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D&D Court: Bonus Cases - The Smeg (Patreon)

Published:
2023-12-08 23:53:55
Edited:
2024-01-05 03:17:19
Imported:
2026-06
Tags:

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Content

Dungeon Court is STILL in session! Join Justices Murphy, Tanner, Axford and the Lowly Bailiff Jake as they continue to pass judgement on your trials at the table!

Dungeon Court Theme Song by Sam Weiller

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Comments

Bryan Barton

Just read the title and yelled "NO!" out loud.

Noah Kyle

Did the exact same thing

Dmkampz

Smeg you very much!

Bryan Barton

Just now learning they're referring to a mini fridge and not dick cheese

Andrew Yeager

The fridge name is awful and the continuations of the talk of the fridge with its name was so off putting

Bumblebeesh

Smeg is love, Smeg is life. ✌️ 🤘

Adam Kepper

Just get your girlfriend a D100 instead of using the 2d10s

Pendergreens’ Sick Ibanez

I think the losing bottom 10 levels of divine intervention is as to close to irl dice excommunication as you can get

Jenna

Parallel Schrutiverse is insane

Doctor Ransom

Pretty sure it’s confirmed across the board that a 0 and 00 on d100’s is 100. No further inquiry required, case closed.

Alistair Mackay

The word “smeg” just hits differently if you grew up in the UK watching Red Dwarf.

Rafael C

THANK YOU MURPH. I felt like Brennan in that neverafter scene u know the one "No, Stop. In reference to What???" [about the Smeg]

Dorian Doran

i need a photo of the court’s facial reactions to caldwell’s rendition of the office theme i bet it was choice

norah harley

og grinch not being credited as boris karloff is a tragedy when the other two were listed by the actor

Nicholas Antonucci

lol do you guys not know how rolling the d100 works?

Ken

i’m so so sorry but when i hear “the smeg” in the context of a fridge all i can think of is the cum fridge from karina’s college

Ken

i- what have i beholden

kerbs

As a fellow apostate, what they were trying to say is that she always treats the ones d10 as a 1-10, and the tens dice as 00-90. 1 is rolled with a 00 + 1. It keeps consistency with what both dice mean regardless of circumstance, as opposed to edge cases like 100 being 00 + 0.

Rafael C

lmao the throwaway "You're not a real gamer, dude" at the end with just enough facts based sass. Grinch Murph slaps

John C.

Phoebe actually wrote Chinese Satellite about a Smeg that landed in her backyard

Rafael C

You just know the Dice Christ Inquisitor and their girlfriend they're condemning to eternal damnation have a really good relationship

Pamphleteer

It is the better way to roll d100s because it doesn't require the d10 to sometimes be 1-10 and sometimes be 0-9

Pamphleteer

It's so funny that Em talks about divine intervention being affected by interpreting the d100 dice differently when it's the same statistics regardless. Doesn't change the math at all

Sce7tm

As a brit, who grew up watching red dwarf, I just cannot hear smeg as anything else.

Paul Brady

I have a Smeg toaster and kettle. I feel seen

Bull

All I hear is smegma everytime lol

Jody

I think Emily was thinking of Steve Urkel. High pants and small glasses!

Joe F.

This is 100% correct. From my homebrew rule sheet, where I clarify this: "Percentile Dice: Percentile rolls can range from 1-100%; there is no 0% chance of something happening on a percentage roll. Additionally, the double-digit “10’s” place dice always represents the 10’s place and a “0” on the d10 always represents +10, such that percentage dice are read as follows: A roll of “00” and “1” = 1% A roll of “00” and “0” = 10% A roll of “10” and “1” = 11% A roll of “10” and “0” = 20% A roll of “90” and “0” = 100%" It makes no sense for there to be a "0%" chance of something happening. If there's a 0% chance, then that means you didn't actually take any action or do anything at all!

Sam

Jake ruined my blue year

Lindsey Schick

MUNA’s podcast is a headgum podcast. You can for sure get this phoebe bridgers/boygenius dnd ambiance album going

Sage deGaia

The Smeg of many things is great but consider: The Deck of Many Smegs

Tori Lynn

Just added the jousting paladin fridge to my online Christmas wishlist. Can't wait for my husband to check it and react.

