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D&D Court: Stolen Spells, Petulant Paladins, and Whacked Werehippos (Patreon)

Published:
2025-09-05 02:59:41
Imported:
2026-06
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Dungeon Court is back in session! Join Justices Murphy, Tanner and Axford, along with Bailiff Jake, as they pass judgement on your trials at the table!

CREDITS:

Sound Mixing and Editing by Trevor Lyon

Dungeon Court Theme Song by Sam Weiller

Files

Comments

yeow

Let’s goooo!!!

Brock

love when a new ep drops just in time for bed

Mnixon

Thank u Mr murph Mr wiz Mr well and ms axford

kaylee w

apple time apple time

Amanda Bouchard

I got this notification on my phone while I was trying to figure out why my neighbors were setting off fireworks. Question answered.

Mortimer Lunch

The hippo situation feels like we’re missing soooooo many extra details.

Silky

Horses run around in herds all the time, that's like their main thing. And if one horse starts running they all join in! Which is actually why you shouldn't run when you're on the pasture with them because you can cause a big runaround, and that can get dangerous for you as a squishy human. A herd of running horses CAN be scary. They won't run you over on purpose but if they're agitated and you're in the way they may just barrel you over. And horses are famously easily spooked! Though that also means that they're not a good indicator for whether there's danger because in a horse's mind there ALWAYS is. This has been horse facts 🐎

Swamplake Soundscapes

American werewolf in London stands as precedent for the choice to kill the hippo but it's wild to get left at the table for hours

diintz

murph derailing with the huey duey bit except it was totally sincere is a whole new level of murphism, im fucking losing it XDD

Lee Mulkins

just in time for a slice of cheesecake how lovely

Astrala Chrome

Guaranteed this is a great episode but I need surprise round I got a good one for viewers submisison 🙏

Martian

I actually did the Ceremony spell for exactly this in the Strahd campaign I'm in!

Maya

Hey, I’m Maya!!! Just so everyone knows, Huey and I had (a little bit of) beef for a while. I had less of a problem with Dewey because they were less of a problem player. Huey and I had in-game banter that turned hostile before, with them wanting to pursue bits and me wanting to continue the campaign. The high school sessions were only one hour!! So every time we would waste time on weird bits that amounted to nothing, I’d be stuck waiting to play until the following week. I brushed most of that bad behaviour off, but it came to a boiling point on session 4. Since then, I’ve started a campaign with my dad!! :) Thank you, your honors!!!

Amanda Dick

a minute in…That joke was for MEEEE 💀💀

Maya

Also, it didn't escalate to shouting immediately. As I tried to do with most of their bits, I wanted to let them know that the DM wasn't an actual figure in the campaign, but a storyteller. Eventually, the shouting attracted the attention of the teacher, who came over to diffuse, and ALSO ENDED UP AGREEING!!! Huey had also never mentioned their god prior. Not once. And I assume that the choice sounded cool at the moment, so I don't really "hate" them (or harbor any ill will), but it was for sure an accumulation of moments that caused me to leave. I've since graduated, and I know that at least one of the teachers who runs the club listens. If you're on Patreon: Hello! I'm sorry for leaving lol! I hope everyone is having fun :D

Verdigree

Assassins assasinate people, their job isn't to fight horses in honourable combat, they'd FLEE, a stampede IS INCREDIBLY DANGEROUS, if they don't see through the illusion, they should run for their lives to not be trampled to death

Kat !

"a lion is about to commit regicide" underrated line from caldwell that had me howling

Doctor Ransom

Flow is one of my top ten films and there’s no dialogue and it’s heartbreakingly beautiful. Everyone must watch it. Go! Stop listening to this and watch FLOW!!!

Mikel

Well pardon my stinky rinkies

rollinginthecrits

The busy world of richard scary joke was absolutely for me, Murph

sayeed

La li lu le lo Caldwell 🫡

Karl

A werewolf forgetting its the full moon and going nuts on everyone is a major plot piece in Harry Potter lol.

