Home
Creators
Search Recent Random
Posts
Search DMs Popular Hash Lookup Tags Random
Importer
Import FAQ
Register Favorites Keys Review DMs Logout
Community
Telegram ThePornDude
Home Creators Posts Import Register Favorites Logout

D&D Court: Pilfered Portents, Hidden Ents and The Great Food Truck Race (Patreon)

Published:
2022-04-01 05:38:02
Imported:
2026-06
Tags:

Downloads

Content

AD-FREE EPISODE FOR $5+ PATRONS!

Dungeon Court is STILL in session! Join Supreme Crit Justices Murphy, Axford, and Tanner, as well the Splendiferous Bailiff Hurwitz, as we weigh in on your trials at the table.

Files

Comments

Elizabeth Warwick

I love Emily’s hemp milk call and response song so much. It’s a great blend of “give me a _______”, and “when I say ________, you say _______”. Always gives me a chuckle when I relisten.

Matthew N.

If your in the same as Emily about water try liquid death sparkling water. The crew need to do a one shot where they are all different birds lol and Murph can finally be his city pigeon self

Summer Tribe

yeah... it is. it has to hydrate you for it to be hydration. like most liquids don't do. given that water isn't the only liquid in the world and that water is the necessary part of hydration (it's almost like it's where the word came from (not that that's a valid argument for anything, but come on)). coffee and alcohol are notoriously dehydrating and my bet is gasoline isn't so good either

Jason Sherman

Murph’s low “yeah” when he is in pastor confession hearing mode are so good and on point.

Isaac K

I love this podcast and there are so many good bits, surprise meat Twix nearly killed me as I was listening at work. Cannot express how badly I needed to laugh that hard, thank you for all the laughs!

Camilla Jefferson

please make sure you’re getting electrolytes with your water! too much water in one go is not the way to do it. Murph is correct! little sips throughout the day. electrolytes are the way to stay hydrated. sodium, magnesium, calcium, and potassium

Summer Tribe

I'm beginning to think all the water haters just live in places with bad water. your body has failed you if after millions of years of evolution you hate one of the number 1 things you need to survive

LS

Could also be sensory issues

Summer Tribe

frankly sensory issues still fall within the realm of your body failing you. I say all this knowing nothing about nutrition or diet or biology, it's very possible that you can be perfectly healthy by getting your hydration thru other means, idk. I'm open to being educated I only recently found out that I'm unusual for liking stale water so all i know is idk shit

Christian Casteel

Commenting to inform everyone that on this day, Wednesday June 24th the year of our lord 2026, I was at subway and the radio was playing what I can assume with full confidence to be the "youth of a nation" song they sing every episode. It felt like like spotting the white whale while in the bath

Summer Tribe

For future me, you can skip to around the 11 minute mark to avoid listening to a case that shouldn't have taken more than a minute. Or to 13:55 if you're okay skipping all the tasty little bits during the denouement. Or like skip to uhhhhh 22ish to avoid another case that shouldn't have taken more than a minute can be skipped but then the bit at 15:45 is also delicious, but also there's a delightful convo at 19:50. Future me, what a tough position you're in trying to farm this for bits while trying to skip everything you know me to be silly. There is no player nerf going on in the ent case, the court and the players are mad about a stat block in a game they agreed to play, that's on them. Murph says the solve is often to have different friends, and he's right, but the other solve is that people shouldn't be playing 5e just cause it's popular, that's no basis to play with such a complicated (and badly edited) system

K

💜

Josh M.

Dun dun.

CJ Rasmusson

Someone is running Petals To The Metal!

ChappyThoughts

On the subject of the jackalope race, I replace movement speed with a movement skill and it makes situations like this so much better (and even combat in theater of the mind). I wrote a whole article about it at www.chappythoughts.com

Taylor Vos

Don't let the folks at r/hydrohomies hear this one

Avasashado

lol shout out to TAZ

Mick

Emily, get your cordial game on. Water in take is important. There is a great brand in Australia called Bickfords. Also check out a soda stream if you don't have one. It carbonates your water at home and pays off in the long run. Get both together, then you get a hydration party happening! Also, as someone who was a kid and grew watching it, your wind in the willows mixed bag was one of the funniest things I have ever listened to. You guys should check out a show called The Animals of Fathering Wood. It was a super depressing critter focused British children's show.