Tori Lynn

Petty gifts are amazing gifts

Antonio C

I've never played dnd but you guys are my fav podcast. I'm in like the top 10% on Spotify

Hatson

Lol uh, is that not how percentile dice work? With the confession? Thats how ive been doing it this whole time lol

Robert

I think Emily’s description of “little glasses; high pants” for Dwight is an amalgamation between Dwight and Urkel.

Canid Duality

The DM with the reroll for acrobatics must really love Prince of Persia: Sands of Time.

Farleypop

There was a hot Grinch on tiktok but I think he got dmca'd lol 🥲

Zero Angel

Smeg is just one unfortunately named brand and they're using it like Kleenex or Xerox for these fridges but the name is grosser than when they were drinking that crap in giant land. This may be the only episode of Dungeon Court I won't re-listen to 😅

Zero Angel Richardson (edited)

Comment edits

2026-09-05 07:00 Oh! I do my d100 the way the girlfriend does and it's more mathematically consistent and gets everything from 1 to 100 without worry, but I did bring it up with my last group and some got super upset about it. I find the inconsistency of the 00 sometimes being 0 and sometimes being 100 much stranger but if that's how they want to roll as long as they don't change when it's convenient then I don't see a problem.
2023-12-10 12:21

Clay Gibbons

Smeg-free 2023 but I’m dreaming of a Smeg-more 2024

Luke Collister

Yeah it is. The girlfriend was correct

Luke Collister

The girlfriend is actually the one rolling the d100 correctly

Bryan Holt

There is no 0 right?

gerard

I looked up the price of a smeg, and they're 3k?????

Jettblack

Exactly! Emily said with this method you can’t roll a 0 and so you cheat yourself out of divine intervention but it’s not possible to roll a 0. You can’t roll a 0 on any other die so why is a d100 any different?

Matty B

This is an inquisition.

PandamoniuMonarch

To be perfectly fair I wouldn't have suspected anything about the balloons if Murph hadn't said anything

Jsbwalker

No, you're both wrong. On percentile dice all the numbers are exactly what is written on them. The zeros are zeros, the tens are tens, you just add them together. The only exception is when you roll both zeros, then it's 100.

Hatson

Lol it took me a good like 10 minutes but i eventually figured it out. What was confusing me is the idea that if u wrote all the numbers in a list 000, 001, 002. The scale would start at 100 then jump to 1-99. But i guess it doesnt really matter ultimately that the scale would be wrong and all numbers are still represented

Hatson

Im glad im not the only one

Emma

The great schism of the d100

Doctor Ransom

Nah mate, sorry a 10 and 0 = 10. Gotta throw the literal book at you on this one: PHB pg. 6 - "Percentile dice, or d100, work a little differently. You generate a number between 1 and 100 by rolling two different ten-sided dice numbered from 0 to 9. One die (designated before you roll) gives the tens digit, and the other gives the ones digit. If you roll a 7 and a 1, for example, the number rolled is 71. Two 0s represent 100. Some ten-sided dice are numbered in tens (00, 10, 20, and so on), making it easier to distinguish the tens digit from the ones digit. In this case, a roll of 70 and 1 is 71, and 00 and 0 is 100."

megcelente

phoebe bridgers mentioned on naddpod this episode was made for me

Zero Angel
>>124190533

Correct 00 + 1 is the lowest result. 90 + 10 is the highest. One method treats them like addition and the other treats them like juxtaposition of digits. Addition makes way more sense for me and 90 always feels high while 00 always feels low.

Deirdre

you have an even chance of rolling any place from 1-100, how could it get more consistent?

Deirdre

she was confused into to thinking it was possible to have a result of zero because the alternate method is much harder to understand than "it's a tens place in all instances except one" for most people

Savor_The_Robot

murph hasnt listened to anything like critical ditto. The players getting to roleplaying villans can be very fun

Zero Angel
>>124190533

It's the lack of continuity between outputs of the die and their mapping. It's relatively minor, but basically it's that the juxtaposition method goes 00&1, 00&2, ..., 00&9, 10&0, 10&1, ... 90&8, 90&9, 00&0. Having the tens place die's 00 go from being in the ones outputs to being the hundred output is a point of discontinuity if you are looking at the numbers as numbers and not as digits. Also, it has the added complication that your usual d10's 0 roll which means 10 in every other situation now means 0.