Alex Kennedy

There's a short british podcast series called the Bureau of Lost Things which sounds quite like Emily's abandoned sketches! It's here if anyone is interested: podbean.com/media/share/pb-s57y3-f2b77c

MitchySlaps

I can represent the Philly area. Call me ParmaJawn

PastaCortez

Ugh. It is so annoying to ask someone to roll the dice again after calling for the wrong skill check. You use the original roll and correct the modifier

Vee

That makes so much sense 😭 thanks for updating us!!

rosebramblewolf

It's not an illusion, the conjured horses are real animals. For me it depends on how close "running past them" actually is.

Pip

Yes they need to watch the hit dreamworks film sprit: stallion of cimarron as a reference

Davybouy

I want the Parma John relocation stipend to represent the brand in Europe. "Hey I'm gratin' here!" Me, Parma John EU

Max Herzog

I have a 5 month old son, that's Richard scary joke was for me too

Hugo Wull

Man that plan with the 24 horses was a bad plan. Just have them charge the assassins! The good plan was right there!

Hugo Wull

Garth Brooks had the best song called Wild Horses

Chris Truex

Except the phrasing was "run past them.". Running AT them? Sure! It'll disrupt things momentarily as the get out of the way. But running near them? Less clear. Not to mention that at most, it would distract them for a short time. They wouldn't permanently abandon their posts

Munster

unfortunately the metal grater crocs with parm charms is buttoned up

clerby

the richard scary joke was for me and the temporary tattoo of lowly that is on my desk (not joke so fr)

Sand Panda

That 1st case, the player sat there for 6 hours not playing? Yos they played themselves. If they didn't create another character and the DM didn't let them step in and join the game... nah. I'd got up and left to live life, lol. 6 hours? Cmon...

Heliks

For the Strahd spell and missing silver: Emily said it at the top: they're a cleric, they prepare spells. The spells a prepared caster has for the day aren't unknown to them, in character they would reasonably know what spells they would be ABLE to cast that day.

Leomund's Tiny Nut

Golf clap for Caldwell with the regicide jokes that everyone missed

Kelly Gilbert

I also yelled "And also for me!" out loud alone in my car.

Zeon Liberation

Yeah the hippo got set up. The DM didn’t want anything to do with the hippo and colluded with the other players to end the hippo.

The Wizard Skoolie

I was not expecting a rehashing of cluckgane bowl 😂

Hoid

I think we are all wondering the tenets and extra powers gained from getting double married. We talking a dragon ball fusion, or perhaps a JJk binding vow situation ?😂

Sei Paulson

Good news Emily - Hindu women get a toe wedding ring, you just gotta find your nearest temple

Desiree

my generous read for the player that killed the hippo is that maybe the submitter's dedication to RP contributed to them believing that they had intentionally wanted to go out this way, and maybe they thought the submitter and dm worked on making them a new character for the session. because let's face it, it sounds tough to play a were-hippo in this world. i wonder if there was ever talk of finding a cure?

Totally Offside

Rotisserie chicken case remains unresolved as it was meant to be settled via Cluckgane-bowl

Austin Gumbiner

Honestly, where can I submit my Parme-John application?

hey!

Murph softened on the players and harshened on his Worm Wife, parmcharms have ruined us all

Caitlin Sales

The Richard Scarry joke was for Caldwell and for ME !!!!

Fen Amaranth

so rib guy. my game is also weekly and because of timezones, game starts at 6 for me instead of 7 like everyone else. I get home around 5, cook and eat dinner before game time. and if it runs over? I mute and finish eating while listening to the recap, it's not hard

Shel B Kennas fav SG is welly’s number one felly

Re: hippo, the most egregious choice the DM made was having them roll DEATH SAVES! Let the players take them to 0, be unconcious and then the player can awaken post full moon. Make it an arc to solve his curse before the next moon rise cycle, or leave him there for a bit and have a short term new PC ala hardwon vampyr with jivilen. Im betting DM said yes to the canon, thought it was funny and then had to deal with the reality of it and wanted to kill them bc they didnt want to derail their own story plans. Like damn, just take them on a 2-3 session detour to get the curse lifted, feel the time crunch of the impending full moon etc. Dm killed the PC bc DM made a dumb choice. Rolling for saves when they could have just stayed at 0 and been unconcious was the worst decision, having them come back up and continue to attack absolutely fueled the players feeling their only option was to put the hippo DOWN

Sephiroth Did Nothing Wrong

The Supreme Crit overturning Cluckgainebowl in 2025 is crazy. This isn't the America I grew up in.

