TV Multiverse 86 (Patreon)

Britta looked more resigned than surprised when a car pulled in front of her. It wasn’t a surprise. Britta was a habitual drifter. And a sexy blonde on the road was essentially a douche magnet.

And, it wasn’t like Britta was a dumb blonde that would fall for a sweet word. On the contrary, in a general sense, Britta was scarily smart in many ways.

Unfortunately for her, she was also pretty delusional in a limited way. Not the pathological kind, but she was a modern Don Quixote, searching for windmills to slay. It would have been admirable even if it failed to help anyone, but it was only about proving something rather than helping others.

With both the intent and the impact distorted, it was hard to take her stance as admirable.

She was no great villain … but she was not the tragic hero she desperately wanted to be either.

She was beautiful, but there was a reason for his arrival to Greendale was about Annie. It was also why he was happy to leave the situation to Annie. If she wanted to have a calm drive while he chatted with one of her best friends, fine.

Could he subtly redirect the topic until a threesome ended as the natural conclusion? Certainly. But, it was far more entertaining to stay passive and see if Britta somehow britta the situation.

“Take a hike—“ Britta started, cold and unapproachable. He had to admit, she was actually incredibly sexy at her sharpest. Her attitude changed immediately when Annie popped out. “Annie!” she shouted, her happiness visceral.

“Britta!” Annie responded, cheerful, and they hugged.

He leaned back, examining the two, knowing it would take a while for them to calm down. Britta was dressed sharply. Cut-off denim shorts that was just long enough to stop qualifying as stripper shorts, a crop top in a tropical-yellow print that ended a half-inch above her navel with cleavage bordering inappropriate, combined with combat boots and a leather jacket that clashed with the two, a combination too absurd to be accidental.

It was Britta. She wanted to be an anarchist feminist, refusing the order of the world, yet the idea of not being attractive was too much to consider. The same went for her hair. It was messy and tangled, looking dirty. But, it was also merely looking that way. It was clear that she had taken a shower in the morning, and after that, spent an hour making her hair messy.

She cared a lot about looking like she didn’t care.

However, soon, she started noticing the difference in the way they hugged. Annie was elated to see her friend, but her hug lacked the desperation Britta showed.

It was no surprise. Annie left the chaotic but protective bubble of Greendale, and found a world that allowed her to grow, thrive, and have fun. Britta’s body language suggested her trip wasn’t as satisfying.

He shook his head. It was no surprise. Britta was searching for something that could not be found outside. If he remembered correctly, it would be the year she would switch to a psychology major. A solid choice if her aim was to help others, but just like her activism, it was about searching her internal truth outside.

He sighed, curious how a less frantic, more confident Annie would affect the group.

“Hi, Britta,” he said five minutes later, when they finally separated, both smiling widely. Annie was happy to see her friend, and for Britta, it must feel like returning home.

“Hi, stranger—“ she started, then paused. “Wait, you’re not a stranger,” she said. “I remember you from the paintball. The photographer E- something.”

“Ethan,” he said. “Nice to meet you again.”

Britta immediately turned to Annie. “What a coincidence that you met him just as you’re returning from LA,” she said.

He smirked. He knew for a fact that Annie had been pretty active sharing the details of her Los Angeles adventure with the group, but he never bothered to peek into the details. He didn’t spy on people’s communication … unless there was a real need.

Annie’s blush suggested that she had been selective about sharing the details. Not to mention, the fact that she had been him for the long stretches of it.

Someone else might have reacted negatively, not understanding Annie did it in a way to keep her fun separate from Greendale craziness. He just watched in amusement while Annie stammered, trying to explain to Britta and failing. “We have stayed in contact,” he said.

“Yes. We stayed in contact!” Annie responded.

“Good,” Britta said, though it was apparent that she had caught what was going on. Then, she looked at the backseat, which was full. “What’s with all this stuff? Are you moving as well?” Britta asked him.

“Nope. They are all Annie’s,” he said.

“Really, Annie. You know consumerism…” Britta started, which showed all the signs of turning into a full lecture.

“Well, I can always throw out your gifts if you don’t want to support consumerism,” Annie said.

Britta gulped. “Well, it’s not your fault. Advertising is a sickness,” she said, changing her tone immediately.

“It’s going to be a tight squeeze,” he said, even as he started shuffling stuff.

“Let me help,” Britta said, immediately dropping one of the boxes she tried to handle. Luckily, there was nothing breakable inside.

“Annie, we need some more water and snacks. Why don’t you two go buy some while I focus on carving a spot for the two of you that wouldn’t collapse on top of you.”

Britta hesitated. “I don’t want to ruin your goodbye,” she said.

He smiled and kissed Annie’s cheek. “It’s not a goodbye. I’ll drop by occasionally, and Annie will visit as well.”

“Long distance, really?” Britta said. “I mean, of course. Excellent idea. Nothing can go wrong.” She looked panicked. “Nothing at all. I’ll go buy water!”

With that, she retreated, leaving him alone with Annie. “Sorry, she can be intense, but she means well,” Annie said. They were aware that if theirs were a more traditional summer fling, Britta’s declaration would be the moment the bubble popped, possibly leading to a big fight. She took a deep breath. “But, she Britta’d it.”

