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Tortle Tank Pitches (Patreon)

Published:
2022-08-22 15:06:06
Imported:
2026-06
Tags:

Content

Hello NADDPOLES! The Tortles are diving back into the tank. We're looking for players and DMs to pitch Homebrew rules and creations for us to invest our eggs in.

Please comment with your ideas here on this post. Try to be as succinct as possible so we can get to as many as we can!

Love,

Jake

Comments

Tyler Kervella

are we only getting one episode this month?

Amanda E.

Hello business-tortles, Do you have players constantly begging for expensive loot that they never use or only use to upset small local economies then leave the communities ultra vulnerable to the next evil doer that comes by? Well, I have a product for you! The Language Learning Book is a tantalizing treasure that can be found on any investigation check a conspiring DM sets. This arcane book activates the moment a player starts reading it and it takes a minimum DC20 to uncover the nefarious magic. The Language Learning Book's purpose isn't to help the reader learn a language, rather to steal one of the reader's languages. A player will roll a die equal to their number of languages, and let's say they roll a 5, then the 5th language on the player's list is the one they lose permanently. So! For 7 eggs and a 42% share of my company, you can be a proud co-owner of this literally life changing product. Thank you.

Daniel James

Hi Torts, You’ve all heard of the Necronomicon, but I’m here to tell you about a brand new homebrew artifact you can place in any campaign: the Anachronomicon. This legendary tome works much like the Wild Magic table, allowing players to summon anachronisms ranging from hilarious to deadly. Access the power of time and space to summon a futuristic laser gun in your low magic campaign, or distract the BBEG with an unlucky family who took a wrong turn on their way to the Grand Canyon. I’m looking to partner with someone who appreciates a good shenanigan to help build out more summons. The opportunities are endless, don’t get left behind in the dark ages.

Declane Gilhooley

Rolling a Nat 20 on saving throws that would give half damage on a successful save, gives no damage

Luke

Hi tortles especially jake, who deserves his own, cooler nest (… do turtles live in nests??) I would like to pitch hero dice. Basically a dice that when roled allows your martial character to do something that isn’t strictly on their sheet. Want to swing from a chandelier, or camber onto a troll, or jump into a dragons mouth. Simply roll a hero die and find out if the fates on are you side. At level 1 you get proficiency mod number of d4 per day. Do some wild hero shit, role the dice on a 3 or higher your succeed. As you level up the dice gets bigger d6 at 5th level etc so your odds of success increase as you level. For this idea I’d like 1 egg that keeps getting bigger and isn’t ominous.

Blake Rea

Greetings wise and noble Tortles, including Jake. My pitch is for a homebrew item called a Thought Vault. This golden sphere has 6 concentric circles on different sides. In the center of each is a glyph surrounded by 28 smaller glyphs. The holder of this item, once attuned with it, may assign a code using the glyphs and use an action to transfer one thought or memory into the item. Once transferred the thought or memory cannot be read through Detect Thoughts or a similar effect. The holder is aware that they had a thought or memory and that it is in the Thought Vault, but they do not know it. They may extract the thought by inputting the code into the Thought Vault. Anyone else who knows the code may access the memory. The memory is lost if the Thought Vault is destroyed. I await your thoughts hat in hand, sincerely Aron R

Amarpal

To the all powerful tortles and Tortle Jake who is slightly bigger and shinier. I bring you the magical item of The bleeding trident: at the cost of 5 hit points per level of spell (cantrip 5HP, level 1 10HP etc) a player wielding the trident can sacrifice this amount of health to store a spell in the trident. The trident can only store one spell per day and at the end of the day it disappears. The player can chose to activate the spell at any time before the next sunrise. I am offering 33.3% recurring for 33.3 percent recurring of all your eggs. All your love Mr I’m your pal.

Hop The Dancing Rabbit

Hello tortles, I come to you today with a great invention called the Mask of Many Things. The mask of many things is like a Deck of Many Things, minus any potential wish spells. You put it on, it fuses to your head until it “draws” the amount of cards you wanted. At the end all the effects occur, but you have 20 seconds before any negative effects occur so you may use your positive effects to counteract any potential prison gems. This mask is only wearable by the person who obtained it (typically from selling their soul) and if worn by someone else it does all the effects of a deck of many things on the wearer and destroys itself. I’m looking for a steady biweekly income of 1000 eggs, thank you

Mr SillyHead

Card Shark: a ranged Rogue subclass (dex+cha) playing with a deck of standard 54 cards. Takes the subtlety of rogue and adds a new spin of gambling with the fates and an exciting bit of randomization and ammunition management! I made a very beginner DNDBeyond homebrew subclass of it, it may need lots of work but its an idea at the very least.

Skillful Ferret

I propose; If you get down to one death save, instead of rolling you have the option to use your life force to be back up to half health but you WILL die in the next session from having used up your life force. Allows you time to wrap things up with your character and potentially save the party while having a big hero moment. I am willing to offer the entirety of this idea in exchange for you reading this idea.

Keanu DRAMAFACE

Dear Tortles. This idea is going to fertilize them eggs. Y’all feel eggstatic? Don’t get all runny yolk style at this idea, cause this one’s hard boiled. I have racked my brain trying to figure out a fun ruling that allows spellcasters to crit in combat. But, doing double damage on a spell? Preposterous! That’s literally fucking crazy. And I’m sure tortle Murphy agrees. So, here is my ruling. If a spell caster crits on a spell attack OR an enemy combatant rolls a Crit Fail on a saving throw, it does FULL damage. This allows spellcasters to do exceptional in combat without absolutely dunking an encounter. (For this to work, I think you also must declare what level of spell before rolling as well) Anyway, what say you? I want a googolplex of eggs for a 75% stake.

Merky Vids

Humble greetings, Jake! And the rest of the tortles, I guess. As a DM, do you wish your players had that one small boost to ace that History check or vital saving throw without you having to throw them a bone behind the screen? As a player, do you wish there was a consistent and tangible way your patron or god could help you without always having to beseech them? I present to you: the Balance Dice system! Based on the Star Wars TTRPG's "destiny tokens", balance die consist of a universal pool of six d6s - three belong to the players, and three belong to the world (the DM) at the start. In all respects, they function as Bardic Inspiration that can be used by anyone. When the players use one, that die changes hands from the players' pool to the world's, and vice versa when the DM uses one for an NPC in the world. These dice represent the contributions of esoteric, deific, or otherwise highly powerful forces in the world attempting to subtly influence events without overt intervention. (For context, I use this system in a Greek mythology-inspired campaign where the gods are very present.) While it may seem like a straight-up gift to the players, the system comes with built-in drama. Every time they use a die, their next encounter could be that much more dangerous because the enemy has more Balance Dice. Or if the powers that be in your world shift drastically, the Balance Dice can reflect that mechanically: limit the players' side to a maximum of 2 or 3 dice if events aren't going their way, or limit the DM's pool if they've performed a significant feat for their god(s). As a DM who generally leans north (or whichever direction 20 is in) and wants to see his players get their asses kicked but ultimately succeed, Balance Dice have proved a boon to my game, and will hopefully be a boon to others. I am seeking a mere 20 eggs for startup costs and buying dice, as well as a signed copy of Tread Nevers' first EP.

Two Deers Beep

Hello my great and glorious Turdises. I hope you’re ready to shell out for this eggcelent idea. The I’ve always been here. For the first 5 levels of any campaign I run I allow my players to retool any new character or change classes. In game all characters will act as if that person has always been in the party and or is the same person, even if it’s a halfing rouge turning into a Goliath barbarian that’s just Fred he’s always been here. It helps everybody end up with the character that fits best in the party and gets rid of those pesky write offs/ introductions. The I’ve always been here can be yours for the low cost of half of your unlimited supply of eggs for a 69% stake in the company.

Alex Ferri

Greetings Tortle Tank! You will not need to shell out your entire savings for this fun and (mostly) harmless mechanic. For a small price of 1 egg, fresh or frozen, I will give you full intellectual property and copyrights to my home brew masterpiece-the jellybean roll. I DMd a Harry Potter themed campaign, and when I wanted to reward/punish a player I had them in-game eat a Bertie Bott’s every flavor bean. I had a list of 100 flavored beans- 50% were bad flavors with a not great magical effect (disadvantage to your next ability check or your first spell backfiring so you are puking up slugs and are incapacitated for 1 round of combat) and 50% were good flavors with a positive magical effect (inspiration, you can cast fly on yourself one time, advantage on an ability check). But they had an equal chance of being rewarded for “bad” behavior or being punished for “good” behavior. Mostly if they were goofing off, not paying attention or making good/bad puns at the table. I know there are some flaws in this system, but I would love to enter the tank with you to make this more 5e livable! Thanks, Alex

Andrew O'Connell

Greetings esteemed Tortles! Today, I am presenting the Oracle's Shop: In addition to providing your typical divination spell services (e.g. Identify, Augury, etc.), visitors to the shop can have their fortune told for a small (~10 gp fee). The fortune telling consists of laying out three tarot cards (or regular playing cards with tarot equivalents) representing the characters past, present, and future. The first two give the player the opportunity to explore their past and present circumstances while the future card activates a 1st level spell that will take effect at some point over the next day at the DM's discretion. These spells are associated with the meaning of the card and include spells such as Bless, Bane, Comprehend Language, and Gift of Alacrity. Thusfar the resulting readings have been potent and unnervingly accurate. With you eggs and support, we will be able to expand to create an unrivaled multidimensional Oracle business dynasty.

Paint Ninja Workshop

Sup sup sup? Introducing the INSPIRATION STATION! At the end of each play session I take my players to the INSPIRATION STATION. I allow my players to vote on another player to receive one inspiration point that can be cashed in to get advantage on one future roll. Player with most votes gets to use their inspiration token during the next week's session. Qualifying factors for a vote are: great roll play moments, clutch crits, or clever ideas during a session. The INSPIRATION STATION rewards cohesive play within the party. 69 eggs please!!!

Omar

To the esteemed tortles and also Tuckers roommate, I come to you with a homebrew pitch I call "Alternative Casting Abilities" which I am willing to sell for 6 eggs, one for each ability score. Sometimes I've had players want to play a certain type of character/class, but feel as though the attributes they need to expend in order to make that work don't vibe with the character (A bookish nerd Pact of the Tome Warlock, for instance). To this end, I've allowed spellcasting players to swap any 3 of the casting stats (Wis, Int, Cha) DURING CHARACTER CREATION no matter which class they're playing so that they can fully realize their fantasies and I only have one rule - no broken multiclass shenanigans! So far it's an offer rarely taken but the few who have have really enjoyed being a smart cleric or a charismatic druid. This also allows for sorcerer/CHA Eldritch Knights or cleric-y/WIS Eldritch Trickster rogues

Dave 3D Art

Greetings Tortles, As a previously trusted entrepreneur having created invisible rope, I present another successful magic item from my workshop. The Planar Grain. This single piece of Basmati rice is capable of absorbing up to 159 litres of a water based liquid once per long rest. This liquid is transported to the elemental plane of water. If used three long rests in a row, a portal from the elemental plane of water opens up, and the user begins combat with 2d4 Tritons. If consumed by a player or NPC they're constitution ability score decreases by 2 for the next 3 long rests or until greater restoration is cast. The Grain comes out clean at the other end. I am requesting 4 eggs for a one year license of Planar Grain, and associated intellectual property. Yes, thsi includes Grainy the Plane; the beloved mascot. It's weird, but it sells.

Pamphleteer

Greetings esteemed Tortles, I am an important businessman here to present my million egg baby, a homebrew item so powerful that it wrecked many of my plans multiple times in a Ravnica campaign. Presenting, the Arresting Orb. This magic item is a +1 spell focus with the ability to cast the Banish spell once per long rest. If successful, the creature is banished into the Orb and it becomes a +2 spell focus item. The user can release the creature at any time, or destroy the trapped soul and in doing so cast a spell (determined by DM at the time of creature capture). For example, a captured skittering horror allowed our Warlock to cast Maddening presence, one of the unique abilities to that stat block. Tortles, I think this magic item could sow some needed chaos in any campaign and is almost guaranteed to make the DM regret putting it in the game.

Brayden Rittner

Hear me, Tortles, and rejoice, for I introduce you now to constitution casting. All casters may choose to cast a spell using constitution. When they do this, their spell save DC and attack roll are recalculated with their CON modifier. When a caster uses constitution to cast, they are pulling from their very essence to enact their will. A caster can constitution cast a spell up to the maximum level spell slot they have. Casting with constitution does not expend a spell slot, instead, roll a number of d6s equal to the casted spell’s level. The caster must make a constitution saving throw equal to 12 + the spell level they cast. On a failed save, the caster takes the full damage from the d6s and suffers a level of exhaustion. On a successful save, they take half as much damage and suffer no levels of exhaustion. I ask for your slimiest egg in exchange for full ownership of this idea.

mira

Hello Tortles, good morning. Today I am pitching an extension of the chuck check. When rolling an opposing check against the DM, a player may request to roll their dice “bey blade style.” The DM and the player roll their dice at the same time in a bowl. If one die is knocked out of the bey blade arena, the other one automatically succeeds. If one die is blown apart like a bey blade, it is an automatic crit. If neither of those two things happen it’s just a way for the player to go head to head with their DM, physically. I am requesting Emily’s eggs and the sound of Murph and Emily doing this on the pod.

ptak_sobie

Hey there Tortles, One of my players loves being able to deal titanic amounts of damage with his paladin smites and multiple attacks, and he always enjoys being able to face down big bad's. As such, I gave him a magic item that allows him to sacrifice 1d12 HP to regain 1 spell slot, or add more d12's to the sacrifice to regain more spell slots. All it takes is a bonus action, and it allows him to use HP as a more versatile resource in planning his battle strategy. So far, we've moved one unit, but our profit margin is immense! (The profit in question being fun). All I'm asking is 12 eggs for a 50% stake, or a Salt Lake live show for the whole company.

Michael Millar

To the tiny tortles gently perched on their watery pedestals. I bring to you the double shield cleric. I, as a long time DM, wanted a challenge so as a player asked if I could run a character who wouldn’t attack. Working with my DM we created a mechanic where I could sacrifice half my movement to “hunker” which meant pulling out my second shield and gaining an additional +2 to my AC. It also took half my movement to put the shield away and I could not move while hunkered. I paired this with the Astral Elf from the new spelljammer books so I could misty step my “hunkered wall” in front of downed Allies and heal them on subsequent turns. I’m offering 100% of this idea for just one egg as I found running a character who doesnt have a weapon is not very fun ;)

dani

Greetings tortles! I stride forward, giving a firm handshake with a winning smile before awkwardly giving a half-hearted wave in Jake's general direction. I am running an Edwardian-era lovecraftian campaign for my older brother and his friend. Throughout the campaign, whenever my players encounter something beyond mortal comprehension or just plain freaky, they must make a sanity check for a preset DC. The checks are dice roll plus wisdom AND intelligence modifiers (to make it a little more fair for those who aren’t smart or aren’t wise) If they fail the check by less than 5, their next sanity roll has a -5 to it. If they fail the check by 5 or more, they are overtaken by a short term insanity effect. Effects are on a table and range from babbling incoherently to being irrationally terrified of ears. This is to emulate the gradual wear and tear on their psyche, everyone will succumb to the madness of the void eventually. Short term sanity effects and the -5 penalties reset after a long rest. If a player crit fails on a sanity check, they get a long term insanity effect, like arachnophobia, a compulsive need to speak in rhymes, or some other fun thing from a table I’ve created/edited from other sanity charts. Additionally, if they die and are revivified, they get a long term insanity effect. The madness beyond the veil has begun to take its hold. I humbly ask for no eggs, only a small blood oath to Azu’thr’eyh, The Shackled Void (good luck pronouncing it Jake). ps Jake I think you’re great and I’m so sorry for shitting on you but it had to be done

Brian Lawrence

Hello esteemed Tortles, I'd like to present to you the Memory Mage. The memory mage is an NPC your party can encounter that offers to exchange a memory of theirs with one of your player's memories. The players can chose a proficiency, spell, background, skill, etc. to sacrifice to the memory mage. The player then gets to roll a d100 plus a bonus depending on the potency of the sacrifice. The memory mage gives you a new trait based on the result of the d100. This gives players a chance to change their traits and opens the floor for storytelling the memory that is sacrificed. I'm offering this homebrew for the memory of having one million moist eggs.

Skillful Ferret

If I am tortley enough for the tortle club, I present to you, roleplay revenue. I was running a detective agency in a metropolis campaign and to encourage roleplaying, at the end of each session I had my players petition for gold. I told them that they each have other investments that depending on how interactive they were in the session they could pull in more gold or revenue from their other investments. For example if a character came up with the plan the team used on a case, successfully persuaded an NPC, or did the most damage they had the chance to mention it to me as the DM for additional gold usually for around 5-20gold per petition. Though campaigns may require some specialty items to allow acquiring the gold if someone is playing a secluded campaign, I think the premise serves as a fun, light incentive for players to become more engaged. I am willing to sell this idea for insert fan art request here.

Herr Fryer

Oh wise and thrifty investors in a half shell (and Jake) - I am pitching my spell juicer mechanic, which offers magic users a way to get more spells, at a price. Because let’s face it if spells require mental energy you don’t just stop a task when you run out of creative juices, you continue at risk of doing a maybe inspired but probably crappier job than usual. I am asking for a small bag of holding’s worth of eggs in return for 69% of the idea. Full details are here: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Gq3B5vwuxdhOlnXIR17x9RZloAc6Zz4usVqTbaussZo

Adam Johnson

Hello terrific Tortles. With the current campaign relying on healing potions, I have a simple homebrew brew I've been using in my own campaign to offer. Using a bonus action to use a potion is like normal, roll the dice and see how much you recover. If you instead use a full action to use a potion, you instead get the max healing possible from the potion. I'm asking for several eggs to add to my bathtub brew for a 75% stake.

Justin LeBlanc

Hail and well met torts, Having some problems with players abusing inherent flight? Tired of making up excuses for your 3rd level party to fight enemies with mages and archers? Try these modified flight rules! At level 1, flying characters can use their flying abilities to slow their fall like using the spell feather fall so long as they are not incapacitated. At level 3, they can fly their fly speed during their turn but MUST land on a solid surface or fall(same rules as level 1 falling) At level 5, they gain full access to their flight. This is the level when spell casters can gain access to the Fly spell, and you can much more easily add ranged combatants to your encounters. As someone who loves to play flying characters for role play and aesthetic purposes, this compromise eases most DM’s concerns while still maintaining some power to the player. Consider this a donation, all proceeds should go to support DM’s who’ve been emotionally scarred by Aarakocra players.

Sam Wilton

Tortle Tank Hello generous Tortles and regular guy Jake. Do we make fun of Jake on this show, or is that reserved for D&D court? …I can’t remember so I’ll stay neutral. Anyways, when starting a new campaign my friends and I have decided that instead of using point-buy, or rolling individually for our stats, that we would roll six times as a group and use those numbers to determine our stats. This is because we’ve had one too many campaigns where someone rolls way higher/lower than the group, and one character ends up feeling way too good/bad at everything compared to the others. You can still place the rolls in whichever stat you would like. How does the Tank feel about group rolls for stats? Gimme dem eggs 🥚

Austin Johnson

We have a home rule in which if you bring snacks to the game your character gets a point of inspiration. It has started kind of a cold war between the various bakers in our group trying to one up each other and they are making way too many cookies and treats, but is that really a problem?

IndieRex

Greetings tortles! Do you ever find your leathery exteriors shaking in frustration from a player who spends far too long haggling at a shop? Or perhaps there’s a special someone in your life that deserves a cursed item to make their day just a little bit more "special". Well I have the perfect weapon for these situations - a great investment for savvy investors in half shells! Easier to read link: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1LP2Y2FT6LqFR56avZNqwsF7wwSTy3KIorBaPC-NJvXk/edit?usp=sharing Clark, the Sword of Unwarranted Warnings Weapon (longsword), rare (requires attunement) You gain a +1 bonus to attack and damage rolls made with this magic weapon. Clark also warns you of danger from its perspective yelling out things such as "Danger ahead!", "I have a bad feeling about this", and "We are all going to die!". Unfortunately the sword is a poor judge of danger, and is more often wrong than right. At the DM's discretion, while the weapon is on your person, it will call out when it believes danger is near. This includes yelling to awaken you and your companions if any of you are sleeping naturally when the supposed danger strikes. An identify spell reveals the curse on the sword. Sentience. Clark is a sentient weapon of chaotic good alignment, with an Intelligence of 12, a Wisdom of 4, and a Charisma of 8. It has hearing and darkvision out to a range of 120 feet. The weapon can speak and understand Sylvan, Elvish, and Common. Personality. Clark is overly protective of his owner, often warning away others, even potentially party members, if he perceives them to be any sort of threat. As a result, it takes only 1 minute for a character to gain attunement with the sword. Despite his terrible track record in recognizing danger, Clark is impossible to convince that he was mistaken. Instead he will believe that he was in the right and that the threat passed or that it's always "better safe than sorry" in his book. Curse. This sword is cursed, and becoming attuned to it extends the curse to you. As long as you remain cursed, you cannot discard the sword, which immediately teleports back into your sheathe or pack if separated from your person. The curse can only be broken if another creature willingly accepts the sword from you or through the use of the wish spell. This also immediately ends your attunement with Clark. - IndieRex

Joey G

Hello Tortoles, one of the most fundamental things to adventurers is stealing things, its in their blood. But storage space can be such a pain, so I would like to present you with The Bag of Other People's Goodies. This special bag of holding can only hold things that were stolen (specifically stolen, not allowed to be taken). If you attempt to put in something that wasn't stolen it will shoot out at the one attempting to do so with an attack of +5 doing a d6 damage, breaking breakable objects. It comes loaded with 90 random, non-magical objects. When reaching in for something you know is there you get it with no issues, but if you try to get something you aren't sure, roll a d100, get a random item from the chart, with a 10% chance to get something random the dm decides was put in there. For this I would request at least 100 eggs, not including those that I have stolen and placed in the bag already

BassToad

Hello Tortles! Thank you for letting me into your Spawning Grounds. I have for you today a system for allowing modification of spells. I've encountered a situation several times while DMing where a player wanted to cast a spell to produce an effect outside of it's normal effects. I used to get flustered, confused and thrown off by these requests, but now with this simple system I don't have that problem. First, the player selects the spell that they want to modify for this casting. Let's say a player wants to use Plant Growth to grow a natural cage around a target. We take the spells level (3rd) and add it to 15, equaling 18. This is the DC required for the Skill check. The player then rolls a D20 + Their casting modifier. If they succeed, the spell is modified as they intended for this casting. If they roll under, the spell is cast as it normally would be, and if they fail by more than 5 then the spell goes out of control, causing potentially dangerous side effects. The only limitation is that you cannot modify a spell to do something that another spell already does, like use Major Illusion to disguise a group of people, because Seeming already does that. I'm requesting an initial investment of one tossed salad and a scrambled tortle egg all over my face. Thank you for your time, Tortles.

ThatManGareth

Sup Turt Tank, My suggestion is a radical change to inspiration that will completely change the control the players have over the story. Inspiration is old and outdated, only giving advantage when there's already other ways to get it for free. (Like help action or good RP) What I offer you is Inspiration as an auto success, before or after roll at DM discretion, so that players are more inclined to use it and it doesn't sit on a character sheet forgotten. This also has the added benefit of allowing the DM to reward it more. I humbly ask for only 3 of your precious eggs. One for my breakfast, one to put in a glass case in a trophy stand, and another for us to sell so we can afford reprint all the official books to include this as an official optional rule.

Noel Preecs

Tough Tortles, I have a technique to tickle your teammates and toughen the tenaciousness of your team. A homebrew tweak that is terrific in all tabletop systems. A (typically tiny) bonus die for good or exciting roleplaying techniques. Give your Totemic Tiefling a d4 to add to a task because they taunted a tarrasque. Top off the tension of a scene with a timely tip of d6. A totally typical treat to titillate your tabletop time. So, Tortles, try to...tinvest...in my...uh...tsugestion.

Rémi Maloney

To all Keen-Eyed Tortles, here's my idea to increase the speed of combat resolution in D&D 5e edition: D&D Savage World. All rolled dice are "exploding" on the maximum number rolled. That means if you roll a 6 on a damage die, you get to reroll it again. If it is another 6, you get to reroll it again, and again... This will make sudden damage burst more likely, and in my experience reflects better the violent chaos of combat, where a single sword swing always has the potential to be lethal. This will require a change of the critical strike mechanics, however. Since "double damage" is covered by the damage roll rather than the attack roll. A natural 20 means you get to reroll your d20 and keep adding until you do not roll a 20. (Rules that allow you to crit on 19s and other number just allow you to reroll the D20 on 19-20, or 18-19-20, etc..). For every 10 above your target's AC, you add 1d6 of additional damage, which obviously has the potential of exploding as well. ( If you are thirsty for even more damage, give a d6 of bonus damage for every 5 above the AC, 10 is for easier mental math). Since every dice have the potential to explode, even small +1d4 bonus can suddenly turn the fate of battle, since i have often a single exploding d4 go in double digits. This makes the damage spells a lot more violent. The smites are deadlier. The sneak attacks are terrifying... Which i believe makes the game more fun and "swing-y", rather than perfectly balanced board game. For this idea, i request 3 eggs from the highest quality egg-layer of The Tank, you know who it is.