Rene the Monster Captain

Did anybody else notice a weird 5 second of just silence during the judge intros

Matt Kilsby

I’m glad so many others agree with the girlfriend. The RAR method is inconsistent and weird. 00+1 = 1 00+0 = oh obviously that’s 100(??) The 0 on the d10 is a 10 in regular play (try telling a fighter he just rolled a “0” on his damage die), so why change it for the percentile dice? Not to mention d10s sometimes literally have a “10” instead of a 0. Try explaining to someone who just rolled “90+10” that they just got 90. It’s insane. INSANE.

Olivia Spencer

Timothy Chalmette is gonna be the Onceler in the live action lorax. You can't tell me I'm wrong.

River B.

how did they not say pheobe fridges? (they may have and i missed idk, but it was right there)

Matt Boggs

This is a thick, Smeggy grinch-hole of a 'sode.

Gearbox

Girlfriend is shifting the way we count 00 on the 10's place to the 0 on the one's place. I *get* it, but it's ugly as hell and I don't like it.

Charlotte G

Would legitimately love a mixed bag or smth with lvl 2 characters and a ton of legendary items

Adrianne Reimer

I am hammering my 95 theses to the dice church door, that is how rolling a percentile dice works

Matt Kilsby

They did say it! When they’re talking about the d100 stuff at the end

ScottyByNature

hey caldwell can you do me a HUGE favor and not refer to trinyvale in the past tense? i don’t have the mental health or emotional maturity to accept it’s completely done.

ScottyByNature

the girlfriend is absolutely rolling d100s correctly.

Cameron A

But the other method still has discontinuity because one of your zeros is a low value (the tens digit 0) and one is high (the ones digit). If your dice has a ten on it instead of 0, then yes rolling 9&10 => 90 is confusing, but with your method rolling 10&9 => 9 is also confusing. Of course this is all personal preference, but I like that rolling two of the same number leads to the crit (0&0, instead of 9&10) and I like that it goes from the worst to best roll, but again, to each their own.

Zero Angel
>>124190533

Agree with the personal preference. It makes the most sense to me because the standard d10's 0 always means 10 when it's used anywhere else and the percentile die is only used in this scenario. The way I do it I also avoid the false victory flag of seeing the 00 and thinking it could be 100 when 9 times out of 10 it's a number between 1 and 9. Meanwhile 90 is always a good number to see and doesnt preclude getting 100.

Lagongo

All I could think of when I saw the ep title. Smeg is short for smegma!

Lloyd the Rat!

phoebe bridgers and dnd? need 1000 more hours of this lmao

David Klein

You guys gotta read the reviews of the Dolce Gabanna SMEG

Nancy ArtMusic

I had some balloons pop up in zoom in a therapy session 😂😂 turns out it’s an apple setting

Artemis

WHY IS THE GRINCH HOT, O JUST DROPPED ACID

Artemis

I SUPPORT THE CRUSADER SMEG

Meapyboy1234567

that's about a month and a half straight of it.

Summer Tribe

this is unhinged. these are all so clearcut. how are people so crazy

Benjy Radinsky

If you listen to LegendLark (formerly Dames & Dragons) there’s an episode where two players play NPC Demons summoned by a PC!! It’s so fun exactly what Emily was saying

David Silva

It sounds like the girlfriend is rolling the dice 100 correctly, no? It’s from 1 to 100 and dice aren’t meant to roll 0 which is what can happen if you do it the other way. Am I crazy?

Carbonostin

I'm in the same boat! The 00 is zero in the tens place and the 0 is ten so you get an even 1-100 span unless the d100 is actually a D99

Lia

I feel I would have narrated the Rouge based on their class as being a Phantom they would have connections to the dead, thus the narration would be like: you, see in bullet time the expanse of a light, brighter than you've ever seen. You watch as all color in your skin fades to an eerie grey. Your breath goes silent, infact you don't even feel your breath, as your eyes gaze up at a figure in front of you looms with sunken eyes their faces changes to all those close to you all at once, those of which have died. You hear in all of their voices ringing with the hollowness of a church "what have you done? " you Blink as time has passed, your spirit returns to your husk as you have evaded the explosion, yet you feel different, hollow like a piece was ripped from your soul. Your eyes take minutes to focus again, but the rotting stench of decay and destruction overwhelms your senses, as sight returns, you see nothing but leveled ground. You have never felt this alone in all your life.

k.allen

Just here to say the girlfriend is right. I am throwing my comment in the pot in support. The die with two numbers dictates the tens place and the die with one number dictates the ones place, though when its a ten you just add it to the already existing tens place number. You're not supposed to be able to roll a zero, that's why all the tables start at 1.

