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D&D Court: A Mastermind and an Artist (w/ Ally Beardsley!) (Patreon)

Published:
2025-01-31 04:39:32
Imported:
2026-06
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AD-FREE EPISODE FOR $5+ PATRONS!

Dungeon Court is back in session, featuring the return of Justice Ally Beardsley! Join Justices Murphy, Axford, Tanner, and Beardsley, along with the Barely Bear Bailiff Hurwitz, as they convene to pass judgement on your trials at the table!

Get Tickets to Dimension 20 Live Here!

CREDITS:

Sound Mixing and Editing by Trevor Lyon

Dungeon Court Theme Song by Sam Weiller

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Comments

Robert Tucker

Ooh, I hopped on patreon at the right time

Sydney Cooke

Murph please share where did you get your sweater you’re wearing in the Variety video I need it

Manuel Espinoza

PERFECT TIMING. Just went out to my Shed for the night 🍃

Mike

Great ep!

Geraint

Beardsley as a special campaign character WHEN

Schoobs

Love a high initiative roll

Ashton Ellis

Yessssss. Just in time for my walk!

Neil Dutton

Justice Beardsley: The Corruption Forward Justice

Dax 🤘🏼

YUPPPPP BEARDSLEY!!!!! 😤🙏🏼

Ollie

In Beardsley we trust

Hammy

I’m obviously looking forward to Jake’s campaign, but this month of guests and short rest insanity has been so fun. A nice palette cleanser

Verdigree

Just because a magic-user only intended to banish one crature, the spell isn't like a Star Trek transporter that can screen every atom, it surely wouldn't violently remove a tapeworm or all the helpful gut microbes that live in your stomach, I think if you're inside a giant creature that gets summoned or banished, you're along for the ride. HOWEVER, Banishment states that the target is Incapacitated, so as I see it, the caster would be transported along with the creature, they would be Incapacitated, and Concentration would immediately break, the both of them reappearing the next round.

Katie P.

God I love Beardsley, the stupid grin I get whenever they're on anything I listen to

Elliot

That BBEG deserved a BBEGG (baby turtle egg)

maggs

the last time beardsley was on, the whole flintstones thing started. im a little worried.

Rover Bernhard

Not only is Smokey the Bear destined for bear hell due to his crimes of contributing to fire suppression, if I ever see him, it’s on sight.

Noah Mccullough

I think. Very frankly if you’re inside something’s stomach you’re not actually seeing it, you’re not seeing anything. So the spell shouldn’t have went off. Between darkness and stomach acid you ain’t seeing ish.

Smiththebat

If you ask around I think you’ll find it’s pretty commonly accepted that the gasoline smell a lot of people 30ish and up remember enjoying isn’t the same now that there isn’t lead in gasoline!

Isaac Twombly

Top tier episode, this will contribute to NADDPOD lore in the best way. Beardsley is them.

coladrimk

and this first case highlights what is ultimately my main problem with the resolution of kung fu panda 3

DisimpressedHippo

I see Bear Hell showing up in some future surprise round episodes. Also, forest fires definitely part of bear gluttony punishment.

Jim Jam Flim Flam

What about Koalas? Would they only go to hell outside of australia in places where people refer to them as "Koala bears"?

Daveed

I don't have anything important to contribute but comment engagement algorithm go brrrrRrrr

Natural Dragon

I feel like the DM making ruling that the player is banished with the turtle is like police investigating police and saying we investigated ourselves and nothing wrong happened. Thank god this case was taken to a higher court. Clearly the players rights have been violated

Nitzan Harel

Some organic led compounds are sweet tasting. Some of them are used in paint. Fun fact: that’s why the best Roman Wine was sold in led vessels, they said it makes the wine sweeter.

Natural Dragon

I don’t want to call out Ally but they had a great opportunity to say digestion begins at consumption

DemonLordSparda

You have to realize how bad and unsatisfying that would be. Plus RAW the enemy and caster are two separate creatures and you can only target one to banish.