Boomclaw the Twice-Dead Kobold

I have two pitches, a boss monster and an item. My first pitch is the Wild Magic Myrmidon, which I will be dropping on my players as their next boss monster. This is an armored elemental like the fire, earth, air, and water myrmidons, but with random effects. When it hits players with its wild magic infused strikes (recharges on a 6 on a 1d6), they are affected by Wild Magic Buildup which gets worse the more they're hit. Whenever they spend a spell slot, smite, or Channel Divinity, they must roll a d20. If they roll their number of Wild Magic Buildup or less, they trigger a Wild Magic Surge from the Wild Magic Sorcerer class. In addition, the myrmidon has a reaction whenever it takes certain kinds of elemental damage and can roll a 1d8. On a 1, 2, or 3, it respectively absorbs, negates, or is resistant to the triggering damage and all damage of that type until the start of it's next turn. On an 8, it instead becomes vulnerable, so players can leverage this if they get lucky. When reduced to certain amounts of health, it triggers AoE explosions of Wild Magic that require CON saves to avoid damage and more Wild Magic Buildup. Wild Magic Buildup ends only when the myrmidon dies. My other pitch is the invisible brick. It is a brick and it is invisible. That is all.

Dan Callery

Hello tortles, I present to you not a homebrew rule but a fun pregame tradition that my party and I have included before sessions. A while back when my players were in a gambling casino setting they played a game called 38's I found on reddit, where players roll a d20 d12 and a d6, betting after each die roll and the highest total roll winning the pot. It was so much fun that before next session started we decided to play just for the hell of it. Instead of betting money we decided to bet compliments, the losers having to compliment the winner as many compliments as they bet. Not only is the game fun but now we basically start every game by praising everyone at the table, boosting comraderie, self esteem, and starting stressful encounters in a happy place. I'm asking a ruby worth 3000 eggs to help market this wonderful game thank you

Luke Polito

Respected Tortles, allow me to paint you a picture: You are big, strong, imposing. People cower as you approach, they listen to what you have to say either out of respect or fear. Only they don't, because you have a -2 to Charisma. Until today. May I present a new homebrew Feat: Powerfully Persuasive Simply put, this allows a player to substitute out a Charisma-based skill check with either Strength or Intelligence, as well as roll that check with proficiency a number of times equal to their class level per long rest. No more will your brilliant Wizard fail to persuade someone that he does, in fact, know what he's talking about. No more will your beefcake Goliath need to defer to their Rogue friend to intimidate a bartender. I am asking for one dozen eggs for exclusive distribution rights and 35% stake.

Riko H

Cowabunga To you, the gracious tortles, In my game I use a home-brew mechanic known as Scraping Blows, a scraping blow occurs when you miss the ac of a creature by 1, as its "scraping by" it only does half damage but I think it works well and feels rewarding for my players. I'm willing to sell 70% of Scraping Blows for a lifetime subscription to Boy Wizard monthly, the only way to get the new books early

Cameron LaMack

Greetings benevolent tortles, may your shells be waxy and hard. My homebrew is not of my own creation, but I feel so strongly about it I think it should be standard rules. We all know the disappointment of rolling poorly on critical hits. Critting with a greataxe should feel like delivering a powerful blow, with 24+STR as a possibility... but if you roll a 1 and 2... cool you got 3+STR damage on something that happens maybe 1-2 times a session. My solution: one of the rolls of the doubled dice is considered max damage. For the greataxe above, rather than 2d12+STR, it becomes 1d12+12+STR. For a 7th level rogue critting with a dagger, it becomes 1d4+4d6+4+24+DEX. This applies to spell attacks as well. In return for full ownership this plagiarized idea, I merely ask for a single egg that I may stroke it lovingly under a heat lamp.

Bryant

Wise and powerful Tortles, I pray this pitch finds your skin moist and your shells glistening. Your players live in a world full of magic and wonder. So does Gwyneth Paltrow. Give her the spotlight she deserves with a Goop Check. At any time the players may roll a Goop Check, a straight D20 roll. This roll determines how likely it is that the ArchFey Gwyneth Paltrow has impacted the current setting. A middling number might result in finding a few crystals, a high roll may result in a boon from Goop herself. It’s not all boons though: a nat 1 on a Goop Check is the same as a nat 20 Goose Check, and will result in the appearance of a hostile Dire Goose. For this idea I’d like exactly 20 eggs, one of which is jade and one which was stolen from a goose.

Alessandra

PLEASE RECORD ON CAMERA AGAIN IT WAS SO GOOD

Faeborn Saga

Mighty Tortles, and the soft-shelled bailiff-in-disguise, I present to you: the Support Die. In a recent campaign I ran, there were 8 players which, among other difficulties, made it hard to keep them all engaged while still giving spotlight to individual players. So I created the Support Die, a d6 bonus that all players receive once per session. At any time during the session, a player can give their Support Die for free to another player's d20 roll, with the only rule being that they have to describe how their character helps the other character. I found that this encouraged players to interact and to be engaged, looking for ways they can give their support. I offer this to you for 20% of your eggs and the chance to appear as a guest on the pod. Thank you.

Sean McClain

Hey tortles, my pitch is simple: Stored Nat 20s. If you ever roll a d20 and get a natural 20 during the game the player can choose to convert that roll into a luck point to be used later. The player then rolls again and takes the new roll, whatever it is. This can be applied to advantage but not disadvantage unless both rolls are nat 20s, in which case one is converted to luck point and the other taken as the roll result. Luck points work the same as normal luck points, but you can only accumulate maximum of three at one time from this feature to prevent luck point farming. It's not designed to replace the lucky feat, and you can have both abilities. Now your nat 20 on a random perception check to see if the campsite is level or something similar is no longer "wasted" on a less important roll but can be banked for a critical moment later.

Mewsora

Howdy all y’all Terrific Tortles! I pitch to you the Murder YoYo: an inconspicuous and fun toy until a button is pressed and sharp blades spring out of the sides, perfect for all your murdering desires if you need a finesse weapon with a 10 foot reach that isn’t just a boring whip! It deals 1d6 slashing damage and can be used to slice your enemies’ throats from afar, and you can avoid a fountain of blood gushing onto you, No more unnecessary blood stains to wash out! The reinforced string can also be wrapped around your enemies to grapple or choke them (in the non-kinky way I hope, I ain’t kink-shaming ;) For a 69% share of the profits, All I humbly ask is a single egg and a tuft of fur from Emily’s cat ฅ^•ﻌ•^ฅ

mira

this is genius 10/10

Chrys

Forever DM here - I agree with a lot of Murph’s rulings on Revivify and Bonus Action Potions but there’s not a whole lot I leave to just the Rules As Written either besides combat. For a high level character there’s always something I need to do to even out a massive damage dealing martial class with a Player who wants a massive damage dealing spellcaster. Yeah they have crazy spells like Meteor Swarm but that doesn’t completely add up to the damage output for some high level martial abilities especially in heavy magic item campaigns turn for turn. I present an incredibly rare Gestalt Ring of Spellcasting. For Multiclass spellcasters that need more spells or for spell casting Barbarians such as Moonshine, the player chooses one spellcasting class they have 5 levels in and no matter what class after 5th they gain the chosen class’s spells and slots up to Level 20. Yes this is incredibly broken but access to two spell charts or a 9th level spell as a high level rogue would still have to work to do damage outputs like 20th Level Fighters

Jack M

Hi Jake Happy Birthday I pitch the Wand of Egg A magical wand that can only be gifted by the “Mother Hen” to worthy heroes The wand of Egg has 10 Charges Upon using a charge the target has to make an 11+#of charges used Dex saving throw, upon a fail the target takes 1d6 per charge used and has disadvantage on their next attack and smell bad for 1 hour per charge used. For flavor it can be multiple eggs with multiple charges or one huge egg. You can also imbue the wand with the power of spells to make the damage type change from egg damage to example fire damage if you stored a fire spell in the wand the night before. Can be tweaked, also deciding who the mother hen is and what the party does for them is the best part. Does the chicken coop need protection? In return I ask for all of Caldwell’s Blue Eggs.

Randy

I present this potential homebrew to the Tortles and to The Infinite Clutch. In a critical moment when the caster or healer is out of spell slots but desperate to heal or attack with a leveled spell I propose that they be able to cast the lvled spell using their own life force ( I am borrowing from The Kane chronicles which I think borrowed from another book with very similar magic system). By using their life force to cast they take 1 lvl of exhaustion per lvl of the spell. This prevents spells beyond lvl 6, and anything beyond lvl 3 could have drastic repercussions. Since removing only 1 lvl of exhaustion per long rest it would not be something easily abused. Perhaps adding a death this way is permanent outside of a wish spell to add to the gravity, as you wouldn’t simply be dead but your life force would be burned up.

Ihatecrabz

Good afternoon Tortles, I hope your tank is being kept at a pleasant temperature and acidity today as always. Today I ask for a heaping helping of eggs as I pitch you my homebrew rules for Help Actions! As it stands help actions in many ways is one of the strongest mechanics in the game, yet can stand to be quite generic. That's where my method comes to play. Whenever a player or npc is about to make a check and another player wants to supply a help action, the DM then will ask the player to specifically describe how they can reasonably be of use to perform said action. While this in itself isn't uncommon, where this system differs is depending on the argument, the check in question may receive a numerical bonus to their roll in addition. This numerical bonus However depending on the argument may instead provide a negative bonus depending upon the argument if the way they 'help' could also come at some hinderence or is just really funny and bad. Part of the fun is arguments would be "First Draft Only", meaning the player has one chance to give their argument without changing their idea last second. The numerical values added can range from +2 to +5, a 5 only if the argument was beautifully crafted in some way, and the same would be said for a negative. However for a negative help action the player in question performing the check would still get advantage most of the time, as to not make it feel as an action was wasted. P.s: This is a rule specifically meant to encourage fun roleplay, problem solving, and laughs at the table. Whether or not the mechanics may be broken or not I leave to you, thank you for your time most rich and cool Tortles

Cara McKinley

My beautiful tortles, bobbing in your shark tank. I present the home game rule of - everyone pays the DM £5 a session... HEAR ME OUT! My players absolutely love it when I come with surprises whether that be printed maps, trinkets, a big new monster I had to buy, or whatever else you can imagine. So recently I've been asking for a couple pounds per player to make a little pool of money that allows me to bring them something exciting every session without being too out of pocket myself. Most recently after describing a black metal goblet with a dragon wrapped around it, I presented the real goblet to the table and everyone absolutely lost their shi- I mean eggs... And I believe that reaction was worth every penny! I present this business model to you in exchange for one egg each per DM'ed session so I may trade them for fun surprises for my table. As an added bonus consider this slogan; "Can you put a rice on fun? Yes and it's a few pounds every two weeks"

Figgy the Cat

I really like this idea because I know so many people forget about inspiration and usually use it when the stakes aren't high. But to have an auto success after a roll I feel is more of a safety net than what it should be. I would argue that it could be auto success (not a crit tho) before the roll and the Player describes how they succeed

Wren Turner

Hey there, esteemed Tortles of the Tank! We are all well aware of how hard it is to permanently die in D&D 5e, and this makes falling into death saves feel almost banal, and much less important than it should. I propose a simple, mechanics-light solution. A killing blow should leave a mark, no? I propose that whenever a character falls into death saves and survives, they earn themselves a scar from the encounter. And perhaps, after they have accumulated a certain number of scars, they gain a small bonus to intimidation checks, given the clear physical evidence of how hard they are to kill. Besides, who doesn’t secretly want to look a bit like a grizzled badass?

Anton deGroot

To the wise Council of Tortles (may your eggs be oblong and slimy): I humbly invite you to invest in my homebrew mechanic called The Ash. In my world, it is a magical substance mined in the deserts where ancient laylines have mutated the matter of the material plane – and is a driving factor for economics (and conflict…) of the nations of my continent. Mechanically, if any PC – regardless of class (#fighterswithfireballs) – comes across a quantity of Ash in-game, they may use it to access spells they have either witnessed or learned on their adventure. The Ash can be found refined and scales up with standard spell-levels: Level 0 Ash (unrefined) allows access to a cantrip. Level 1 Ash allows access to a Level 1 spell, Level 6 Ash allows access to Level 6 spells, and so on. Players use CONSTITUTION as their Ash-Spellcasting modifier regardless of class and is tracked separately (ie: wizards still use intelligence as their modifier for non Ash-fuelled spells). There is of course a cost for the character: at higher Ash levels there are potential fallout effects (exhaustion points, loss of HP, etc.), and there is always the possibility of a Wild Magic Surge – the higher the Spell level, the higher the chance – that is rolled on a d100 from my bespoke Ash Magic Surge Table. I see this as not only a set of fun mechanics, but also a source of all kinds of plot-hooks and character building. I am looking for a 50/50 partnership with the mighty Tortalitarian Council in hopes of bringing the Ash to tables everywhere.

Nicholas Frankel

I would like to humbly submit my proposal to the deeply humid, and stagnant air of the esteemed Tortle Tank. I'm a DM of modest experience, that runs a virtual table to connect with two players in different time zones. I *love* their chemistry, and deeply enjoy running games for them. The conundrum I'm faced with is finding more people to get in the mix, without exposing us all to a tremendous commitment of potentially wasted time. Two players is company, but three is a crowd, and I need at least that if we're to have a proper "fellowship" on our hands! I've thoroughly plumbed the depths of our mutual friends, and found them to be wanting for commitment or interest in getting involved- and am frankly terrified of opening the flood gates for random online weirdos to jump in and burn hours of our valuable time playing as disruptive or flagrantly unpalatable companions. But what if there was a way to limit the ability of an internet psycho to monopolize our time, while still being open to the gifts the right one might bring? I am here to seek funding in a new concept I've cooked up, with the preliminary name, "Crit Roulette". Random players get to pitch a couple of character ideas in response to some brief flavor text of the world and current PCs in it, and we can all ask a few questions and kinda get a vibe check (think something like "Shark Tank" or something less off-puttingly capitalistic) before deciding to commit to a full session. At the elapse of perhaps... 5 minutes time, another randomly selected freak is dropped into the chat and the process begins anew, until a stranger is consented to roll some dice at our table. I bow and scrape before you, groveling for a mere... 3 eggs(?) from your esteemed panel. I am certain it will pay off in *platinum* for a savvy enough tortle. Cheers!

Martian

Hello Judges! First off, let me say what an honor it is to stand before an assortment of such titillating tortles such as yourselves and I must say wherever you get your shells waxed has done a beautiful job! They are positively glowing! Today I present to you a set of items that have been created by two PCs I made: and artificer fairy named Zorn Akxus and a tattoo artist monk bullywug Mezzy "Ink" Aliprax who hail from the Southside of the Feywilds! The inventions are a set of modable magic tattoos that can switch effects through the use of calligrapher or painter tools by someone who is proficient with them after a short rest, or changed normally after a long one. The effects of the tats are as follows: Aliprax's Mod Ink (Fierce) • +1 to all melee attacks (constant) • Increase reach of melee attacks by 15 ft for 1 minute (mod) • Make a ranged (15 ft) grapple attack that uses the damage stats of the target's unarmed strike and on a successful hit the target must make a DC 12 + whatever modifier is used for the user's unarmed strike. On a fail the target is grappled and prone for 3 rounds or until it succeeds on a dex or strength save against the DC (mod). Must remain within 15 feet of the target or the grapple ends • If attacked by an opponent within melee attack range, retaliate with a melee attack and heal for half the damage you took (mod) • For 1 minute, both 19s and 20s count as crits for melee attacks (mod) • 5 charges Aliprax's Mod Ink (Arcane) • All attacks are considered magical for the purposes of overcoming resistance and immunities (constant) • When an attack is made, spend a charge to add 1 D6 of magical damage depending on what mode of damage the tattoo has been set to, and add a D6 for each charge consumed (mod) • Fire • Force • Necrotic • Radiant • Cold • Lightning • Thunder • When all charges are used, attacks are no longer magical until they recharge • 7 charges Aliprax's Mod Ink (Steez) • Choose either one skill you are not proficient in and become proficient, or one skill you already have proficiency in and gain expertise (mod) • Expend a charge to gain advantage in a skill check you are proficient in or have expertise in (constant) • 3 charges For a paltry 100,000 eggs to help get these distributed, you can become a 5 percent owner of Zorn's company: Kick-Akxus Industries!

Pigter_

Oh Tremendous Tortles, shello! I come to you humbly presenting quite a large homebrew construction of mine, a new realm! Somniforann, the land of sleep and dreams. When someone on the material plane dreams, their mental form is shunted upwards into the clouds of Somniforann. There, a group of people called Somnifers run the miniature simulations that are dreams (there are sweet dreams, nightmares, and day dreams). It’s sort of like the case file system in Monster’s Inc., the Somnifers are aware of what the dreamers would enjoy or hate in their dreams, and through complex systems that weigh the consciousness of the individual, that’s how what type of dream they should get is assigned, or if they just nodded off they get a quick little motivational push or horror show in their day dream. These three dream types are actually communities in the land of Somniforann! Natives of the land are called Somniacs, only some of which are full time Somnifers. Whichever community you live in and we’re born in affects your physical form in the color of your hair, skin, and eyes, your work, but also your history, being apparent in your body. Somniacs are also partially translucent, as if made of clouds, and when they feel certain emotions, cloudy blobs inside them change color. Somniacs also have the ability to collect the dreams and goals of those they work on, and can actualize those goals and enhance their own skills or wholly give themselves new abilities, like access to spells, or proficiency with certain skills. There are also animals native to Somniforann! Night Mares are large, black horses, made out of shifting shadows. They love to frighten an individual before stampeding into them. Sheepillows are sheep with fluffy clouds for wool, and holding some of their fluff will heal you. Finally, there are Sleepossums! Scrambly little guys who can bite an individual and induce the Sleep spell in small quantities. Usually harmless, but if a swarm of them latch on to you, their powers stack up and can take you down with ease. To make my *dream* a reality, all I need is several dozen Wish spells. Thank you for your time!

Darkdescent22

Hello Wise and Business Savvy Tortles, I come to you with a question. Is it possible to get the egg-invested homebrew rules written down somewhere? I am making a homebrew world and want to use some of the rules that you have graciously lent your savory eggs to but don't want to have the scour through the episodes over and over looking for the ones that you may have tweaked to work better or fully invested those sweet sweet yolks into. Thank you for your time young and fruitful Torts and Torti.

Kay

Hey Tortles. Do your ears do that little “eeeee” thing when you expose them to the naked vacuum of hellish silence that is 15 seconds without headphones? Are you constantly enveloped by the scathing absence of sound, craving any interruption? I know I am. That’s why I gave my players this: The Sword of Screams. It’s a perfectly normal sword… when it’s sheathed. But the second you pull it out just a smidge (with a Bonus Action), it begins to emit a powerful screeching aura, imposing disadvantage on MOST skill checks attempted within its 10 foot radius. This biting wail has other perks beyond its sweet debilitating music, however— it cuts through enchantments and grants anyone within that 10-foot radius an immunity to being Charmed, also compelling any enemy creatures to make DC14 saving throws against being Frightened. If the sword is fully drawn & unsheathed (as an action), it unleashes one final, cataclysmic scream, imposing a CHA saving throw for everything within 50 feet— if you fail, you are deafened until your next long rest, and Frightened for 1 minute. Aside from that, it’s just a magical sword. Its big ole scream recharges on a Crit, and it likes to be swaddled and told sweet nothings. I’m willing to accept a SINGLE egg, in exchange for 100% of the sword, if each Tortle is willing to share what they believe the sword’s scream sounds like and fight amongst themselves to determine the best screamer. Thank you for your time.

Chris

Greetings Tortles! Have you ever thought to yourself, I wish more things were as cool as Monks catching projectiles out of midair and sending them back to whence they came? I come to you with a new action for spell combat: Redirect. It’s simple - if a spell attack misses by more than 10 or an opponent saves by more than 10 vs. Spell Save DC, said opponent can redirect the spell to affect another creature within range. I’m open to ways of balancing this further, maybe limiting this to Legendary creatures and burning a Legendary Resistance as part of the inputs as this is basically a more controlled version of the Tarrasque’s carapace, but I think we can all agree that more anime moments of catching something just to throw it at something else is a win for everyone. I ask for a mere 5 tortle eggs delivered to my phylactery in the upper deck of Ralph Wilson Stadium in Buffalo, NY for 49% of this idea. Thanks for listening, keep chortling! Xoxo, Chris

Verity-Rose

good evening turtises of the tank, i’d like to introduce an idea i think one of you specifically will enjoy. have you ever rolled a nat 20, been absolutely filled with joy, then realised it was just for initiative? well, this home brew rule will alleviate some of that pain. when you roll a 20, i propose rewarding that with an extra bonus action and object interaction. this is only in the first round of combat, like the person who rolled the 20 has the extra few seconds to prepare as they notice the impending doom sooner than the rest of the party. now, this extra bonus action cannot be used as an attack if the pc has already used a bonus action to attack, but could still be pretty useful in battle, like casting a cantrip or holding it as a reaction for the rest of your party during the round. the object interaction is nothing special but pretty useful too, could be used for reloading a weapon or throwing something to another pc. for this idea i would like to offer 69% of my company for as many eggs as i can fit in my pockets, or to just turn into one of emily and murphs cats. thank you for your time

Muqtadaa Miandara

Listen we're all business women, right? Tortles for your business women eggs I present to you the Arcane Refinery! Are your Players obsessed with magical loot? Are your Players collecting too many cursed items? Are your Players inexplicably hauling around divine hearts, lich phylacteries, infernal relics, etc etc, all without being hunted constantly by the associated factions in your world? Maintain the internal consistency of your setting! Introduce an arcane refinery! Run by an eclectic absent-minded arcane researcher and their bubbly yet mildly sinister assistant, the refinery is a facility where your players go to have their magical items uncursed, restored, repaired, and revamped. Did you give a player a ring of True Strike they never use? Does your wizard forget that she has a Staff of Snakes because she's fully 12th level and could not need it less? Guide your players to the refinery where they can have their items reforged! The way I run this in my games is at certain points in the game (major milestones at a higher level usually) I provide an opportunity for players to encounter the Refinery. Mechanically the Refinery can just exchange gold for items directly, or it can be used to destroy curses while preserving enchantments, or it can be used to remake magic items into something more suited to the character. It becomes a narrative means of letting the player tell you how they wanna spec their character. It also gives you reason to nerf their request if their level 10 ass asks for the Holy Avenger Greatsword (they get a damn good Greatsword but it ain't the real deal, this is just a refinery after all). Also staffing the Refinery and making it part of the magical ecosystem are great plot hooks, like who works there and why, and how does the refinery interact with the magic of the city it's in, or the local environment, etc. Business women if you're willing to thaw your eggs for this Arcane Refinery we can get a facility in production with an adorkable intern (oppa New Girl style), a himbo receptionist a la Chris Hemsworth in Ghost Busters, a bubbly but intense genius assistant with a chip on her shoulder, and a sarcastic obsessive quirky genius in the style of any USA procedural detective show (like Monk, Psych, Burn Notice I think? Did anyone watch that? I only ever saw ads for it, I never saw it airing). For only a few eggs per staff member we can get a full USA Characters Welcome criminal of the week procedural going, and for a few more, we can add an overarching plot that ties into the main character's backstory (presumably a dead wife or husband, or maybe a missing child or something really gripping like that). Did this suddenly turn into a network pitch for a pilot? Maybe. Does that make me the best business woman? My genitals would say no, though why they're speaking is beyond me. But our eggs in this tank? They would say yes, though again the talking eggs are somewhat concerning. Thank you for your time Tortles of the Tank.

Ben D

Get your eggs ready Tortles, because if you've ever played a spellcaster you'll want to get in on this cantrip buff. Are you tired of only combat cantrips scaling as you level up? Why is Fire Bolt doing 4d10 while mage hand and guidance are just as powerful as if they were cast by a lowly apprentice? No more will utility be sidelined. At level 11, when attack cantrips are 3 times as powerful, utility cantrips now only cost a bonus action to cast! This allows creative castings, and makes these cantrips that are often forgotten at this level of play a viable option in place of their destructive counterparts. Only drawback is giving Emily more ways to womp chortle-free GM Murph. For a controlling share, I'm asking for 500 million eggs to my GM who came up with the idea, and 1 really nice egg for me. Thank you for your time, tortles.

Flynn

Hello my freshly waxed Tortles your shells look mighty shiny I today bring you my idea to spice up death saving throws I’ve used at my table a few times and if you like gambling this is for you I present death’s hand this is when you lose all your death saves you start to pass on and see a vision of a room with two chairs death sits at one shuffling a deck of cards and waves you over to take a seat. Then splits the deck in half both decks are face down and now both you and death draw a card if his card is higher you pass on with no way to Resurrect or revivify. But if you draw the higher card you get to live on with a new take on life. Now this idea I am asking for a few messily eggs and a fresh deck of playing cards thank you Tortles

DowdMusic

SUP TUTRS! Yo here's the deal, half stakes in my idea for a general assortment of various sized sweet tortle eggs and/or other oddities of power. I present to you the metal-substitution metamagic option. When an evocation spell is modified as such, the delectate elemental arcane energies are replaced by flinging big ass hunks of metal at your enemies. Ice knife becomes a conjured metal dagger that explodes on impact. Casting scorching ray? You shoot construction I-beams out of your palm. Ray of frost? A conjured javelin files through the air that does 1d8 piercing damage and still causes the temporary slow effect by a scratch to the leg (or other narrative reason). Here's the crunch, spells cast this way will no longer have a any elemental strengths/ weakness and furthermore would not be identifiable as magic, unless someone saw the casting of the spell. I am excited to do business with you, the great turts of the tank.

