all of existence? Or did some smarter creature take pity on him and somehow get him off to some other dimension? Put him in a zoo. Do experiments. Forever.

Pagurus

Predating this is among others Simone de Beauvoir's 1946 "All men are mortal" (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/All_Men_Are_Mortal) with a very similar premise. It's a whole novel and the protagonist is much more of an achiever - basically, the entire Hapsburg empire is formed under his influence as a court advisor. It's a fun read if any of my fellow listeners would like to explore the immortality theme some more!

Derrick Mcmullin

I love the sword and sorcery + Rome combo. I am reading the late Howard Andrew Jones's "Lord of a shattered land" Where his fantasy Hannibal survived his counties destruction and comes to the Rome equivalent to save his people. It's amazing and each chapter is its own story

ESTY

Depends on how deep the water is; you could feasibly be crushed before hitting the bottom, bloat and float, rinse and repeat. Or hit bottom, crush, knit, then trip and roll downhill; the ocean “floor” isn’t flat all over. (In any case, I am sure that we can all agree that the bit about strange fish nuzzling and eating at you in the dark uncharted depths of the ocean would still be a horrible way to let slip this mortal coil)

Tara Murphy

There is a sequel, called "She Never Died." I haven't seen it.

Dr. Villain

WHAT?!?! Imma have to check that out