Grass

Such a good episode! Was sad when it ended

Verdigree

I feel like I remember either on this show or somewhere else someone tried to banish themself to escape a thing, but the incapacitate was the reason why it wouldn't be helpful. I'm very fascinated by the consequences of that DMs 3000 unknown words of precedent, surely on the nature of how magic works and interacts with their world, which surely opened up many possibilities for their players to use. If spells ONLY worked precisely as written and nothing more, that's just wierd video game logic, a lot of spells that say "target a creature" couldn't do anything at all to ordinary objects, and it would be physically impossible to cast eldritch blast at a door or an illusion, because neither of them are creatures, which would make illusions worthless, because their inability to be targeted would be a giveaway that they're not creatures, I REALLY better stop before I write 3000 words myself, lol

Li I

SHABAT SHELLHOME

wick

“He’s crucified in a honeycomb” I died

wick

“ALL. TURTLES. ARE. BUDDHIST.” bangers after bangers this episode

Li I

About the noise mechanic - I will say that. Thunderwave is definitely not a spell for dungeon crawling - “the spell emits a thunderous boom audible out to 300 feet.” But everything else that happened was very stupid and there is no such thing as a noise mechanic this person did not invent passive perception

Nicholas

Whatever illegal or otherwise unregulated or black market energy drink Murph was on, we need more. Please drink one before every ep.

Samuel Gray

Justice Beardsley corruption lawsuit is ascending the courts as we speak

Felix

this is surely one of the dungeon courts of all time

Courtney F.

I haven't even listened to a single second of this but I know I will love it. All the love in the world to Ally ❤️‍🔥

Gustavius

I prefer to play Grand Theft Turtle

Lorelei and Kyra Newly Weds

Caldwell says you don't wear your food, Id like to bring to light the Lady Gaga argument

Declan Konesky

I gotta say I love an unbalanced encounter. Usually for random encounters and the less important 'story' beats. Incentives creative problem solving, including retreating. Players shouldn't always expect to win. Still fucked up to plan it this way though and murder the brother etc. That's heavy handed.

Maggie Schaller

For sure! Also, no need for a mea culpa from that table-it’s just that the higher court reversed!! The beauty of the highest Crit Court in the land.

JB

Jake’s “Nice!” in response to “Shabbat Shell-home” absolutely sent me

Kyle Veach

I actually liked the brother murder plot hook, but it sounds like it was handled poorly. Sounds like a dark, engaging way to kick off the ranger's new story.

Bam Bambi

My dad and his friends used to suck on lead they would find around their farms. He said it was very sweet. Now he’s a maniac

Cody Zimmer

I haven't listened yet and I knew there would be chaos on in the court. ❤️

Cody Zimmer

The Romans used to use lead as a sweetener. It's also why some of those old water fountains have better tasting water... lead pipes.

Cody Zimmer

Please! Someone answer Emily! Do turtles shit?!

Bunnarchist

The bear hell crash out bit might be the best bit in d&d court history

Mountain Dew Or Crab Juice

Gasoline is incredibly energy dense, can confirm if you drink it, it'll give you enough energy to last the rest of your life

Eat Your Art Veggies

I love how Murph is genuinely upset at Caldwell's "Goku's son, Johann."

Sagerenee

Agreed. I can’t stop laughing and I’m in office so it’s awkward

Amanda Dick

I can’t believe we all just missed “Ursus Christ”

Kerry

Love the jaunty little tune that played while Caldwell read the banishment spell.

Brian Edwards

Yeah had it just been an NPC that would've been amazing but the needlessly targeted trickery of a player by the DM and another player was mean-spirited.

Brian Edwards

Bear Jesus, I loved each and every time Murph flipped out at Caldwell for asking for more intel on Bear Hell. Perfect comedy.

Sand Panda

Oh yea. Little turtle turds.

Sand Panda

Besus died so the honey could flow away our sins.

Spencer Fakename

When Caldwell said Ursus Christ at the end I cackled

Jacob Coates

Should be a disclaimer not to banish a pregnant woman without upcasting to target the baby too

Gogs

Hearing Ally say, “it sounds like it was mechanically sound.” and be 100% correct, is so funny to me since I recently relistened to some of the early Fantasy High episodes where they were pretty brand new. Totally love them!

Ingot

Just throwing it out there, Eldermourne had tons of unwinnable fights that totally added to the story, and Emily was totally there rolling for that Pyrric victory. Don't discount the unwinnable confrontations!