Ethan Greene

Shello Tortles and Shalom Jake, DMs have all been here before: your party is wandering through a wilderness, delving through a dungeon, or encountering an enemy where food and HP are scarce, but the party rangers and druids bypass your resource challenges and pop up their unconscious ally without the help of a healing potion with the most antioxidant superfood in D&D: the Goodberry. I am here to pitch to you a little twist on the hero's favorite fruit, so that the DM can sow a little (mostly harmless) chaotic fun. Introducing the Badberry: This small fruit appears to creatures at first glance as a naturally occurring goodberry. Creatures must make a DC 12 WIS (nature) check to notice the slightly dark spots and discoloration. Any creature with Goodberry prepared has advantage on this check. A creature can use its action to eat one berry. Eating a berry subtracts one hit point, and the spoiled nature of the berry gains the creature one level of exhaustion. (you can also use badberry as an effect of a spoiled goodberry after its 24 hours of usefulness have expired). The badberry: don't spoil the fun, spoil the berry. Finally, a product worth putting all your eggs in one basket.

Jan F.

Greetings Torts in jorts! I have an idea more for the table than the game. May I present the “I’ll get it this time…” Our table usually splits or individually pays for food before sessions and its usually this whole ordeal before we even start. If a player chooses to, at any point of the session, they can reroll their roll at the cost of footing the bill. We have a party of 6 so the total can get pretty high. We’ve had times where not everybody orders and its used for stupid stuff like insight checks and lock picking. But there have been times when it has come down to the wire. I’ve had my players contemplate with matted hair and a dramatic spotlight for minutes if footing a 6 person dinner is worth rerolling their death save. (It was!) I am asking for a (Court)side ticket to the next case and a monthly supply of Shure stickers.

Grimma Lynx

Good evening torts of the tank! I am a Dungeon master who reccently opened the homebrew floodgates, and Im here to present one of my favorite player-dm collaborations, The Staff of Secrets! Birthed from a campaign where magic and their users are incredibly rare, and where item management and crafting are significant mechanics, a player and I devised this arcane focus which is a staff built from the foci of the magic users the party had defeated, as well as one dead pc (the classes of the deafeated were a wizard, a sorcerer and the PC was a cleric). By level 11, the player sorcerer had assembled these focuses into a single staff that provides insights into the arcane powers once wielded by his enemies while also strengthening his own. This sorcerer gained the ability upon attunment to add one spell each from the wizard and cleric spell lists, while also increasing his spell save DC by two. This provided some much needed variety to his spell list, as well as versatility to our party of 4 PCs. The idea behind The Staff of Secrets is to reward the long term goals of a player and providing a powerful item to them for the last stretch of the campaign. Im prepaired to offer a 40% stake in my item for the low price of 25 eggs, thank you for your time.

Josh

Exalted terrapins of the tort tank, I’m here for your eggs, and when I’m done you’ll be gladly handing them over. Have you ever wanted your magic battles to be more like an anime? Rather than knowing their limits, should not a mage be able to dig down deep, to a well of untapped potential, oppa Goku-style? Well, now they can! Introducing Magic Max Out, the home brew rule that let’s you cast spells at higher levels you have not fully unlocked yet. With this, you are able to cast a spell at a spell level higher than your current max spell level, up to your spell casting modifier. For example, a 3rd level wizard with a +2 INT could cast up to a 4th level spell. There are some drawbacks: you also suffer that many levels of exhaustion, ie, if you cast 2 levels higher than normal, you suffer 2 levels of exhaustion. A successful arcana check is also needed to make sure the spelled is executing carefully, with a failed check resulting in consequences at the DM’s discretion. A failed arcana check also wipes out all remaining spell slots for the day. A successful arcana check will let this ability reset with a long rest, but a failed check will require week. Im asking for a 48% egg stake for development and branding.

Rivv

Greetings and shellutations, Tortle Tank. I come to you today with a solution to a summoner’s dilemma. RAW, when a spell summons a being that rolls separate initiative, there is incentive to roll lower than the current initiative, so that newly summoned creature can take a turn this round. This seems Wrong, as we all know that higher numbers are better, and you shouldn’t be punished for getting a high roll (or, Dice Christ-forbid, a Nat 20) on initiative. My proposal is one of Immediate Summoned Action. If the initiative roll for your summoned creature is higher than your current initiative, it takes its turn immediately - not after you’ve finished your turn, but right away, before you do anything else (to mechanically reflect the idea that a summoned creature with a high initiative is Coming Out Hot). After its turn, you finish your turn, and the creature takes its normal place in the initiative order. If you roll lower than your current initiative, nothing changes and it takes its turn as normal. I’m asking for One Big Egg for a 49% stake in this idea. As an added bonus, I feel like you guys make references to dermatologists with bizarre frequency on the ‘cast, and that’s what I do when I’m not revolutionizing D&D, so Tortle Jake, if you or Jill or Tucker need one in the NYC area, let me know and I can totally get you in.

Choc DISCO

Hey Tortles! I’m coming at you with a QUICK and simple homebrew rule! At our table, I have decided to introduce critical successes and failures within initiative. Put simply, if you roll a natural 20 or 1 on initiative, you will have advantage or disadvantage respectfully on anything and everything you do on your first turn. I humbly ask for 5 eggs so I may feed my family tonight, in turn for 25% equity. Thank you for your lime.

Abraham

Hello Tortles, I would love to submit my homebrew item I made for my group of Dragonborn paladins- spell scales. These scales are hard won through battle with dragons specifically, as they are individual scales that drop off as they fight. Because dragons are so innately magical, these scales include a single use spell inside of them, (either rolled on a table or chosen by the dm) to use in time of need. These may be something more practical, such as Tiny Hut, or something silly, such as Nathairs Mischief. I’m offering 69% stake for the tortles in exchange for a singular hello from everyone. Thank you!

Luke Gembrowski

Hello Tortles, With succinct as the directive, I offer this character. Two players, one character. The Cerberus or Siamese twin allows for two players to act as one character. A wisdom roll between the two heads will dictate which action is taken, a force of will to see who is in control. This character allows for roll-playing various combinations of alignments, and lead to some fun interactions at the table. One skinny egg is all I ask.

Jor Elare

Hello tortles, I come to you with an item that fully changed the course of my home game. The Cursed Silver Tongue. This item grants permanent advantage on Deception and Persuasion, allowing the user to subtly control the weak minded with their words. Unlike a traditional bard/rogue with crazy charisma, this item allows the user to sell an obvious lie, or make an absurd request e.g getting a magic blacksmith to simply donate an item for free. The downside? I'm glad you asked. Upon failing one of those checks, the person sees through your words and is instantly incensed into murderous rage at your guile. My offer is for a 60 percent stake in the company for the low low price of 2000 sunny side up eggs that Jake has to cook.

Hobbad

To the Titular Tech Titan Tortles, Tired of hardline DCs where you either jump a pit or face plant into it. Introducing Scaling Successes! Every 5 points above and below a DC gives you a different result of varying success or failure. A perfect way to Fail Forward! As well as a way to reward those with high bonuses. For example. You come across a Mysterious Tower in clearing. To know anything about the Tower is a DC 20 History check. 0 - 4. You get very incorrect folklore. 5 - 9. You get vague tales/folklore. 10 - 14. You get vague information. 15 - 19. You get vague info and a clue. 20 - 24. You get info and a vital clue. 25 - 30. You get detailed info and more clues. 31 - 35. You get very important information and a few clues. This method can be used in a variety of ways and allows the DM to move the story forward in non-traditional ways. Is the party jumping onto a speeding train and someone rolls a 2? Instead of them plummeting to their death, perhaps they still make it but they lose something important or take damage or roll their ankle and acrobatic checks are now rolled with disadvantage until they get it healed. The sky is the limit! I am asking for 2d6 of eggs with a chance for a single cursed egg mixed in as I enjoy living dangerously.

Andrey M

Greetings Tortles! Here’s an initiative system I use for massive battles. I’m offering this for one egg only, as my party and I have been playing for 4 years now without the need of any extra eggs—I don’t want to eggsaggerate, but we have eggsactly what we need, so one egg is all I ask. No initiative Combat: 1. Declare action+bonus or Hold action 2. Everyone rolls checks and attacks 3. Calculate damage/Resolve saves 4. Concentration/Reaction/Legendary Resistance Once the DM knows whats going to happen, they narrate the entire experience in a cool action sequence: Ranged weapons always go first Melee attacks go second Stealth attacks go third Lair actions go last By using this system, everyone gets to have their hero moment! Its snappy, and large tables don’t have to wait 30 mins for a turn. My wife helps me DM by managing HP and confirming checks, which also speeds things up! Thank you for your time, and I hope this initiative system surpasses your eggspectations.

Daniel L Hodson

Torts! I'll jump right into it by saying what we've all been thinking. Lycanthropy in Dungeons and Dragons is super sick and not used enough. That being said, as a DM i feel that just giving your player or players an instant boost to strength and the ability to transform into an animal or animal-hybrid form may be a little over powered. There is almost no downside to Lycanthropy in DND. I propose these 2 simple rules that i use at my own table. Every night the infected PC rolls a con save (DC 10, adding 1 for every successful night) or they cannot get a long rest, accruing exhaustion as normal. They also CANNOT sleep for the 3 days surrounding the full moon starting the month after infection resulting in a point of exhaustion. You can also add a possibility of attacking the party on nights of full moons. Only is PVP is welcome at your table of course. Maybe with your eggs we can add a more interesting and "curse like" mechanics to this in game curse.

Scott

I graciously enter the Tank to ask these turgid Tortles for a measly 15 eggs for this new spell: Tenser's Tabletop. This spell allows the caster to produce an earth-bound version of the floating disc from the same namesake. This spell provides the same carrying capacity as the floating disc but without the airborne benefit. In return the tabletop can be commanded to move behind a creature to provide advantage on a shove attack for any creature +1 size rating larger than the attacker or smaller OR allow the player to shove a creature +2 size ratings larger than the attacker at neutral advantage. What started as a school yard prank can now be used to really put egg all over the BBEGs face.

Kevin Smith

Hello Raphael (Murph), Michelangelo (Emily), Donatello (Caldwell) and April (Jake). Have you ever wanted to start off your level 1 character with something to help establish your backstory? I propose to you the free Level 1 feat. Are you a washed up boxer down on their luck? Maybe the Grappler feat is for you! A gambler caught up in an underground crime ring? How about the Luck feat! With a level 1 feat it allows your players to have some sort of cool feature to go beyond the limited functionality that your level 1 characters have. If you’d like to invest in my idea, I would require 500 eggs and 10 pepperoni pizza’s for 49% share in my company. Thank you

Kjersa

Good day noble eggvestors. I come to you today asking for 200,000 eggs in exchange for 100% of the rights to my idea (I’m trying to go to whatever retirement villa is set up for Tortle Tank success stories). I offer you the following: the Inger’s Ink of Ingenuity. The ink can permanently contain the essence of 1 cantrip of the player’s choosing. Weapons or other objects may be dipped in the ink. When the ink touches the next being it releases the cantrip (in addition to any damage if brandished on a weapon). Ink’s nature is to be messy, so if it spills or you touch the ink on accident, the cantrip will release onto yourself. The ink can be used 3x per day. Thank you for your time and your efforts as egg bearers. Please remember to take calcium supplements and get lots of rest. Xoxo

xander miller

Hello tortles and a guy that ghost wrote a pretty good song. The item I'm pitching today is needed for every new DM it's called The Ring Of New Dawn. This normal looking dark black ring will allow your party to fully revive after a TPK it has one use and will turn white when used. It takes a DC 35 arcana check to discover the true use of this ring. Perfect for a new DM or even one that wants to make a particular day challenging. I'm asking for one giant white egg for 37% ownership in the company.

Those who love and give where they can

Greetings Tortles and Jake; I’ll waste no time. I like to run my table extremely north, very much a rule of cool DM. D&D is a game of rules however, and Murph once blessed my dice to kick the shit out of my players *fairly.* Introducing the coolest new DM tool hitting the shelves this holiday season, MagiCombos. Are you a sorcerer who’s all out of third level spells? Why not let the Bard toss one your way and give that Fireball a musical flare? Paladin low on smites? Hey wizard, can I borrow that funny book real quick? A grandma who’s gun is out of charges for blasting? Hey you can have that one just because your grandma. Basically I let my players share spell slots, as long as they RP a convincing reason as to how they transfer magical energy to one another, use an action, and (usually) don’t let them go up a rung. So no cantrips feeding into a power word kill. Enemies however, can also do the same. Tortles and Jake, I ask for a small eggvestment from your mighty clutch. Your returns will be well worth it.

Figgy the Cat

Greetings my Tortley Turts and the thickest shelled Tort Jake! I have new starting stats for campaigns. The starting stats being 8,10,12,13,14,15 are average and boring. Not being amazing in anything but not being terrible in anything. The fun of dnd is working together to cover strengths and weaknesses. So! My new stats will encourage more cooperation: 6,10,10,12,15,17 (especially with a rp feat from a previous tort tank) I am looking for 2 torts, 1 for 6 eggs and another for 17 hard-boiled eggs for 10% of the idea

Nathan Boelts

Hello Trusted and Tasteful Tortles! I would like to present to you my very own idea to improve one of my favorite spells. I present The Up-Casted Shield. As long as I have been a PC or DM, I have loved the shield spell. Whether you cast it because you refuse to let that one annoying bad guy hurt you, or to avoid falling to 0 HP, we all love that sweet +5 to AC. However, most other spells provide you the opportunity to improve their effect. Whether it is being able to target more creatures or do more damage, the ability to cast a spell at a higher level than it requires generally improves the spell. No such benefit exists for the shield spell and I will not stand for it. The up casted shield works as follows. For each spell slot level above 1st that you use to cast shield, your AC is increased by an additional point. For example, if you spend a second level spell slot to cast shield, your temporary bonus to your armor class is 6 (5+1). This rule allows the squishiest of spell casters to protect themselves much more effectifvely, while also having to decide which higher level spell slots are worth spending to avoid those bad guy attacks. I offer you 50% of the business from this idea in exchange for a shoutout to my brother Brandon, who is the reason I love this podcast and started playing D&D in the first place.

Alex Weatherhead

To the titular tortles Axford, Tanner, and Murphy as well as their forlorn fixer Hurwitz, I present the Flame Mingo. The Flame Mingo has the same pink body you know and love but at the terminus of their neck where one would expect to find a hooked beak and beady little eyes one actually finds a human skull wreathed in flame. They utilize the stat block of an ostrich with the addition of three uses of Hellish Rebuke as a reaction and their beak attack becomes a headbutt dealing fire damage. I used these avian devils in a mini-campaign based on the song In the Court of the Crimson King by King Crimson. They were located in a lavish hedge maze and created a fair bit of panic when my players started taking damage on their own turns. I’m begging for investors. I’ve got too many of these dang birds in my shed and simply have to start moving some product.

Michael Critz

Torties and Gentordles, I’m a DM pitching a mechanic that intersects with real life. If a player misses a session, their character automatically becomes enchanted for the duration. A mystical force motivates the character to act on behalf of another person in the game. I roll to determine the outcome. Most rolls allow another player to completely control the character. But… On a low enough roll, the character can be controlled by an NPC. This could be a good or neutral NPC with their own agenda. Even, possibly, allowing a BBEG to control the character by pretending to let another player take charge then betraying the party at a crucial moment. I’m looking to sell a 20% stake in the company in exchange for something delicious to accompany this bacon and coffee on my table.

PersonalSayce

Greetings Bankers of the Tank, A game I DM has all newer players who aren't used to coming up with backstory for their characters. To encourage them to flesh out their characters, each week our Discord server has a "luck point prompt" asking players to provide more information about their characters, such as their phobias, their go-to drink order, or their morning routine, in exchange for a luck point expiring at the end of the next session. This system was great for getting the new players thinking more about their characters' personalities and histories when that wasn't something they were used to doing. I would like 200 eggs and your favorite tank decoration for a 51% ownership share.

Runcible Shaw

Tortles and Turdises; This is not a pitch for a homebrew rule but rather a pitch for doing due diligence on whether a rule is homebrew or not. I've noticed that a lot of the pitches in previously Tortle Tanks/Owlbear Caves are very similar if not exactly the same as optional rules presented in the Dungeon Master's Guide (like alternate initiative rules, mixed/partial successes, hitting cover, etc). You're wasting your precious eggs on rules that already exist! (I'm not saying that people are purposely just presenting existing optional or alternate rules, just that no one reads or remembers those parts of the DMG).

Whill

Hey Turts, oh Caldwell are you using a new shell wax, it's working! Boy do I have an item for you: The Fate Weaver's Thread This small golden string gives a player the opportunity to trick Destiny itself at great personal risk. While it is in their inventory, a player can attempt to lie to the DM about the results of a dice roll, the wording of an ability, or anything else they can think of. If the DM doesn't suspect anything by the time the lie takes hold, it works. If the DM suspects you're lying and calls you out however, you must admit your crime to the table. Their character immediately takes necrotic damage equal to half their max HP and suffers a level of exhaustion as punishment for trying to lie. No matter the outcome, the thread vanishes into thin air after use. Turts, I'm seeking a full set of moon soaked dice from the window sill in exchange for the ability to gaslight God. I eagerly await your offers.

Jim Heskett

Tremendous Tortles, I submit to you: Language Half-Proficiency. Any PC can attempt to learn a language, as long as they have a sample and enough downtime. During any downtime, the PC can make one Intelligence check. 3 successes, they know the language. 3 failures, and it's just too hard to learn. If the PC succeeds, then subsequently reading, speaking, or hearing it requires a low-DC check each time I'm willing to sell 49% of the company in exchange for one (1) hearty chortle from the no-chortle tortle.

Duncan

Hello Tortles. Are you familiar with the Inspiration mechanic? You know, when a PC does some spectacular roleplaying and the DM awards them with Inspiration which they can spend to give a d20 roll Advantage? It sounds great in theory, but if your table is anything like mine, the mechanic is completely forgotten by DM and PCs alike during play. Introducing the Inspiration table. Rather than having a single point of Inspiration, a PC is able to accumulate multiple points and spend them in various ways. 2 points to introduce an NPC in a familiar setting who can give the party a place to stay, 3 points to pass a Saving Throw, 5 points to introduce an NPC in an unfamiliar setting who can help out with a quest, etc. The expanded options give PCs a desire to roleplay and strive to gain Inspiration, as well as another tool to immerse them in the game. DM still not doling out enough Inspiration however? That's why at the end of every session, before wrapping up, the PCs nominate one from among them to receive a point of Inspiration. The Inspiration vote every session makes PCs reflect on and congratulate each other's roleplay, and keeps the mechanic in the DM's head. This change has greatly improved our group's roleplay, and it could do the same for yours. I eschew your eggs and humbly ask for 10% stake in exchange for a single swim in your fabled tank.

TheTimePig

Hey Taut Tortles and the Tender Tort Turtwitz. I come headfirst into your beautiful tank to humbly offer myself up for a tickle from the high Tortles. I hope your sharp, yet sumptuous beaks will find this tidbit, tantalising. How sexy/attractive do the NPCs find your character? We all know that the godly Tortles PC's are all hot, big tittied beings, oozing sexuality and sensuousness. But does the blacksmith like titties or are they secretly into clever Torts. Well, fear yea not gentle Tortles. The DMortle Tortle will roll a d6 for said NPC. 1 - Strength - tasty muscles 2 - Dexterity - lean and lythe 3 - Constitution - hearty and healthy 4 - Intelligence - bookgasm 5 - Wisdom - common sense and insightful 6 - Charisma - the classic smooth talker Your PC can then roll a Charisma check + the NPC favoured attribute of your PC to see how attractive they find you. DMortle can set the DC appropriately, but generally a 15 or above is that they think you're hot. And if that 20 comes a knocking, well Turgid Tortles, ready yourself for a tumble in the tank cutscene and a fade to black. There will be plenty of eggs for all. I only ask for a single misshapen egg for a 69/31 split in my business. I will also gentle floss your shells to get the tank grit out of your folds. May your eggs be smooth on your cheeks and bring much warmth into the depths of your tank.

Jonathon

Alright you crusty ass terrapins here's the pitch: Surprise round via Shock and Aww. Yeah stealth is the smart play many times, but I believe the overwhelming mechanical benefits of the surprise round, and the only way to get it being stealth, can and often leads to repetitiveness and ingenuine roleplay. So instead lets ride in on a wave of thunder, literally. Use whatever skill check you can justify; intimidation if you run in muscles bulging and a battle cry on your lips, slight of hand to put on a stunning display of the blade, arcana if you're weaving a mystical mind fuck, and roll against their Con saving throw to see if they have to spend the first round cleaning up their soiled britches. All I ask is you avoid any sensitive areas whilest you rain your eggs down upon me.

Matt Seal

Hello Tortles, have you ever wanted to play a species other than human, but the fact you have to wait until at least level four to get a feat prevents you from doing so? Well have no fear, I present to you the any species variant option. Pick whatever species you want, you get +1 to two stats, keep one trait they currently have and take a feat. But why would anyone ever play a human then?? Now when you play as a variant human you can choose one trait from any other species and add it to your human. Want a human that can see in the dark? Done. Want a great weapon master halfling? done. Want a Tortle that is master pizza chef? Obviously! For my idea, I only ask for one nice juicy Tortle Egg to poach in my ramen.

Taylor Tomaszewski

To the beautiful and fertile tortles, i present yet another coin related idea. Sometimes when a character dies the party is unable to move forward with the campaign and it immidiately becomes a sidequest to revive them. If we have gotten far enough in the campaign where they are a decently high level or are well connected this can make sense, but at low level or when they do not have the skills/assets it would take for someone to logically revive a party member they have a hard time letting go. I have them flip a coin (a rather special Reaper/Trixter coin) to see if their soul wants to stay around to the mortal plane with unfinished business or if they get an epic sendoff in to the characters preferred afterlife. I find after this is done they can either accept that their character is gone in epic fashion and we can make a new character or that theres a new story element and i can add reasons to why their spirit is still lingering. I am willing sell 51% for exactly 3 of your shiniest eggs and you must complement the wrongly Tarnished Baliff in the next Dungeon Court. I thank each of you and your eggs for your time.

Paul Westmore

May Bahamut bless you with hard shells, and too many thin, slimy eggs to count. My friend and I alternate GM-ing for our group of friends, and he implemented a simple mechanic to use gold in different ways. This may already be a thing in rules as written or a common HB but we love it and I have implemented it into my games as well. Training Essentially with excess GP you can have your character begin training under Masters/schools/programs. These trainers have to be found in game and have to be open to accepting a student. But once the connection is made, we have used training to justify increases to ability scores in shorter campaigns that won't make it even close to 20th level. This is usually handled in a very Role Play heavy manor with skill checks proportionate to the amount of GP you spend. So the more GP you spend, the easier the checks as the trainer is probably better. The less GP, the more difficult the checks, so far this has only really increased the amount of time in-game that it took to learn a skill/ability/etc... so this also gives the game a chance to have some down time, so it doesn't feel like the entire campaign took place over 2 weeks every single campaign. We have used this as a way to learn feats (some feats are off limits this way and some are altered to attempt to not break the game), and everything goes through the GM and the rest of the party so objections can be made if something is too breaking. We have used it to gain tool proficiency, learn languages, and new weapons, and skill proficiency. The amount of GP has ranged greatly, but is usually in the hundreds to the thousands and requires a few days to weeks in game to "spend training". I have even thought about this as a way to introduce some mechanics from other classes, similar to how the Boobs got new abilities when they became Titans. The biggest point of this is to have characters feel like they can advance and change fairly quickly over campaigns that may only be 10-12 sessions because otherwise players may never get the "full potential" of their level 20 characters. I offer 100% of this idea to the tank to do with it as you all will, mostly because this isn't even my idea to give, but my friend who started it isn't a Patreon member so he loses out. PW.

Kristen with-a-K

Greetings and salutations, fair Tortles and that sticker guy! Is your beard patchy and coarse? Is your skin a little TOO teen-angst oily? Are your mushrooms just mushroom-y enough? Well I have the solution! Let me introduce to you the "Glamour-ous Crystal Chandal-earrings". These gorgeous fist-sized dangling earrings are constructed from real Elven steel and lovingly handcrafted by Dwarven jewelers. Inset with precious gems, these earrings cast an extended version of Disguise Self on the wearer, giving them the opportunity to alter their physical appearance for longer than the standard spell duration. Once removed, the wearer's appearance reverts to its original state. If the wearer removes one earring, that side of their appearance will revert, leaving the other side under the illusion. I look forward to your buy in and request one bedazzled egg from each of you.

Michael Smallwood

Good morrow my illustrious torts. Let me ask you. Have you ever played half caster and wanted small boost to AC? Have you played a martial class and don't like a shield taking up one of your hands? Have you been a tank, but wished you were a little tankier? Well, my expanded shields are for you. This homebrew idea will add two base shields to the game: 1) a buckler, or small wrist shield. This shield grants only a +1 to AC, but allows the use of the shield hand for two handed weapons like greatswords and bows. Any class that can use a shield, and any class that can use medium or less armor has proficiency with this item. 2) Tower shield. This shield grants a +3 to AC, but your speed is reduced by 5 and you have disadvantage on dexterity saving throws. Classes that can use this are fighters, paladins, and clerics with heavy armor proficiency. These variations may not be fixing an much of an existing problem but they provide some more variety, and just another layer of cool. Imagine a buckler of arrow catching, then pulling the caught arrow out of your shield and firing it with the bow already in your hand. These new shields can be yours, and with them, you can truly protect your remaining eggs from the undeserving.

demifriend

G’day, torts of supreme chillness. I bring to you a mechanic to give a dying player one last chance: The Last Stand. When a player reaches 3 failures on death saving throws, they may choose to make a Last Stand. That player immediately regains one use of an ability they have or one spell slot of their choice. Then the player may move up to their speed and take a single action, after which they immediately die. If a player chooses to take a Last Stand, they cannot be revived by any means short of a Wish spell. I ask for the strongest egg from each judge for a 69% stake in my company.