David Hamet

Water IS gross. I stand with Emily 100 %.

Eleanor

RE: treants, I've been looking up lots of plant creatures for a campaign I'm running for my friends where we have an established theme of unpredictable nature and a character who always looks for plants, and I noticed that a lot of Monster Manual plant monsters just say that they're indistinguishable from normal plants unless they move, but a new Wild Beyond the Witchlight treant variant can be noticed with a DC 18 investigation, which made me think this has been like a big known issue and I've decided that that's what I'll use for all plants who aren't deliberately rolling stealth.

Casey Wittner

I’m SO with Justice Axford, water is a garbage liquid and really, really have to force it down to be even slightly healthy. Mineral water helps, and lemons.

Nolan Childerhose

You think anyone chopped the butt off that treant?

Austin Gill

Am I the only person who actually likes drinking water wtf

Lorelei and Kyra Newly Weds

Just like everything in life, I improve my water by teabagging it . Aside from that the motions of the sea preferably stay away from my gullet

Cody Wright

You are supposed to drink half your weight in ounces in water a day

H-Train

nah i do too

Evan Achenbaugh

I really hate when people try to add critical fumbles to Nat 1 attack rolls. Congrats you auto miss this attack and now I am going to punish you even more based on something that has a 5% chance of happening. Also lets make martial characters even worse by punishing them for rolling Nat 1s while spellcasters just continue to be awesome. It really just rubs me the wrong way, I am sure there is a cool and fair way to do it, but I have never seen it.

HalfLighter

I could have sworn that one of you was in the Adam Ruins Everything about water consumption myths.

Austin Gill

We need to rise up against tgis anti water regime lol

lloyd hernandez

Took a nutrition class and you are supposed to drink half of your body weight in fl oz of water

Micah

Any liquid you intake is hydration. It is of course better to drink straight water. I make like super cold and have a great thermos. Cold cold cold water. Just sipping throughout the day.

GREYFOX!!!!!

Emily the average woman only needs 2.7 liters through out the day not all at once. It also varies based on how much physical activity you are undertaking and how hot it is where you are at. There's also many other factors, also you can just drink when your thirsty

Penny Garbo

I agree, water sucks. I like to stick to the frost series of Gatorade, personally.

HalfLighter

Also re: the jackalope question I think you guys might have misread the question. To me it sounds like both Cinnamon and the Druid ended up pulling the cart together, the DM just didn’t give it the mechanical effect of boosting the cart’s speed.

Brendan R Colquitt

I understand the dms perspective in the treent it does say imperceptible in the ability description as in cannot be perceived. However a nat 20 should be honored. I'd say do something in the middle. Maybe they are surprised but the treent has disadvantage on attacks for the surprise round or they get an AC bonus for it or something

Jacob Coates

They should have also seen this episode of TAZ smh

BassToad

A bank with unusual plant growth? A tree in the lobby? Sometimes just doing a one for one Adventure Zone. But also I guess no one on the show listens to Adventure Zone? Because I'm sure they would have recognized this pretty quick if they did listen to it

J Harkins

You only need to drink water when you're thirsty none of that 8 glasses a day or x ounces stuff matters your body is the only indicator that matters

Metagamer Shamer

Came here to say this. I knew they were running a Balance campaign from the moment they mentioned the bank lol Murph has definitely mentioned TAZ before, he has listened.

Adam Baker

I will drink my water and rewrite my campaign to add more Cinnamon. Humbly deserving and I thank you

Adam Baker

That was the point of my question and yes both Cinnamon and the Druid pulled the cart together; Justice Axford did say rather quickly that it would have messed with the mechanics, so I think on that point they agreed with me. They focused on me getting in the way of the player’s move.

Sam Taz

I agree with Emily- water is gross!

Scott

We need to get Justice Oyama back because the court has drifted far too north.

Michael Coggins

It literally states "indistinguishable". You cannot perception find a mimic. You cannot perception find a treant. You would need arcana or nature to find them. Not going to happen with perception. D&D is all about how you approach things, a nat 20 perception does not give you cross over into arcana and nature and shit like that.

Martian

I agree with Emily! Water is gross!!