Lauren

I know having guests during the campaign is difficult but I would absolutely love to see Ally on!! They’re the only one of the intrepid heroes that hasn’t been able to do that but they’re the one I most want to see in a campaign

CommodoreBlue

I love that we’re going to be revisiting classic Surprise Rounds with a guest, but are also getting new ones. Would love to see that happen more

Nick Webster

Y'know, my dog went to bear hell and he was a scientologist

Ethan Trujillo

*smack* “oh my god he backhanded him” is fucking killing me 😂

An_Armed_Bear

I like introducing a high level villain early for a short "unwinnable" fight, you get a small preview their stat block and when it comes time for the rematch at higher level you get to see how much stronger you've gotten now that you can stand toe to toe with this guy that stomped you before.

Tony Cappellino

The wizard thief case has precedent: Apple Scrumper v. The Boobs. Stealing fake money from fake characters is ALWAYS funny

M. Smalloak, PhD

bear hell is definitely the funniest thing I've ever heard

Nina Foxx

I wana go to Bear Limbo 🐻

Gearbox

Hmmmmmmmmmmm... On one hand it's obviously more fun if the cleric can banish the dragon turtle from around them. At the same time if we're bringing biology into it, it's not like you banish the dragon turtle and all the bacteria in its gut stay behind, so we can assume usually things inside the turtle go with the turtle...

Clever Innuendo

How, in all of their misadventures on the internet and bad books, did they never learn what 'vore' was before this day?

Dr. Eggman

I was atheist, but no longer. For I am now a devout bearliever spreading the honeyed word of bear christ (Winnie the Pooh style no pants)

Swordmaster of Ginaz

OF COURSE Beardsley plays a Mothman deck. --A fellow Mothman player

ChefJustinLane

Uh oh, it's the Lady Gaga Precedent. It's fully buttoned up. Sorry Caldwell

Sjsharks93

I haven't seen Murphy get this furious since the "bucket hat" issue

Ubiquity

“ursus christ” was good

rosebramblewolf

I've known multiple dogs named Bear so I think that tracks.

Evil Grimace

This is my favourite flavour of Murph.

Stevie

WAWA MENTIONED

Xacris

Re: The Puss in Boots character who rolled bad stats, that's why I just go with Point Buy and have since 3.5e. There always seems to be one person who can't roll a functional character to save their life

Ben Bruvold

I had a similar thing happen to me with the brother death. Another player and I were playing brothers and as a part of the backstory we came up with my character was very protective due to an incident as kids. One session the brother player wasn't able to make it and the session started with a fireball hitting where the party was living. The DM narrated how the brother had protected a child but was knocked into a coma, at which point I rushed him to a hospital/cleric. We go about the rest of the session, assuming that when we check on him at the end he'll be healed. To my surprise, when we stop back to check on him the cleric informed us they couldn't save him and he died. Not knowing what to do, my character went silent and stormed off heartbroken. It turns out: the rest of my group had met up for a game night I couldn't make it to and the brother player, knowing he couldn't make it to next session, told the DM to just kill off his character since he was bored of playing him. Everyone assumed I knew this during the session. It worked out in the end, I described how my character went off to be a vigilante (ronin from avengers style) and we both came to the next session with new characters.

Casey Kerins

“You’re not a part of the turtle until the stomach acid dissolves you” “It’s magic” I agree with Caldwell and Murph lol

xatlern

I keep having flashbacks to college where everyone would go to a bar called the Thirsty Turtle on Thirsty Thursdays 🐢

Mojo1396

Yelling about bear hell is so goddamn funny I'm crying

Liam Nicholson

I still don’t know if Murph was getting actually heated, and it’s giving me severe anxiety 😅

Kal and her cats Portland, Star, and Berlin

I love how anytime Beardsley is on, murph tries to fight another table member about something absolutely useless (Flintstones, Bear Hell™️). They gotta be on more because the chaotic sibling energy between them and murph is *chefs kiss*

tarabelle the marabelle

Smokey the Bear is *most definitely* from Bear Hell, even if he's not there now He knows his sins

Pendergreens’ Sick Ibanez

In ancient rome they boiled wine in lead to give it that sweet flavor and thats why they were like that

Sce7tm

Rules as written, the player shouldn't have been able to cast banishment. The creature is homebrew so we can't know for sure, but looking at the purple worms swallow mechanics, getting swallowed imposes the blinded condition. Banishment like a lot of spells is "..one creature you can see..". It surprising how powerful blinded is when used on a spellcaster.