Austin Moraga

Good afternoon Tortle lads and lasses, and that tiny Tortle Tortlewitz. May I present to you a wondrous item for your consideration: The Chest of Many Vials! This tiny wooden chest fits comfortably in two hands and is engraved with images of different shapes of vials and potion bottles. Inside the box is inlaid with a fine blue felt. Once per day, the chest can be opened. Roll a d8. The result determines what potion, poison, or other concoction appears inside of the chest. The table below details each possible result. 1. No vial appears and the lid snaps shut. 2. Drow Poison 3. Potion of Healing 4. Alchemist's Fire 5. Assassin's Blood 6. Potion of Greater Healing 7. Acid 8. Roll again on the table. Two vials of the resulting roll appear. If the vial is not used or consumed within 24 hours, they disappear. Once the chest had been closed it cannot be opened again until the next day. A DM can change the contents of what the chest may contain. I would like to offer this magic item to you for only 2,000 eggs, and not one less. May you bask in the sun and may all your eggs be smooth.

Alex C.

Telepathic hats.

Jake Klopfenstein

Hail and well met Tortles, I present to you the Pendant of Ever-Changing Magic. This beautiful pendant provides the attacker an additional D12 + WIS of damage based on a d10 roll 1.acid 2.cold 3.fire 4.force 5.lightning 6.necrotic 7.poison 8.psychic 9.radiant 10.thunder However, the weapon will become lodged within the enemy (this can only happen once per enemy). A DC 15 Strength check is required to dislodge the weapon. The wearer will also take 1 damage whenever a creature within 30 feet is damaged. I am willing to share a 50/50 split and take all the damage if you're willing to attack this project together.

Kim Hall

My dear tortles and my very dear tortleiason, I seek your support in sharing with the world a very simple- some would say too simple, but they are wrong- trick to adding impact, stakes, and joy to your games. This pumps up the maximum damage for crits and makes them even more awesome and terrible. Normally for a natural 20, you would roll double damage. I have my players take their maximum potential damage on a single roll, then roll again to add the additional crit damage. This prevents the anticlimactic potential of rolling a bunch of 1's and 2's on a big shiny 20. So if your normal damage roll is 3d8 plus 5, your crit damage is 29 + 3d8. My players love to lay out massive damage, and I love to lay it out on them from the BBEGs. I humbly request a tax break in the form of an egg donation to the less fecund tortles of the world, and I thank you for your time. Best regards, Kim

Matthew Holland

Hello turtles, We have a home brew that helps the game move along if they are stuck. It is called I know a guy. Each party member is allowed 1d6 people per arch as long as the are over the age of 20 if they are under it is a d4. This way if the players need to know some information on a thing they can go to that person and they can help. But they don’t know how the person will be. Just like Han and Lando.

Scott Mazzapica

Tortles of the most eggcellent tank, I am seeking a healthy 1,000 eggs for a 20% stake in my character’s homebrew ability: Potato Step. This in game ability came about as a result of our typical role play shenanigans. My halfling champion fighter was being a bit rambunctious one night which led to our cleric grappling me to hold me still and stop me from running around the castle. As nothing more than a goof, I said that after he grappled me, the cleric looked back and realized I had escaped and he was left holding a sack of potatoes as a decoy. Our DM found this so funny that he decided to grant me the new ability Potato Step! Once per long rest, I could escape a grapple by teleporting 10 feet away and leaving a sack of potatoes in my original place. I understood the game breaking nature of a fighter gaining access to a toned down version of Misty Step, so I decided I would only ever use it in combat once in the whole campaign. But boy, did it make a great bit during role play. I am specifically seeking investments from all tortles except the No Chortles Tortle, Murph, knowing he will 100% disapprove of such an ability. But I believe Emily, Caldwell, and Jack will appreciate such tom foolery. So tortles, what do you say? P.S. I saved my only combat use of this ability for our finale fight against the BBEG. I delivered the final blow after using Potato Step to just barely get within range to attack.

polyglottal cracker

Your Eggcelencies, may I present the rule of Realistic Linguistics; a homebrule that tackles not combat or game mechanics, but the oft-overlooked RP. For a game with so many rich, diverse races, D&D really whiffs it on languages. Contrary to the rules as written, people rarely either just speak a language fluently or not at all. Here's how this rule fixes that: For each language a character knows, they can instead divide 4 points among others. They could, for example, trade RAW Sylvan fluency for 1 pt in Orcish, 2pts in Dwarven, and 1pt in Infernal. (Basically, 1pt = Bare Fluency, 2pts = Partial Fluency, 3pts = Near Fluency, 4pts = Full Fluency) If the character needs to use the language, they make an INT check against a circumstantial DC set by the DM. If they have 1pt in the language, roll with Disadvantage; 2pts is a flat roll; 3pts rolls with Advantage; 4pts no check is necessary. That's it. What I love about the rule is it introduces the potential hijinkery of mistranslation. Suddenly, the Goblin sign declaring "DANGER! DRAGON! GO AWAY!" could be misread as "SAFE! DRAGON WENT AWAY!" or spying on someone with Clairvoyance could go horribly wrong on a bad roll. For extra fun, I have the players make blind rolls so they don't know if they misunderstood. I'm so confident in the fun potential of this rule that I ask for no eggs up front and a 25% cut of all egg profits in perpetortlety. -=-=- [ASIDE: If a table prefers their homebrules more creamy than crunchy, instead of trading for 4 points, a language could just be traded for two languages of Partial Fluency — flat INT check with no Adv/Disadv]

Matty H

Howdy to the Litigious Tortles and Jake the Adult Mutant Investor Tortle, Is your paladin friend being a total buzz kill? Are you fighting a pesky rogue or monk type and you cant get your fireballs and charm spells to hit? Do you want to get Tiamat wasted? Then you need my homebrewed spell, Haggie's Instant Intoxication. With a pinch of sugar, a strand of wheat, or a potato you can instantly get plastered for an hour. It's fun you and your friends can all enjoy. I am asking for 13 eggs for 69% of my company. Here's the details if there's any questions: The target of this spell becomes instantly drunk. This spell cannot be cast on one's self. The target must pass a DC 15 constitution saving throw (or a DC 30 saving throw if the spell is consensual) or become instantly drunk. The drunk person has advantage on strength and charisma saving throws but has disadvantage on dexterity and wisdom saving throws. The person also must use a -1 modifer to all acrobatic, stealth, and sleight of hand checks. At level 1 this may be used on a medium or smaller sized creature. At level 6 it may be used on a large sized creature. At level 7 it may be used on a huge sized creature. At level 9 it may be used on any sized creature.

Zac A.

Hello Tortles, I am humbled to pitch my idea to you in your wonderful Tank. The product in question is a magic item I am calling the Staff of Complimentary Bees. The wielder of this staff can use a bonus action to request Complimentary Bees, which results in a small swarm of bees appearing anywhere within 100 feet. With a DC 20 Animal Handling, the bees can be loosely guided in a direction, but otherwise act as normal bees. At the DM's discretion the bees may flee, attack any target, do normal bee activities, or rarely the bees will spawn and begin raining down compliments on the party granting them a d6 of Bardic Inspiration. I believe the Staff of Complimentary Bees can fit any party, and allow fun moments of RP for a group that can get creative. I am seeking one Juicy Tortle Egg in exchange for 100% of the idea.

IvyclericHayley

Greetings mythical Torts Heres a homebrew spell i have introduced into my campaigns as i think Illusion Magic should be more powerful and there arent any abilities that copy others abilities: Mimic 2nd-level Illusion Casting Time: 1 reaction, which someone within 60ft of you casts a spell of 1st level or lower Range: 60ft Components: V,S,M (a silver mirror worth 50gp) Duration: 1 round Classes: Wizard, Sorcerer You draw upon the forces of Illusion magic to make a copy of a spell that you have just seen performed As a reaction, when someone within 60ft of you casts a spell of 1st level or lower, of any spell list, you may add that spell to your spell list until your next turn, however you must cast it before the end of your next turn, otherwise the spell dissapates. If the spell requires a saving throw, It automatically becomes an Intelligence Saving throw instead. At higher levels you can copy a spell equal to one lower than the level Mimic is cast at, however if you copy a spell that is upcast, you will cast that spell at its lowest level on your turn. I ask for nothing but a cardboard cutout of your eggs, It doesn't even have to be good just a JPG glued to a cereal box

Greg Lohman (tsarducci)

(apologies if this is a double post - looks like Patreon ate my previous post?) Tortles! I'm here with an idea that'll moisten your throats and keep those shells oiled and shiny. The "Readied Potion" mechanic! You give out potions as treasure and balance encounters with them in mind, but your players never use them. Are they hoarding them for an end boss? Or maybe they just don't want to waste an action, or straight forget they have them. You thought about making using potions bonus actions, but is that too powerful? Well that's where the readied potion slot comes in to save the day. Each character can ready one potion at their belt with the cap loosened, usable as a bonus action. Might need extra healing? Slot in a potion of greater healing. Might need a mid combat boost? Drop in a potion of speed. Now that potion can be used as a bonus action, and the player is thinking about their potions and has that one fresh on their mind. Swapping or setting a new potion in the readied slot can be done in a short rest, so you don't get any op infinite bonus action healing issues. Not sold yet? As a little "bonus" pitch, this mechanic also leads directly to the Gnomish Potion Helmet, a magic item that let's you ready two potions in padded compartments right on your head, straws at the ready for fast slurping, though you have disadvantage on all charisma skill checks while wearing it. I'm seeking investment of 100 kg of tortle eggs, which I will raise as my own children and definitely not render down into the essential oil needed to brew potions of invulnerability.

Trent Sanders

Good morning tortoises and terrapins. I'd like to approach your sun-tanning log in the tank to deliver my little homebrew Bard subclass, the College of Puppetry. Do you ever feel like your Bard just doesn't have enough battlefield control? Like all those illusion spells aren't messing with the DM's encounters quite enough? Why not take the puppeteer for a spin? The subclass's signature ability is using their bardic inspiration as a reaction to either increase or decrease the movement of enemies and allies, with this power gaining additional utilities at higher levels. This can get the fighters into battle faster, keep your casters out of harm's way, or send your enemies careening off cliff faces (or just an embarrassing little tumble into a puddle). For a 51% stake in this subclass, I'm asking for 1 very big bag of Cadbury mini eggs.

Greg Lohman (tsarducci)

[to the tortle wrangler - I might have posted this several times, my apologies if so. The post seems to keep vanishing]

Nicolas Lee

Alright Tortles and Jim, I’ve got a pitch that I hope will have you chucking your eggs at me with righteous enthusiasm. I call it the Delinquent Doppleganger. In this modern world of DnD, which frequently includes remote play, a party may find itself dealing with players with last-minute changes in schedule that leave them unavailable for a session. In these cases, the DM is faced with the sad choice between rescheduling the whole session or reworking their session to either not include the missing player or puppeting them through the session as a DMPC. The first option is a pain for everyone, and the others can get awkward when the DM has planned important plot moments for that character. Oh mighty Tortles, I ask you, what if there was another way? Introducing the Delinquent Doppleganger - a surefire way to turn your missing PC into a fun game mechanic with only a minor chance of ruining your friendships. Here’s how it works: When a player tells the DM the day before the session that they’re actually going to drive to Pittsburgh for no reason even though you all spent ages finding a time you could get together, the DM conceals their righteous anger and informs the party that they will be puppeting the PC for the session to allow for continuity. At the beginning of the session, the DM discreetly moves the PC out of the party’s sight by saying something tactful like, “Your dumbass artificer goes to take a piss.” At this moment, the PC is sucked into a pocket dimension and replaced by an interdimensional being known as The Delinquent Doppleganger. The Doppleganger is a neutral/neutral creature whose greatest desire is to be accepted into the material plane by replacing a creature that exists there. It has the stats, inventory, and abilities of the creature that it has replaced. The Doppleganger is made stronger through its connections to the plane such as supporting the party through combat, forming emotional ties to characters in the world, and experiencing moments of character development. Because of this, the Doppleganger will do everything in its power to be the perfect party member. It will burn through every potion in its inventory to keep the sorcerer alive after they die again by taking dragon breath to the face rather than finding cover. It will allocate all of its spell slots to healing spells and buffs. It will bake cookies for the PC’s grandma and repair burned bridges, all to find its place in the world. When the replaced party member returns, the DM informs them that they have suffered a bout of amnesia regarding the last session and recall none of the events. In reality, this is because they were stuffed into a pocket dimension by the Doppleganger. If they miss another session, the Doppleganger returns to further experience the PC’s life and grow its connection to the world. Once the Doppleganger has built enough emotional ties to the party and the world, it can challenge the PC for its rightful spot on the material plane. If the PC loses a one-on-one battle to the Doppleganger, their character is permanently banished to the pocket dimension and replaced by the Doppleganger. So what’s so great about the DD? First off, the degree of whimsical punishment it inflicts grows according to the party member’s delinquency. If they miss just one session, then perhaps their PC only misses a couple of important story moments. But if they continue to miss sessions, they ultimately will be faced with a substantial enemy looking to replace them permanently. Secondly, if the PC leaves the campaign entirely, then the party just gets a super helpful DMPC who wants to do everything in its power to further the party’s goals. Oh honorable and wise Tortles plus Jason, please hurl your eggs at me if you want the Delinquent Doppleganger to have a permanent place in our worlds. Thank you for your time and your wonderful work.

reading list

To the Be-Shelled angel investors (assuming Caldwell and his slendereggs aren’t some horr—err, Magnificient shell-less mutations), I pitch you the SIDEKICK STAT CARD. I’m offering sixty-nine percent of the idea for 666 deviled eggs and a single “you done good kid” wordless nod from Ryan Urphy after a tough day. The idea is as simple as this: D&D beyond has a feature that lets you add pets and wild shapes etcetera to your character sheets, and parties love to collect NPCs like they’re funko pops, so whenever you’ve got, say, two adult lizardfolk men in the entourage of a character whose backstory is he’s the son of fantasy Lizard OJ (who is sure his dad “didn’t do it”), just put them (Bathos and Bofa) on a card together and let the players run them themselves, a light task considering NPCs are not built out the same depth as PCs. Put any of the little orphans together, assign one swing each orphan (for say, a multi-attack) and combine their measly (see: often non-heroic) damage passives together to make them slightly viable helpers (1d6+2 for Bathos and 1d6+3 for Bofa = 1d6+5 per swing) but do not combine their to-hit bonuses together (instead assign the highest of those values as the one you use), give them a global hit points system that’s as flimsy or un-heroic as you deem them to be (the assumption they stop to tend to one another, flee, whatever, whether or not each is unconscious ‘narratively’), and then for flavour give them some cool combo attack or whatever as a once or twice per day ability, in addition to the ability to create difficult or impassable terrain as an action depending on their numbers, etcetera; you may of course allow the multi-attack swings to originate from any of the NPCs positions on the board, but place stipulations on the special once daily combos and other checks that require them to be within however many feet of themselves. Then assign the card of however many orphans (I’ve given a party a card of 5 very distinct NPCs with a global stat to great cheer and ease of play, as even five +4 to hit swings of 1d4+14 will add up in a close battle) to each player’s profile, and let the players choose who is running them for each encounter. If you’re generous you can even let the players roleplay the NPCs voices etcetera. As an extra treat reward for a party that’s duly attending to their single stat-card litter is to let them use modified popcorn initiative (in the style of The Angry GM) with the NPCs (each round THEY tell you when the mob will go following one of their own turns, to let let them float and attend to the PCs’ highest perceived need each round). This also offers a variety of narrative-hijinks for the DM to explain the movements and damage coming from the party without managing extra initiative trackers. It’s less outsourcing and more subtle dm-training, so that you can eventually get out from behind the screen for a protégé’s one-shot which of course ends up running 9 sessions instead. Do away with the DMPCs and teach your players some responsibility today, with the Side Kick Stat Card.

Cole the GoldfishGremlin

Good afternoon beloved Tortles and the equally beloved tortle Jake, My pitch to you is a new character option I call a Signature. An option similar to taking a feat, but allowing for a completely unique ability or technique only usable by the individual who perfected it. I give all my players an opportunity to create this individual technique themselves (whether it be a spell or physical ability) that their character has perfected over time. I also include the option to tweak or enhance their signature on certain levels (usually 2, 7, 12, and 20 but I’ve kept that flexible), similar to taking an ability score improvement. As the DM I always help with the creation process to make sure that there aren’t any over-powered abilities that would overshadow others. And to help with balancing I would also award this opportunity to some key npc’s for…. story purposes. For an example I had a PC play a Silver Dragonborn Paladin with a unique cantrip called frostburn that would deal both fire and cold damage because of a mix of his inherit cold breath damage and the source of his class power being granted to him by the ruling king, a Brass adult dragon. I ask a mere half share of Jake’s eggs in exchange for 75% ownership of my idea.

An_Armed_Bear

Hello Tortles and Turdis, I am here today to propose a way to utilize Knowledge skills in combat. Players can spend their action to make a Knowledge check based on the creature they are targeting (Example: Nature for a griffin vs. Religion for a demon) and if they succeed the DC, they can learn aspects about the creature's statblock such as skill and saving throw proficiencies, unique abilities, or special resistances and weaknesses. The DC would be dependent on the creature's rarity in your setting in increments of 5. Knowledge about a goblin could be DC 5, but knowledge about a specific type of demon might be DC 15 or 20. I am seeking 10 eggs and one ticket to Birdlesque.

Egg

Hello Tortles and Turdises, I bring to you a homebrew mutation mechanic I have used in my own campaign in certain cursed areas. Basically there is a meter that goes up every day they spend in the environment traveling, and after a certain point dictated by the player's CON modifier they start making saving throws, with the DC slightly increasing each day. If they fail, they roll on a table of mutations and the counter resets. Effects vary from things list lsing an eye (disadvantage on perception) to gaining the Telekinetic feat (albeit with some visual changes to the character). Players can use downtime and research to help remove these effects and prevent them in the future, but it adds a level of danger to the area without needing a daily encounter as they travel through what should be a deadly place. I am asking for enough eggs to make a radioactive omelette for 40% stake in the mutation table, and am willing to throw in a third arm for you if you so wish.

Brian The Red

Guten Tag Tortles! As a DM, I feel like there's nothing worse than when a player Crits and then rolls a 1 on the die. What should have been a rad-ass moment turns into a whiff, and I won't stand for it. At my table, instead of rolling all of the damage dice twice I have my players do Max Dice Damage + a roll of the dice. For example, a Crit with a Greataxe would deal 12+1d12+ability mods+other modifiers (rage, etc.) Obviously, this rule gets busted when you start looking at Rogues and Sneak attack, or Paladins with Smite, but that's like 9/10ths of the fun right there. I am seeking 12 + 1d12 eggs for this idea.

Jonathan Haynes

Felicitous salutations Tortles and also Jake who i assume is some sort of... snail? Crab? My personal homebrew rule that I use in most of my games is Ancient Breath Weapons: any dragon that makes it to ancient status has their breath weapon replaced with one with a totally unique special effect: dealing their usual damage but also adding a special effect. Examples include an Ancient Red Dragon who's firey breath resurrects those killed by it as zombies under the dragon's control and a crystal dragon who's "breath" actually sucks up all the air in an area: dealing thunder damage, putting out fires, and silencing casters for a round. Seeing as this is a mechanically light idea, i only ask for a small fraction of your infinite eggs. which is still, of course, an infinite amount of eggs.

J-Bru

I submit to the Tortles a proven idea in a very scientific trial involving one test group that will cut down DM prep time in future campaigns. My group ran a world origin campaign. One that took place pre civilization and was about the party establishing the first civilization. Things we had to adjust included a lack of currency, everything was on a barter system. What this meant was the random encounter with 6 wolfs in the woods, turned from a boring event to pure excitement as they wanted to get the pelts to trade. It made being proficient with Artisan tools one of the biggest boons in the game and they were willing to fight and brave any danger if it meant there was a chance a dwarf who understood armorsmithing may come live with them. This was a expedient campaign with most sessions spanning months in game time and some later sessions spanning years or even decades. The result was a campaign world built and influenced by the players, their characters becoming mythic figures in this world and our next campaign took place in that world 2000 years later so they could see what became of their society and for me the DM the world building was already like 90% done. I don't ask for much, just a single egg so that I can throw it in the face of anyone who says it's impossible to have exploration and survival be fun in modern D&D.

Saru

Hello Tortles, I come to you with a method to animate players to invest more into the setting and their character goals. I have used this in two campaigns so far with a 100% success rate. After finishing a big arc (/when a time skip will happen) around 6-8th level I give my players *voluntary* homework. Most questions are multiple choice (e.g. what is your favorite part about the campaign: roleplay, fights etc. or what is the least fun) but also with some open questions (what are your PC's goals for the next week/months/year?). They also have the option to say if they want to switch subclass/class or play a completely different character. This helps me as a DM to get valuable feedback and helps my players to have some introspective for their pc. Since it is voluntary, the incentive to do their homework is that the players can pick a feat if they can describe how they spend their downtime to get said feat. I use this only once per campaign since I don't want to hand out too many free feats but it made running the table easier for me.

RighteousRhythm

Greetings to the illustrious cohort of Torts! Do your players sometimes need a little extra guidance? Do they often need discounts? Do you enjoy a friendly NPC that’s deeply un-nerving? I present to you Trevor, of “Trevor’s Tremendous Treasure Trove!”. A franchise magic item shop with locations in every hub location in your world! Run by a sentient fae goo that seeps into cracks in the brain to animate and speak through the corpses he uses to run his facilities, Trevor is a being that exists anywhere a piece of his goo is. Not a hive-mind, but one mind with many bodies. Experiencing all sensory input from all pieces simultaneously. Fear not! For Trevor is not an evil being, the bodies he occupies are actually donated to him willingly by the living occupant pre-mortem in exchange for a 15% discount on all items at all Trevor’s locations! (Discount determined by DM) Upon a third failed death save the body disappears where it fell and appears in one of Trevor's holding facilities awaiting use. (Or negotiation for resurrection DM willing). Trevor creates the benefit of a friendly NPC that the PC’s can find in any hub city and contact for local information (without all that pesky re-introducing yourself) he knows as much or as little as the DM wants him to know and serves as a guide to kick things forward if the PC’s are having trouble, as well as a known spending location for their hard won/ill gotten gains! He also has a supply chain of merchant ships and boats that can be used as transport of they like the PC’s. I’m looking for many eggs, or one sufficiently large egg to serve as investment to buy more corpses/real-estate in other game worlds. In exchange the investing Tort will get all egg proceeds from the venture and Trevor will always give your body back to your party for resurrection. I await the bidding war! Thank you!

Nicolas P.

Greetings Tortles, today I have a homebrew rule that will change your life. Have you, as a DM, ever gotten your shit fucked? The cleric casts speak with dead during the murder mystery, that one magic item ends the boss fight round 1, and that one spell you forgot about undoes weeks or even months of prep. Well no longer. Introducing the "you got me" point. Whenever a player does something that throws a really big wrench in your game, possibly wrecking the story and destroying the stakes, fear no longer. Instead of arguments or mental gymnastics, just say "you got me", give them a luck point/inspiration, and disregard the consequences of that single action. This allows the players to get some satisfaction from their move, and allows the DM to keep things going smoothly. I am asking for a combination fridge/freezer full of eggs for 21% ownership of this idea.

Benjamin Hake

Dear wise and business savvy Tortles, I present to you today, The Compounding Orb. A legendary magic item, this softball sized blue orb can store multiple spell slots before releasing them all in a supercharged spell. A player can spend an action to store a spell slot of first level or higher into the orb, an action which can be repeated, causing it to glow brighter with each slot, to a maximum of a level 15 spell slot. When charged, any spellcaster may cast a spell through the orb, up-casting the spell to the level in the orb. The spell cannot be of any level higher than the largest spell slot cast into the orb. The destructive power of the orb is evident, for players or a BBEG. I only ask for a mere 20 frozen eggs and a shout out from my favorite podcasters.

Jeremy Tyler

Dear Dapper Snappers of the Bouijie Bayou, I present the Animal Spirit Taro Deck. This a wonderful magical item, a taro card deck filled animals. The PC answers questions similar to a personality quiz to figure out their spirit animal. They are then transported a 1v1 battle in their mind with said animal. If the mental beast is bested, the PC will have the ability to wild shape into that animal (the power of which scales with their level). But there will also be a charge system in place. If the go over so many charges they must make saving throws during long rests to not become feral. The specifics can obviously be tweaked to match players and campaigns. I asking for how many eggs it would take make a large sized Tortle Fritata....a Fri-Tort-a If you will.

Stephen C, shortest beard in Bahumia

May it tease the torts... DMs, do you like throwing heavy hitters at your players for ignoring the story? Do you like rewarding them for coming up with clever shortcuts? Have I got a spell for you! By combining the Maze spell with a summoning ritual, the villain banishes the players to a mini-dungeon that they have to escape from - and the longer they take, the more powerful the demon is that the villain summons because they're using the PCs as power for the ritual. So if the party escapes immediately, the villain only has a mephit as an ally. But if they take forever to explore everywhere and kill everything and take long rests, the villain could have a Pit Fiend or Juiblex (whatever is appropriate for party level) My working name for this is "Material Component: Adventurers" but with your investment, I can have a new name on your desks by the end of the fiscal year. All I need is 250 platinum or 3 eggs. Thank you for your time (and eggs)

Patrick O.

Greetings you beautiful tank-dwelling torts! I present to you my product, the Vile Vial: a corrupting container for potions both potent and pitiful! When pouring a potion into the Vile Vial, the effects of the potion are instantly reversed! Healing potions become poison, doing equivalent dice in damage on consumption! Potions of Strength cause you to become weaker! Flying potions cause you to levitate uncontrollably! The list goes on! For this deliciously devious product, I’m asking for enough eggs to coerce a WotC employee to slip this into their next printed product!