Michael Lovell

Water is 100% gross. There's a reason why there's a billion different drinks that are just different ways of making water tolerable. Emily speaks truth

Signe Krantz

The case about nat ones in Avernus was interesting, because having nonmagical weapons break on nat 1s is a suggestion in the adventure under "Life in The Nine Hells" on how to impart that Avernus is miserable and torturous, although the DM seems to have increased it to two nat 1s. It also suggests that food tastes like ash and water tastes like bile, undercutting successes with small backsteps like snapping your favorite belt or getting rewarded for doing evil tasks. That's probably the context of the DMs rule. With that said, it's a fine line between being in an in game miserable context and feeling like it's unfair and not fun for you as a player, so every table should discuss what level of day to day in game misery they're comfortable with. If I ran the campaign, I'd maybe have most looted weapons be cursed and corrupted and most uncorrupted weapons be very expensive. As to not hinder the players and give them options but still imparting a sense that nothing in Avernus is permanent or to be trusted.

Crankysister

I know that the "big water" comment was a joke, but it's not far from the truth. Nestle water and its subsidiaries actually have funded some of the fear-mongering stories that people aren't drinking enough water. Those studies also have serious problems with the way they measure dehydration, so they end up pathologizing results that are completely normal in order to sell more bottled water.

Martian

Emily makes a really good point with the sync up part because you can't just add an animal mid race. You have to have the right equipment and can't hook it up mid movement

Dallon Taylor

LET HER SPEAK. SHES RIGHT. WATER IS GROSS

EggBilly

Water's good.

Thomas Faulkner

I bet the second Case’s Treant was named Trent. Campaign seems familiar lol.

Mortimer Lunch

Emily you’re not supposed to water board yourself! It’s supposed to be throughout the day!

jackalope503

I'm really loving the slowly emerging segment of Murph's DM Sweat Lodge. Pour a little water on the hot rocks, steam up the room and lets hear more panicking DM cases, I'm here for the sweat!

Pearl of a Girl Nursery

I’m so on board with Emily’s opinion of water lol get us all hooked up to an IV drip so we don’t have to worry about it! Though an interesting thing I’ve discovered is get yourself a small cup. Weirdly, I find myself craving it more when I have a small cup I have to keep refilling. And I feel more accomplished when I lose track of how many cups I’ve drank, compared to a giant water bottle that I only get through 1/4 of and then I get mad at myself lol

Penny Garbo

I'll just say this. When it comes to team draft animals emily is very right, if the oxen, or jackalopes in this case, need to work as a team which takes time. The bigger issue is the rigging on the food wagon. A single horse cart is not set up to hitch a team to. Sing carts has parallel shift that go on both side of the animal. A team wagon has a single shaft that goes between the animals.

Natural 20 Self-crit

Absolutely batshit insane that Emily says water is gross while drinking Kombucha

Kailey Langer

Dang I gotta hook y’all up with my 86 oz big ass water bottle with a shoulder strap it has a straw and I suck that shit down no problem

Shane C

As someone who solely drinks water I'd like to argue that water is good

Grass

God, Murph’s former Catholicism is too relatable

King of the City Pigeons

Emily should watch the episode about football in Adam Ruins Everything. TL:DR Basically, you should drink when your thirsty.

Thraxina

I was curious about it because it's very similar to what happens in the original Baldur's Gate game until you clear Nashkel Mines so I looked into it and that rule is in fact part of the module

A Tiny Living Room

Yeah fully agree on that one. I feel like part of the power for those monsters are their indistinguishable traits.

Jack M

For mixed bag can we please get some British food reviews? British fast food? British breakfast? Give me a British gas station energy drink review I need it

Aspen

https://youtu.be/OWASUMMQjj8 an Adam Ruins Everything ep about hydration! you’re right to hate chugging water emily, there’s no online calculator that’s better at knowing how much you should drink than your own thirst

Mick

Mandatory inclusion of the Scotch Egg

Zee Perry

I'm pretty sure Emily was one of the writers in addition to being a major character on that show. So I'd err on the side of assuming she's likely aware of this. It could be that she was doing a kinda-real/kinda-not bit here as a joke, since she is a professional comedian and this is an episode of her comedy podcast.

GumnutViking

As a farrier/ blacksmith id be happy to have that dm work with me for the day as there punishment

GM

Drinking a glass of water in the morning is a punishment and I appreciate Emily for bringing this to the court's attention. Also a delight anytime Murph says 'worter' ((water))

Maya B

The water problem seems very millennial to me lol. Gen Z kids carry water bottles everywhere (lesson: Murph an old soul, he's a very young soul??)