Nick Neverman

They missed an opportunity to say the wizard absconded to Turts and Caicos with their groups money

John EldenRing

Love any d&d court where emily is laughing straight out the intri

Amelia Granato

what if we kissed outside of the wawa in bear hell?

Stevie

Omg yes I would love to!

Glenn D AKA Mcdoogins

So when a creature is banished everything in its belly just falls on the ground half digested?

Fiver

It would only remain if it was was alive. In D&D there is a difference between a creature and an object. A dead creature is an object.

Kayli

justice for “ursus christ” it did not get the reaction it deserved

AlbireoRising

Right, it would be weird if Eldritch Blast couldn't be cast at objects. But there's a big difference between the leap of "a spell that targets one creature could instead target one object" and the leap of "a spell that targets one creature could instead target two creatures"

diintz

bear hell is my absolute favourite bit of all time, truly nothing makes me lose my shit harder than murph putting his whole ass into pretending he's LIVID about the most unimportant dumbass thing XDDD

MsMagey

I'm crying laughing at Smokey the Bear OBVIOUSLY not being in bear hell because he's on billboards, and my boyfriend thinks I'm going insane. I can't explain it though, because it's really Murph's sort of unhinged righteous fury delivery of the bit that makes it incredible

MsMagey

Hey, they bought the book! For Season 3.

Konnor Wall

I love just HOW fast this gets out of hand. I <3 Beardsley

Geshem420

JSYK painting turtle’s shells DOES hurt them! The shell is a crucial part of their body. They absorb vitamins through it, respirate through it, and the paint can absorb through the shell and harm the turt. Not that I think you’re actually going to paint a turtle but. Now you know. This has been a turtle public service announcement. 🐢

James Bowers

This is the brother murder guy here! Showed the pod to my DM and the other player, we got a lot of laughs out of it. It was hard because I had to plane shift to Bear Hell to see them. Anyway, looks like my DM might be filing an appeal on his sentence. May the merciful court rule fairly on his behalf.

James Bowers

If I can add context, I've known the DM and the other players for YEARS. The DM is going to be the best man at my wedding. It was still a kick in the dick, but a loving kick in the dick

Kyle Veach

My group did a similar thing, where the party were refugees and I played a thieves guild leader who took them in and gave them work. He became kind of a father figure to my DM's wife's character (he and I have been friends for over 25 years, I was his best man in his wedding last Dec) and a good friend to the party over months, but it was all to get everyone attached to him before a brutal betrayal by his right hand man set the hook for the upcoming arc. We planned his death for months in advance, it was perfect 😄

Kyle Veach

I think it's great 😄

Proopypants

The clap/slap and Jake's quiet "oh my god, he backhanded him!" during the bear hell blow up is chefs kiss

Georgia

I see the posts before I listen to the episode. I cannot WAIT to hear Murph blow up about bear hell

Casey Kerins

This is actually a good point!!

Chickpea Chungus

The Buddhist comment is the funniest thing I have ever heard

zach stewart

I love how Turt Murph gets about Bear Hell 😆

Daniel Griffin

I'm a lead abator, and Caldwell is exactly right about lead being sweet. It's one of the biggest reasons lead poisoning is like a perfect storm when it comes to children. -Toddlers are teething and their mouth hurts so they want to chew on things lessen the pain -Windowsills are almost the perfect hight for their mouths to line up with, as well as being made from a firm enough wood that chewing on it feels good -When lead paint is present the sill tast better than any chew ring or other toy you could buy them, so they continually go back to it -Childred are effected by lead between 10x-50x more severely than adults

Daniel Griffin

100% right they also stored all their wine in lead pitchers despite having other safer alternatives like clay. The tannons and acidity of the wine extracted bits of the lead over time, hightening the taste... but also you know, leading to their inevitable downfall as everyone subjected them selves to generations of lead poisoning

Cooper Erikson

So many of these story's come down to an idea sounding alot better in someone's head than it works out in practice.