He smiled, not wanting to miss the opportunity. “Did you use her name to mean make a small but understandable mistake?”

Annie’s eyes widened. “Yeah, let’s go with that,” she said, avoiding eye contact, not wanting to disparage her behind her back, but not comfortable with the lie either. Annie was a very good liar when prepared, but spontaneous deflection…

Annie went to join Britta while he adjusted the load, carefully creating a space for the two of them. It would be tight even when he moved some of the stuff to the passenger seat. He managed to carve a space for them to fit … barely.

Since Annie hadn’t seen Britta for the whole summer, they started talking with renewed enthusiasm while he drove. He avoided joining as much as possible, happy to fade into the background.

The two of them fell into the easy rhythm of old friends reunited, trading stories about their summer, intersected by gossip about some of the key Greendale members, what they were up to, and other details.

Annie was glowing. She had friends in Los Angeles, her friendship with the study group was different. They were closer to a family. Hell, they were actually closer than most families.

Of course, being as close as family also meant infinite power to annoy the rest of the members, something Britta was naturally talented at.

He caught it by the ten-minute mark. As Annie started to share some of the more interesting LA stories, like learning how to surf in Malibu, Britta started to get jealous.

It was an understandable feeling. It was difficult to see a friend suddenly doing much better. It was worse for Britta, who always prided herself on being the worldly one of the group. The natural thing was to ignore that feeling, maybe let out a few light passive-aggressive comments to warn the other people about bragging too much before dragging the talk back to a safer spot like Greendale gossip.

Britta was smart and beautiful … but no one ever blamed for being socially competent.

Instead of redirecting the discussion, she doubled down and started lecturing Annie about the evils of corporate life and fashion, that how it was evil to contribute too much. For most people, that would have been annoying part, but he could see Annie easily ignore it.

Anyone who failed to learn how to tune pointless political tirades could never stay friends with Britta.

The problem was that, due to the jealousy she hadn’t even noticed due to her famously terrible self-awareness, Britta’s attitude shifted from being a peer to mentor, trying to take the guise of the wise older friend guiding the young one.

The problem with that was, even before his arrival, Annie hated that dynamic, and after a summer she had grown in every area of her life, it chafed her far worse.

Her rants about Annie being too young to shackle herself to the corporate machine were not going well. Britta didn’t help herself when she dismissed several of Annie’s arguments by just claiming it was the patriarchy speaking.

Amusingly, he had a feeling that, without him, Annie would have started responding Britta’s craziness with her own, but since she didn’t want to look ‘crazy’ to him, she tried to play the reasonable party.

It was silly. She was acting as if they hadn’t met in a crazy paintball game in the first place, and didn’t know how crazy she could get.

He hummed. He was amused by Britta’s incomprehensibly wild and inaccurate political rant, but a part of him was disappointed. He was hoping that Britta would have Britta’d the situation in a more entertaining way.

Then, as usual, Britta came to the rescue in the worst — and the best — way possible.

Once their discussion turned to other parts of adulthood, Britta’s voice dropped to a whisper. She must have assumed that he couldn’t hear her with the roar of the engine.

“Come on, Annie. You’re young. You have to enjoy your life. You can’t lose that vision just because you have met a man with amazing muscles who’s probably too interested in his own reflection to pay proper attention to you in bed.”

“Britta,” Annie gasped, then her voice dropped. She was annoyed, but a bit excited as well. After all, it was firmly in the girl-talk category, something Annie always felt excited about. “I’ll have you know that Ethan is amazing in bed. Very attentive—”

Naturally, Britta missed the subtext completely and interrupted her. “Pssh. When you lie on your back for five minutes while he paws you while watching his reflection in the mirror, it’s not being attentive. But don’t worry, you’ll learn.”

It was a miracle she managed to whisper trying to keep him from listening. She failed in that, but that part was not something she could help with. His perception was that good.

To her credit, Annie managed to smooth it over and instead, they started discussing Shirley’s latest social media disaster, where one of the other church moms left a passive-agressive comment under her post about baking, only to trigger a war that last half the summer.

He listened, as the story was genuinely amusing.

Unfortunately, Britta was obsessed with reminding Annie that she was young, so she knew very little about love and sex, and she needed a varied experience. Annie could have countered by talking about how varied her experience had been over the summer. He might have been the only man, but there had been a lot of variance in terms of companions they shared.

But, she didn’t do that. Instead, she smirked in a way that excited him. It was Annie’s plotting smirk. “Britta, do you mind driving for an hour? Ethan needs a break.”

“Of course,” she said, then paused. “Are you sure two of you can fit? It’s a bit squished.”

Annie waved her hand. “I’ll just sit on his lap.”

Britta nodded, missing Annie’s vindictive smirk. “Sure.”

He felt like he was the most reluctant person, giving Britta the wheel of his precious Mustang. The money wasn’t an issue, but he just liked the car.

They stopped, and he made a show of stretching before Annie sat down. “Turn on the radio. Let’s sing. It’ll be a proper road trip then.”