Aspen

oh god yeah I know, let me clarify if this seemed rude or weird! I am definitely assuming competence and trusting that she’s fine and I know it’s all exaggerated for the bit, I just thought of this episode and thought it’d be a funny way to validate her frustration with hydration. I’m sorry about how this came across though I’ll be more thoughtful next time!

SolemnSeagull

No frogs were harmed in the making of this - you can't harm the willing. 😅

James Lloyd

Emily (and Jake) I think that you were both over hydrating. This is something that I am guilty of and my doctor has insisted that I limit the number of glasses of water a drink per day. My anxiety probably drives me to drink more water and then what is considered normal healthy and even at my current 12 glasses a day my doctors would rather I reduce down further. Also the standard definition of a glass (250ml) is a lot smaller than what I first thought.

Richard Dufault

Portent on advantage rolls - I would also rule as Murph did. One of the two rolls becomes a 1. This is how we do luck checks and halfling luck as well.

Rob Fay

Big woof with Jake conflating Ireland and the UK. They are separate states with a huge history of Ireland being colonised for 800 years by the British... not that I would hold it against that handsome Prince but you wouldn't want to make that mistake in Ireland.....

Grant Klein

Come to Kansas City please that would be awesome! (Also I love that you guys know tommy Siegel, I’ve met him at a couple jukebox the ghost shows, he’s very nice)

Gino Agostinelli

The treant case is literally a major scene from TAZ: Balance. I do remember being upset about that 20 not being honored properly. Oh well, Trent got his ass chopped

Stations & Starships

The Dasani water calculator told me 32 glasses per day... 🤔

OGBlake

In regards to the cinnamon case I would like to propose the addition of a simple new mechanic where in five below half speed 15 above double speed rest equals normal

OGBlake

If it doesn't feel impactful enough you can allow them to add a plus one

Crits

Murph is fully in that episode lol. In fairness I probably wouldn’t remember tips from 6 years ago either

WALTER HOFFMAN

Sorry but this tree Ent reminds me of the scene from The Adventure Zone, petals to the metal ark.... Anyone else know what I'm talking about?

HalfLighter

It's just now occurring to me the person who wrote in is literally describing that episode of TAZ. Didn't Magnus get a Nat 20 Perception roll in that?

Derek Cox

Shoutout to Jake for proper pronunciation of "Kan-city"

Summer Tribe

you should actually be dead. your survival instincts don't lead you to the number one thing we need to live. repent

Summer Tribe

if only you had taken the time to read other comments

Summer Tribe

the creature literally has a trait saying it's indistinguishable. the perception check is a)something the player shouldn't be asking for but the dm calling for and b) should provide any other details. a perception check isn't supposed to subvert the rules of the game

Summer Tribe

isn't that just factually inaccurate

Micah

Nah... it isn't.

Lil’ Stinky

Summer, you’re being very snarky all up in this whole comment section. This is a fun community for a fun podcast, let’s try to keep it light!

Heather C-E

I 100% agree with Emily. Water is gross and I am said that I need it to live. Why can't I just stick with tea, Sprite zero and and flavored sparkling water in an emergency?

Heather C-E

I'm GenX and hate water. My Mom is Boomer and she hates water.

Heather C-E

I'm with her. Hate water, love kombucha.

Stacie W

Yes. Please come to Kansas City.

Vayne

WATER IS GROSS? Emily, I'm with you through thick and thin, but you gotta fuckin hydrate

James Jones

Cue me running to the comments to see if there are any other taz people

John

Hoptea in Boulder! Love that stuff, their “brewery” is right behind my old apartment.

Tess Nicola

Did anyone else notice that the Tree Ent question was directly about The Adventure Zone Petals to the Medal?!? It was about Taako and Trent the tree ent!

Tess Nicola

Hahahaha read through more comments! So so funny!!

heaps and heaps of worms

Im like 85% sure that the player WAS running beside Cinnamon. Because the wording was "you won't double the speed, but you'll have advantage on checks to soothe her because she's happy to have a friend". As in, she's happy there's another direjackalope there running with her.

Gearbox

I agree, I'd go so far as to appeal the case. I think the case was misread, misinterpreted, and misjudged.