Brooke

Suddenly desperate for the boygenius dnd album

Terra Riley

Hi, delayed weirdo here. I literally had to make a spreadsheet to make sure the math worked out on the D100 confessional. Only then did I remembered that you don’t roll a 0 on a D100. From a statistical point of view she’s in the clear and using the same probability as the rest of us. 🎲 👍

VinylVamp

Phoebe actually does have smeg lyrics: “Someday, I’m gonna look up from my smeg and see my life”

SebbitySwooty (Seb K)

Yes! Her way is how I roll it, somehow I still can't understand the "right" way and how it can avoid a true 0 result which isn't on the chart...

Bulbarat

I thought Emily was exaggerating with the Fiat Smeg but they really weren't

Robert de Forest

I never felt so out of touch. I'd never heard of Phoebe Bridgers before this, and apparently she's "one of the biggest artists" or whatever. I probably need to touch grass or something. *sigh*

Robert de Forest

My ones d10 is marked 1 to 10, and using the girlfriend's method I get 1..100 with even distribution if I just add the numbers on the two dice together. If I treat 10 as 0 I have to make an exception for 10 + 00 to be 100 instead of 0. I'm on the girlfriend's side.

Frankenjam

I'm coming back onto naddpod after taking a year off for financial reasons. Hearing Smeg so much in this episode is so offputting because of the slang "smeg" referring to 'smegma' ie dick cheese. I've obviously heard of the expensive kitchen appliance brand but it's always gonna be dick cheese to my mind.

PseudoBrothers (edited)

Comment edits

2026-09-05 07:00 … that dice christ confessional hit me… I roll the same way, because that way a 90 and a 0 are 100. There is no more 0 Statistically, you have every number 1-100, and you don’t have the flip flop logic of “three zeroes is 100, but two zeroes and a one is 1”
2024-11-25 17:11

Nefeli

You are SO real for this I genuenly love the design of Smeg appliances but it's a fact that I will never pay for one with my own money until they stop having SMEG on them in huge letters because my brain can think nothing but Smegma every single time.

Crocusfocus77

My coworker is constantly throwing up balloons in serious meetings and can’t figure out how to turn it off

Niamh Casey

My boyfriend once got in trouble in work because he worked in a cheap appliances store and a guy came in and asked if they stocked smeg appliances and my boyfriend told the guy to fuck off because he’d never heard of smeg and thought the guy was trolling lmao

Marcus Brantley

I'm right there with you! Rolling d100 any other way makes absolutely no sense. Why would you treat dice conditionally? 00+0 = 100 but 00+1 = 1 is way more confusing and inconsistent

sdShine16

the whole time they were saying phoebe bridgers my mind was saying phoebe buffay and it took me longer than i’m willing to admit to realize i was off

Justin Hanhart

I so desperately want to see grog of substantial whimsy utilized in a campaign, deck of many things but drink form

uh

Smeg

uh

I like the word smeg :D

Bryan Barton

This had better be a link to the artist Richard Cheese.

riskutforthebriskut

joke: wanna know how i got this scar? ... i fell off my bike

riley chalk

Yes!!! I had this argument with my party last session because of the exact reason you said. Why would it be conditional as apposed to purely mathematical?

Drew Faber

This is multiple years late but the rogue should’ve been dead, cuz it should’ve been a con save and not a dex save

William Chapman

Used to work at a concert venue, can confirm that Phoebe Bridgers did indeed have a smeg during her time in our green room lol

Compound27

I also had no idea what a smeg was.

Oscar the Salad Czar

I'm reading the comments cuz i thought i was crazy in thinking the girlfriend is right.

avameow

Can’t wait for the Phoebe bridgers dnd album I hear she’s coming out with music soon