Xacris

re: the bag of devouring case- I don't understand, when a DM realizes it should have been a different check, why do they make them roll again rather than just add the correct modifier to the original roll? The roll wasn't the mistake, the thing that should have been added was. Just add the different number

Katie

the lowly worm joke was for me, the listener working in childrens’ book publishing

Josh Owl

Murph doubling down on the Relocation premise is actually cause for a Gigantic L. MY supreme crit would support local Parma-Johns and not outsource for travel. I can't abide by this corruption

Aiden S

One of the campaign hooks in Strahd involves getting the PCs' weapons silvered before entering Barovia (Werewolves in the Mist hook, "Harpers," pg. 21). So, I think the silver disappearing is definitely homebrew, as it's not mentioned that these weapons disappear or lose their silver when entering the mist.

🐧lost penguin familiar

Regarding the Werehippo: why didn't the dm have one of the other players do a check to find a way to solve the lycanthropy? Or the hippo can do a con save to regain control of your own body?

HolyBlasphemy

I dread the day the 2Crew follows-up on one of their myriad business ideas.

Chef Julie B

Parm Charms is great, but what about other hard cheese for Wave 2? Manchego Monocles, Gouda Glasses, Northumberland Necklace, Red Leicester Rings…

Eli Huxtable

Came here to shout it out as well! That had me cackling

Blue Oak Woodland Wizard

yeah I work around horses and even just two of them running around, which often happens for absolutely no reason, is enough to warrant finding a safe place to get out of their way. Even the most polite of horses will stop giving a fuck about where you a human are standing if they’re wilding out with a fellow equine. I love hearing podcasters’ theories about horse behavior lol

sdShine16

wouldn’t it make more sense for the mascot to be Parma Sean

Bryce Peterson

Murph just doesn’t understand how big horses truly are, smh

Nick Webster

I don't understand why they would be afraid of horses. Sure their claws are sharp but you break out a can of wet food and they're chill.

Nicole Jordan

Cluckgane bowl in my 2025? What a blessed day

Spoon_the_anonymous

I really like the part where Murph and Emily talked about how they love each other and wanted to get double married, I don’t have anything clever to say I just like it when couples love each other a lot

CyberByte

A stampede of 24 horses is pretty scary. Assuming a beefy dude is 280 pounds pure muscle, getting ran at by a 1,100 pound beast with like 4000+ pounds of force behind it if it runs through you directly. Its likely getting hit by a truck. Even just getting clipped slightly by it can put you to the ground so if I was a guard or assassin I would be scared.

A$

I’m here for relocating Parma John’s

Zaq Putnam

I love the Parma-john discourse

SeminoleDVM

Grumpy Murph reading out the Council of Elders always gets a chuckle from me

Ripley Stardust Love

I've already listened twice, all timer episode. Please never stop talking about the parma johns

The Fun Yaunt

“We were both Paladins— I don’t know why either” made me snort 🤣

Mortimer Lunch

I desperately want them to get more and more raunchy and upset him more. It fuels me.

Ryxis

This episode really hits maximum insanity.

Mich Blackie

Yay for Emily and her basil plant! ❤️

Dax Motarex

Rise and rind was pretty good

Heather Johnson

The Parma Johns sounds like a bon frères venture

Heather Johnson

Emily, can we please get a one shot of the bon frères launching the parma johns business venture at party plane costco or booze cruises

Hugo Wull

The problem is the horses just ran by. Have the horses charge the guards! The player really buffed it on that one.

Jason Petti

Yup I was coming here to comment the same thing. No reason to reroll the die, just change the modifier! I'm wondering if they were maybe playing online on something like roll20 and they just thought it easier to click the other button, but imo the first roll should stand regardless

Audro Baggins

Did anyone find the answer to the ruling for the Rotisserie Chicken person? Def curious but can’t seem to find it myself 🙃

Gabriel Graywood

The NADDPOD Overton Window needs to be studied.

Josh Flowers

The Lowly Worm joke was for me.