“Excellent idea,” Britta said, turned on the radio, and she started singing. Her voice was hardly amazing. He could understand why their homicidal Glee teacher openly threatened to kill everyone to stop her singing.

Annie started dancing, though it was clearly a lap dance. And, not one geared to impress him, but to impress Britta. Over the summer, he had received enough lap dances from Annie to know the difference.

A secretary in the 1950s had been a particular favorite of Annie’s.

He was too amused to stop it, especially since it was still fun. “So, what did she say to annoy you that much?” he whispered only after the first two songs.

Annie paused, blushing. “I’m sorry. She just kept repeating I don’t know the difference between good sex and bad sex, and I got annoyed. I shouldn’t have used you.”

“I’m disappointed,” he said, and her expression fell. “All the fun we had summer, and a dry humping is the best you can come up with to teach your friend a lesson…”

It was nice to see that he could make her blush up to her ears even after a summer of debauchery. “She’ll notice,” Annie said.

“I doubt it.”

“She will. I’ll even let you give a coupon. You can call me, and unless there’s a critical emergency, I’ll drop whatever I’m doing and join your Greendale crazy scheme. No questions asked, no complaints about the absurdity of it,” he said. “But, if you lose, I want the same. You’ll come and join my hijink.”

“Deal,” Annie whispered, her concern about getting caught far weaker than the coupon he proposed. Understandable, as Greendale craziness had a tendency to spiral into multi-day adventures, making the coupon a valuable commodity.

One of his favorite things about Annie, once she came to a decision, she committed fully. It didn’t matter that she was being hesitant even giving a lap dance. Her hand slipped under her sundress, pushing her panties down while he freed his shaft.

“Ohhh, I love this song!” Annie declared loudly, her usual enthusiasm meaning Britta didn’t find her extra-long moan suspicious.

[Achievement complete. Let Britta completely britta a situation to your benefit.

Challenge: Hard]

[+10 Perception

1 Random Gold Skill

1 Random Gold Reward]

His eyes widened as he read the reward. Not the achievement, but the fact that she provided Perception. The irony of the situation was incredible.

The best part was, it wasn’t even wrong. Britta was perceptive. When she wasn’t distracted by her own issues, she could see through anyone with a glance … she just had enough issues to make such occurrences rare.

He decided to see how long it would take for her to notice what was going on. “Not as much as I do,” he responded, even as he grabbed Annie’s hips, pulling her down hard. Annie let out another exclamation to conceal her moan. It was not the ideal way to win the ‘bet’ but considering he didn’t mind being dragged into Greendale madness, he would be the winner regardless of the circumstances.

He hummed as Annie started to ‘dance’ happily, each push taking her deeper.

“I didn’t know you were a fan of the song!” Britta said, her eyes mostly on the road, somehow completely missing Annie’s tone.

“I’m — warming — up,” Annie responded. She did her best to keep her voice normal, which was a failed attempt. Britta still didn’t notice.

Not even when Annie’s movements started to get more and more rhythmic, and her moans no longer matched the rhythm of the song.

But then, Britta was never able to follow the rhythm in the first place. Annie moaned, Britta sang, and he just stood silent, curious when Britta would catch on.

The car hit a small bump in the road, pushing him deeper inside her even harder. Annie cried loudly, in a way that could no way explained by singing.

Britta glanced in the rearview mirror. “Are you two okay back there? You sound hurt.”

“Just a cramp,” Annie responded, her tone strained, but also surprised. They shared a glance, surprised that Britta failed to notice it.

“Should I stop?”

“No need. We have a stop in ten minutes,” Annie said.

“I can massage her until then,” he said, slipping his hands under her dress, his finger finding her clit. She clenched around him, hot and dripping.

“Do you think she has been blinded during the break? Should we let her drive?” Annie managed to whisper between her moans while he ‘massaged’ her. Then, she leaned forward, grabbing the seat, lifting her hips enough to give him the range to move.

He used the range, drilling her hard, her moans getting louder.

“That looks like a tough cramp,” Britta said, managing the impossible and missing it. “Are you sure you don’t want me to stop?” Then, she hit another pothole.

“No!” Annie moaned as she threw herself back, her breathing ragged. “I mean, it’s more dangerous to pull the side. I can handle the pain for a few more minutes.”

“Good,” Britta said, and she continued singing.

She leaned. “I can’t believe it. She has to blind,” Annie whispered. “I mean, I’m not even trying to hide.”

“Well, it’s your friend,” he teased, tightening his grip as he pumped furiously. Ten minutes had been enough for Annie to climax twice, the second enough to make him explode as well.

When Britta was pulling to park, Annie was trying to pull her panties back, and the moment it stopped, she slipped to the bathroom.

[Achievement complete. Help Annie get a victory over Britta.

Challenge: Hard]

[+10 Endurance

1 Random Gold Skill

1 Random Gold Reward]

“Britta, can you handle the refuel while I give Annie a proper massage,” he said, and followed Annie.

“Sure,” Britta responded.

He had to admit, picking Britta up was proving to be even more entertaining than he expected.