Cooper Erikson

Balancing a fight so that it is unwinnable but doesn't feel like it's unwinnable is almost impossible.

Cooper Erikson

The best thing I've found if you want to generate that sort of experience in a TTRPG is to keep it all in narration don't let the PC's roll because it just makes the whole experience feel futile to PC's.

Adrian

I suppose (in the case of the wizard and the money stolen) the DM who could lit imagination on fire was an Artist and the wizard, well fokls, he was a Mastermind.

Droknar

Proud of Murph for not knowing what vore was 🥲

The Fun Yaunt

Thank you for defending Franklin from this slander, Murph! 🐢

MAH DICK FELL OFF

I would like to put forward some existing PRECEDENT that was ruled by Murph in c3 e38, burrowing grounds. In this episode hardwon is breifly swallowed by honeysuckle, and during that time the party is worried about bronra bronzebeard using the force cage capsule on honeysuckle, at precisely 1:19:30, Murph states that "if bronra manages to use the force cage capsule, and manages to get the serpent, she will also have captured hardwon"

KSM101

Think that is only different because he stated it's like a pokeball for capturing and it was a homebrew idea instead of a genuine spell with button up rules

KSM101

Bear hell will go down as a top 3 moment for me on not main campaign episodes and 10 top all time for ever in my life hahaha

MAH DICK FELL OFF

Even if we are going by pokeball rules they still shouldn't be able to store more than one creature inside, which is a whole other can of worms

J. Gro

Horrifying and extremely good to know!

J. Gro

My husband is on his first listen through C1, and I was just listening with him in the car to the part where, on the boat in hell, Hardwon INSISTS on wearing the little sailor costume that is imp-sized... Which became basically a bracelet... 😄

Logan B.

I can't believe they skated past "Caldwell just needed a bear-ification."

Jay S

I will straight up just tell my players ahead of time and make sure they're ok with it and clarify it's going to be a bit of a cutscene to move things along. Players should only roll dice if there's an actual possibility to succeed, however slim.

HP the Rat

the bear hell saga is the funniest non-campaign thing to ever happen on this podcast

hobblelobble

What I like about d&d court is that sometimes it’s just people telling juicy stories that are thinly veiled tattles. And for this episode in particular they are thinly veiled turtle tattles actually, and hey, I’m here for it

Kathryn Martin

Yo I need to work on myself because I know if I was in James B. shoes I would cry from the betrayal and wrongful razzing!

jesus mora

But on that logic in dnd if you fail 3 death saves you can never be revivify because the spell states creature

22 Hilda Street

I honestly might have punched either the other player or the DM in that moment

HighGrove

I can confirm that everything Murph has said about Bear Hell is Bear Canon.

AXWH

This shit is so homophobic. Why would there be a separate hell for thick, juicy, hirsute gay men?

Alexis

but imagine if this was how they delivered babies in the D&D world

Michael Graham Abernathy

Dude, this is the only case they've ever done I can think of that made me genuinely upset in real life. When he read that the DM and other player were laughing at you afterward, oh man, I had to pause the episode to simmer down. Good on you for being so good-natured about it, but I would be absolutely livid. Admittedly I'm not judging objectively, since it's eerily close to my real life (8 kids, super close, little brother died). But I think that even without that, I'd be pretty mad. Edit: oh right, I forgot you said he was revivified the next session. That soothes my ire, lol. But you still had to spend the rest of session 1 being laughed at by the guys who conspired to kill your brother!

Michael Graham Abernathy

I'm pretty sure that as soon as that dumbass gunslinger burst through the wall and they both started laughing at me, I would quietly stand up and say, "I'm gonna step outside for a few minutes to cool down. Y'all figure out a way to retcon this or I'm not coming back." I guess they did bring him back in the next session, but... idk, I'd definitely have taken some convincing to keep playing with them. I think this might be the only case they've done that made me feel genuinely upset in real life. Though in my case, it's because it's so eerily close to my real life (8 kids, super close, little brother died).

Tosha Diamond-Huey

i know I'm a year and a half behind, but turtles actually are a lot of work. the tank cleaning is a whole day every week lol