HorsesAreGodsHimbos

My take on Were-Hippo: the DM should’ve established before/at the beginning of the session that the one-shot was canon. Idk how common it is, but I personally haven’t played or known of any one-shots that were canon or assumed to be canon — I don’t even think any of the one-shots here have been canon — so I think it’s very understandable that the players wouldn’t have thought to ask beforehand, and would assume not canon unless the DM specified. ESPECIALLY since it was the player’s first character, and if their only other exposure to DnD has been this podcast. Not sure about the other players tho, if they had the experience or not to even think to ask . But offering to kill your party member is also wild.

tacticalgrandma

Would there ever be a way to see some of the po box items? Maybe on instagram? I’d love to see the magic cards!

Jeffrey H.

You know it’s a good ep when Murph gets lost in the tank. Also missed opportunity for branding, Croc-a-Grater. I’ll take my royalties in parm.

Turtlebum

"we parm we parm the ribs of the nation."

Chareth Cutestory

Finally a joke for the Busytown-heads in the audience, there are dozens of us

Kerry

In regards to the metal crocs, there is an artist who made a pair of cast iron crocs. They got by bustapill on instagram. So the parm charm dream is attainable.

jess?

This is what happens when the crew gaslights murph constantly, he finally loses it over parma charms

Logan Carpenter

All of these jokes are meant to distract us from the shady shit Big Parma has been doing. Absolutely lost respect for this new Jailiff Blake.

Logan Carpenter

Literally Dozens. If not Baker’s Dozens.

Alex S.

paramapup or pawmasean

Fox

I’m not just gonna sit here quietly and listen to this onion ring erasure

Taylor

Ain't no harm in a little bit of parm

Jeremy Bartley

“This is dragonpussy and it will decide who the fans are.” 🤣🤣🤣

RoyGBivIsDed

I wanted to leave a comment about the hippo case. The way the plaintiff described the situation sounds like they really leaned into the aggresive hippo behavior. And just trying to look from the other side of it, is it possible that you were never communicated to that the hippo behavior you were leaning into was actually starting to disrupt other players and this was some poor, half ass plan by the players and the DM to remove a character they didn't enjoy? I'm not defending that at all, but listening to your case that's what it sounded like to me. It kind of had the flavor of a Half Baked plot by other players to remove your character because of your hippo behavior and it was never communicated to you that maybe it wasn't something the other players were enjoying in game. I think you were done incredibly dirty. I don't excuse you getting bush-whacked by your own table. But that's what I thought of. I hope you found more fun in the game and had many more great sessions with different characters of your choosing

Ro

Do they not have Hula Hoops in the US?! Savoury crisps that your wear on your fingers like rings and pretend you’re rich?! If not I guess they’ve found a gap in the market!

Tabitha D

horse convo making me insane. if i saw 24 horses run by and they were just running around and not attacking me i would go “ooo! horses!” and nothing else.

Jeffrey H.

Oooh nice. Although we lose the brand name, and as we know, that’s everything. We need that branding or this whole venture is for squat and we might as well retire.

Billie Ash

The murph parma johns crashout has brought back Fire Marshall Murph voice from college humour.

nightyorb

I thought it, I scrolled, I saw it, I liked it.

Jeffrey H.

I’m convinced, we can do a 45-50 spilt, 5 remaining goes to naddpod for a consultation fee.

Grass

Umbrage

Courtney F.

Hearing Murph say "this joke isn't funny enough to extend it this long" knowing what happens in short rest... Is so fucking hilarious to me

Spencer Bloom

I’m interested in the Parma Jon role, I’ve heard as a benefit there’s travel.

Bess Clem

As a terminal horse girl: 24 horses running at you is deffo the kind of thing you stand your ground for, and if this is a fantasy world where assassins sometimes ride horses, I 100% believe that they'd stand there, not least because you're just not gonna outrun them, and if you take off in a new direction, at least a few horses will be like "oh shit! What are we running from?" And now you have a new problem.

M Bee

Jake's amusing & pertinent "rise & rind" quip shortly before church went largely undigested due to Murph having reached his highest energy state. 😂

Benny Marx

Am I going nuts over the horse convo? Not only is this a fantasy magical world, it's a world where everyone rides horses and there are stables everywhere? I feel like horses getting loose and packing up has to be somewhat common

Nathan Wilson

Congratulations to Emily for making her move and getting double married to Murph!