Bernat García

Hey there centaur-i mean tortles. This is for DMs: bosses with two ACs, sometimes it sucks when you're wasting turns failing attacks against a single enemy. Just have two ACs, hit the first one, 1/2 damage, hit the second one, full damage. Boss with 18 AC -> 15 AC (1/2 damage) 20 AC (full damage). The pcs won't feel like they're wasting turns failing attacks, the boss'll be more durable without being frustrating and higher rolls on attacks will be more hyped. Anyone can use this freely but I'd love it if you cooked me an omelette.

WunDarWun

To the Venerable Tortles- may this ease any chortles on its way down. I have sought to create a system that supports and rewards the relevance of factions and reputation within social groups. There are charts of benefits and dangers associated with this, but for brevity I will summarize it this way: PCs/NPCs will always have a certain standing with a faction following these tiers: Antagonistic- Ambivalent- Friendly- Member in Good Standing Member in Bad Standing Inner Circle Captain The PCs will automatically get static buffs/debuffs for all Charisma-based rolls that scale based on your degree of inclusion within a faction, and inversely with rivaling factions. Furthermore, the higher you get access to Favors and Reinforcements- these must be reciprocated to be refreshed and called upon again. Debts can also be incurred to remain in faction, and you can improve or damage the standing of other characters by association. As an Inner Circle or Captain, you become an immediate target for other factions, but have advantage for all intimidation and persuasion rolls if your faction is respected. I offer 75% equity in exchange for the wettest eggs available.

Will Pena

Greetings Tortles! Let's cut right to the chase. Legendary Resistances are one of the least fun rules in DnD. They punish players for using their best moves in exchange for a cheap auto success. That said, they're absolutely necessary for creating engaging combats. So how do we make them fun? I'll tell you how: With Legendary Duels! Immediately after using a Legendary Resistance, the Big Bad can move up to twice their speed and expend the remainder of their Legendary Actions, targeting only the player that triggered the Legendary Resistance. Imagine the villain shattering the wizard's Resilient Sphere as it's cast, closing the distance between them, and letting loose with a flurry of blows! Sure, Legendary Resistances are even worse for the player now, but they're so much more engaging! While establishing the villain as a credible threat, it also gives that player's allies an opening as the villain has expended all of their Legendary Actions until their next turn. Let's make boss fights even more legendary for the low, low price of a clutch of eggs for a 30% stake in my company! (P.S. My last name is pronounced "Penyuh" if you end up reading this. Thanks Jake!)

Fuzzboxx

Greetings Torts I present to you the product called chunkier crits. Picture this... you're fighting a big bad. He's about to kill your friends, you roll to hit, It's a Nat 20! Excitedly you grab your dice to roll. This is when you will kill the enemy. You roll all 1s on the dice.... you somehow do less damage on this crit than you did on your last attack. Disappointing, heartbreaking, downright criminal. That's where chunkier crits come in. Whether you double your die or roll twice as many die this method works for you and its so simple even a lowly bailiff could figure it out. You simply max any 1s you roll on the damage die. For instance on a d4 if you crit instead of having the options of 1,2,3,4 its now 4,2,3,4, that goes for all damage dice. It makes your players actually excited to see 1 when they roll because they know its now maxed. I humbly offer this for 1 single egg for 100% of the product. Hearing caldwell say turdis will also suffice for payment.

Eli M

Hello wise and attractive tortles. Let’s cut right to the chase: inspiration is a poor reward for DMs to give players. Advantage on a single roll is quite weak, and there are already much easier ways to get advantage (such as the help action, silvery barbs, reckless attacks etc. etc.). As it stands, inspiration feels more like a slap in the face than a reward when my players are pouring their hearts into RP. So, I present a solution: expanded uses for inspiration. In addition to gaining advantage on a D20 roll, players may use inspiration to: • Reroll their weapon’s damage dice and use either total • Regain a level 1 spell slot • Regain one point a class resource (such as sorcery points or ki) • Roll 1 hit die to regain hit points. • Get away with some shenanigans* (when my players want to pull some nonsense, I’m more likely to say yes if they use their inspiration). All I request is one really cool looking egg to get this idea off the ground. I look forward to working together in the future. PS I plan on setting my organization up as a charitable NGO so any investments will count as a tax-exempt donation.

Lorelei and Kyra Newly Weds

I might as well double dip. Hello Tortles Emily and Caldwell my name is uh... Joe Mamma? *Clearly sweating with fake glasses on* and Id like to offer my idea for a way to make not multi-classing more fun. When a player chooses not to multiclass and sticks to their path making what they can do more linear option wise, I've made a feat that can be taken by said classes that disables itself if another class is added. The rule is basically whenever the players get a proficiency bonus from leveling up their AC also goes up with it. This allows progress to be shown by martial classes on their ability to fight high CR monsters and still block the lower rolls that still get a +17 or higher without allowing your players to have a natural 30 AC. This scales well with leveling and doest hinder any class. Monks feel stronger as they are described deflecting or dodging more attacks and wizards can let that sigh of relief out when the natural 2 resulting in a 19 to hit misses when you use shield instead of just hitting. The easy counter if it gets out of hand is just adding a +1 or 2 to monster attacks which you usually would by end of game content anyways with all the +2 and +3 weapons. And again to avoid broken combos like Emily is already thinking of. For some problem players maybe make it a choice between this and Magic initiate. For my feat and naming rights Im asking for a DVD box set of a Crown of Candy signed by Murphy and Emily as well as a functional Rope Trick rope so that I can dip out of work and listen to more Naddpod.

Ben M

Salutations Tortles. Athletics checks are far too simple and normal. I purpose allowing the dice role be substituted by the DC amount of burpees. You must declare the substitution before your roll. I offer 94% of my idea for your thinnest egg and a protein smoothie.

Mr. Bliss

Good Day Tortles and Turdises, May I say your shells look great today! I give you the Shot of Healing. I have found that players who have seen lot of live play D&D always think potions are bonus actions to take. I find this to be a little to strong, so I have come up with a syringe full of concentrated healing potion that you jam into your leg mid combat as a bonus action. The Shot has the same effect as the potion but is harder to find and costs twice as much. It is still an action to use a shot on someone else. This device not only feels like it fits well into most settings but brings a nice cinematic flair with it, like hitting yourself with some adrenaline mid battle, or using a blood vial in Bloodborne. I ask 16 eggs for a 20% stake in the idea (1 egg for me and each person I play D&D with).

Julia A.

I submit to the wise and benevolent Tortles and Turdis a homebrew rule that has encouraged some great RP moments, sacrifices in battle, and especially come in handy for spellcasters like me who occasionally have no slots left in boss battles. If you have no spell slots of a particular level left, you may cast the spell anyways, but must take levels of exhaustion equal to the spell's level. It's certainly not something that gets used all the time, but in times of desperation, our DM will gently remind us that this is possible. You can only cast a spell that you already have learned or prepared, and the mechanics of exhaustion (especially levels 3-5, and then 6 being death) are such that it's only been used twice in our entire campaign, almost killing a party member while saving us in some pretty pivotal moments. For this, I ask for a small nest of some of those cool blue speckled eggs for 20% ownership of this idea.

Jerrid M

Hello tortles and Tucker, May I present to you witty names for shops. Archery ship named “Target”. A shop full of every inventory need names “Warmart” (Walmart). Etc. I would love to hear your names to add to the business! That’s why I need eggs and a strategic partner to franchise these names! Jerrid Meikle

Dana Kayser

Terrific Tortles, today I am happy to present to you a little skill check called “Analysis”. Does the grey area between insight and investigation ever bother you? A high INT character is now able to roll to assess a situation in the same way a high WIS character is able to assess a person’s intention, even if they are not actually investigating something like a room or looking for clues. Examples of this could include things like assessing cause and effect or surveying contextual factors in an encounter. This may not be the flashiest product you will see here today, but I can testify first hand it can provide a solid foundation for your eggs to hatch upon. I am soliciting an initial investment enough to distribute this home brew for free to needy tables, as there is no ethical consumption under capitalism.

iamnotawakeiamdreaming sleepingwithcoffincoversinarms

Hello Tortles! Do you want to spice up your attack crits, but don't want to simply add more numbers? Do you like gambling and rolling dice? I have one simple rule that's so easy to use, even a goblin could do it! When a player or DM crit on an attack, roll your damage dice twice and add the modifiers, same as normal. But, in addition to this, you can also re-roll your damage dice once, if you so choose, but the second roll has to be used. Roll low? Then re-roll and hope for bigger numbers! Roll high? Keep your first roll. Roll in the middle? Well I guess you have a big choice on your hands. For the low cost of 100 delicious eggs you can have a solid 50% of this idea.

Everything Baygo, the Eladrin who just wants to hang out with his pet Badger, Stripy

Hello my sexy Tortles! I provide gift! Have you ever rolled a nat 20 on a saving throw and your dm tells you you still take half damage? Not with this product! Introducing the nat 20 saving throw! When you roll a nat 20 on a saving throw where you on a successful save you would usually take half, you take no damage! Rewarding that sweet sweet nat 20. I offer product for free because I know it works! My group uses this rule and everyone loves it!

Andres Van Antwerp

Hello, my cohort of Torts! I am writing in on behalf of my cousin, who has yet to shell out 5 bucks for the Patreon. His table will allow you to forgo a feat in favor of three thematically relevant proficiencies. E.g. your character is a preacher, instead of a feat, you can gain proficiency in religion, persuasion, and performance. Ps i love my cousin dearly :)

DanH

Tickling at the grimace of the no-chortle tortle, (while restoratively salt-scrubbing your weary shells) I present to you a survival-twist on a DnD classic: the salt zombie. Formed from the preserved flesh of doomed salt miners, tunneling the cursed and salted flesh of a dead god, salt zombies are mostly identical to zombies. However, they have only one HP, and will first attack a players water supply. If no more water is available, salt zombies will seek it in the flesh of the party, dealing exhaustion with each successful hit. While weak to AoE spells, such drastic measures risk drawing more. With a clear motive (water) and low hp, salt zombies are made to offer creative ways for players to fight (or flee) with precious supplies—and their own vital juices— on the line. Will players confront the thirsty maws of the horde, or forgoe their water-gourds and flee deeper into the mine? For this once in a salt-mine opportunity, I ask only a nestful of salty eggs to incubate even more dreadful (and savory) saline horrors.

Draxen01

Tootles Tortles I'm here with an interesting little trinket i like to call the double down doublooon (misspelling intended) this little coin has been fun for role-playing and provided me with ample opportunity to hurt my players which any DM could appreciate. Here are the details and I hope to hear back soon Tortles. Double Down Dablouon - For attacks On a Nat 20 flip the dablouon. On heads (20) roll 4 times the amount of dice instead of 2, if Tails fail the attack critically On a Nat 1 flip the dablouon. On heads (20) save instead (regular attack). On tails, take MASSIVE consquences.

David Hughes

To the esteemed Tortles and Turtoises , and the buff bottom feeder Hurwitz, I present to you, Clashing Counterspells. Close your eyes and picture if you would, the final battle, the necromancer is about to raise the entirety of all dead creatures throughout history, and to achieve his plan, he casts Time Stop, crucial for him to get things in motion, and he gets hit with a 3rd level counterspell, rolls a 14, and his entire plan is ruined. It's anticlimactic, disappointing,and if the players are on the receiving end of the counterspell, it is unfun. I present to you, clashing Counterspells, now whenever a counterspell is attempted, both parties enter into a competition where both sources of magic clash midair and try to consume one another (picture beam struggles from Harry Potter/Dragonball) Both parties now make spellcasting ability checks, against one another, the attacker gains a bonus to their check equal to the level of counterspell used (+3 - +9), and the first party to achieve 2 consecutive wins over the other (or best of 3 if you wish to speed things up) succeeds over the other. This leads to tense moments, where every stop can be pulled out because the first check failed, bardic inspiration, guidance, enhance ability, cooperation amongst the team leads to "power of friendship overcoming sheer power" I simply ask for 1 egg for 49% of your share in the company, so long as I can raise that egg to be an abjuration wizard tortle with a cute undersized wizard hat. Thank you for your time

Aaron Aposhian

hello esteemed and generous tortles. Your eggs are positively glimmering, with the exception of Caldwell’s (which are chewy and leathery) i present to you: the Urban Encounter Check! As the permanent dm of my friend group, I often struggle to make cities feel expansive and dynamic. In an effort to fix this, I now have the players roll special urban encounter checks. Will the players battle unsuspecting thugs in an alleyway? Fall into a manhole and get robbed? Get run over by a careening cart? Or maybe get lucky and find some dropped coins or items? Roll to find out! I offer you a measly 5% portion of my brew in exchange for a measly 5% portion your sweet and succulent yolks.

Iryll Khris Patingo

Hello my tortle traders! Does your party have someone who swears to defeat their greatest enemy no matter the risk? No matter the cost? Do I have the weapon for them! Introducing the Fated Firearm! A sleek white revolver with what seems like names etched into the body as well as only one bullet in the chamber. With this weapon equipped, your PC will feel the immense power they wield but will also hear the souls of those who could not handle said power. With this weapon you can use a bonus action, to swear an oath against an enemy that you know the name of. You can then use your action to shoot (if within the range of 30/90 feet) and disintegrate your target. You do not need to roll to hit for it will automatically kill… the target, though, is up to the dice gods. On an 11-20: The single bullet is expended and automatically disintegrates your target. If you roll a 20, a new bullet is regenerated. On a 1-10: The power is too much for you to handle and the gun backfires and kills you instantly. If you roll a 1, the wielder’s body is disintegrated and their soul is trapped into the weapon seen with their name being the newest addition to this firearm’s body. With no body and their soul trapped, there is no way to revive the wielder on a 1. For those who are less risky, you can change it where it only affects on 1-5 or 16-20 with 6-15 having the gun jam, but I recommend to go big or go home. Tortles, I am looking to give you 40% equity or really whatever you want as long as I am able to have but one of your coveted tortle eggs.

Draxen01

Tonight Tortles I bring a second item for new players! A little homebrew plush that is sure to interest new players and old to hug it, play with it, and violently hurl it at enemies! I look forward to your response as I ask for a mere 30% of Caldwells eggs. Here are the details. The Kucko Plush! - The item is a small soft plushie of a chicken that looks oddly polygonal. When thrown at a target creature the plush explodes into white feathers and 1D6+2 astral chickens start to bombard and attack the target for 1 minute seemingly from every direction. Each chicken only does 1D4 damage. That creature must make a con 14 saving throw or be stunned for one combat round (the creature only needs to make this save on the first round of chicken ambush) it only last one round of combat if saved.

Zach Collier

Attention the amphibious advocates and the owner of the tank. I bring an idea I've had in my pocket yet haven't fully got to present an order of templars magic and the weave that the new God of magic structured I remember one of the old dnd stories where a wizard in later iterations of dnd casted a lvl 12 spell to kill the god of magic and take their place. For only about 10 seconds before he imploded and birthed a new goddess of magic. Istablishing the centripetal to lvl 9 system of magic we have today,they canonnically built the system of magic in the world. My homebrew to this concept: . It plays off having people who aren't magic casters allowing them to bend the weave slightly and provoke wild magic. Magic caster who know this trick would most likely stack this with their own spells if they so choose. Altering the weave: roll d100 anything over your current level allows the magic to be tampered. Rolling on your level or lower let's the dm roll on a wild magic table. Nat 1 or 100 let's you meet with the goddess magi herself. Dm discretion on how they will either benefit or be decimated by her. You can do this equal to the amount of your int mod per day.

Alexander Thomas Ruppert

Hello Tortles! It is with great pleasure that I introduce Weighted Training Clothing! This clothing is meant to be worn underneath any armor or robes. When donned, it causes the following effects: 1. Movement speed to drops by 10 2. -4 to attack rolls 3. -2 to dexterity The player must "solo" 10 enemies of a CR equal to 1/4 or more of their current level. Boons from party members like healing and bardic are allowed, but all damage taken by the monster must be given by the wearer. Once 10 enemies are solo'd the player may remove the Weighted Clothing and receives the following effects: 1. Movement speed increases by 5 2. +2 to attack rolls 3. +1 to dexterity A PC can only use this item once, but it retains it's power to potentially be used by another party member. I'm seeking enough eggs to make me tortle-y enough for the Tortle club in exchange for a 51% stake in the idea. P.S. Jake - who is the good guy in Dragon Ball Z, Goku or Kakarot?

RuinedDruid

Hello all it is an honor to be in front of the respectable tortle tank. You all love to give out roses and thorns in the short rest. It's a great way for the dm and players to chat about what they liked in the session and also gives everyone the chance to reflect on the session together. Well what I have for you today will help spice that up just a little more. At the end of a session a player is given a rose, but this rose comes with inspiration. The following session the player that received inspiration gives out a rose and the cycle continues. If you have a small table then only one is needed, but if you have a party of 5 or bigger think about giving two roses per session. Finally the party can give a rose to a NPC giving them inspiration. I hope I have peaked your interest. Let's talk eggs!

Cody W

To the dearest Egg bestowers, I propose a critical change to speed up combat and add some pizazz. -When rolling a nat 20, instead of doubling the dice rolled max one instance of a die roll Raw:1d6+2 turns to 2d6+2 Homebrew 1d6+2 turns to 1d6+2+6 Raw2d6+2 turns to 4d6+2 HB:2d6+2 turns to 3d6+2+6 Ran this in my home game and it didn't seem too broken for PCs or enemies, and ensures no one has a wet fart of a crit. Thank you for your egg consideration

qbull

Tortles, we’ve all had players who do nothing but take, loot, and stomp all over the DM’s world and narrative. Why not try scamming them with a variety of phony magic items? (Note: if you plan on selling these, don’t make them too expensive. Obviously you don’t want anyone throwing fists over these) Ring of Invisibility: a ring that turns invisible when worn Stone of Attunement: Grants an additional attunement slot (requires attunement) Murder Dagger: a seemingly normal dagger that summons a flock of crows hostile to the wielder Amulet of Fire Detection: heats up when exposed to an open flame Hoarder’s Wand: the intended use of the wand is not immediately obvious, but it may come in handy later on

Kamil Borowski

Sup homies Initiative should include Wisdom. Just because you are a fast person, does not equate to how perceptive you are to your surroundings. This of course is applied to my players as well as enemies. I'm looking for 100% stake in the company in exchange for Murph having a wrestling episode where you watch and review AEW All Out with everyone.

Seth C

Hello esteemed tortles I have brought to you today the Arcane Eye. It is a magical prosthetic eye that allows the user to see magical residue left behind by spells. The eye also has 3 charges that allows the user to cast detect Magic in order to learn the school of magic. You may be thinking this item is pointless. However I have found that this item is a great addition to detective campaigns especially for classes who cannot learn detect magic. I’m asking for a measly 1 egg. Thank You

Solomon Korringa

Greetings tortle shellouts! I present to your roundnesses a homebrew rule that makes your great combat moments even more grand. My DM has changed the way crit damage works to make sure no combat crit is lame. Instead of adding extra dice to your damage rolls, you instead take the max of each dice and add it to your normal roll. This way a dagger sneak attack does 1d4 + 1d6 + 4 + 6 + DEX. Please let me know if your extra warm eggs roll this way, or if they stay nestled in the burning sand.

Samuel

Hello Tortles, I have come to the tank today to propose something that DnD players and DMs alike need but did not know it: Summon Weather. Everyone knows about the spell Control Weather. The spell as written requires huge time investment for very little pay off and is not particularly useful outside of set dressing. It is an 8th level spell and should not limited as it is. Summon Weather, on the other hand, will allow the caster to set the weather conditions to any combination as described on the charts for the original spell and can change them each one stage as an action. In addition it will allow the caster to recreate the effects of a 5th Level Call Lightning spell. Flood your enemies ponds or force them into hibernation with Summon Weather. I am asking for 100,000 eggs for 100% ownership.

Jean-Philippe Haineault

Hey there centaurs, I'd like to present to you my homebrew : modifier dice. During an attack, ability check or saving throw, instead of adding a simple BORING modifier, you roll am extra dice. For example, +1 is a d2, +2 is a d4, +3 is a d6, etc. You can even add a third dice for your proficiency. For a negative modifier, you subtract your modifier dice instead of adding it. This may seem like a big change but statistically it would change your average roll by less than one. I ask the Tortles for a single owlbear egg for my breakfast tomorrow.

Toni Conge

G'day Torts I'm here to present an absolutely busted item given by my DM that she then had to take away in the next arc after realizing how busted it was. Zenos' Katana +4 Sword, 2d6+4 damage -Illusionary Double, at the start of your turn, an illusion of you appears in your space that lasts until the end of your next turn. As a bonus action you may blink to this illusion. -Phantom Strike, as a bonus action you may blink to a space behind a creature within 60ft of you. Until the start of your next turn you have advantage on your attack rolls with this weapon against the creature you blinked behind. This effect can be used 2 times and the katana regains all uses of this effect at dawn. -Quick Slash, when you hit a creature with this weapon you may immediately make another attack at the creature as a bonus action. I'm asking for 5 chopped hard boiled eggs

Morgan

May it please the Tort, and flounder the Whaleiff Jake; For too long dexterity has been linked to both a characters speed and general ability to do fine tasks. I think it’s perfectly reasonable to have a character that’s able to do amazing feats of acrobatics still be clumsy around dexterous weapons, and the idea that my character getting better at picking locks also makes them better at doing back hand springs is insane. So I propose the split of dexterity into acrobatics and motor skills. I think this could help with character flavor, allowing both specialized sneaky, skilled thieves like rogues and more acrobatic fighters like monks to feel more specialized at what they do. While it might hurt to lose your cautious thief’s ability to innately use a pommel horse, I think that this split could have some potentially fun effects on the game. Acrobatics could potentially have an effect on your movement speed, while motor skills could even offer bonuses to action economy. (Able to reload your crossbow fast enough? You didn’t spend your bonus action then!) With the stats in place these bonuses could be overpowered, but separating the two could diversify what you might want to invest in as you level up per character, or even present new opportunities for multiclassing if say your beefy strength character wanted to study with some speedy monks they could get move speed bonuses instead of some strangely increased ability to flip, but not run. All I seek in exchange for this idea is the big owlbear egg from before the rebrand, I know you still have it.

FusRohNahSon

Hello Tortles, first may I offer a refreshing spritz of water. My pitch will be for a DM looking to spice up a battlefield without adding more enemies. The Scroll Gun. Similar to the money gun rappers use in music videos, this item shoots multiple scrolls out all at once creating a 60 ft square area on the ground. The ground is covered in spell scrolls becoming difficult terrain. A creature must succeed a dex save after movement to avoid stepping on a scroll. Failure causes a scroll to activate (depending on party level I recommend random spells 1-4). Pesky ranger avoiding this fun and exciting obstacle? Have no fear for the resulting scroll puddle creates an unpredictable magic haze that cause disadvantage on ranged weapon and spell attacks. Not only can this he added to any encounter but can also be scaled easier or harder. Im asking for a signed wood block from the band of boobs as well as 4 unfertilized eggs, 2 strips of bacon, and a pound of hashbrowns, crispy.

FusRohNahSon

P.s. if ur on the fence about this great item a short story. My players faced this encounter and our nu-metal washed up bard activated a "summon greater demon" which bonked the enemy hard but was then dominated by said enemy. The high elf snooty wizard activate Summon Greatee Celestial causing a unicorn to defeat the Balrog. All of this under the good Dice Christ's unpredictable hand

Greg Bennett

Hello Tortles and Turtis Caldwell, I humbly present to you the Power Word Stun Gun. This beautifully crafted, double-barrelled pistol is loaded with two Power Word Stun spells. On a critical success, you will roll 1d4 to affect multiple enemies. On a critical failure, the gun backfires, causing the spell to affect the user. The spell slots reload after a long rest. However, the user can take 1d12+4 piercing damage to recharge one barrel using blood magic. I am offering 100% of my idea in exchange for five or one million of Caldwell's long and oddly skinny eggs or the shiny object buried in your rock pile at the back of the tank. I egg-erly await your thoughts.

dh

Good *insert time of day* esteemed tortles. Today I'm seeking 1000 raw tortle eggs in exchange for a 49.9% share of my homebrew feat "A hero's sacrifice" In the throes of an increasingly desperate situation a hero reaches deep within themselves to access incredible power, think Yennefer at Sodden Hill. They describe the intended effect and roll 1d6+1 taking that many levels of exhaustion. The roll dictates the strength of the effect, a higher roll gets them closer to what they described doing. On a 1 they take 2 levels of exhaustion for having tried but there is no effect. On a 6 they take 7 levels of exhaustion and are wiped from existence forever, they cannot be re-alived by any means but the effect is exactly as described or more, a 5 on the d6 they get the intended effect but die in the effort. And so on for each roll with the effect getting slightly weaker the closer to a 1 on the d6. It may seem like it's only fun for casters but not so, my patent pending feat is a blast for melee and magic alike. A barbarian spins himself into a whirlwind mowing down hordes of baddies, a fighter links multiple maneuvers together goading and disarming multiple enemies in one round, etc etc. The feat can be used once per PC per campaign, though rolling a 1, which causes no effect, does not use up the charge. So, tortles, please gimme those eggs.

Zed

You like crits? Well do I have the sword for you! The Quicksilver Rapier has 8 charges. Each one can be used to change the raw number on the dice by one. E.g. if you roll a 12 you could expend all 8 charges to turn that 12 into a nat 20. This item was given to me by my dm and I think it perfectly toes the line of a good, fun item that isn't game breaking. Especially fun for paladins.

polyglottal cracker

I like this item mechanic. I especially like that you can scale the charges for level-appropriateness. Compliments to the DM, I think Imma yoink this one!

Curtis Hoeppner

I'm in one game using this system and one game the standard way. It's a tough choice for me, rolling a ton of dice or dealing a ton of guaranteed damage are both thrilling.