A.J.

the boys reinventing kegels but calling them "pee pinches" is so absurd

Sage deGaia

That joke was for ME Murph, don't think it didn't land!

Renee Shaw

Something I’ve always wondered is whether a werewolf transforms at Moon rise or sun set.

Evan Cordero

Saying "Sorry I was eating ribs" sounds like a Mavid kind of excuse

Salamander

Ribs eater is 100% getting high before sessions and disappears when the munchies hit

Adam!!!!!

to the confession: you don't have to cause a reroll, just have them add the right modifier

Mr. Serpentarius

Caldwells "Emily behavior at best and Caldwell at worst" was amazing insight.

Grays the Fae

According to my spreadsheet the ruling was unanimous against chicken player, except Emily who abstained. They’re getting soft!!

James Andrade

That Parma John Murph-crashout is going down in history.

CommodoreBlue

Just noticed, but in the opening did Caldwell drop a Metal Gear Solid reference with La-li-lu-le-lo? That’s an old school 8BBC ref!!!

Matt

Is this the second Richard Scarry joke from Murph at the top? I’m losing my mind trying to figure out what other episode this joke was made

Kathryn Maurer

I Nannied a kid who affectionately called me lowly cause he was always with the family.

Parker

I think it was another DND court where they sentenced someone to live in the Scarrytown of Richard Busy?

Torrey

That joke sniped me.

Goggalor

The player that just bails often, especially the session he's DMing, makes me think it's not ribs. As a recovered alcoholic, I often disappeared due to passing out. It was always embarrassing to ever admit that was why. Obviously projecting here, but the disappearing completely on the session he's DMing I just cannot believe is ribs.

poppy marten

“that’s prime rib time!” - jake best pun of the sode

Amelias Bedelias

“They’re all just little piggies with different activities” was so cute. Sounds like a line straight out of a children’s book

Kate

Extremely belated but dammit, Murph: the song is Flying Horses. FLYING. I survived a friend going through a Dispatch period and that line is burned into my brain.

Maiu

Caldwell mentioned wanting a band called Halyx... They did exist and there was an incredible retrospective on them on youtube

Hugo Wull

Do you happen to know which episode the rotisserie chicken case was discussed in?

kiarra burd

nothing quite like listening to Emily make her husband crash out while barely lifting a finger :')

Jonathan

Dinner at 5:30 was such a staple of my life that I got confused when I learned other people didn’t do that

Mike

Soon there will be conspiracies on how Big Parma is secretly adding addictive chemicals to the Parm Charms in order to make us want to hang more from our stinky rinkies

Emily

You can listen to it in the 2020 one; it’s three to four hours of content. I can’t remember it exactly but it’s in the regular feed. Specifically; it was created for the 2020 elections. I believe it’s the second or third case. Hope this helps!

Helencopter

I had that exact same thought, because everything they said made it seem like the point of that encounter was to remove that character from the game, from the DM immediately turning them back into a hippo to the whole party not intervening. But in addition to not being a good alternative to just USING THEIR WORDS to address the problem with the player out of game, not even letting them roll a new character is awful. I do wonder what happened at subsequent sessions.

LS

The thing that annoys me with the were hippo is the DM made him transform AGAIN. After he popped back up the DM should have let him stay untransformed or let them tie him down.

Nitzan Harel

My teenage D&D was taking things WAY too seriously and power gaming like a bunch of nerds

Hudson Standish

Nominating this for Best D&D Court episode for the NaadPod end of the year awards show

Kaidan C

24 horses thundering past you would undoubtedly be a terrific distraction But yeah, you can’t just tell the DM how things are, that was foolish. Knave behaviour, honestly

sjmokey

Funny enough Trader Joe’s was actually caught union busting when the unions were being formed so who’s the real traitor Joe??

Drew Worth

Or tell characters they can make a medicine check to stabilize him and leave him unconscious

Compound27

I freaking lost my mind at the end of this sode lol

Compound27

I also love that Murph can raz Emily about her hat and it still be love

Hugo Wull

I for one prefer Canadian outfit Helix but to each their own. Did that happen to be a Defunctland episode?

Maiu

Yes that's how i learned about them!