Jane

Hiya torts, I'd like to present to you the Arcane Cookbook, the perfect addition for any party who a) has a whole lot of junk accumulated in their inventory and b) inexplicably think that D&D really needs a cooking minigame. This cookbook may have contained recipes at one point, but it has since been hollowed out, creating a cavity in which you can dump two items of your choice. Put your garbage items in, give the book a shake, and see what new garbage you've created. Pour a superior healing potion over some harpy feathers you grabbed for some reason to make candy feathers that heal for a d4 each. Put a haste spell scroll with a commemorative cow plush you bought to make a very fast, very adorable cow. I'll take one of those fancy Faberge eggs if you got any.

Zed

Thank ya! It is probably one of the most fun combat items I've used as a player so I'm sure your player will love it! Mine was also viscious which added to the incentive to use it for crit fishing

Jessica Petra

Esteemed Terrapins, I come to you with a humble, yet fun homebrew rule that my DnD crew has adopted after a night of statistically absurd bad rolls. The likelihood of getting a Nat 1 on any roll is 1 in 20 or 5%. The likelihood of getting a second Nat 1 in a game decreases to 0.025% and exponentially decreases with each additional roll. After a game I was running where my one player rolled a staggering 5 nat 1s in a single session, (a probability of 0.00003125%) we created the rule that the 6th nat 1 someone rolls in a session instantly becomes a Nat 20 because the likelihood of getting that 6th nat 1 is 0.0000015625% . Sure enough, after the 6th nat 1 was rolled (we all saw it) his devastation instantly became cheering from the entire table. After this the counter reset and we have played with this rule ever since. I will accept 15,625 (see what I did there?) eggs for this idea, or a dip in a relaxing tortle sauna. -Jess (she/her)

Vi

This is related to the intimidation talk from last time, but I like to let my players add half their attack modifier for their main way of attacking (rounded down) to intimidation instead of their regular modifier. I.E. if a player has a +2 magic weapon or arcane focus, a proficiency of +4, and a relevant stat modifier of +4, they would have a +5 to intimidation. This makes sense to me because I would be more scared of a fighter who had a vorpal sword than one with a regular one, and so this takes into consideration the implied danger of magic weapons. It does give high level characters with powerful items ridiculously good intimidation modifiers, but doesn’t that make sense?

Donnie K

Thanks for having me, Tortles. Do your players avoid satisfying RP? Do they completely ignore their inventory? Do they only read the numbers on the page and never attempt to do anything creative? I present to you Chekhov's Magic Pouch. Once per short rest you may use an otherwise mundane item kept in this pouch to grant advantage or disadvantage on a single roll. In order to utilize it in this manner, the item must be mentioned, displayed, or otherwise introduced at least 30 real-world minutes earlier in the same session either by the player with the pouch or another, but it must be in the user's possession at time of execution. When ready to use the target object, the player must state that they withdraw it from Chekhov's Magic Pouch, and then give a convincing justification as to how this object helps or hinders the roll. This may be done on your turn as part of another action, or on another's turn by using your reaction. Once an item is used in this way, it cannot ever be used again with Chekhov's Magic Pouch. The object chosen may not be a weapon, armor, or magical item. I offer you 49.9%, and am looking for only a few eggs, preferably scrambled or as an omelet.

Clutch

Hello tortles and hotchling (we know who is who). I will keep this short and sweet. I present you the Theme Song. Each player chooses one song that is added to a playlist with infinite songs. During a session the playlist is played on shuffle. When a player’s chosen song gets played, that character gets advantages on d20 rolls for the first 3 minutes. All I am asking is for all of the protein stacked eggs.

aidan Sanders

Wassup oh great turtles, I bring before you and idea sure to reap all the profits, I call it executioning damage: Basically it is a form of damage that only works if it were to kill an enemy, for example if a target had 20 HP and you did 10 normal damage and 10 executioning damage you would kill the target, however if the foe had 21 HP then you would only do the measly 10 damage. Some magical items might have this damage type as a special finishing ability, like if you crit you get to roll double damage along with double executioning damage leading to some insane finishers attacks. All I ask from you turtles is 1 egg preferably hard boiled but scrambled will do. Thanks

Rob T

Tortles. Thank you for your time. I present to you the magic item, the Handsome Pan. This might be the greatest item you can add to a game, and i think Moonshine might agree. Attuning to the Handsome Pan comes with multiple benefits. You gain the Cook feat and all it entails. The pan can change dimensions to suit any cooking need from crawdads to horse jerky, i see you Jake. The pan gives a plus 2 to charisma, because what’s sexier than someone who can cook? In an emergency, it can act as a magical weapon dealing 1d8 bludgeoning damage. For this item, all i ask for is a handsome amount of eggs and the NADDPoD seal of approval.

Nate Brass

Greetings Tortles, today I would like to offer you a new standard skill for your future 5e campaigns. Now, I understand that a new skill in 5e is a lofty goal. Skills are both an adjective to describe the character (ex: stealthy, athletic) while not being too specific to be useful in only one scenario. With that in mind, today I present to you "crafty". The crafting skill could be used by Saul/Calder to drive a skyship or by Moonshine/Beverly to craft items or traps for shenanigans. This skill helps intelligence based classes expand their repertoire and could even be used by Duck Team to buy the ingredients for potions to have the chance to make potions cheaper (though losing ingredients on a nat 1) For this EXCELLENT new skill I ask only for 1 basket of eggs for 100% ownership and the ability to use in the main feed podcast

Mason McCauley

Spooky and Ferocious Tortles. Allow me to ask, have you ever felt like silvering a weapon doesn't matter? Some monsters, like werewolves, are flat out immune to "bludgeoning, piercing, and slashing from nonmagical attacks not made with silvered weapons"(MM 211). This means that fighters can do no damage against these creatures while spellcasters treat them like normal enemies. Silvering a weapon costs the fighter 100 gold and only allows them to deal normal damage(PHB 148). I find this unfair to less magically inclined characters. So, in my gothic horror setting Lothmar (a city-state filled with undead, cults, and a really nice old book seller named Fiz Grumly), I have kept the immunity but introduced a new feature for the werewolf stat block: "Silvered Bane. The werewolf’s hide is weak to silvered weapons. Any silvered weapon or piece of ammunition that hits the werewolf is considered a critical hit." I believe that this will make the time and money spent silvering a weapon matter as well as make combat more exciting for my players. All I ask in return for 100% ownership is a silvered egg to put above my fireplace.

james_in_space

Tortles, my homebrew item is a pair of Switch Rings. A Switch Ring only works if you are wearing one while another creature is wearing the other. As a reaction when you or the other ringbearer is about to receive damage, you may snap your fingers, activating the ring and causing the two of you to instantly switch places. Alternately, on your turn, you may use half your movement to activate the ring and switch places. Each ring has one charge which replenishes after a long rest. If you attempt to use the ring while the other ringbearer is unfriendly to you (for example, if you stealthily slip one ring on an enemy's finger), they may choose to prevent switching places by succeeding on a Charisma saving throw (DC = 10 + your proficiency bonus). On a failed save, the switch occurs. On a successful save, the ring's charge is used up but the switch does not work, and you take 2d10 force damage from the failed teleportation. For this item, I'm asking for an arbitrarily small number of eggs from any of you, or one thousand eggs from Caldwell. Thank you.

Lauren Iliffe

Greetings tortles. Has this ever happened to you? You're making a dumb goof and your DM gives you that look and says 'are you really saying that to the king?'. Do you ever need to ask someone something about the game out of character, but need to make it clear that your character isn't asking? May I present to you, out of character antlers. Place your hands on either side of your head and splay your fingers out so they look a little bit like moose antlers (one hand is also fine). Now you can say all your dumb goofs and nobody can punish you for it, except by ostracization from the friend group. It's a really small thing that we started doing in games years ago, and it invariably ends up in all the games I play in, as I'll start doing it and other people will copy.

J

Hi turtles. Have you ever been sneaking around a town or lair, brutally sniping low level bad guys from range opa Skyrim style? During one excursion the weight of being judge jury and executioner over morally ambiguous guards and henchman weighed in me too hard and I thought, “there had to be another way”! I present to you - sleep darts. These magic items work as follows: a ranged weapon that can be used 3 time per short rest, or ammo based if so desired. You roll to hit as you would normally would, but if you hit, you are able to cast the sleep spell at the 3rd level only on the target you hit, and should the spell succeed, the target falls asleep. There it is, a guilt free way to tip toe your way around your favorite castle before you brutally murder the not morally ambiguous BBEG. I’m looking for 3000 gold for a 5% share in sleep darts (patent pending) that I will probably just spend on private jets and lavish parties and call it “networking”

Shawn Connor (DM4Hire.com)

Turtles, Tortles, and Turtices, If I may: Leomund's Tiny hut. A great spell if you want to spend your nights in a NORMAL dome of force but for the tables that crave flavor & dramatic time management I offer: Vigo's Tiny Hut (TM): Mechanically it adheres to the base spell BUT instead of an opaque colored dome appearing I simply ask the summoner the first time it is cast: "Hey, you have a 15x15 square foot tiny house and it just showed up; What does it look like, and what 4 things are already inside?" This gives the caster a huge opportunity for role play, to add to their backstory, and a potential new base for the players to rest, cook and store things away. The trade off you ask?! Once the spell ends (8h) the hut disappears and so do all of its contents INCLUDING any creatures inside. The real tasty part is that the hut can only be brought to you, so if you're in the hut when the spell ends; you're now where the hut goes when you don't have it summoned! Where does the hut go?! The Astral Sea? Back home? Maybe a spicy narrative space known only to the DM! I'd like to offer my take on this 3rd level Evocation spell AND a personalized Tiny Hut for EACH member of the pond, in exchange for everyone's second favorite egg and a firm yet somehow tender handshake.

Three awakened gooses

GOOD AFTERNOON TORTLES! I come today bearing a homebrewed feat designed for a race I think you’ll find near and dear to your heart. THE TORTLE! As we all know tortles have the shell defense ability which allows the player to retreat into their shell as an action on their turn. While this is great for protecting yourself if you get into a dangerous situation it requires you sacrifice most of your turn and your bonus action when you attempt to rise again! The feat I present you with noble tortles is the Shell shocked feat. This feat allows you to retreat into your shell as a reaction to an attack made towards you if you can pass a DC 15 Dex saving throw. This allows more utility for the feature without having to sacrifice your action on your turn. Please invest your eggs so we can protect them together with SHELL SHOCKED!

Beav

OUT-OF-COMBAT HELP ACTIONS ¡Hola Tortugas! I am proposing a modified rule for giving the help action outside of combat. - If a character is proficient in the skill that they are attempting to assist with, the help action can be given automatically. - If the PC trying to give the help action is not proficient, they can elect to roll their own check in that skill. If they succeed a dc15, the help action is successfully given. However, if they fail tremendously (1-5 on their attempted check), they are actually making things worse, and the companion they are attempting to help must make the check with Disadvantage. I am asking for stray 5 cats and 2 eggs for a 69% stake in my future empire that will begin with the dissemination of these new guidelines.

Kahlil ChuFor

Distinguished tortladies, tortlemen and tortlethems, I present to you a new Eldritch Invocation: Eldritch Transmutation. Have you ever found yourself frustrated with the mundanity of eldritch blasting everything in sight? Tossing and turning at night over building a hex blade warlock that specializes in ranged weapons, but all available cantrips and spells only augment melee weapons? Look no further than this simple and easy-to-understand invocation. When you cast Eldritch Blast, you can instead choose to roll a weapon attack. Doing so augments the cantrip as follows: As part of the action used to cast this spell, you must make a weapon attack against one creature within both the weapon and spell’s ranges. The weapon glows with a crackling energy, and on a hit, the target suffers the attack’s native damage and effects as well as an additional 1d6 force damage. This action is considered a melee or ranged spell attack, depending on the weapon used. The spell deals more damage when you reach higher levels: 2d6 at 5th level, 3d6 at 11th level, and 4d6 at 17th level. I’m willing to sell 20% equity on this invocation for just one dragon tortle egg and a recommendation to a good dragon tortle wet nurse.

Stick Haul

Howdy, wealthiest torts. I beseech you for your juicy clutches. Have you ever had players that struggled to convincingly intimidate NPCs? Do the half-orc bards in your party suffer from self-confidence issues, preventing them from taking the initiative in romantic conversations? I present to you, The Speakeasy. This wondrous item is a small, smooth river pebble that slots nicely into the ear and allows any PC advantage on any dialogue-based skill check. All they have to do to activate it is touch one finger to the stone, briefly unfocus their eyes, look away, and nod. For ten seconds after activation, they can say anything to any NPC and the NPC will be caught off-guard. This simple tool is excellent for intimidating small-time magistrates, persuading ball-bearing merchants to lower their prices, and even deceiving the royal guards into believing you do, in fact, have a permit for that kingslaying blade. This simple stone can open any door in any kingdom… With the right rolls. All I’m asking in return for this gift of gab is one single juicy fertilized egg.

MJ the BFG

Esteemed half-shell, soft-shell, and nudist no-shell Tortles and Jake the Snake, I humbly present, with a frittata, the Deal with the Far Realm/Devil/Cthullu etc. As all good GMs this idea is inspired and mostly stolen from another source, Blades in the Dark. Deal with the Far Realm is a homebrew rule where players ask the GM in a scene if they can do something that technically breaks the game, but at a cost to character. An example from a real game, an Oath of Vengeance Paladin made a deal to be able to use Abjure Enemy in a 60 radius instead of a single target to try and clear out a cave filled with 60+ vampire kobolds. The paladin took on a blood curse of vampirism in order to break the game and accept the Deal with the Devil. If the esteemed Tortles invest in this homebrew rule in the next five minutes we will also add the homebrew rule of Cat Chaos. This additional homebrew rule states that if my cats bat your dice after rolling, but before results are known, the player must keep the new roll. May the crick water keep you comfortably numb.

Ravioko

Hello Tortles. Today I want to present to you a homebrew weapon that is so delightfully overpowered it just might make you RETRACT your eggs in fear. “The Deadline Blade” is something I’ve introduced into my world: at my table, when you crit in combat, rather than rolling damage twice you simply roll once, and max out what would normally be a second set of rolls. The deadline blade specifically works against enemies that have killed a member of your bloodline: rather than giving you 2 rolls (with one maxed) on a crit, it goes to 4 rolls (with 3 maxed). My players got excited to have one but even so worried that it would be too overpowering, with my justification being that “realistically this will only be good during a hypothetical boss fight where they already have a large HP pool, this serves as a fun moment for somebody who’s out for revenge.” I’d like to offer this fleeting power fantasy of a sword for at least 24 eggs and a quick reminder from Emily that my girlfriend Holly should stop comparing herself to others and be sure that her first campaign will run smoothly and be awesome. (Also dinner with Murph for myself.)

Justin Lang

Do you speak Gnomish? Gnome-one cares. Draconic? More like "Dracannot be bothered" We've all heard this countless times at our tables. So I came up with a fun idea to make languages matter to my players. I started attaching special abilities to the different languages, based on the culture of those who speak it. For example, in my homebrew, you cannot knowingly tell a lie in Celestial. I treat it like a self-imposed "circle of truth". This is useful for the players to gain the trust of an NPC (or vice versa)--but only if they both speak Celestial. I made Goblin work like Morse code, in that it can be communicated by drum beats or flashes of light. You can even do something as simple as giving advantage when navigating the wilderness if they were given directions in Gnomish. It's really helped flesh out the cultures in my setting, and helps the players engage with the story a little more. I will be initially offering stock in this idea at a rate of 3 eggs per share. Thank you for your time and consider-egg-tion.

Luke Stambaugh

Tortles, please excuse me while I set up all of my charts. Potions. In campaigns without a designated healer, healing potions become incredibly important. I bring to the Tortles a homebrew rule for drinking potions where a player can chose to make a constitution check (of the DMs choice of DC) to see if they can get the whole thing down in once gulp. If they succeed, the player regains hit points from the potion as if the healing dice rolled their maximum values. If the constitution check fails, the player roles for the effectiveness of the potion as usual but only heal for half of the total rolled. This rule does not exactly line up with how potions actually work, but it adds some character to healing potions as items which are so prevalent yet everyone has their own interpretation of the experience of drinking one. It also lets characters with high constitution who plan on taking a fair bit of damage keep up in a campaign without healing magic. GIMME YA EGGS!

Cedin Fredric

Good Afternoon Tortles! I come to you today with a short and simple homebrew that makes rolling nat 20's even more fun! We are all familiar with the concept of rolling saving throws where on a save the creature takes half damage and on a failure take the full roll. It is immensely disatisfying to roll nat 20's in these situations only to have treated as if you rolled a 19. 20's should be rewarded and that's what I am here to do! I propose that we make nat 20's great again by allowing any creature making a saving throw to take no damage. However on a nat 1 that creature takes the max damage possible. This would apply to both NPC's and PC for consistency and bring a sense of consequence and meaning for rolling on the dice's extremes. I am asking for one of your eggs scrambled and served to me every Saturday morning for a year in exchange for my idea. Thank you!

Jake Jones

Hello! I am here today to pitch an item hat I *tortally* think you’ll have no choice but to invest in. I only require one single Fabergé egg for this HOT HOT ITEM. Have you ever taken a barbarian level or 2 because you were hella squishy and figured half damage taken sounds pretty good? Me too! You probably also realized that if you’re a squishy spell caster being in a rage forces you to rolling small dice damage with nothing else to do just to stay alive…..that’s no fun :( My pitch is for a glass of what I like to call the Magic Muscle Milk- a tall glass of milk that unlocks your potential and allows you to either cast cantrips while in a rage- or to allow you to keep concentration on one spell that was cast before entering the rage while still having the option to lose concentration. You could also give it some serious drawbacks for overusing it or limit the number of cantrips you can cast like you would regular spell slots. It’s entirely customizable! Thank you oh kind and wonderful tortles for your wise and bountiful opinions and I hope you find my muscle milk worthy of your sweet sweet eggs!

Amit Rubin

That's not how probability works though. The chance of rolling 6 nat 1s in a row is indeed 1.5625e-8, the chance of rolling 6 nat 1s in a row during an entire session are higher, and the chance of rolling 6 nat 1s not in a row during a session are even higher. Anyways 6 nat 1s in a single session is still pretty rare :D

Shogun Steele

A pleasant evening to you the lovely lovely tortles of the tank! Are you tired of laying clutches upon clutches of eggs before each pitch meeting? May I offer my new home brewed stat? Wealth! I initially came up with the idea for my homebrewed modern horror setting. While one theoretically could simply convert gold into cash, it's hard to capture the feeling of debt, credit, rent, generational wealth and income inequality fully with static numbers. It's treated like any other stat during character creation, and can be rolled to purchase items (higher the cost, the higher the dc you have to. beat), bribe guards, and influence upper class npcs. Cash rewards gained by the party are represented as a temporary bonus to the stat which can be spent like an inspiration die. I have supplemental products on debt and other financial mechanics that I shan't burden you with for now tortles. All I ask in exchange for a stake in. this company is that you spread the. word and convert a number of your eggs into the wealth stat to show we have your support. (Also sorry for the weird spacing Jake, forming out paragraphs on mobile is weird as hell)

Jeremiah LaForge

Good even to the honorable tortles and to tortle Jake may his eggs be most swol. I present to you an unused mechanic as my players chose not to go down a quest path that would have brought this into their campaign. I ask that the tortles offer two leathery eggs for 22% of this brew. What I offer is a high stakes, high roleplay opportunity poison I called heart stop. In breif this is a poison that mechanically causes a player to make death saving throws while still up -as in a heart attack. Details: this poison can be applied to any weapon and is active for a max10 minutes until you make a successful attack. If the target is a living creature they begin making con saving throws dc 10 at the start of each turn. 3 successes ends the condition. On a fail the creature is stricken with terrible chest pains and their left side begins to go numb. They lose their bonus action on this turn fighting the pain. If they fail three times the creature immediately falls to 0 hit points and has three failed death saves. They are considered poisoned, and any spell or ability that cures poison ends this condition.

Rusty Boots

Hi Tortles, I've created a cursed animae sword with a built in drama generator, I'm looking for an investment of three large eggs for 50% of my creation. The Drama Katana Flavour text: "Omae wa mou shinderu" You leap forward, the blade thirsts, you find  purchase below their plating. A single hearbeat...two Your foe slides apart as a drop of blood falls from your sword. Cursed Katana (Longsword) 1D8 / 1D10 + Strength Curse of Drama: Once per day as an Action you make a single melee weapon attack against a creature you can see within range, this attack is automatically considered a critical hit. If this attack fells the target you gain temporary hit points equal to twice your Charisma modifier as you pose dramatically after your clean kill. However, if this attack does not fell the target you are immediately afflicted with the Paralysed condition until the start of your next turn. You remain posed dramatically until this condition ends.

Dave M

Good afternoon Tortles, I come to you today with a humble proposition to reduce feel-bad moments at the table. Surely you've experienced a scenario where, in return for an outstanding roleplay performance, the DM goes to offer a player inspiration only to learn that the player already has their singular inspiration point slot filled. This leads to the point being lost to the abyss, and the reward for good gameplay is abandoned. I propose a system where players can bank up to three points of inspiration, with the limitation that they can only use one point per session. I believe this is a solid middle ground that also encourages using inspiration more instead of hoarding it for "the perfect moment". I will gladly sell this idea in exchange for one quick guffaw from the No Chortles Tortle himself.

Amit Rubin

Tortles, today I bring you a propostion - and fresh lettuce. There's some tomato there as well. Introducing Minor Intervention: When your goals directly align with a gods, you get a bonus. Malora? +2 modifier to survival and nature checks. Gruumsh One-Eye? Add your class level to damage. Asmodeus? Advantage on persuation and deception. Bahamut? +1 to your AC. In return for the rights to my idea I ask for an unpaid internship under your wise guidance. Please lead me TO THE LIGHT.

garett144

Whats up tortles!? So imma dedicate this pitch to the coolest tortle Jake, I present The Library of the Witch. It is a black unassuming witches hat that once attuned to gives you access to two additional cantrips from different classes. Additionally once per day the attuned may retreat into a demiplane inside the hat, like a bag of holding with no oxygen limit. This demiplane is an endless library. The books present are random each time but contains histories, biographies, fictions, etc of not just the past but the future as well. Investigate checks will determine the books found and their usefulness. Books taken from the library disappear after a week. Humble tortles all I ask for this idea is confirmation that Treads guitar still exists in Bahumia in some curated collection of a senile collector...

Noah Olson

Howdy tortles, i hope your tanks are comfortable and spacious. today i bring to you a rule for nat 20s on initiative, if you roll a nat 20 on initiative you can place yourself anywhere in the initiative order. i am willing to part with this idea for free as long as i get credit and my picture is on every package sold

Leo

Esteemed Tortles, I ask you today, what makes D&D so fun? That's right - it's the epic Highs and Lows. Already, the most popular house rule in D&D is that Nat 20s should matter, even outside of attacks. That's why I am proud to present: D&D Extreme. Roll a Nat 20 on that saving throw? That's 0 damage. Roll a Nat 1? That's double damage. Roll a Nat 20 on initiative? You get an extra turn before combat starts. Roll a Nat 1? Choose between taking your action and bonus action. The possibilities are endless. Warning: Not recommended for squishy parties below Lvl. 5 unless you love to gamble. In return, I ask only for one extra spicy egg.

JME

Hello Tortles, My ideas are based on two concepts: expertise is cool as hell and so are spellcasting feats. The first may not be universal, as there are ways to roll to ensure certain results. I propose an alternate point buy/standard array for ability scores. It always sucks for a spellcaster to have to max out thier casting stat while your martial friends are taking cool feats! Also, what spellcaster needs strength? What martial characters need intelligence? I propose making an extra sacrifice in your dump stat - a 6 rather than an 8- in order ro max out your main stat right away. This gives the opportunity for all those cool feats you want, but can't find space for. (basically love the vibes of Kristen's low dex, but think it should have a guaranteed upside). The second comes from the fact that the first character I played was a rouge, and have suffered without expertise on other characters. Also, who the hell believes the non magical rouge has better arcana than a wizard who's spent thier whole life on it. I propose the ability to give up 2 (3 including base proficiency), in order for ANYONE to take expertise in one skill. I can be convinced to change what is sacrificed. This way, roleplay focused campaigns can have more class diversity while still being good at skill checks. (somewhat inspired by the latest d20 star wars campaign, which seems to give out expertise a little more)

foster the boneless duck

Dearest Perspicacious Tortles, I come to you with but a humble homebrew rule already employed in all of my games who have cried out at the missed chance that is rolling a nat20 on initiative. I only ask for 0% ownership and front row tickets to one of (what I'm sure will be many) of you Australian Live Shows or your smallest unsquished egg. The rule is such: when rolling initiative a nat 20 will cause you to have advantage on the first attack roll or saving throw you have to make once combat starts. A nat 1 will cause you to have disadvantage on the first attack roll or saving throw you have to make. My players have all loved this new rule, it rarely comes up but it has reinjected their love of nat 20s and nat 1s for all rolls!

Aaron H

Oh great and powerful Tortles, as you emerge once again from your nest, I ask that you hear my plea for the return of called shots. Simply allow a called shot to a limb, head or even eyes be made by giving the attacker a -5 to attacks against arms or legs, -8 to hit the head, eyes or hands The effect of the attack would do +10 damage to the head but cause an effect for the others. Eyes cause blindness, arms causing disadvantage on the next action using that arm, legs slowing speed or knocking prone/disadvantage with certain actions and hands disarming or causing spellcasting disadvantage. Typically, require a heal or medicine check to recover from the effect. If used at a table that likes to add some random effects to combat, roll a d100 after a successful attack. When rolling doubles, you hit a specific limb adding the effect: 99 for the head, 88 for eyes, etc. Each arm, leg, hand and foot gets a number down to 11. I have used this as a DM in the past and it can add some fun variation and a little bonus dice rolling added in. For this idea I ask for the largest egg you have available. Thank you.

Eugene

Dear Tortles and Jim, So I’m playing a hunger games one-shot for the one-shot I have a rule about being a career tribute or just the regular tribute. Career tributes get advantage one athletic/aerobatics checks but since they’ve always lived in comfort are more likely to starve without food. Regular tributes get advantage on survival/nature checks. Is this fair or is one too OP?

Brendan Mahoney

Dear Titillating Tortles and okay tortle business consultant Jon, I present “I Know a Guy” a home brew mechanic to have your players feeling like good fellas. While in a location their character knows well, a player may make an “I Know a Guy” roll to find a character that can help them in some way. Players may role 1d20+intelligence to “know a guy” a number of times equal to their charisma modifier a day. On a 10 or above, they know a guy, on 20 or above they know the a Good fuckin’ Guy. Great for intrigue campaigns and fun opportunities to meet (sometimes) useful NPC’s, “I Know A Guy” will have your players acting like Made Men in no time. I’m asking for 35% stake in the company, and a little OTB cash action on the side. I Know a Guy; Don’t fugettabout it.

Alex D

What's up my herpetrators, I'm here to give you a shell of a deal! In a recent one-shot I ran for a friend's bachelor party, I had the bartending (but yet to be revealed) BBEG strike a deal with the PCs. To seal the deal, he offered up a free drink, which was reflected with a drink offered to the players in real life. The rub? The cocktail was magic and meant those who drank it would have disadvantage on a saving throw against the BBEG at the start of the final battle. So, I offer my idea of real life drinking paired with fantasy life consequences, for the low low price of at least 1,000 Turt-Murph eggs.

Zachary Wade Sherwood

Dear Bored Tortles who are looking to put that excitement back into ttrpgs, do I have a product for you! You mentioned on the last Tortle Tank that you were starting to get tired of the options in 5e and were thinking of messing around with some 3.5e. Well, do I have a suggestion for you personally! It is the game system Pathfinder 2nd Edition! This game system was designed with customizing PCs in fun, wacky, and interesting ways in mind. Pathfinder 2e’s roots are 3.5e and they have refined many of the clunkier and outdated systems to speed up the action, give you more to do with your turn, and make you feel like a badass while doing it. Plus, character options galore! As of writing this are currently 47*(things get weird in a good way with half elves/ orcs and races like aasimar) possible playable races and 22 classes after only 3 years in print, compared to 34 races and 13 classes in 5e after 8 years. I also think there are specific things each of you would enjoy about this system. Murph, balancing encounters is MUCH easier in 2e. I’ve DMed both and trust me, using CR to judge how much of a challenge a creature will be for the party is way more consistent! Jake, any 1st level character can make 3 attacks a round of they want. Emily, there are 10th level spells. One of the Druid ones is called Summon Kaiju. Caldwell, they have a playable race of friendly medium sized spiders called Anadi that go around disguised as a humanoid and pretend not to be giant, 5.5ft tall spiders. I am not seeking any eggs, I just want you guys to give it a look and maybe have some fun while doing it! I have been wanting to recommend 2e to you guys ever since I listened to you struggle to build Fia and Zurk the way you wanted. 5e does’t allow for a witch or alchemist very well, but 2e actually has them as classes! Lastly, don’t worry about buying any books, the company that makes Pathfinder publishes the content of all books they put out for free online so that money is never a gatekeeper to play!

Bob Crossen

Tortles, have I got the encounter of a lifetime for you, and considering how long that is for your kind, I'm confident you'll take up my offer. I introduce to you, the Karaoke Battle. This encounter is one I've built for my players and surprised them with. I looked up their most-played songs on Spotify to create a roll table of songs in 5 different "genres". The players team up in teams of two, and their objective in the encounter is to own the stage two total times. This is done by charisma and performance rolls while standing in center stage (a 20ft square) performing a song. The winner of this performance at the top of the round rolls on the song roll-table to choose the next song that is played. Depending on the song's genre, it will change how the crowd interacts with the performers (mosh pits, stage rushes, etc.), which will complicate getting back to center stage during the next round of combat. Spells are encouraged, but if you're caught cheating, security may catch you and begin to escort you out. Of course, during the encounter, you play the song from the roll table live on a speaker, and on each player's initiative, they may choose to perform IRL for 30 seconds. If they do so, they receive inspiration that expires after the charisma roll at the top of the round. The reward for winning the Karaoke Battle is chosen by the DM to fit the campaign. I chose to give the winner a 20% stake in the Karaoke Bar for 1 year. I am offering this encounter in return for Caldwell's shell and a 1-shot of The Triplets in their own Karaoke Battle.

Ursa

hey there cen-tortles, i have a pitch! years ago i played a divination wizard, and my dm made a spellbook for me that was pretty important to the overall campaign, and it was so powerful that it would be ridiculous to have in most campaigns. however! there is only one part that i am submitting for your consideration, in the form of a new magical item, boon, or feature of your choice! the spellbook allowed me to cast prepared spells without having an available spell slot, by using 10% of my max health per spell level instead, and it used hit dice rules for recharging on a long rest. this probably sounds insane, and it kind of is! however, being a gremlin brained spellcaster in an end-of-the-world campaign and having a high risk, high reward feature like being able to use my own max hp (and become and even squishier wizard) in exchange for being able to cast more spells was extremely fun, and it gave me license to try some full out sicko mode level plays and i want to share that fun! one of my favorite combat encounters we ever had, was rescuing our party's favorite npc from a hell prison and we *barely* made it out (after a couple revivifies) and as we escaped, my max health was a grand total of 3. i'm offering 100% of Consume Your Health For More Spells on the condition that if yall ever do an extreme high stakes/difficulty oneshot, Emily gets to have it for her galaxy brain arsenal.

Tyler Stercula

Hey Tortz, My pitch is a fully simulated "fight club" for adventuring parties to test out fights against different enemy types and learn to strategize well together. I once ran it as an environment for a tournament where creatures could be scanned and "uploaded" to the simulator, and the party can enter the simulator and fight against monsters in a variety of terrains. Combat in the sim is worth zero xp, since players can't die, but I find this is a great way for parties suffering from "oh god please don't let my alter ego I mean player character die" syndrome to gain some confidence when it comes to deadly-level fights. There's also the chance for a Pokemon Snap-style side quest where the party can go out into the wilds and scan new monsters for the fight club proprietor. I am offering this idea for a single, convincing, "hey neat!" and I guess some leftover eggs if you have any. I'll take what I can get.

Andrew Moreau

Hey torties, this tantalizing deal brings to 5th edition one of the most important things it's missing: Elemental status effects, or "Status Stacks!" For example, poisoning your weapons cannot give your enemy the poisoned condition (only a con save for meager damage) but with "Status Stacks!" You can build up stacks by attacking with a poisoned weapon, and once reaching X-amount of stacks, your enemy will become poisoned! Other elements include lightning stacks to apply a stunning strike; fire stacks to apply continuous burn damage; cold stacks to apply damage vulnerability, and many more! Stack minimums can even scale with challenge rating and also be legendary resisted to keep things balanced! Act now to secure this once in a lifetime deal--nay, act now to secure the future of 5th Edition!

Ethan Johnson

Hey there, Tortles! I have a quick homebrew suggestion for you to review. It’s called “Going All Out (Just This Once)” and all I ask is for your least favorite egg in exchange for 100% ownership. This rule gives martial characters a chance to take a risk on their turn. If a character has multiple attacks, at the start of their turn they can declare they are Going All Out (Just This Once). If they do, they roll once for all of their attacks (advantage/disadvantage still apply). On a hit, they roll damage for all their attacks that round, plus an additional 1d4 for each additional attack (2 attacks= 1d4, 3 attacks= 2d4). On a miss, all attacks that round miss, and they take a -2 penalty to AC until the start of their next turn . For a true “Just This Once” experience, characters could do it once per day, but it could also be a number of times equal to their proficiency bonus, or even every round. Thank you for your Tortle time.

CommodoreGalaxy

Sup, Torts. I'm looking for 6 eggs in one basket and a half dozen in the other for 10% of my company. This mechanic/item can make carrying a sidearm a much more interesting thing than just the potential off-hand attack. Have a faction that the party will be working with long term gift them each with a special dagger. The base dagger is a ±1 weapon, nothing special. Already a great gift for a low level party to defend themselves against ghosts and other apparitions. Then, as quest rewards offer them a choice from an upgrade list to further personalize their daggers! Such upgrades as gaining a die of sneak attack, advantage on attacks while grappling, a bonus action throw with advantage, even a once a day Smite! The possibilities are truly up to the dm! As always, thank you for your time.

Snow Reaper

Hey Tank Fiends! I have a game cooking and was wondering if I should use this recipe to share narrative control with the rest of the table. Inspiration is given as d6s. You may spend them on the following: [Declaration] Declare something about world lore or an NPC to be true. [Assertion] Add a detail to an environment or object. [Thicken] Add a complication or twist to something that has happened. [Karma] Influence the outcome of an event that is beyond your control. (+ or - to roll by expending any number of die, the value rolled will be halved. They may be subjected to dm veto and cost is up to interpretation. Normal inspiration use is still there. Is this a recipe I should implement into my meal prep or is this a redundant egg in an egg?

jared Blewett

Hello tortles, sir turdis, and Jake if he is still around. I present to you the gunslinger feat. This is a feat I created with my dm for my cowboy Paladin. With this feat you gain proficiency with firearms the same as the gunslinger fighter subclass, and gain one grit point per long rest. You also choose one trick shot from the gunslinger class trick shot list. This is a great way to allow your pc to do a little rootin tootin cowboy shooting without having to be a full gunslinger. I ask only for a heartfelt YEE-HAW for 51% of this fantastic firearm feat. Thank you.

Caleb A.

Dear Torts, no homebrew suggestion, but a humble request- please do a TortleTank video episodes. The Dungeon Court was a joy to watch and this format seems like it’d be even more exciting

Pat N.

Dearest Tort Squad and their Lil Squirt Turt Squire Jake, May I present to you this magical item, the Sanguine Sourdough Starter, organically home brewed for the rare loot seekers in your parties. When one of your players feeds this magical mason jar the blood of their foes it will start a financial fermentation process that, once per long rest, will produce a stash of gold equal to 1d100 x the challenge rating of the blood’s previous owner (or whatever, adjust this calculation as you wish). More blood and gold in your campaigns?! For a stake in the profits of this item I request one egg race with very tiny spoons between all ye Torts and Turts so that the video version of this episode can have more physical bits. Shell’s Truly, Pant

Positive Nerdery

I ran a Tales of the Floating Vagabond game during college and used the following in an actual game: The Curse of the Scorpions. This is a curse (of course), that is cast upon a character. While the character suffers the effects of The Curse of the Scorpions, the player must wear headphones connected to an audio device that is playing The Scorpions "Rock You Like A Hurricane" on repeat. The DM controls the volume. This curse in effect until the character is able to convince the witch that cursed them to lift the curse, usually by completing a task of some sort. During my game, the cursed player was rocking out for the first few loops, but by the time it repeated for the sixth time, he was banging his head against the table and wanted it to stop.

Lindow

Hello prized egg hoarders and the host with the most jake. I’m here to invest in a new take on the figurine of wondrous power ivory goats. Home brewed to help your party with mount parties by eliminating the charges and letting them be full time companions. With the twist if they all die then it cost a level one spell slot to revive them. My table is a party of 3 gnomes and this item is perfect for them as they ride them every where and become very attached while our group has learned mounted combat in order to further use them. Making fun interactions where enemy’s target them before the party. Lovable party members here to stay and all I’m asking is for one dinner with each turtle as we celebrate with an egg dish.

James Paul McNeil

Greetings noble Tortles! I once played in a campaign in which the DM allowed us to stack advantage. Basically if you had advantage from more than one source you could add +5 to your roll per extra advantage. It was extremely broken but loads of fun to wild shape into a Dire wolf and get triple advantage and never miss.

Calvin

Dearest Tortles, and Dad, Can you count the amount of times your high level, critical spells have been foiled by a monster's legendary resistance? I can, it's 17 throughout the main campaigns. What if I told you that number could stay at 17? Convince your DM to try Legendary States! Instead of lamely popping a legendary resistance when your big bad fails their save, have the villain wait until the start of their turn; while letting the party wail on them, and then narrate them looking deep within themselves, searching for that reason to fight, the root of their resolve. Until suddenly in a moment of anime rage, the villain breaks free from all the conditions that legendary resistances would've prevented, and unleash terror on the party. Be sure to allow your villain to do this three times in the battle (need not narrate each time), and don't forget to buff up their HP for the greater amount of damage they'll be taking. If you're down with it, I don't want any eggs, I just want each of you to take a patortiny test to see which egg I hatched from.

Gaige Kaser

Dear tortle men and woman, I have a suggestion for certain tables that may or may not work depending on your players. If you have sexual adventurers who wanna get laid, make it simple by buying erotic game dice! ‘Lick finger in car’ ‘stroke lips on balcony’ and ‘you choose! You choose!’ Can easily sum up your players sexual escapades, while giving people a fun laugh! I would like 3 eggs, scrambled, over some toast with some hot sauce. That sounds good right now

Hoid's Friend

Hello Turtles (and Jake), does this ever happen to you? You roll a nat 1, but with your proficiencies and bonuses, you technically beat the DC? Or, you roll a nat 20 and you don't meet the DC? If this bothers you, I may have a solution for you... In the campaign I run, if you roll a nat 1 but you beat the DC, you get to roll another d20. If the result is a 10 or above, you beat the check/saving throw. if the result is below a 10, you fail the check, but not in a catastrophic way. If you roll a nat 20 but don't beat the DC, same rules as above, roll a d20, 10 or above, you pass, below 10, you fail. My players and I like it because it takes into account the excitement of a nat 20 and nat 1 while still allowing the characters abilities to mean something and impact those rolls. I'm asking ask for one egg sunny side up, and one egg over easy you tried to flip in the pan but got a little carried away and now there's egg all over the stove for 50% of the joy in your players eyes as they succeed on a nat one and the despair in their hearts when they fail with a nat 20.

mumbo

Tortles and also Jake! So just like follow me outside and down this dark alley right quick, ok? OK. Alright check it out. These are *queue angelic choir* The Boots of Walking! These marvellous boots are magically designed for walking, and that’s just what they’ll do. Every round, before the start of your turn these boots will walk you 5 feet in a random direction without provoking attacks of opportunity. The direction is determined by a d8, with 1 being North, 2 being North-East and so on. What I’m asking for these sweet magical digs is your share of the last idea you invested in, and Jake’s shoes.

Nathan Morphett

Hello Turdis tank occupants and Jake! Have you ever rolled a nat 20, been stoked to roll those double dice, only to roll nothing but 1's and 2's? How unsatisfying! If you find your critical hits lacking, I have just the upgrade you need to ensure maximum crit satisfaction every time. My solution: in the event of a crit, instead of just rolling double dice, you simply do max damage PLUS an extra roll of your damage dice. For example, rather than a 1d8 longsword with a +4 damage modifier being 2d8 + 4 (potentially 6 damage), it would instead be 12 damage plus 1d8 (a minimum of 13)! Wow! This can also apply to things like smites and sneak attacks if you're really looking for that next big crit. This ensures that no one has a bad time critting (not even npcs) and the rush of endorphins upon seeing that big beautiful 20 is guaranteed to linger. All I'm asking for is first pick of any eggs Jake gets left at the end of the day.

Darth Jeeling

PRAISE BE: Guidance but fun! O great investortles, just as you bless us with your fin-ancial wisdom, the gods bless each cleric with the Guidance cantrip. But these ungrateful priests take this for granted, using it as a coupon for +1d4 to practically every noncombat roll. It should not be so! For the glory of the heavens and the fun of the table, let us rename Guidance to PRAISE BE and demand that its caster use that verbal component in a way that's at least as energetic as real-life zealots. It's up to the DM to decide whether shouting "BRING THE GLORY OF MORADIN TO THE SHADOWS, HALLELUJAH!" for a Stealth check or "OOoohh we are ALL children of the lord of light" for a Persuasion check against a lich has the desired effect. I look forward to your eggs but also to D&D games where clerical roleplay can replace mumbled clerical book-keeping eight times a session. —Myles

Doot Noot

Howdy Turtles; Especially Jake who I have enjoyed every character they've played so far. I'm a huge magic the gathering nerd and want to bring weapons and other artifacts in to D&D. My first idea is the Blade of Selves; It can be any sword you fancy, (short, long, or great.) It's a magic weapon with 4 charges that regain 1d4 charges at dawn and with the effect; as part of a weapon attack using the sword you can spend a charge to create a Clone that makes an additional attack. It uses your stats to roll to attack but not for damage. The clone can't smite or use magic but it can crit and disappears once the attack is finished. So hopefully no Clone shenanigans. I humbly ask for however many egg y'all decide is fair and I look forward to pitching my other MTG inspired items to you all in the future. Take care! - Nate G.

David Guerrero

Hello Turtles, now I just may be a big city turtle trying to make my way in this vast ocean of ideas, but I believe mine to be simple, yet elegant, yet could probably be improved on by you're esteemed reptilian minds. I present an item that can be introduced early or late game, the Pendant of Extra Life (paton pending), a necklace that, when worn over a long rest, will give the user the amount of HP they went to sleep with as temporary hit points. This could give low level characters an extra life essentially, and high level characters HP closer to a BBEGs HP. If I have any support or if this idea can be improved upon, I simply ask for a share of the big egg: a stake in the Headgum egg itself, a mere 51% of that egg. I await the turtles benevolent judgement... I mean business decision.

Resident Gorgon Games

Hey Tortles! It’s Lank again. I’m hoping a better explanation of the Chuck Check might garner some more eggs. In cases like initiative or group checks, players roll one at a time, leaving their d20’s in the tray. This allows the other players to take turns trying to knock dice around with hopes for better results. I also must warn that this has been used in the past to make rolls worse for the sake of comedy. Although, I don’t know why I’m mentioning drawbacks when I’m looking for investments.

Jethie

Howdy, Tortles - and may I say, your shells look ravishing tonight. I come to you with the homebrew mechanics for our Chef Knight. Once per long rest Olive can cook a home cooked meal for up to 10 other people. Olive will describe what she is cooking and then roll 2 D20s and add the total of the dice giving bonus as followed: 0-4: Food Poisoning - 1d4 damage 5-9: A decent Meal - No bonus 10-19: A Great Hecking Meal - 1d4 temp hit points 20-29: Just Like Grandma Used to Make - 1d8 temp hit points 30-39: Ramsey Would be Proud - 2d10 temp hit points 40: Michelin Star all who eat gain the effects of the Heros Feast spell I'm humbly looking for whoever is interested in investing their eggs for like 33% of my idea and a snack sized snickers bar. P.S. - Olive has rolled the double crit (40) once and later that day the Hero's Feast saved her from a crit that would have caused 6d6 poison damage.

plasmaEnvoi

Are you tired of having to give your monsters crazy modifiers to hit your Paladin's 23 AC? Is your Bard angry with you when monsters turn to them with attack modifiers higher than their AC? Ever wish your Phoenix Sorcerer could do something useful in a fight against the insane number of fireproof enemies in the Monster Manual? Think its weird that you can surround a creature on every single space next to them but still only have the same bonus to hit as you get from just one of them? Well say no more! Introducing the Bolster Action! A number of times per round, a creature can receive a set number of Bolsters equal to their Challenge Rating, or if they're a player, their Proficiency modifier. These Bolsters give them a +2 to their next attack roll or saving throw. This action's primary use in my campaign is to keep the Challenge going when creatures with lower attack modifiers challenge party members with higher AC without making it far too easy for the other members of the party to be hit by that creature's attacks. A battlefield of goons with a few higher powered monsters is no longer just advantage, which can be achieved with literally any two creatures, but it becomes a more veritable threat as one of them is empowered by the actions of their group. Additionally allowing it on Saving Throws can help a party member deal with an ability coming their way that would normally be literally impossible to overcome. If you want this that's fine I'm just gonna lay down because saying all of this was a lot and I need to take a nap real quick. PS: creatures with pact tactics can activate the Bolster action as a bonus action Mainly because i think that'sfunny.

Matthew Morgan

Hey there Tortles, I present to you the Multi-Weapon. Mechanically how the Multi-Weapon works is it is a pen-like object that when clicked, it can turn into any weapon that the wielder is proficient in. Clicking and unclicking can be done as a Free Action. If the Multi-Weapon is lost, it will reappear back in the wielder pocket after 1 minute. And, as an added bonus, the weapon evolves with you. At the DM's discretion, when a nat 20 happens during a critical moment or a player has a great description or role playing moment, that moment gets captured within the weapon and adds a similar feature to the weapon going forward. This encourages fun role playing and you don't have to lose the weapon that you've grown so close with throughout your adventure when you want something more powerful. P.S. it does not take an attunement slot

Ian

Hello esteemed terropins of the tank, I bring to you my favorite of my collection of homebrew spells, Astral leap With a simple material component of a sample of a target's body or closely held possessions this 7th level spell let's you mentally leap into their body and possess them for one hour, or if upcast, 6, or 24 respectively, if they fail a wisdom saving throw This can be done from any distance on the same plane, but every fifty miles from the target decreases the spells duration by half, to a minimum of five minutes, in addition you gain the physical stats of the target can cast any spells you have prepared and the target has the components for and will be shunted out of the target and take 6d6 psychic damage if the target is rendered unconscious or otherwise forces you out, such as with a greater restoration cast on them I am asking for 99.99 eggs for this product though honestly any would do as I'm not sure what the exchange rate on eggs even is

Jordyn B

Hello Tortles, Have you ever experienced a fantasy property where a mage was warned that the magic they were playing with was too powerful, and then they cast the spell anyway and wither into a desiccated husk? Have you wanted to bring the drama of that gamble into your own game? I present to you the Devil's Bargain Amulet (other jewelry types available as stretch goals). This cursed item allows magic users to gamble to cast spells without using spell slots, in exchange for levels of exhaustion. For a first level spell, the player rolls a D2 (or D4 halved). On a 1 there is no effect, on a 2 they take one level of exhaustion. For a 2nd level spell they roll a D2 and take that many levels of exhaustion, for a 3rd level a D3, 4th level D4, 5th level D5, 6th level D6. For higher levels spells it is more dangerous - for a 7th level roll a D8, for an 8th level roll a D10, for a 9th level roll a D12. If the player rolls high enough that they die, the DM can choose to set a check to see if they got the spell off successfully first. The player can also use the item to cast a spell at a level higher than they usually have or a spell they don't have prepared, but they have to roll with disadvantage for using magic they aren't used to. I am asking for a desiccated corpse worth of freeze-dried eggs for a D100 percent of the idea.

Henry

Tortles of all alignments, I offer 100% of the idea for the chance to hold a small handful of your eggs for a minute or two. When rolling for a character, instead of rolling 4d6 and dropping the worst one, you roll 2d6 + 6. I won't bother with all the math, but the average of 4d6 drop the lowest, is 12.5 and the average of 2d6 + 6 is 13, so it's a touch better. The best part is the lowest score for 4d6 is 3, the lowest you can get for 2d6+6 is 8. So the lowest modifier you can get with 2d6+6 is -1 instead of the -4 that's possible with 4d6. I await your decision with cupped hands

ehjs

To get into RP mode, all PCs tell us an in-character fun fact about themselves and receive one inspiration for the session

Martian Maneater

Hey Tortles + their reptile handler, You know those times when a low charisma character wants to intimidate someone because they are 8 feet tall and have 20 STR with an ax in each hand while covered in blood? Or how about when a faun with a racial trait giving a special connection to alcohol and has expertise in nature, survival, and brewing kits but not medicine, wants to identify a poison in wine? These things SHOULD be able to happen, and you should be able to benefit from your skill modifiers/bonuses, rather than settle for an advantage roll in a skill that doesn't quite fit the situation. Roll for each contributing skill that makes sense, with bonuses included, then divide by the number of skills that contribute. For example, (strength + charisma)÷2 or (nature + survival + brewing kit)÷3, etc. Ultimately, the results will be fairly similar to the ad-hoc skill checks DMs normally request, but it lets players feel good about the flavour of their character. They get to apply proficiencies that would make sense for the scenario according to the venn diagram of their skillset, leaving no character concepts feeling hollow or thin I offer a 45% stake in my idea for the price of 5 suspicious tortle eggs and 2 exasperated "EMILY!" Murph impressions.

LuridSilence

Hello beautifully shelled tortles, and the disgustingly shelless jake. I’m here today to pitch the better crits homebrew me and my friends have used for years. Whenever a player crits, instead of rolling the damage twice, we simply max out their original damage dice and then roll the second dice, this leads to heftier crits that make the player really feel like their crits mean something, rather than rolling two 1’s and dealing less damage than a potential normal hit. I’m looking for 1d12+12 eggs for a 1d20+20 percent stake in this idea

Pagos, Self-Proclaimed Fae King, Now with Real Musical Improv Action

One rule, and I hesitate to even call it a rule, that I use is my critical fail dryad chance. Essentially, whenever a player or any character in combat rolls a nat one on an attack role, the DM would secretly roll a d20. On a one a dryad would come out and attack the players. On a 20 the dryad comes out and helps. It’s a silly little rule I’ve always had on the back burner but never get to use because I haven’t played in a bit. The rule could also apply to other creatures who can hide in plain sight.

Martian Maneater

Hey tortles, terrapins, and that slimy salamander guy; I have previously established my as deity in my own games (extreme chaos vibe) specifically so that players could bribe me with treats IRL in exchange for in-game boons like inspiration points, bonus XP, an extra tidbit of info, and occasionally to have the focus in a fight shifted off of them. All of my players got in on it and got really creative; the funniest bribe was the time someone stole an industrial roll of toilet paper from work. I had previously established that having an 8 person party playing biweekly at my apartment was hell on my TP supply so the bribery exchange rate was 10xp per roll, but the giant sandpapery roll was truly unexpected. For promoting bribery and corruption (something I believe you tortles are fond of), I request five eggs that were gestated at a little place called Mangia's in exchange for simply being complicit.

Martin Leo

Illustrious Tortles and industrious business liaison Jake, I give you the Fountain of Wishes. How many times have you heard a player say "I can't believe I wasted a nat 20 on that"? No more, with the Fountain of Wishes. A player can choose to trea nat 20 roll as if it was a nat 1, and cast their d20 into the fountain. Then, once per long rest at a moment of need, they can redeem their accumulated sacrificed dice in exchange for a randomly chosen buff from the table of wishes. The more dice there are in the fountain when they claim their wish, the better the available boons in the table become. I'm seeking an investment of 100 hard boiled eggs, for which I'm offering a 50% stake in this idea and I will decorate the fountain with carvings of your faces. Sample buff table: 2 dice: No effect or 1d4 bardic inspiration 5 dice: Luck point (or one of previous buffs) 8 dice: Cure Wounds cast on one chosen party member (or one of previous buffs) 12 dice: Party gains the effect of Heroes' Feast (or one of previous buffs)

Chloe Nolet

Hello Tortles, and, uh… jay kurwitz is it…, be ready to be knockin’ shells over who gets in on this once in a lifetime homebrew. We all know the pains of not having a healer in your party. Either, you need to spend money on potions, or accept defeat as you make that last failed death save in battle. I’m here with a homebrew to help anyone become a healer. I have created a paramedic feat that PCs can take as long as they have a 14 or higher in intelligence or wisdom (I allow medicine checks from either). This feat can be used a number of times equal to the ability score modifier for their medicine skill between long rests. It allows a PC with this feat to make a medicine check on an individual, as one would to stabilize them, but they can give 1d4+ ability modifier of healing, or they can stabilize them with no check as a bonus action (range is touch). During combat a 1d4+ ability modifier is the max they can heal, as it takes time to dress wounds more. While this may not seem like a lot, it has been helpful in a campaign I run a number of times. To be able to get a downed character up, is often all you need to get you out of hot water. Outside of combat, the feat allows the PC to spend 10 minutes (like a ritual) dressing wounds and do more healing. In this case, DC 15 is 1d4, DC 20 is 1d6, and DC 25 is 1d8 (all + ability modifier) for every 5 above 25 the players can get an additional d8 for the heal. I am offering 35% of my company for the low bid of 10 precious eggs, I am open to any input on the product and negotiations to the deal. Let’s get this homebrew off the ground.

Christos Doukakis

Greetings esteemed chelonians, Are you tired of every rogue wielding a rapier? Every Barbarian swinging a greataxe? Every ranger firing an english longbow? But who can blame them? For every class/build there is a mechanically optimal weapon. Some people will argue that this is because some weapons are clearly superior in real life, and they might be right. But I ask you, who gives a shit about historical accuracy in D&D? Probably a lot of people, but not me. I want my players to have absolute creative freedom with their weapon choices, and after some testing, I have found by far the most straight forward answer: your hit dice, is your damage dice. A rogues weapon deals a d8, a fighters deals a d10, etc. If a character carries a shield, they drop down 1 hit dice (a d10 becomes a d8). This is very nearly the exact same damage as the mechanically optimal weapon for every class. It represents the characters skill with a weapon, rather than the weapon itself. Let the barbarian swing a club, let the ranger fire the extremely underrated sling, let the rogue wield a longsword. Because that's awesome.

Justin Lensing

Hopefully worthy of the slimmest of your beautiful eggs! Those gorgeous shelled sausages have been waiting for this! I present "Bold Move Cotton" - at any point in the game, when presented with an opportunity to make a bold move i.e. dive into the belly of the beast, jump from the balcony into the crowd, or speak your mind to the local royalty, the party may by majority rule compel you to go with your gut. Now I realize you may have player agency at risk here, and I would urge the DM to adjudicate appropriately, but let's push those players to not be afraid to make memorable moments!

The Chaos and Artist

Hello tortles especially all of you game masters. I propose to you today the chaos die. You may ask huh what’s that but here and now I a very humble dm have just the thing for you. Do your payers ever talk over you. Disregard or disrespect a npc you worked hard on. Cause to many problems with looney toonsing or basic careless shenanigans. Well I have a fix for that the chaos dice. To implement this into your world you must create a neat and orderly god or high being and use them to mess up your players day. Use the dice to count up to 20 pebblepot esc problems and on 20 release your god on them. I like to use this god in small ways like falling pots and small rock falls. I would like 1 romantic handshake with cadwell and 24 moist shiny eggs to get this off the ground. I look forward to seeing this used in your next adventure. Specifically anything dmed by murph love what you do.

SoupLightning

Most gracious and fecundiary Tortles...and jake. Back in 3.5 my party felt nat 1s should always cause damage to health. It was cutthroat back then and it continues to be in 5th edition in our party. Not game breaking or life threatening (most of the time anyways) but it's a penalty that often isaccompanied by humorous descriptions of why or how our characters got hurt. I am seeking at least 1 egg but not from the guy who couldnt make a birdlesque opera business work out. Thanks, Soup

Jazmine Kriech

Greetings Tortles! I come on behalf of my DM to present a feat granted to each character on creation. Called "Nick's Narrative Knack" (patent pending) you can upgrade one skill you have proficiency in to expertise, and one skill to take a minus three in. This helps give mechanical depth to reflect your narrative depth, and more characters should have access to expertise. I'm asking for a firm but respectful nod from the Tortles, and 15 eggs for my lovely DM. Thank you for your consideration.

Cassi

Tortles, Turtles, lend me your eggs with this small and fun homebrew to make being a magic user turtilating again! Fighters can always fight, but magic people have no nonsense spells to just fling around to greasify the wheels of conversation and mayhem? If you’re like me and my party of magic wielding players, there is always a struggle to pick the spells you think that will be useful rather than fun. So I created Social Spell Slots. They have three to spend on any “social” spell - a spell that doesn’t require a saving throw or spell attack roll. Every two levels they may add a social spell from the list of spells available to them so that way magic users can use their spells out of combat and try spells they might never have chosen! Egg-citing no?

Ryan Ferguson

Hey there Tortles! I present to you Crysk weapons. They are named for the crystal they are forged from. They are easily enchanted with elemental magic. The weapon damage is decreased by one die and has elemental damage added as one d4, d6, or d8 based on rarity. For example a fire Crysk longsword would be 1d6 slashing and 1d4 fire damage. D8 and d6 for two handing. Thank you so much for all the amazing content!

Kal and her cats Portland, Star, and Berlin

hello torts i hope your shells are slick and your eggs are thick because i have something to make wild-magic tables less of a nonsensical (and possible hinderance) to your overall story, and a bonus homebrew weapon for your review. if you’ve ever felt like having a character sprout a feather beard or turn into a potted plant would undercut your heartfelt scene or badass moment, i hear you. and i’ve implemented a hit-die based wild magic table. a player of mine is a wild magic barbarian so we will be using the d12 as an example. i created a character specific wild-magic table with only twelve options. once a wild magic surge has been triggered, i have her roll a d12. some of the triggers reflect character growth, others reflect possible set backs, and one or two are treats that i know she will enjoy. for instance, one option makes her hair turn to a solid gold melee weapon that can be used as a bonus action. it deals 3d10 bludgeoning damage on a hit, and the target must make a con save for half or fail and take full and fall prone. the barbarian also has to make the same save (because it’s the hair on her head). the character-specific table has made the players excited to roll and to know that their plans won’t be completely steamrolled by a d100 roll on a random, unsatisfying table. i’m asking for but a single egg, as that is all i can fit in my 1994 toyota camry wagon.

John Richardson

To Tortles it may concern, I hope I can entice your eggs with 3 words. Temporary Spell Slots. For those epic battles at the end of the day when everything is on the line and you're duking it out with cantrips, I offer you the chance trade in some of your health for extra spells. The cost is 10% of your MAX health (adjustable at DM discretion) So if your max hitpoints are 100, and you are currently at 60hp out of 100. You could bleed away 50hp to cast a 5th level spell and bring yourself down to 10hp. Is this essentially blood magic and probably inherently evil? Possibly! But...SPELLS!! This system could be adjusted for sorcery points, Ki points, or even luck points for our unmagical melee customers. (probably at a higher cost) In the spirit of this math heavy idea, I'm seeking 48% of a single one of your eggs for 49% of Temporary Spell Slots.

HexMix

Oh glorious tortles...and that one regular tortoise I guess. I have brought, for your consideration, "Chip: The Unstable Golem" I'm a DM and my party loves it when I give them weird pets, so I made this little guy. Imagine a small floating pile of rocks with two lop-sided glowing eyes that hovers a couple feet off the ground. Chip speaks in little chitters and whistles, has a laughably low AC and maybe 5 hit points. If chip is reduced to 0 HP, I roll on a little table to determine the nature of his volatile arcane explosion. This death burst can range from a regular fireball spell, to a small black hole that draws creatures in, to a temporal "time-plosion" that resets a creatures location. But don't be sad for the loss of Chip. Cause after a long rest, no matter where you are or where chip died, he'll always just float back up to you like nothing ever happened 🪨❤️

Matt

To the Tortles of my eyes from the eggs between my thighs, I bring to you the DUNGEON CHEF!!! A creation of the bardic brew. Instead of bardic inspiration the chef can bestow burritos or snacks to help boost their party. What really sells it is the addition of higher constitution stats to allow the player to gather a plethora of meats (especially dragon) and cook up temporary magical powers( a la *arcane* style). The mechanics involve rolling a D100, 1 being instant death. In between that, the DM has a preset list of what each roll will do and the player will roll constitution on how well the powers actually work and how much damage to could take on the body (explosive diarrhea???? Take 5 damage ect) I thank you and prostrate myself, sack wide open, in hopes of receiving your sweet sweet eggs.

sailorscars

*the instrumental version of Pursuit of Happiness begins to play as a large shell is wheeled into the center of the room. a grown-ass adult women in a tasteful 3 piece turtle suit emerges from the shell* “Heeeellllllo, Tortles! Are you tired of missing an opportunity because you put all of the eggs you brought in the first basket presented, when you have millions more back at your home nest? Have you been bullied out of something you loved because another tortle Price-is-Right-Ed you??? Do you like to make fun things complicated with a series of rules and mechanics???” *doesn’t pause to hear answer* “Then do I have an idea for YOU!” *fancy turtle wordlessly passes out pamphlets detailing the below information, without making eye contact, and takes an uncomfortably long time somersaulting out of the room before hearing any feedback* TORTLE TANK TECHNICALS Idea is presented If Tortles interested -> proceed to TORT TABLE If Tortles have better idea -> proceed to CHUCK CHECK If Tortles all pass -> proceed to IT’S A TURDIS [TORT TABLE] Tortles make their offers and then roll a D20 to determine if the candidate wants to partner with them. DC based on total offers on the table. Ties lead to a roll-off. If all miss the DC -> proceed to IT’S A TURDIS (1) Interested Tort: DC = 10 (2) Interested Torts: DC = 12 (3) Interested Torts: DC = 15 (4) Interested Torts: DC = 18 (4+guest*) Interested Torts: DC = 20 *guest has a +3 to their roll when the TANK IS TIGHT (all torts in play) If 2 or more torts team-up, one tort rolls with ADVANTAGE [CHUCK CHECK] If a Tortle wants to buyout the rights and revamp the entire thing, set a d20 to “10” and the Tortle must change to any number higher with a chuck check. (Rerolls on misses allowed) [IT’S A TURDIS] If all Tortles pass or no one beats the interest DC, Dice Christ has spoken and the candidate can return next season to try again. If the candidate develops on their own, they may use the official “AS SEEN ON THE TORTLE TANK” logo for a 10% net sales royalty rate. [SPECIAL TURT TRICKS] MURPH - “NO CHORTLES” - Twice per Tank, impose disadvantage on all interested torts to stop shenanigans from being funded JAKE - “HOSTILE TAKEOVER” - Once per tank, overrule all torts, gain all rights at an absolute steal of a deal, and completely flip idea CALDWELL + EMILY - “CRITICAL CHAOS” - Both torts roll with advantage when Caldwell and Emily team-up specifically to use the idea in a speakeasy, bird opera, bird cabaret, or other bird-run reverie. (No limit on use) Guests may use a TURT TRICK once per tank. *legal document stapled to the back* I, Tori Tortle, relinquish all rights to the attached document and all that it contains (hereby referred to as “TORTLE TANK TECHNICALS”) to NADDPOD and its subsidiaries (hereby referred to as “The Grand Tortles”), and am not held liable to receive any criticism, constructive or otherwise. In the case that The Grand Tortles enjoy this document, Ms. Tortle’s sole request is that Tort-oyama, Torty Beardsley, Torto-lou Wilson, Tortle Thompson, and/or Brennan Lee Mulligan be invited to play test the material.

Chin

My fellow rich and cool Tortles, i present to you The All Or

Chin

Hello my fellow rich and cool Tortles, i present to you… The All Or Nothing Line! Those truly special spells like Disintegrate or a catapult used to throw a beaker of acid can be so fun, but hark! You missed! And now you did nothing that turn. What about if the spell kept going like a line spell out to its max range untill it hit someone. This could hit a partymember, a loadbearing pillar or a random goon. I will hand over rights to 87.5 percent of the idea for an investement

Nicole

Nicole T., she/her Hey there Tortles, for consideration for your eggs-cellent ovary ovals, I present you with magica potions. For primary spellcasters, it’s frustrating to not be able to recover your main abilities on a short rest the way martial classes can recover hit points. They don’t have bonk slots, yet you have spell slots — and it can have a crippling effect on these very powerful magic users. I humbly present magica potions, an experimental item that, depending on the quality of the potion, allows the recovery of either 1d4 (50 gp), 1d6 (200 gp) or 1d10 (2,000 gp) spell slots, following the same pricing structure as health potions. If a PC takes more than one potion before a long rest, they have a CON save against toxicity (imposes Poisoned condition and some HP damage). I respectfully ask for three of your beautiful eggs for this idea.

JayofSpades

Hello Tortles, I come to you today with a product that I should just have called "the Egg Magnet," but instead have dubbed the "Superweapon of Unreliability." Instead of carrying a sword (booring) or a short bow (that's sooo 4e)... the character instead wields a totem of chance that can summon six different weapons! But with a catch. When used, the player rolls a D6 to see which weapon they get. And each weapon, while incredibly powerful, is only helpful in very specific circumstances, and can't be re-summoned before a short rest. So you're stuck with what you get. I think the DM and player could have fun deciding what the weapons would be. But if you're interested-- Sorry, because you're interested, I've listed a few of my own pitches below to give you a better idea of how the Superweapon of Unreliability would work. So take my hand, and let's go make some eggs together. But not in a gross way. Unless you're into that. Love, Jay. -The Blade of Atlas - a +4 broadsword that’s so heavy its wielder can’t move. -The Nunchaku of Stinging - a pair of nunchucks that give an extra attack, but also take an attack with disadvantage against you. -The Shotty Boom Botty - a powerful robotic crossbow with limited shots that can only be used from within 5 feet, but does incredible close range explosive damage. -The True-sighted Far-sighted Bow - a +2 bow with unlimited ammo that hits its target every time. It has double the maximum range of a normal bow, but can’t be used within 60 feet, or some distance that makes more sense. (Note: yes, I lovingly stole this from Hunter x Hunter)

Zakary welliver

Good day my dear Turts, today I would like to present to you.. The Way of the Scales, a monk subclass designed to be a hunter for D&Ds most notorious monsters. Having a wide range of features including daggers made from dragon claws and bracers made from the scales these monks also gain an immunity to being feared and at the peak of game play this subclass can even shape change into a dragon to become the Apex predator! I graciously await your eggs so I can add them to my vast horde of treasure

MrReboks

Hello Turts of the Tank, Today I am presenting to you a mechanic I have put in place at my own table. When attacking an NPC/anything honestly and you role a critical fail you run the risk of friendly fire or taking damage. If it is a ranged attack or spell any creature/player in the direction of the target creature must roll a luck check (I usually set it at a DC5 unless my players absolutely deserve it to be higher) if a creature/player fails the check the attacker rolls another attack against the failed creature/players AC. If it hits the attack happens as if they were the original target. If it is a melee distance attack the attacking player must roll a luck check, if it fails the target creature gets to perform a parry attack as a free action against the attacking creature/player. My players love it as much as they hate it because it brings a sense of realism to combat as well as making those critical fails and successes feel like polar opposites. I am willing to offer this idea up for 50.5/49.5% ownership split.

Ollie

Turts Get ready to be introduced… To the juice I am giving you the once in a life time opportunity to get in on the ground floor of the biggest must have potion since the common healing potion - hero juice. Meet sal, a budding alchemist who has just perfected a new recipe, and in doing so has made a huge batch of excess hero juice. Your players have the lucky chance to grab a bottle for just a single gold each. And what does this potion do you ask? Well firstly you’ll players will get a hero juice point (HJP). They the gain temporary hp equal to 5 + their HJP total. You’ll never feel more ready to take on a day of adventuring. But wait it gets better! The next hero juice you quaff means another hero juice point. You’re getting 7 temp hp now. The more you drink the more effective it gets. There’s no catch! Except here’s the catch. After your players next long rest they can roll a wisdom save to get rid of one hero juice point. (Dc 13 + total HJP) if after that they still have any HJPs that’s how much their max hp drops by. The good news is you can just get that hp right back with more hero juice! Well… at least until you reach 12 temp HP. I’m afraid to get more than that you’ll need to go back to Sal for Hero juice extra. This time gain 2 HJPs a potion and get up to 25 temp HP! It’s kind of expensive though… For a 40% stake in Hero Juice and a free case of 12 of your own juices I’m asking for the best egg in your nest. Don’t be recluse, let loose on the juice and watch the profits go whoosh

ChappyThoughts

Let's face it, the Speed stat is old hat these days. That's why I'd like to offer you the opportunity of an elven lifetime: the Speed Skill. Do your chase scenes feel like two slide rules racing across your coffee table? Intersperse Speed Checks with Acrobatics to dodge obstacles, Athletics to push through barriers, and Perception to avoid hazards. Running theater of the mind for your wildly successful podcast? Now it's easier than ever to make movement dynamic. Simply declare that the enemy is DC X away and call for a check. It works like this: calculate your Speed stat as normal, divide by 5, subtract 2, add proficiency (unless using a movement type you aren't proficient with) and you have your Skill bonus. Hasted? That's advantage my friend. +10 to movement? That's a +2 to your skill. Easy-peasy, safe and sleezy. And all this for an initial investment of some number of the eggs. Thank you.

JustAManatee

Turts in a half tank, lend me your middle ear bones. (Since we all know turtles don’t have ears) I’m offering you a game changing homebrew setting in which every person creates a character sheet that is a normal human with any class they like. The world is then cast into disarray as everyone wakes up as a human animal hybrid. Roll a D100, and from a list of 100 animals your stats will change just like if you were a race. For example, wake up as a cow and get +2 Con, +1 Str, -1 Dex, and you gain a “milk pool” (like lay on hands) for the amount of milk you can heal allies with (Inspired by campaign 1). Wake up as a turtle, you get +1 Con, -2 Dex, your movement speed is halved, and you now have a shell permanently attached to you giving you a +2 to your AC and disadvantage when being attacked from behind. In this world, lines are drawn not by race, but by species. Learn to adapt as you struggle with who you were and who you have become. Can your party overcome all their challenges until they can figure out a way to change everyone back? I offer this campaign setting for any amount of your moist, slippery eggs that you wish. The more moist the better.

OneManWolffpack

ello Esteemed Turtles of the tank, boy howdy do I have the pitch for you, have you ever been unsatisfied with death or feel that it is too easy to revive your dead friends then do I have the home brew for you let me introduce you to the death redux. First may I introduce you to the injury table, On being reduced to 0 hp a PC makes a CON saving throw DC 10 or half the damage taken on a fail roll a d20 on the Injury table( this contains various injuries from sprained ankle to gouged eye) Second we add exhaustion and tweaks to death saves When a PC saves on 3 death saving throws they awake at 1 hit point and a level of exhaustion this is ignored if revived by magical means. When a PC rolls a nat 20 on a death save that PC is instantly revived at the beginning of their turn at 1 hit point and they may spend hit dice equal to their level to gain additional hit points. And lastly we remove revivify and resurrection and add a new set of spells lesser and greater resurrection Lesser resurrection - (5th) - 10min You touch a creature that has died within the last hour. That creature returns to life with 1 hit point. This spell can't return to life a creature that has died of old age, nor can it restore any missing body parts. Greater resurrection - (7th) - Instant You touch a creature that has died within the 24 hours. That creature returns to life with max hit points. This spell can't return to life a creature that has died of old age, but it will restore any missing body parts.

Joe Yancey

With this, I just rolled an absolute unit of 18, 18, 16, 14, 14 & 12.

Allie Hackett-Camacho

Fine Tortles, I offer this home brew rule our DM uses that is simple, easy, and makes crits more fun! When a player rolls a nat 20 on an attack roll instead of just rolling twice for double damage, the player instead automatically gets max damage on the first roll, and then gets to roll again to add more damage. This simple rule solves the doldrums of rolling two ones on your D8’s (or whatever your damage die is) which really kills the joy of a critical hit! You know when you get that nat 20 that you will get max damage on at least one roll. Our table loves this rule - even though it also applies to the monsters! It increases the stakes and makes crits more impactful on attack rolls. Here’s hoping for some precious eggs to get this idea onto more table tops!

Garrett Durham

Hello my exceptionally well looking for their age tortles. I bring to you me and my wife’s idea of “Crit Advantage.” With this whenever a player or monster crits they roll 3 times the dice instead of 2 but only take the best 2 rolls. So for example if I crit with a long sword I roll 3d8 and take the best two. Of course this may be confusing and unnecessary but when someone crits with guiding bolt and has to roll 18d6 at one time the power they feel and their party feels giving them every d6 they own is intoxicating. It also gives a better chance for crits to actually be something instead of rolling just over normal damage. All I ask for in exchange of 69% of my company is for Hot boy summer to last forever and to take on all the holidays that stand in their way.

Ant

My Dear Tortles Throughout life we often pick up skills and passions that have little to do with our careers, so with that in mind may I introduce the Hobby Mechanic. At tenth and twentieth level, characters are awarded 1 Hobby Level to put into a class of their choice and assign whenever they like. However there are several caveats. To prevent this mechanic from getting out of hand the player may only put a Hobby Level in a class that they do not have a normal level in. Additionally the player must rationalize a narrative reason as to why they took this level (Example: the party cleric takes a level in rouge because the party rogue showed them the basics of thievery. Roleplay is encouraged) and the DM must sign off. Lastly once a Hobby Level is assigned to a class then ONLY Hobby Levels may be further put into that class. The purpose of this mechanic is to add realism and bring back a little 3.5e crunch allowing players a little more flexibility. Recommended for experienced players. It is open to negotiation how often, and how many, levels are awarded to players. I'm willing to sell for 69,420 eggs for 49% stake

Joseph

Most Excellent Tortles, I come to you with a homebrew item of my own design. I present to you the Amulet of Karma. This Amulet has upon it the face of an angel and gives an attuned character 1 luck point. Once used, the item turns into a cursed item and the face twists into a Devils face and instead grants the DM 1 bad-luck point which can be used to force the character reroll a save, check or attack or reroll an attack made against them. Once the DM uses this bad-luck point it reverts back to the Angel face and the player regains their luck point. I think this has some fun potential and so I am looking for a vent-load of eggs to help make this a reality, thank you.

Eugene

Hello Jason and tortles Our home brew rule is a sprint move it is 4x movement speed, it takes your whole turn and you have to move in a straight line. You can not take reactions, bonus action or regular action.

Liv

Hi, Tortles! I proudly present to you my PC’s favorite magic item: the Jorts of Protection! These fabulous fashion statements grant a +2 to AC if you are not wearing armor and give advantage on Persuasion checks when you are also wearing Crocs. This is the perfect item for your party’s drunken master monk, as the enchanted pockets provide an endless supply of brewskies for you and your boys to enjoy in and out of battle! I only ask for a chuck check from Emily as payment for a 51% stake in my groundbreaking new company.

Matthew Eastman

Hey Tortles! Have you ever felt like you wasted a really good roll (maybe even a nat 20!) on initiative? Well I'm here to present to you, the homebrew rule to make initiative a vital skill check. Presenting, "first step initiative." The rules are simple, after you roll initiative, take your initiative score and subtract 20 from it. If your score is still a positive number you take another turn at that spot in initiative also. But only for the first round of combat. For example, say your Harengon ranger gets a 24 on their initiative roll, they would act both at the 24 spot AND at the 4 spot giving them 2 turns in the first round of combat and making that initiative roll truly valuable. I know you all will feel the need for speed with first step initiative. Thanks for your consideration.

William Bowen

Salutations, tortles. Today I'm introducing the wounded condition. Do you feel like there's not enough incentive to heal your companions before it becomes a matter of life and death? Are you a DM whose players keep taking needless risks, overly confident in the power of a simple healing word? I have a simple fix. When a player goes down to 0 HP and starts making death saves, the next time they stand up to start fighting, they are wounded. Their max HP are reduced by half to reflect the limitations of pulling oneself up from the jaws of near death. The next time they go down and come up, they start accruing exhaustion levels. This condition goes away after a long rest but only if you have no levels of exhaustion.